That night I have to sleep with out any sort of clothes and it is by far the most uncomfortable I have been. I've never slept with anyone let alone been naked infront of any of them. I've tried to have boyfriends (and a girlfriend) but I've never gotten far enough to ever get past kissing.
Tarzan rolls over and puts his hand on my hip. I tense up and look back at him and he is clearly asleep. I move his hand back to him but just a few minutes later its back on me. Who would have thought that a jungle man whose lived alone for who knows how long would like to cuddle?
I woke up and he wasn't even there. Thank goodness. I do have to admit he was right. I am so itchy right where I was holding that leaf that I think I might rip my skin off. I look down the stairs and there's Tarzan with the leopards skin. "Get down here kid. It's almost done. I'll show you how to tie it."
I cautiously climb down covering myself but trying to to draw attention to my discomfort.
"I was right wasnt I?" He says smugly.
"No. I'm fine. Just show me how to put this on." He rolls his eyes.
"Just don't scratch and spread it or make it go deeper. You'll sweat it out in a little bit."
Ok will you show me how to do this?" I say wanting to get this on as fast as possible.
"Yes." He explains no matter how I try it's not working.
This was extra awkward because I couldn't do it so he undid his to show me. No matter how hard I tried to not look I couldn't stop my curiosity. This is bad. He's cute. I can feel my self starting to like him.
I can't believe how much he reminds me of Scott. I mean Scott was more quiet and never had long hair but other than that they seem very similar. I haven't felt this level of comfort with anybody other than Scott. I sort of feel like I'm replacing Scott. I'm not, I love him and I always will feel guilty. Tarzan is so handsome. He is built so strong but he has soft, caring eyes. He has huge calloused hands but they were gentle when he put them on me. I hope this isn't just Stockholm syndrome.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" His voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
"Like what? I'm not doing anything."
"Oh what ever. You're staring at me with tiny hearts in your eyes. Did you see something you can't unsee?" He smirks.
"If I wasn't worried about being killed by another freaking leopard I would run off and never come back."
"Nah you'd miss me too much."
I can't stand him. I get up to walk away but he grabs my wrist.
"Don't just leave. Just stay. I'm sorry. I forget how sensitive you are. Im not used to people." I sit back down by him. He puts his arm around me and I lean into him.
"I'll be nicer okay?"
"Okay." He holds me tightly with his strong arms for a little bit then says, "lets go play with Okja ok?" I nod and we go off to find him. We find okja playing with some bush pigs. We begin to talk as he throws a giant rock and okja retrieves it.
"Tarzan, if you could go back to you're life before would you?"
"That's a hard question. If I could go back to being that young and to be with my friend again? I would do anything. But to go back now after being out here for so long? No."
"How come?"
"I have nothing to go back to. I'm sure no one remembers me. I wouldn't remember them. I have been out here so long that I don't know that I would be able to fit back in."
"I'm sure that person that you loved so much still remembers you. I could help you. We'll have each other." He puts his hand around my waist and pulls me in to a side hug.
"I hope he does. I just don't know if he loves me anymore."
"I'm sure he does." I say looking up at him. He smiles and kisses me on the forehead. Wait what? He just kissed me. My normal reaction would be to run away but I don't want to. My head is all warm and I want him to do it again. Instead of becoming tense like I normally do I have to fight to stay standing. For a second I can't even remember my own name. I snap out of it and feel him squeezing my side.
"Hey wake up James."
"Oh sorry I was thinking."
"Pretty hard I can see. What about?"
"Nothing." I say trying not to look at him. He puts his hand under my chin and turns my head until we are looking eye-to-eye.
"I know you better than that."
"You're just cute okay?" Slips out of my mouth before I have time to think. I throw my hands over my mouth and stand there in shock at myself. Any shred of self control I had is apparently gone.
"I'm glad you think so. " he says quietly as he kisses me again, this time on the lips. I stand there amazed. What the hell is happening right now? Some one kissed me and I didn't feel guilty. I don't feel uncomfortable. Maybe Tarzan was the one I was supposed to wait for and Scott helped me all those years ago. Should I feel bad for not feeling bad? Maybe I should.
"You're thinking too much." He says pulling me in for a hug. "You're okay." I lean in and bite my lip.
"Who are those pictures of in your weird shack?" He tries to pull out of the hug but I pull him in. "Don't just run away." He sighs then I hear him speak, feeling the vibrations in his chest.
"My mom."
"Where did you get the picture of me and Scott? I haven't seen it in years."
"It washed up in a plastic bag. Seeing it gave me hope. It reminded me of my friend I left behind. I had no idea it was you."
"Do you like me?" He leans back and looks at me with his eyebrows raised.
"Do you remember your first day?"
"Yeah. I remember you running away from me and me trying to keep up."
"Do you remember anything before that?"
"No why? Should i?"
"No I was just curious." He takes a few breaths then continues, "I didn't let you die did i?"
"No. I just want to make sure because.." he cuts me off by putting his hand over my mouth. "Listen." He looks up and cups his ears. I open my mouth to speak and he covers it again quickly. He looks at me frantic. "We have to get to more cover." He grabs my wrist tightly and starts to run away from the tree house.
"What the hell are we running from?!" I yell.
He shushes me quietly. I listen and I finally hear it. A helicopter. "A helicopter!!! We can go home!!!"
"You do not want to be seen by that helicopter. They will not take you home."
We keep running, we'll Tarzan is dragging me at this point, until we're so deep in the forest hardly no light gets to the forest floor.
"Sit down." He says in a whisper
"Where, it's all muddy and cold?" I say matching his volume.
"Exactly. In case they have thermal imaging cameras we'll be safer."
"Why are we hiding from them? Who are they?"
"Look, I don't know. My mom just warned me about them before she died. She told me that they were more dangerous than anything out here. I'm not about to find out if she's right or not. You would be too hard to get back."
"I would be?" He pauses and I just wish I knew what was going on in his head.
"I just don't want to have to go off and find you." Uh huh. Sure that's what you meant.
"Now stop talking. In case they have any foot troops." I sit behind him and listen. One thing I didn't count on was my attention span. I get bored as we sit there waiting for the noise to go away so I start to draw with my finger on his back. I write a few words then I start tracing the muscles on his back. I get in between his shoulder blades and I notice a scar maybe a half inch long. I run my finger down it and he looks back at me. I question him with my eyes and he sighs. Another thing he doesn't want to talk about.
The sound of the helicopter fades and I can't hear it anymore. "Can we get up yet?"
"No wait for the boat." Great, more waiting.
I guess this means I get to think more. I wonder where he got it from. It's a perfect line and it's thin enough I didn't notice it before now. Where could he have gotten it? Maybe he got it before he came here. I wonder how bad things must have been for him before he came here. They must have been pretty bad if he doesn't want to go back this badly. What if it's like from his dad or something? I wonder what he has thought about all this time he's been alone. I wonder what happened with his mom. I hope he didn't see her die. I also hope that he didn't find her already dead though. This is really dark. I can't imagine how bad that hurt him. While he was that young too. And his friend he left behind. I can tell he really loved him. He hasn't talked that much about him but when he has he was so polite and sorrowful. I feel really bad that he's missing out on that and that we're stuck here because his boat sank. I'm glad I got to meet him though. I wouldn't have made it 1 day here if it weren't for him. I feel like I could have some sort of future with him but we're stuck here. I can't even imagine some of the stuff he's gone through being here. Even before here. I wrap my arms around him and my tears start to run down his back. He reaches back and gently rubs my thighs. We here a faint boat engine getting quieter. He stands up then helps me up. We hug like we did before. He wraps his arms around me like Scott used to. Which makes me cry even more.
"Do you think they left anybody here?"
"They wouldn't leave anybody. They have no reason to believe I'm in this island. I haven't even killed any of them." He pauses then continues " and they wouldn't risk losing anybody on an island they aren't sure about."
"Are they looking for you?"
He sighs. "To be honest, yes."
"You have so much to tell me"
"I don't really know. My mom just told me to hide from them." I can't push him.
"What about that scar?"
"My dad right before I came." I can't push him on this also.
"Why were you crying?"
"I was thinking about you. How long you've been out here by your self."
"How bad do you want to go home?"
"Not bad enough to leave with out you."
"You'd be willing to stay?"
"Well I think you should go back because of those people looking for you but I obviously can't make you."
"Here is the only place I'm safe from them. But here's the only place you're not safe from them. If you decide to go back I'll help you."
"I'm not going back with out you. You are the only thing I've loved since Scott. I lived with out love and it's worse than dying."
"That was really cheesy."
"I'm sorry I can't help it!" I say pulling away and wiping my tears. He puts his hand on my shoulder and speaks softly.
"Cheesy isn't always a bad thing. Lets go back to the tree house." We head back but as we get closer Tarzan looks more and more worried. When we get there I understand why. The whole camp is burned down. There's a note spray painted on one of the trees.