All Planned Out
"Yes mom, I have everything packed!" I shouted down the hall to my mother who was always a nervous Nancy. She liked to act like she was excited for me to go off to college.. but deep down inside I knew she was a wreck. I remember how broken she was after my brother Dusty left for the military, I'm not so sure how she'll react when I finally do leave. Which is tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, June 4th, is the day I finally get out of this town. Small town Kansas. Everybody knows everybody. Major farming community. Majorly dramatic.
Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of love for my little town. I'm very proud of my alma mater in fact, but I desperately need a change. Nothing beats a Kansas sunset but I wouldn't mind seeing the sun rest on the ocean. Saying I'm excited for California would be an understatement.
I had worked my butt off the last 4 years for scholarships and jobs around town. I'm moving to California this summer to explore, get settled in, and declare residency (who wants to pay a ton for out of state tuition?). Besides, they have amazing nursing programs there. I'd visited before, as my Grandma Janie lives there, but my dream was coming true. California always held a special place in my heart.
More importantly, I need an escape. All I've ever known is this tiny town. I've gone to school with the same people since preschool. It was a blessing to graduate with my so far lifelong friends but I'm ready for something new.
I especially wanted to get away from my ex. I know I know.. running away from your problems isn't going to fix anything but it was worth a shot. My now ex, Jordan, and I dated for 3 1/2 years. It was great while it lasted. I was almost sure I was gonna marry the guy. Well I found out he had cheated on me.. multiple times. First time, I forgave him. Which was completely stupid on my part. Little did I know the "first time" wasn't his first time. He cheated way before that and it never stopped either. I blamed myself for a long time too. I wanted to remain "innocent" until marriage and thought that because I wasn't putting out he was bored and had no choice.
Boy was I wrong.
I finally cut things three months before graduation. I still agreed to go to prom with him because I didn't want to deal with the trouble of finding a new date. He took that as a "we still have a fighting chance" and tried to hook up with me. When I turned him down he left, got drunk, and hooked up with some willing chick from the town over. He apologized again and again but I knew my worth and ignored him. Even though he hurt me.. I still loved him. He gave me every reason to hate him but I just couldn't. Seeing his face everyday in the hallways made it hard and we had a lot of classes together too. I tried my best to steer clear of him and his friends to help the healing process. Jordan tried to communicate with me in any way possible but I just couldn't. It made me sick to think about what he put me through. I believe he loved me too but just not enough. He was a lustful guy.. and being the high school "star" of the town he always got what we wanted. Never realized what he had.
Until he lost it.
He spiraled rather quickly after our breakup. He drank all the time and got caught taking some prescription pills hopes to improve his performance in sports. He lost his full ride scholarship to play football at a big university.. though he was still invited to play on the team, just had to pay his own way. Which of course wasn't an issue because his family had tons of money. He acted stupid all the time and hooked up with anything that walked. He texted me every weekend saying "I'm sorry.." never explaining why but I knew. As if I cared. Well I did but I had to act like I didn't.
It was after my messy breakup, which was the talk of the school since we were the "it" couple, that I decided boys are dumb and school is good. Simple enough, right? I'd stay single and focus on nursing. Trust isn't something I would just hand out anymore either. Dating was flat out ruined for me.
California will be good for me. New places, new people, new opportunities. It's not just a desire anymore.. it's a necessity.
"Honey, you say that but you always forget something. If I don't triple check with you something will get left behind. I'll be mailing stuff for weeks with our luck." My mom says breaking me out of my daydream. She was right, I'm so bad at packing and getting everything. Whenever I traveled I made her double check my bags.. sometimes triple. My mom was my best friend but she has to work so she's staying behind. My dad on the other hand, is my travel buddy, we go everywhere together. He's coming with me to make sure I get settled in. Plus he gets to visit his mom.
"Relax mom, I'm sure. My entire room is basically packed. Half of the stuff YOU packed anyways." She insisted on packing for me complaining that I don't know how to properly pack. I wasn't gonna deny the help by any means haha.
"Leave your mom alone, you know she's worried and upset about her baby girl and last child leaving the house" my dad chimed in. He also said something about "mama bear" but I quit listening before that. Oops.
After some eye roll's were passed around my parents left me to pack. I decided checking social media was a task that needed to be done instead. Today was Saturday, which meant I would see all the pictures of the parties from the night before. I would normally be at a party myself but I needed to pack and get ready. After scrolling for so long I came across a picture of Jordan with some girls. It was blatantly obvious how drunk he was and the girls were all over him. Even though we had been broken up for months now, I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt a little to see it. His hair was still a beautiful blonde and his skin already dark from the few lake trips he had taken. His blue eyes were glowing from the flash and you could see his toned muscles underneath his shirt. The only difference was the bags under his eyes and the slight beer gut slowly forming. He still looked gorgeous. Which sucked. I took a deep breath still angry at the pain I feel in my chest when thinking about it all then looked up from my phone and as if right on cue the doorbell rang. It wasn't much of a surprise, people had been coming by the past few days to say goodbye to me and so I assumed it was another classmate of mine coming to wish me good luck. Most people were just going to college here in Kansas. When I walked downstairs my stomach dropped.
It was the handsome boy from the picture I spent the last 2 minutes staring at. Jordan. Jordan was at my front door.
His attention was pulled to me and his eyes scanned me with a look of adoration and hope. He stepped towards me and quit moving when he noticed my hostility. He was still getting used to us being broken up. Greeting me with a hug and a kiss became the norm for 3 1/2 years.. I was slightly disappointed when it stopped.
"Chey.." he said breathlessly.
"What're you doing here Jordan?" I replied. I didn't want to be mean. I wasn't a mean person but I didn't know how else to handle this situation.
"I'm so sorry. So so sorry.." he began. Again, I knew why he was apologizing. The picture I was looking at before explained it all. I stayed silent. I couldn't wait to hear the bullshit that was about to pour out of his mouth.
"I love you so much. I never stopped. I'm so fucking stupid for losing you. I was weak and couldn't handle the temptation. I didn't realize what I had. I still want you. I still want to be with you. You're all I've ever truly wanted baby." I winced at his words. He can't actually think I believe that, right?
"You can't actually think I believe that, right? I'm all you've ever wanted? Then why did you sleep around behind my back? Why haven't you stopped? Don't think for a minute I missed that picture of you with all those sluts from last night, Jordan. I'm not stupid. I loved you too. You hurt me. What you did is unforgivable. Now, cut the bullshit and tell me why you're really here. I told you I didn't want to see you ever again." I retorted. I didn't meant to sound so harsh but it all came out like putty. I didn't feel as bad either, which means I've improved. That alone was enough to make me smile internally.
His eyes widened. He started to stutter something but when the words wouldn't come out he sighed. A big heavy sigh. A sigh of defeat. "I heard that you leave tomorrow.." he started. "I had to see you before you left. I won't ever stop trying for you Chey, I love you damnit. I made a mistake but I've apologized. Every time I've apologized. We're meant to be together I just know it!" He slowly moved closer to me during that speech and I could faintly smell the alcohol lingering on his breath from the night before. I was disgusted. He didn't even take the time to clean up before coming over to spill his guts. I let out a little laugh before talking.
"First of all, back away from me you reek of alcohol. Second, A mistake? One mistake? You cheated on me the entire relationship and continue to sleep around! Giving me empty handed apologies don't fix a thing! You never once tried to change for me and you've become a raging alcoholic. We will never get back together. Ever. So get that through that thick skull of yours now. You're a conceited asshole who thinks that the world is his. Well guess what Evan?! It isn't! So go. Go have fun with all your girlfriends and shitty friends. Go enjoy your drunk festivities. Have a great time at college because I know I will as long as I never have to hear from you again."
That felt great. His face? Even better. He wasn't expecting that. Hell, I didn't expect myself to pull that out. I didn't even realize it, but during that rant I was slowly moving towards him subtly moving him out the door. Once I noticed that I had done that, I finally broke the short lived silence. "Goodbye Jordan" and with that I slammed the door in his face. It felt great!
After a while I heard his 2017 ford pickup rev off. With that, I walked back upstairs to my room and called my best friend Devinee. I absolutely had to tell her about the encounter with Satan himself.
"Hey Chey"
"Devinee! Oh my god you won't believe what just happened" I began.
"What?!" She said excitedly
"Jordan just came by. Still drunk from last night.." I started to say before she interrupted me.
"Okay I'll be right there" she managed to squeak out before hanging up. Should've known. Anytime I had some juicy stuff to tell her she insisted I tell her over a nice meal.
A few minutes later I get a text from Devinee saying "here". So I ran outside and hopped in her car where we decided on The Bricks, a cute little cafe downtown. I began my story on the 3 minute drive to the restaurant and finished up after being seated and having our orders taken.
"THAT ASSHOLE!" Devinee shouted. She didn't care who heard, when Devinee gets pissed there's no stopping her. She was normally pretty quiet but she cared a lot about the people around her and was never scared to show it. She was amazing. Hands down the best friend I've ever had. I don't know if I wouldn't survived the break up had she not been there, I owe her a lot.
"I'm gonna chop his balls off! The DAY before you leave? He decided to not try until now? He's so stupid it makes my brain hurt... that douche copter" Devinee was notorious for random but hilarious insults.
"I know! He must mistake me for an idiot thinking I'd run back to him.. especially when I leave for Cali tomorrow. I don't know which infuriated me more , the fact that he thinks I could be so stupid or that he had another one night stand and tried to come back to me again. Anyways, I'm glad I called. I know you're coming to the airport with me and coming in 2 weeks but I still wouldn't wanna spend my last night in town with anyone else. God bless your soul" Devinee is going to come stay with me in Cali for a couple weeks after I get settled in. I owe whoever invented FaceTime a long thank you letter because lord knows I wouldn't survive college without it. Devinee is my backbone.
"I know, I'm amazing.. you don't have to tell me." She said sarcastically. Although I'm not sure how much of it as actually a joke. She's pretty confident in herself haha. "I can tell you're more upset about the testing of your intelligence. Nobody questions the valedictorian!" She says matter of factly. "I know I'm excited to be in Cali. What about you?! You're the one who's moving there? Omg imagine all the cute boys that we're gonna meet! You and me.. taking on Cali. Uh oh. Somebody start a prayer chain for the damn state. Us two together could burn down the world without even trying. Now without parental supervision?! Oh god.... I can't wait!" Devinee herself is just getting out of a relationship. She handles heartbreak a lot better than I do.. obviously. She's already on the prowl! I can't lie, I've thought about the boys in Sunny California but the thought of going through another relationship where I end up being cheated on makes my stomach turn.
"Dev, please tell me you've done more planning than dates and outfits." I ask in high hopes.
"Oh shut up, you can't tell me that the thought of finding yourself a beach boy doesn't have you all hot and bothered" she responded quicker than I expected. With her normal dose of sass.
That's the thing about Devinee.. she has a bad case of resting bitch face. She also sprinkles sass everywhere she goes. Once you talk to her though, she's pretty amazing.
"Ugh you're right, but seriously! You're only there for two weeks and I don't wanna waste it on stupid boys. Not every night at least. A hot date every once in a while won't hurt though.." I continued as the thought of beach gods flooded my mind.
My imaginations were interrupted by the waiter bringing us our food. We spent the rest of dinner talking about things to do while in Cali.
"Thanks so much Devinee.. for picking me up. Another minute of packing and I would've gone insane. I'll see you in the morning. Love you!" I said as we pulled up to my house and I gathered my things.
"Of course, what are great friends for? See ya, much love!" She responded with glee.
I walked inside to find my parents watching some movie. I said my hello's and walked up to my room. I know they both heard what happened between Jordan and I. I loved my parents but I wasn't in the mood for explaining. Jordan was one of my dad's students and wrestlers. It took a lot for my dad to not kill him when he found out about our break up. Same with Devinee too. I was fortunate enough to have people in my life that would take a jail sentence for me. Although I'd never let them it's still nice knowing they care so much.
I finished up the last of my packing and went off to bed. I had a long day tomorrow.. even though my flight wasn't until the evening I had a lot of goodbyes to deliver. The realization that I was leaving this little town to start my new life was starting to set in.
I couldn't wait.