As he ran, multiple thoughts swarmed in his mind.
What if he was hurting himself again? Is that why he isn't talking to him at school?
Evan had found out about Connor's self harming a week ago. They were at Connor's house.
They were on their phones, enjoying the silence and each other's company. Evan was curled up on the side of the couch, leaning up against the arm and facing Connor. Connor was leaning against the other arm, legs stretched out and feet crossed.
Evan was scrolling through his Instagram. He wasn't following a lot of accounts, but the accounts he were following were mostly nature and some cooking accounts.
Connor set his phone down and sat up, stretching his arms. His sleeve scrunched up, revealing some scars.
Evan couldn't help but stare. He knew he shouldn't be looking, but he just couldn't look away.
Connor placed his hands in front of him, going back to his phone. He glanced up at Evan. "What?" he asked. He looked down at his wrists. He quickly pulled down his sleeves.
They stared at each other, worry on Evan's face and horror on Connor's.
"C-Connor," Evan whispered. He scooted over to his friend, placing a hand on his wrist.
Connor jerked it back, holding it to his chest. "Don't."
Evan grabbed his hand and pulled it down. "Why?" He stared at Connor's hands.
"Why?" Connor repeated. "Because my life is shit. Because my father is a homophobic piece of shit. Because my mom tries to help me when she agrees with Larry saying I don't need therapy. Because my own sister hates me. Don't you dare pull any of that 'it gets better' bullshit because it doesn't."
Connor was close to tears. He's never cried in front of anyone in ten years and he sure as hell wasn't going to start here.
He blinked the tears away and looks down at his lap, not wanting to meet Evan's gaze.
Evan sighs and retracts his hand. "I won't say any of that," he said. "Just know that if you ever want to talk, and I mean ever, I'm here. And I'm serious when I mean ever, you could call me at three in the morning and I'd still talk."
Connor nodded, looking up. When their eyes met, Evan pulled Connor into a hug.
Evan shook his head, clearing his mind of the memory.
He was outside the school now. He lost Connor. Did he drive home? No, he would've heard his car start up and see it drive away.
He spotted Connor leaning against the school's sign, smoking.
"Connor!" he shouted.
Connor's head snapped over to Evan. They locked eyes. They continued to stare for a full minute before Connor dropped the cigarette and crushed it with his heel, quickly walking off.
Evan internally groaned and jogged to him.
"Connor!"
Connor ignored him, walking even faster. He barely acknowledged the sound of feet hitting concrete.
"Connor!" Evan repeated, louder this time. "I need to talk to you!"
Evan's hand wrapped around Connor's wrist, pulling him back.
"What Hansen?" Connor asked, pulling out of Evan's grip. "What is so important that you decide to chase me down a fucking sidewalk?"
Evan stepped back. "Why. . . Why are you ignoring me?"
Connor didn't answer.
"Did, did I do something?" Evan asked. "Was it what happened last week?"
Connor mumbled incoherently.
"Did. . . did you relapse?" Evan whispered. "I told you to talk to me if you ever feel like that."
"No!" Connor shouted. He winced. He didn't mean it to come out that loud. "Mind your own damn business, Hansen."
"I just want to know," Evan said. "You were getting better and now suddenly you've stopped texting me, stopped calling. You won't even look me in the eye. What's going on with you?"
Connor crossed his arms, fingers digging into the fabric of his hoodie.
Evan noticed. "Connor. . . Let me see your arms."
Tears threatened to spill. He couldn't fall apart. Not in front of Evan.
Evan gently placed a hand on Connor's arm.
"You know," Connor choked out. "Arms aren't the only place a person can cut."
Evan's eyes widened. "You told me you stopped."
"People lie Evan!" Connor snapped. "But yes, I haven't cut since last week. I've found. . . Other ways."
"Connor please," Evan pleaded, "what's going on? You said that you would tell me if something happened."
Connor mumbled a bunch of words Evan couldn't make out.
"What?"
"Nothing," Connor lied. "Nothing's happening."
"I know that's not true. If nothing was happening, then why have you been ignoring me at school?"
"Fuck off Evan, it's my life."
Evan frowned. "God damn it Connor," Evan snapped, surprising both of them. "Why won't you ever let me help you? Every time I try to talk to you and be a good friend, you push me away! Am I doing something? Do you not like me? Are we not friends in your eyes? Damn it Connor you need to tell me these things, you need to-"
"It's because I fucking like you!" Connor screamed.
Evan stared at him, eyes wide. "Wh-what?"
That's when Connor broke.
He collapsed to his knees, sobbing into his hands.
"Connor I. . ." Evan kneeled down, putting a hand on Connor's shoulder.
Connor pushed him off, sobbing harder.
Evan had no idea what to do. He's never seen Connor cry, or even show another emotion besides anger.
"I just. . ." Connor sniffed, wiping his eyes. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, I'd understand if you hate me now. Fucking– I hate myself too. I mean, I've fallen in love with someone who isn't my soulmate and that's frowned upon."
Evan pulled Connor up, wrapping him in a tight hug. "I don't hate you Connor," Evan whispered, rubbing his back. "Can I tell you something?"
"W-what?"
Evan ended the hug, staring deep into Connor's eyes. "I like you too."
"But you shouldn't," Connor mumbled.
"Why?"
"Because I'm a monster, a freak! I'm a shitty person. I'm extremely mean to my family, I fucking pushed you on the day we met. I just don't want you to get hurt, that's why I've been ignoring you. But I guess it didn't work, I only made everything worse."
"Connor that's not true," Evan said. "Sure, you have a few. . . Issues but who doesn't? We can work through it. We can help each other."
"But what will others say?" Connor asked, looking up at Evan. "It's taboo to be with anyone except your soulmate."
"Since when did you care about what others think?"
"Since Larry said that as long as I'm under his roof, it's forbidden to be with anyone else."
Evan wrapped an arm around Connor's shoulder. "We'll find a way to deal with him," he whispered. "How about we go to my house and watch movies until we feel better? I have popcorn if you want."
Evan stood up as Connor nodded. He let Evan pull him up.
"Can I pick the movie?" Connor asked.
Evan laughed. "Yeah," he answered, "as long as it's not scary."
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A/N: I know this seems rushed but trust me, I know where I'm going with this