"Come on!" I huffed desperately, "you useless idiot, pick up!" The dial tone beeped and I sputtered into the speaker. "Yukio, why the fuck didn't you tell me he was out? You lied to me, oh god, I'm so scared. Pick up your fucking phone, I don't care if you're in the middle of teaching!"
Lightning flashed and blurred my vision for a moment. "Fuck! I'm not okay, Yukio, I'm scared!" I turned a corner and my eyes darted around, looking for any suspicious behavior. "What if he's in True Cr-" thunder crashed and I cussed, the ground shaking underneath me. I pulled the speaker to my face again, "Yukio, I need your help, I feel like I'm going to break."
Beeeeep.
Fuck, that was the end of that message, and I redialed him. Please, please, please pick up!
Fuck!
I turned off my phone, focusing my attention on getting back to the academy. It was safe there, at least, I hoped it was. Water cascaded from above and drenched me from head to toe, my hair plastering to my skull. I puffed as I entered the school gates, my vision was blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out.
Slamming the door to the dormitory, I sprinted up the stairs, thunder rumbling outside. I had to hide, needed to get away, go anywhere he couldn't find me. Lightning flashed and cast a shadow through the hallway window. One more flight of stairs, and then... and then... then what?
I stopped in my tracks, my heart hammering in my chest. What the fuck was I going to do once I got to my room? Hide? Is that all I'm good at, running from my problems? I huffed, tears forming in my eyes; I'm tired of running. Thunder crashed and I yelped, a rattling noise coming from inside a nearby door. In my terror, I stepped away from the door instinctively, but then shook off my fear.
With shaky hands, I opened the door, lightning illuminating the floor and I spotted a small container. Slowly, I pushed the door fully open and picked up the bottle. It was my pain meds. So, this was where Yukio had kept them, but why here? I glanced at the door number, 666, you fucking sly bastard, under normal circumstances, I would've laughed. However, my hammering heart made me do otherwise. I dropped to the floor and broke out into tears.
This isn't how things were supposed to go, everything was over, now. Every last shred of hope that I'd held for my life has been ripped away from me, all because of a man I thought I could trust when I was younger. His face flashed through my mind and I cried out.
My eyes flickered over the pain meds, I could end this, right here, right now. No more suffering, no more worries, and no more causing pain to those around me. Thoughts of Yukio flickered through my mind and I faltered, could I really leave him behind?
Someone like you deserves to die.
I sobbed, clutching the bottle in my hands. I was too chicken to do something like this. That didn't make it any less desirable, however. As lightning flashed through the sky, sending shadows in every direction. I decided that I was done, no more, it's been nine years of hell. No matter the amount of time after, or the happiness I received, I'll always be scarred deeply. Broken objects remain broken after years of neglect, how am I any different?
Do it.
I unscrewed the cap and poured out the remaining contents of the bottle. There were around a dozen left, that had to be enough, right? I was no doctor, but this many opioids seemed fatal. I shakily got to my feet, just in time to hear small feet run up the stairs.
"Rin?! Are you okay?! I heard doors slamming! Where are you??" I walked over to the door, a few pills falling from my hand and scattering on the floor. "Rin?" I saw his body come into view and his eyes suddenly widened, no doubt spotting one of the pills. "Rin!" He hurdled toward me, but I reached out and slammed the door shut, locking it and backing away. "Rin! Oh god, don't do it!" He scratched at the door desperately, "Rin! Please!"
I sat down on the floor, "Kuro..." I stated calmly, "how desperately you want to come in, is how desperate I want out. Please, leave me alone." I picked up a small tablet from my palm, staring at it dully.
"PLEASE!"
Thunder boomed and shook the old building, another pill falling from my palm. I separated the pile in half, deciding how best to go about this. I tossed my head back, emptying about five pills into my mouth. I crunched down on them, barely registering the bitter taste.
"RIN! DON'T DO IT! I'M BEGGING YOU!"
I ignored him, swallowing the first portion and tossing the second batch down the hatch. Water dropped from my hair to the floor boards, mixing in with the silent tears that methodically fell from my cheeks. I licked my lips, crawling on the floor to pick up a few dropped meds and swallowing them, as well.
"Please... stop..." Kuro scratched at the door even harder, his breathing audible through the wood. "I can't lose you, not after Shiro!"
I sighed and flopped down onto the floor, waiting patiently for what I deserved. "You wouldn't understand, Kuro, and I don't expect you to. All I ask is that you accept what is, and that means living your life without me."
"NO!" His mewls were horrendous, but I listened to them carefully, knowing that they'd be one of the last sounds I'd ever hear. "Rin! What about Yukio? What about me? We love you!! Please, please don't do this!"
"It's too late to turn back now."
"Stop being so careless with yourself!"
I didn't bother with an answer, I simply laid on the floor, thinking over my life. A creature like me should be lucky enough to live as long as I did. Hell, I should've been killed as soon as I was born. My thoughts flickered to Yukio; but not him, he deserved to live his life, and live it as happily as possible. With me in the picture, it seems as though he'll never receive that. He's constantly worried about me, especially now that he knows my dreadful secret.
That secret, that man that made me keep it. I hope he burned in the darkest depths of hell, but I knew I'd be right there with him, which unsettled me. My body felt heavy, like I wanted to sleep, but I forced myself to stay awake. I found myself wishing for a few more minutes, wishing that I'd swallowed those pills a little later than I had. Maybe... maybe I regretted this?
D-did I want to die? With horror, I realized that I was still uncertain about that fact. Yet, here I was, medication coursing through my veins, a lethal dose tricking my brain and causing my body to shut down. I... I don't want this.
"Kuro? Oh god, Kuro! What.. wha- no..." I vaguely heard my brother's voice from outside the door. "Rin?!" The room echoed with the sound of pounding, "open up, please! Oh god, please no." I heard a loud slam and a cuss. "Open up! Rin!" Another loud slam.
I sighed, hearing his voice was calming, no matter the situation I was in, or how upset he was.
"Please!" This time, the slamming sound was much louder and echoed with another pounding sound. "Oh god!" His voice was much closer this time, "are you breathing?!" Warmth touched my chest and I was comforted by that fact. He was here, that's all that mattered.
"Hello? Yes, my brother just overdosed... Percocet 7.5 milligrams... uh, more than a half dozen." He was panicking and I wanted to hug him, but my arms weren't responding. "I don't know when, please, yes I know."
There was silence for a moment, and then a sniffle. "You really did a number on yourself, Nii-san," he sounded like he was crying. "I'm here, I promised I wouldn't leave... but I guess I should've had you promise that instead." He sniffled, "you know, there's a rattling coming from your chest as you breath, its loving called the death rattle. I gotta do CPR in order to have any chance of saving you, so don't mind me."
I felt his warmth, but I couldn't feel where. It felt like I was slipping, and I didn't want that. I wanted to stay here, with him, comfort him and tell him that everything was alright. There was a burning sensation inside me, but I didn't know what from. Is this what death felt like?
"One, two, three," his voice was muffled, but oddly echoing in my ears. The burning sensation returned, along with his voice, "nine, ten, eleven, twelve."
I love you, Yukio. I should've said that more, and I shouldn't have held any resentment toward you. It was too late to mention all that now, but at least I have hopes that you'll realize that, one day.
"Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine."
Please take care of yourself, love yourself like I could never do with myself. Push this day away, forget about it, but never forget about me. No matter how much pain I've put you through, I can't bear the thought of me disappearing in your memories. Protect Kuro, keep him safe, and bring him out of the despair that I've undoubtedly put him in.
"Fifty-four, fifty-five."
There was no white light, not for me. All there was was this frightening darkness and sullen silence. It deafened my ears and I swear it stilled my heart. If I could cry, I knew I'd be bawling every tear I could possibly shed. I was cold, and I felt lonely.
Please Yukio, I cannot look after you anymore, I cannot protect you. I'm leaving you up to your own devices. As always, however, I know you'll surpass my expectations, you never fail to surprise me. Even though I won't be here to witness it, try your hardest and become the best you can be, which is better than anyone could possibly hope for in themselves.
"Ninety-five, ninety..." his voice faded, no matter how desperately I tried to hold on. No, no! Bring him back! I wasn't done talking, I wasn't done explaining why! At the very core of my being, I went numb, the burning disappear-
The End.