I woke up at 5 the next morning. I was still exhausted but my mind was going crazy. I decided to take a shower and get ready for the day.
I did my usual shower routine of washing myself and cutting, and then I got dressed. I wore my converse today, dark denim jeans, and of course, my black hoodie. I ran a brush through my hair and grabbed my black backpack. I loaded it with cash, my cigarettes, my lighter, and a bottle of beer. It was the last of my stash.
I scribbled a note to Demi and walked out the house.
I wandered for an hour or so before I came to an abandoned looking house. I walked around the back into the backyard. I got my beer out and drank it all, breaking the bottle on the concrete. I lit a cigarette and then another.
I really wanted some weed or something- anything. I hadn't had any in a few weeks and it was killing me. And now with my last drink gone, and Demi's house having no alcohol, what am I going to do?
My phone rang and it was Demi as I had figured. I ignored the call.
I was feeling pretty tipsy so I lay down in a grassy patch.
I guess I fell asleep or something, because I awoke to 2 guys staring at me.
"Well well well what do we have here? What is a little girl like you doing out here?"
I wasn't afraid of them for some reason. My mind was too numb.
"I'm actually 13. What are you doing here?"
"This is our spot. We deal. If you catch me."
"Really? Thank god. What do you have?"
They looked pretty shocked. But what can I say? I had been doing this for quite awhile.
One of the guys ended up selling me weed, while the other one brought me a pack of beer from his truck.
For an extra $50 they let me stay in the backyard alone. I stared there smoking for a few hours, enjoying. I don't remember exactly what happened, but when I finally came out of my high it was 4 in the afternoon.
Demi is going to kill me. I smell like cigarettes, weed and alcohol, and I just left her for 10 hours, and I have to walk into her house now! I packed up and remembered I had perfume in my bag. I sprayed it all over myself and started walking back.
I took a deep breath before I entered Demi's house. The twins must have been napping but Demi ran right up to me. I kept walking past her right into my bathroom, locking the door.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? CECE DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED IVE BEEN? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? CECE!"
I ignored her and showered. Then I brushed my teeth and put makeup over the bags under my eyes. I stepped out of the bathroom and Demi was waiting.
"Cecelia where were you?"
"Friends house."
"You can't just leave like that!"
"I left a note."
"You're 13! You can't just walk out the house and not answer my calls all day!"
"Well I did so get over it."
"GET OVER IT?"
"YOU HEARD ME. I SAID GET OVER IT. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."
Tears streamed from Demi's eyes.
"Fine."
And she left.
I wish I could say I felt horrible. But in reality I didn't. I was just angry. Angry at everyone. There was no rational reason for it.
I sat on my bed for a long time. I felt so numb. I wanted to feel yet I didn't want to feel. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.
Demi was probably calling mom and dad now. They'd probably send me back once they found out I'd yelled at Demi again.
When Demi knocked on my door I fully expected her to tell me to leave. What she said instead surprised me.
"Cece I'm coming in now." She unlocked the door.
I sat up surprised.
"I sent McKenna and Mackenzie over to our parents house for tonight. I want some time with you." She sat on my bed.
"I know you don't like me. It's okay. We've both messed up. So do you think we could start over?"
I stared at her.
"Cece I need you. I want to be friends. I want to be close to you."
"Demi-"
"I don't care what you think. I'll always be here for you."
She pulled me into a hug.
It was actually touching. After I had treated her so horribly she still wanted to be close to me. I had to hug back. But don't think I'm softening.
Because I'm not.
But maybe Demi and I could actually be friends. Maybe we could be sisters.