I slid on a pair of black leggings and laced my combat boots up. To change things up, I decided to wear my red hoodie, instead of the black one. I know, I'm really risking it today. I combed my hair out and looked in the mirror. Something just didn't feel right. Do I actually like these clothes? Or am I just wearing them? What am I really? I don't even know what I like anymore.
Okay I'm done being emotional now.
But really, now I have to go eat breakfast. And then Demi expects me to go to school. I can't just walk into my classrooms, like Hey, I just miraculously woke up from my 10 month coma, and here I am. And I can't just run away when she drops me off, or try to end things, if you know what I mean, McKenna needs me.
I just need to act natural for now.
I was greeted by Kenna when I reached the dining room.
"Cece! You're okay!" She ran to me and hugged my knees.
"Of course I am Kenna. I'm sorry I scared you earlier. I was just really... afraid."
"Why were you afraid?"
"Well nobody had seen my battle wounds before, and it freaked me out. I just get really scared sometimes for no reason too though."
"You should be proud of your battle wounds. They show how strong you are. Like mommy!"
"Thank you Kenna."
I bent down to her height so I could hug her closer.
Demi popped out from behind the wall, her phone in hand.
"Aww!!! Don't move I need a picture! You guys kill me with the cuteness."
"Hey! Mommy what about me!" Mackenzie rolled her eyes, appearing into the room. She was dressed in an adorable white lace skirt, and a denim top, topped off with gold flats and a bun.
"Of course you're adorable too Kenzie."
Kenna rolled her eyes. With her sparkly tennis shoes, blue shorts, and rainbow shirt, they couldn't be more different.
"Mommy I'm hungry let's eat!" Kenzie whined.
She was always whining. But she was still cute, I'll give her that.
"There are waffles on the table. They look delicious by the way..."
"Mommy are you sure?" Kenna asked innocently.
"What do you mean? Of course I'm sure!"
"Well those pancakes we had a few days ago weren't exactly very good."
"You guys love my cooking!"
"Ehh.." Kenna and Kenzie exchanged a glance.
"Fine. Taste the waffles and then you can decide!"
We sat down at the table together. Kenzie covered her waffle in whipped cream.
"You're right this is good!"
Meanwhile I picked up my fork and began the daunting task of eating. Everyone's happiness irked me. They were carelessly stuffing their faces, while I was struggling with a few bites. I got a few nods of encouragement from Demi.
The only thing that made me finish the waffle was knowing that once Demi dropped me off at "school", I could purge.
We piled into the car after Demi searched my backpack. Luckily I had nothing left that she couldn't see. That made me crazy, but knowing that I could buy more today while I was at "school" comforted me. Like a sick sort of security blanket.
Instead of a blankie I carry money for drugs.
Demi pulled me aside. "Hey, I'm proud of you. You're doing great. Please try to keep the meal down while you're at school. For me? At least do it for Kenna."
Damn her using her daughter to manipulate me!
"Okay."
"I want you to promise."
"I don't make promises I can't guarantee I'll keep."
"You don't have to keep the promise. You just need to try okay?"
"Yep."
"Cece..."
"Don't start Demi I'm not in the damn mood."
"I love you Cece."
She hugged me and we got into the car. Kenzie sang the entire ride there. Kenna had her earbuds in, listening to her iPod.
Yep. Demi's 5 year olds have iPods.
I looked out the window, trying to keep my nails from digging into my skin.