Am I too late to say Happy New Year? I think I am. It has been almost two and a half months since new year and I was just about to start writing my first journal of the year. Sorry for the delay, I have been very busy with my practices, from dancing to singing to language. Honestly, I don't understand why I have to take a class for my national everyday language but I have to, well, just go with the flow I guess.
Anyways, do you know why the practices have been hectic? It is all because our debut date has been announced! Well, not technically an official debut date, but Yoo PD-nim said that our debut will be late this year, or early of 2015, but we have to show our best performance for our debut date to be advanced by a few weeks, or months, who knows? It depends on our performance.
Other than that, my life is now in control again. Since that asshole Yoo Minseok has moved to Sydney, I've been feeling less anxious and I am feeling, more peaceful? If that's what you'd want to call it. Yeah. I'm loving who I am, and comfortable with my feelings. But I still feel kind of empty, maybe, maybe not, maybe I am being over dramatic and overthinking. But I don't know why I'm feeling this way.
Is there any way for me to fill up these empty spaces?
Sojung stared down on her journal, reading the last sentence over and over again while her mind was running with thoughts, thinking of ways how to fill the empty spaces and thinking why she was feeling that way.
Her fingers slipped and grabbed the edge of the journal before closing it, and shoved it into her backpack that she always brought to the practice room.
"Eonnie, PD-nim wants to see you," a recognizable voice could be heard coming from her back. She looked up, and saw Jung Eunbi's reflection in the gigantic mirror in front of her.
"Now?" she asked, and Eunbi nodded.
...
Sojung strolled over and knocked on a door marked Yoo Jongwon. She grabbed the door handle, before twisting it and pushed the door open. Her thoughts were flashing with worries as she took a step into the office before giving him a full bow.
"Have a seat," Yoo PD-nim said with a friendly smile while showing a hand gesture, pointing to the chairs in front of his desk.
"Why did you want to see me?" Sojung asked without any hesitations as soon as she placed her bum on the chair. He stared at her with a mysterious stare, Sojung tried to examine his expression but she couldn't. A sudden smile of joy worked its way across his face, before he leaned forward and intertwined his fingers.
"I'm here to announce your position in your group. Sojung, congratulations, you're a leader of your group," he smiled, and a tiny dimple danced at the corner of her full lips.
Surprised? No. Shocked? No. Overwhelmed? Yes. Sojung was surprised at his statement, an announcement, her jaw dropped and her mind didn't seem to be functioning normally.
"PD-nim, are you ser-serious?!" she asked while giggling, totally astonished with the sudden announcement as her mind was still thinking that he was joking.
But why would a CEO joke about such things?
"Yes, I am. Congratulations again," he snaked his hand out for a handshake. Sojung stared down at his hand, and boldly looked at him up and down before pressed her palm against his and firmly shook his hand.
"But why was I given the position?" she asked, after letting go of the hand shake. "Sojung, you've been a trainee longer than they are, and I have also witnessed the way you handle your problems. You've been handling it well, and I am impressed," he explained, a smile didn't seem to fade away from his face.
"—and I don't know if I should say this but, this was also recommended by someone," he continued, and it eventually made her heart stopped beating.
Sojung moved her gaze from the desk, and looked into his eyes, exploring the possible answers that could come out of his mouth.
"Who is it?" she asked.
"Yoo Minseok,"
She felt herself heating up, embarrassed, angry or disgusted, she wasn't sure which one it was but it was probably a combination of all. The situation went comfortably awkwardly quiet, as the situation getting tensed up in the office.
"Can I call you without any formalities?" he asked, destroyed the awkward silence between them.
"Whatever you prefer," she nodded, giving him her best smile.
"Back in the early days of 2010, when you just joined this company, Minseok used to beg me for your name. It happened almost everyday, no, all the time, and I can't do anything other than telling him your name or else, he will keep asking until he gets what he wanted," he said, his voice was flat, it sounded almost emotionless.
"I don't know what I should do to heal your broken heart, other than apologizing. That is the only thing I can do. I sincerely apologize for what my son had done to you, I'm sorry over his disgusting behaviors. It wasn't his first time doing that, and this isn't the first time I'm apologizing to a girl he ruined," he apologized. He sounded sincere enough, he also seemed like he was tired with what Minseok had done.
She felt her heart sink in within her, but she forced herself to smile. It was almost unbelievable that PD-nim treats people warmly has a son with a non-existence heart. He didn't deserve what Minseok had done, it totally ruined his reputation.
"It's okay, PD-nim. You shouldn't apologize. It was his fault after all," she said, while a smile was slowly forming up on the corners of her lips.
"Did he really date someone from your group while still dating you?" his eyebrows raised out of curiosity.
"Yes, he did," she answered short, this time, her heart felt empty whenever she had to answer something about him. Unlike months ago, every time somebody said his name or asked something related to him, she will start to get uncomfortable and wishing how she could disappear from where she was standing.
PD-nim let out a long sigh out of frustration, without taking his eyes from the desk as he tried to avoid eye contacts, shook his head slowly. "I'm very sorry, Sojung,"
"I just wanted to tell you that not all guys like Minseokie out there. I am confident and very sure that you will find someone a lot, by a lot, I'm talking about a trillion amount of a lot, better than him,"
"—and once you found him, you got him, you keep him. Don't leave him," he continued.
Sojung's heart began to throb thick and hard, and the colour slowly left her face, the anger began to died away but a thought began to flashed through her mind. Somebody just popped into her head, unchecked.
Kim Seokjin.
He was that guy.
But I left him. I didn't keep him. I chose somebody over him,
somebody who left me, and didn't keep me.
Kim Seokjin.
Kim Seokj—
"Sojung? Sojung? Miss Kim Sojung?" PD-nim placed his hand on Sojung's shoulder and shook it slowly, which brought her back to reality.
She was daydreaming without her realizing, and she started to blink a few times before coming back to her senses and locked her eyes to his.
"Y-yes?" she stuttered.
"Haha, this meeting turned out to be a lot serious and not in the topic than what it was supposed to be," he chuckled to himself, which made Sojung to chuckle nervously, thankful he didn't notice how deep she was daydreaming a few moments ago.
"By the way, since we're in a topic about guys, I will catch you girls up about dating life—what you can do, and cannot do," he said, dismissing the meeting.
...
"Sojung eonnie! Why did PD-nim want to see you?" Yerin asked, as soon as she saw Sojung walked in to the practice room.
Her expression was unpredictable, they tried to examine her face but it felt like there was a wall in front of her face which made it hard for them to predict on what could've had happened between Sojung and Yoo PD-nim awhile ago.
She sighed, and moved her gaze to look at the girls in the eyes which were full of worries.
"PD-nim announced my position,"
". . . .as,"
"As?" they asked at the same time, all of their eyes were glued to Sojung who was standing in front of them.
"A LEADER!" she said cheerfully, while her palms met each other and started to clap enthusiastically, a bright smile worked its way across her face.
"WOAH! Eonnie, are you serious?!" they raised her tone, absolutely taken aback with the announcement. Sojung nodded, and a second later they were hugging each other and jumped around in a circle.
Hwang Eunbi suggested to do a mini celebration to celebrate the announcement of Sojung being a leader, and all of them agreed as they started to divide the tasks for each and every person.
"Yewon, you and Yerin eonnie will buy the foods. Eunbi and I are going to buy the drinks. Yuju eonnie, you can stay at home and treat out leader nicely, she's our queen today," she playfully winked, which made all of them giggled.
"See you later, leader!" they waved their hands from the practice room door, before disappeared from their sights and went out to buy what they had to buy.
...
Yuju rode a bus with Sojung, to their dorm which was not too far from the building but far enough if they go there by feet.
"Eonnie, I'm done," Yuju said as she walked out of the bathroom with a white towel wrapped around her body and a damp hair. Sojung nodded, before getting up from the couch and walked into the bathroom with her towel wrapped around her neck.
She unlocked the door, before twisting the door handle and pulled it open. As she walked out of the bathroom, she saw Yuju sitting on the couch and locked her eyes on the TV in front of her. She could see Music Bank was showing and Yuju had always loved watching it, at the same time wishing she could be one of the performers.
Wouldn't it be dream come true to win in one of these music shows? Ahh, it's exciting to think about it..
Her words kept repeating itself on Sojung's mind. That kid and her dream of being a singer, it was her only dream in life.
Sojung grabbed the shirt from her closet, and wear it on top of her under wear.
Daehakkajido neorang gandamyeon cham jal gal geot gata~
Ganadarabamasaa hakuna matata oh!
She could hear someone performing on the TV from her bedroom, and the song was getting more intense as seconds passed by and it was slowly getting her attention which made her walked out of the room immediately.
Yuju was jamming to the song while grabbing the small couch pillow and spinning it while singing along to the song. She had never heard of it before, she was unsure how Yuju could memorize half of the lyrics already.
As she launched herself on the couch, sitting next to Yuju who was hyped over the song, the camera suddenly moved and focused on other member who was about to sing another part of the song.
Kkwak jaba nal deopchigi jeone
Nae mami neol nohchigi jeone
Say what you want
Say what you want
Niga jinjjaro wonhaneun ge mwoya~
"SAY WHAT YOU WANT! SAY WHAT YOU WANT! WOO!" Yuju sang along cheerfully and loudly, but Sojung was startled, her voice just went through her mind, she didn't hear anything other than focusing on the person on screen.
She was about to watch enjoy the song, but was soon stopped by an appearance in the TV.
There he was.
That was him.
Seeing his serious face while performing on stage, somehow reminded her of his serious face back on the day of their broke up. The smile she had was slowly fading away, and Yuju turned her head to look at her who suddenly stopped moving.
"Eonnie, what's wrong?" Yuju asked, but Sojung didn't move her gaze from the TV, which made her to focus back on the TV, examining the what was showing.
What's wrong with her?
Her eyes moved around the screen, and glued her eyes to something in the corner of the screen that caught her attention.
"Bangtan Sonyeondan - Sangnamja"
Bangtan Sonyeondan?
Oh, shit.
"Shit! I'm sorry," she gasped when she realised that the group who was performing was Seokjin's group, before quickly grabbed the remote control and changed the channel immediately.
■■■
kind of short and shit lol
anyways, this will be the last chapter that i will publish, since i'll be on months of hiatus from wattpad for some reasons and it is because:
i. i have a very important national exam that ill be sitting on at the end of this year. its kinda like a university entrance exam
ii. the trial will be at the end of august or early of september
iii. that means i have to focus now
im sorry to disappoint, i really want to start my hiatus after gfriend debuted but its too late now. i have to start it now, im sorry.
ADD THIS INTO YOUR LIBRARY for updates, who knows if i will publish a chap once a month? hehe
thank you for understanding, wish me luck and lastly,
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