RANDOMNESS 1.0

Little Rant (I deny that I've been crying for 10 mins straight)

What.. what did I do to you people? Why is no one okay? Everyone should be okay. We should all just be fine. All giggle fits and rainbows. But it's not, and it scares me. I like to think that people have perfect lives. Beyond the parent issues and depression, I like to think there's no problems with my friends. But all I see unhappiness and it's killing me. I want to fix it all. I want to put a giant bandage over the wound and tell you not to scratch it, that means it's healing. I want to cover it in some disinfectant and tell you not to pick at the scabs. I want to make everything okay again, and I can't. I'm crying, god dammit. I hate this. I hate that I can't help at all. Why can't you all live across the street from me and I can just come give you a hug? Why can't I just go to where you are and... Help!? Why can't I fix it?! I don't want people to know what it feels like to try and end your own life. I don't want to feel the sorrow you warn me people feel when their loved ones die. Don't make me go through that, I'm so sorry I did it to you. I'm so sorry I scared you, I know now how shitty it is. I'm so so so sorry. Please say you'll forgive me. I can't live like this, but I can't fix it. I badly want to fix it. It may not be, but I feel like it's my fault. I force my problems on you, force you to deal with it. How you guys put up with me, I have no god damned clue. I just want to help fix the mess I've created. I'm so sorry... Don't die. Don't hurt yourself. Don't hurt me. Don't best yourself up. Don't hide your emotions either. Don't keep those feelings from me, I know what it's like! I know what it's like to hurt and not want to say anything but you need support! You need love! I understand no one wants to tell their parents, I understand that!! So tell me! Tell us! We don't know you in real life, but we love you for everything you put out here. If you're anything like me, the only qualities you put out here, your online self, is the truest part of you. Kind, responsible, respectful, loving. You care. And I need to return the favor. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. Sorry I scared you. Please don't do it to me. Be okay. Please be okay.