Naito would stare at me randomly as the trial went under way. When I was called to the stand by my attorney, I felt fear strike me. He'd be watching my every move, burning a hole through me with his eyes. I swallowed my fear as I walked to the podium, sitting down and hiding my shaking hands.
The bailiff stood next to me, "Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" I nodded and swore my oath, my voice confident, but I was shaking underneath the surface.
I set the paper with my typed testimony on the lowered ledge of the podium, taking a deep breath. "Good afternoon, I am Okumura Rin, I am a fifteen year old boy, and I'm the victim of child sex abuse and assault." My eyes roamed over the jury, who didn't seem to be all that affected by the slight tremor that appeared in my voice. "I am still discovering how the abuse I have suffered has affected me. It has destroyed my childhood and teenage years, a beautiful thing that everyone deserves.
"I was abused by a family friend, Naito Ryo, starting at age seven." I purposely kept my face away from said person, I wouldn't be able to meet his eyes, anyway. "He used caring words to coax me into the abuse. Words such as: 'you're a good boy, let's play a game, you're special.'" I swallowed audibly, a blush forming on my cheeks and humiliation shot through me. "Considering that he was a priest, my father never seemed to find it odd when Ryo would offer to cover for him.
"In the beginning, he'd only touch me inappropriately." My eyes flickered to the row of familiar faces, my eyes apologizing for the truth that they would hear. "Then, he'd asked if I wanted to touch him, taking off his pants before I could even answer. The next thing I recall is him trying to have sex with me," I averted my gaze, no longer able to meet anyone's eyes, "and how painful it was. I'd ask him to stop, multiple times, but he always told me it would hurt less if I stopped complaining." I chewed on my lip, throughly embarrassed. "During his stay at our family monestary, he'd have me outfitted with some sort of gadget, so that our next interaction wouldn't hurt as bad."
The silence in the courtroom was deafening, and my own voice would waver at the most inconvenient times, making me lose my confidence. "After every abuse, he'd give me a candy: a particular brand of peppermint. To this day, just the smell of the sweet can send me into a panic attack." I moved my eyes over the jury again, noting how some faces seem to express pity. "At the time, I knew what was being done was wrong, and that I didn't like it. However, I couldn't tell anyone, not even my father, out of fear that Naito Ryo would hurt me. 'Bad boy's tattle, and bad things happen to those boys,' he'd say."
I was only halfway through my testimony, but I already felt like dying, I was humiliated and vulnerable to all, their eyes were judging me, pitying me, and I hated every single moment. "I find it difficult to be a normal teenager. In the middle of classes, I'll space out and relive the abuse I'd been put through. I barely passed junior high because I lacked the attention during my exams. And on the streets, I'd become a menace, taking control of others because I couldn't control my own life. I'd come home with bruises and busted knuckles, only to be lectured for my misbehavior.
"To this day, I have horrible nightmares. Filled with the haunting memories of what Naito Ryo would make me do." This morning had been the first time anything other than a memory had haunted me. I should've mentioned that fact, but I couldn't bring myself to improvise from my written memoir. "I'd lose too much sleep over them and started dozing off in the middle of class." I took a deep breath, the stress and nerves were eating at me, and I was close to breaking from the pressure. "Trust is also something I struggle with, and creating new friends makes me uncomfortable. Even though I always knew that they were harmless, I would become irrational and snap at them, losing a lot of relationships in the process."
My eyes flickered to my friends and immediately moved elsewhere, some of there faces had tears and I couldn't deal with that fact at the moment. "I feel like I am worthless or an utter disappointment. What else have I been good for except to be used over and over by others?" I shook my head meekly, "that's one of the reasons I haven't been able to hold a steady job and why I missed so many days of junior high."
My voice was becoming annoying to even myself, and I wondered if the others were losing interest. I cleared my throat and straightened in my chair, trying to appear professional. "I feel as though I've led a double life up until recently. Lying about what he'd done to me, then pretending as though nothing ever happened. I've become an expert on hiding my issues and emotions, which has landed me in the hospital more than once."
I moved my eyes to the jury, who's expressions had, for the most part, softened. I put as much sincerity and desperation into my voice as possible, meeting every one of their gazes. "Trust me when I say this: if I could've, I would have spoken sooner. If I had been as strong as I am today, maybe I would've spared myself the pain I went through. Please," I took a shaky breath, "think about me and my life when you sentence this person to prison. Why should he, the person who took away my freedom, be free himself?"
My final words echoed in the small courtroom and the silence was threatening to break me. "Thank you, Okumura-san." My lawyer, whose name was Masuda and not Matsuda, stated, walking closer to the podium. "How many times would you say Naito Ryo sexually assaulted you?"
A memory flickered through my head and I restrained myself from throwing a look toward my twin. "A minimum of twenty-one times." I knew I'd be question heavily about that later, but I couldn't even think that far ahead.
"Could you give a rough estimate of the maximum times you've been sexually assaulted, including rapes and general abuse?"
Naito's lawyer stood up, "objection, Your Honor: calls for speculation."
"I'll allow it," the judge stated, motioning for me to continue.
I pondered for a moment, shame flashing through my body. "Including the times he's groped me... at least fifty times."
"Again, not the minimum amount, what is the highest amount of times you believe it has happened?"
I swallowed hard, "sixty times," I ground out.
"Alright, thank you, Okumura-san." He may be my lawyer, and he was doing this for my benefit, but that didn't make me any less agitated. "Is it true that Naito Ryo has used abusive measures to get you to submit to him? If so, what has he done?" He walked around the courtroom, pointing his words at me, but gesturing to the accused whenever he was brought up.
I swallowed, my eyes wandering over the jury, "the most recent assault involved him using his walking cane. He's choked me in the past, as well as thrown me into walls and other objects" my eyes wandered further, passing over news reporters and journalists. I saw a few other familiar faces that I wasn't expecting. The reason for their presence became clear to me and I hid my scowl.
"No further questions Your Honor." I sighed quietly as I was dismissed from the stand. When I stood, my knee wobbled and gave out, but thankfully, I was grasping the podium's edge and I was able to get to my seat safely. Once seated - away from most eyes - I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that at least one part of this hell was over. "The prosecution calls expert witness Hase Asao-sensei to the stands."
I blinked a few times, glancing over as Dr. Hase walked over to where I just was. I'd noticed his face in the audience, along with the psychiatrist I'd met, and knew what was about to happen.
Once he swore his oath, my court appointed lawyer spoke; "Please state you relationship with the plaintiff."
Dr. Hase nodded, his eyes meeting the jury. "I was the one who oversaw Okumura Rin while he first came to the hospital."
Masuda hummed and walked by the podium, standing in front of the jury. "And how did Okumura Rin react to having his secret exposed?"
"His behavior was very consistent with records of previous sexual assault cases. He was reserved, frightened, and physically injured." His tone was smooth, and I envied his ability to stay calm in such dire situations. He did spend most of his work day in the emergency room, so I suppose he was more immune to stressful events.
"There is evidence of such injuries in the form of photographs," a corner light switched off and I jumped slightly, unsure who had done it. The darkened corner had a projection screen, and I closed my eyes, gripping the edge of my table. "At what time were these photographs taken?"
"Half an hour into his stay, according to the hospital records, Okumura Rin had just come from the monestary in which Naito Ryo was residing. The marks were fresh and not fully formed at the time of photography." Ugh, why did they have to talk so professionally? Why did they have to humiliate me in order to lock him up? Why am I even here, again?
I sighed and opened my eyes, just as the projector started up. I swallowed audibly when the first photo appeared, "the victim had bruises around the windpipe, consistent with strangulation." I huffed and ground my teeth, no one told me that they would have these pictures at full screen. Everyone would see, journalists, news reporters, friends, and family. The projector clicked, "there were multiple excoriated breaks along the upper thighs."
I ground my teeth harder and glanced at the projector when it clicked again. My fist harped against the wood of the table, and I gritted my teeth hard enough that they might've cracked. "Along the chest cavity and abdomen was a large abrasion, confirmed by the victim to be caused by being pushed against a tree during the last assault." I didn't fucking want anyone to see these, I just wanted to go home. I wanted this to be over before I started to break down from the stress.
I would shift uncomfortably every once in awhile as Dr. Hase continued to testify. I was thankful when it was over, but it was short lived because my psychiatrist was called to the stand immediately afterward. Thankfully, there was no Exhibit A or B bullshit. It was mainly a recap of my behavior and how it was consistent with other victims of child rape. The information was boring to me, only because I knew myself, or at least I believed so. However, the time allowed me to calm down and get my thoughts together.
Good thing, because once my psychiatrist was dismissed, it was the defense's turn to ask questions, and my hell went full circle.