It was finally Demi who spoke.
"Look I know how much you don't want to eat right now, but you really need to. I'll make you a salad."
She got up.
Could this night get any worse? I'm embarrassed enough as it is.
I just need to eat this salad so I can go to bed. There's no chance I'm purging tonight. But I'll make up for it tomorrow. I'll make up for everything tomorrow.
"Sweetie your salad is ready." She shot me a sympathetic glance.
Okay Cece you got this. Just eat the salad like a normal human-being.
The thought of me having another breakdown in front of Demi disgusted me.
Feelings are for wimps. I'm tough.
I got up and sat at the table. Demi tried to grab my hand but I pulled away.
"Demi I'm fine."
I took forkful after forkful of the salad, choking it down.
"I'm done."
"Cece you finished it! I'm so proud of you!" She hugged me.
Operation trick Demi into believing I'm recovering part 1.
"I'm going to bed goodnight."
"Would you mind sleeping on the couch?"
The bitch didn't trust me alone.
"Whatever."
I went upstairs to get my pajamas and such and Demi followed me.
"Would you please leave me the fuck alone?"
"Cece... I thought we were okay now..."
"Well you obviously thought wrong." I spat.
That's what she gets for making me fat.
"We'll talk about this tomorrow."
I managed to sneak 3 sleeping pills which I swallowed before passing out on the couch. No nightmares tonight.
Except the one I'm living.
I woke up the next morning with the worst headache. Demi was still asleep so I packed my backpack for school, including more money, the beers I bought, and the rest of my weed. School was going to be fun today. I jumped in the shower completing my daily routine of self harming, just for the hell of it.
Demi was up when I came out.
"Goodmorning beautiful. I made you some eggs."
I rolled my eyes.
"Fine."
I sat down and choked them down. Demi looked shocked.
"Well I'm off to school bye."
I got up and slammed the door.
Obviously I wasn't going to school. I rarely go anyway, and when I do I never listen. I never do my homework, or study, or anything. What's the point?
I arrived at the abandoned house I had been at yesterday. I purged behind a bush before breaking out the beer and weed.
I enjoyed the numbness and the serenity. My headache and worries faded.
When I came back to reality it was about 2. I started my walk home, crossing my fingers Demi wouldn't be there. If she was I would have to hide.
Luckily her car wasn't there so I went inside and washed my clothes to hide the scents. I then chewed some gum and took my usual precautions.
To burn off the calories I had eaten yesterday I did sit ups in my room until I heard a car arrive home.
"Cece? Are you home?"
I decided to ignore her. After yesterday's breakdown I need her to see that I didn't mean what I did. I don't need her.
McKenna appeared in my doorway, weakening me.
"Hey baby girl. How are you?"
I noticed tears streaming from her cheeks. I got up and kneeled besides her.
"McKenna what's wrong? Please talk to me."
No reply.
"McKenna did something happen?"
She shook her head.
"Come talk to me."
I picked her up and sat her on my bed.
"McKenna talk. Look, I really care about you and I don't like seeing you sad."
If Demi found out about this I would never hear the end of it.
"Are you sure Cecelia?"
I had to laugh at her choice to use my full name.
"Yes. Tell me what happened."
"It was at school."
"You must be in Kindergarten right? What happened?"
"Yes. The boys started calling me fat and they threw sand in my eyes."
"Why would they do that? McKenna I'm so sorry. You aren't fat. You don't deserve that."
"But it happens everyday."
She started crying. I'm not good at dealing with tears, but I pulled her closer to me.
"McKenna I'm going to fix it for you I promise."
Just when I thought I had enough on my plate I heard Demi yell.
"CECE GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE."