Troubled: A Demi Lovato FanFic

Good

We stayed in the pool together for awhile. Eventually Kenzie decided she was hungry. So we changed info fresh clothes and sat down for dinner.

The meal was leftover Chinese food. Demi allowed Kenna and Kenzie to serve themselves a plate. But me, she fixed me a plate.

Kenna sat next to me, which I was grateful for. Demi was across from me. I could do without her sitting so close.

Kenzie dug in, unaware of the tension. Kenna was watching me. I didn't want her to get any ideas from watching me, so I took a spoonful of fried rice and shoved it in my mouth. I did my best to chew normally.

Kenna picked her spoon up and began eating.

The thing that scared me was that I wasn't going to be allowed to purge after I ate this. Demi made it clear that she would be watching me.

But who says I can't purge in front of her.... if I get desperate enough...

The familiar feeling of not being able to breathe smothered me. I tried to take deep breaths but it wasn't working. I needed to spit the food out.

Demi, Kenna, and Kenzie had finished their food and were chatting. I was still struggling with my first bite.

Kenna and Kenzie brought their plates to the sink and went to their room.

Maybe Demi told them to. I don't know.

"Cece? Can you hear me? Cece?"

I swallowed the heaping bite I had taken, feeling nauseated and already full.

"Y-y-yeah?"

"I've been calling your name for a long time."

"Oh. Sorry. I'm just tired."

"Remember our deal? Open up to me. What's going on?" She tried to hold my hand but I pulled away.

"Nothing."

"Cecelia."

"Demi."

"Cece you need to finish your dinner."

"I'm done."

"No. You're not done."

"Yes I am."

"This isn't going to work until you let me in." Demi pleaded. "And if I can't get you to eat you have to go to treatment."

"I can't."

"Why can't you?"

"Because."

"I need an answer. This isn't going to work anymore. You have to deal with your issues."

"Fine I'll eat."

"You just eating isn't going to solve the problem."

I picked my spoon up and shoveled more rice into my mouth.

"Cece what are you thinking?"

The voices were starting. I felt physically ill.

"I-I-I can't do this anymore. I can't do this three times a day forever. It's awful Demi. Please. Please just let me die."

I shocked myself saying that. As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back.

"Nevermind." I looked down, ashamed.

"Baby girl...I know just how you feel. But I promise you it gets easier. As long as you get through this meal, and you keep it down, you can get through anything. Please accept my help. Open your mind to recovery."

"No Demi stop I can't."

"You can. I love you and I believe in you."

"No-no you hate me stop saying that!"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I've been so rude to you! And I screwed up and got your kids expelled! I brought drugs into your house! I snuck out! I punched you! You have to hate me for that!"

"That's not who you really are, Cece. Right now your emotions are whacked out. I see the soft side of you."

"There is no soft side of me!"

"The way you play with McKenna. I told you before, that's all love. I see it in your eyes sometimes. You're pushing that side of you away. Why?"

"Because that side of me doesn't exist!"

"Most 13 year olds wouldn't take a bus an hour away to help a 5 year old. Tell me about what it was like before you were adopted."

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because we're talking. We're sisters, it's what we do."

Sisters? She actually considers me her sister? After all I've done

"I um. I used to help take care of all the little one's there."

"That's so sweet. Did you like it there?"

"Yeah."

"Do you know anything about your birth parents?"

"No they just left me there when I was an infant. It's no big deal."

Demi sighed.

"It's okay to miss them."

"I don't even know them Demi. Can we please be done talking?"

"Sure but you still need to finish that rice."

Just to get away from Demi, I managed to finish the rice.

"I'm done. See I'm perfectly capable of eating."

"Cece. I gave you a quarter of what I ate. But that's okay. You have to start somewhere."

I started to walk up the stairs to my room. I needed to find something to cut with.

"Cece you can't go up there without me."

"Why the fuck can't I?"

"You know exactly why. Let's watch a movie. When it's over you can go to bed."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Let me rephrase that. We are watching a movie, and when it is over, you are going to bed."

I glared at her. We sat on the dreaded couch together. She kept scooting closer and closer to me.

"Can't we cuddle or something?" Demi pouted.

"Really? You have children now. Grow up!"

"No way!" She threw a pillow at me. "So what movie?"

"I don't care."

"What do you like?"

"Nothing."

"Well we could talk instead."

"No. I like any movie."

She turned on some crime movie but I couldn't focus on it. So instead I just sat and watched the screen, while my demons screamed at me.