It was two years ago. Everything happened two years ago. Two years ago, we were friends. Two years ago, we were dating. Two years ago, we broke up. Two years ago, we were in a band. Two years ago, our band finally broke up. And two years later, I finally found the need to express my feelings.
After two years, I thought I would have gotten over him. I thought by now, his curls wouldn’t mean something. But all I think about, is what it would feel like to run my fingers through his hair again. I can’t stop thinking about his lips. I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss them again. I can’t stop thinking about if he was happy, with his family. I can’t stop thinking about if he would be happier with me.
I can’t stop thinking of him.
It was the anniversary, the anniversary of our first day as a band. The first day we formed. We always come together on this day, even though we’re broken up.
Everyone had a family to go home to. Everyone had a job they loved. Everyone had someone who loved them back.
Louis had Eleanor, which was surprising, since they broke up for a few years, and got back together suddenly. They got married not long after, that part wasn’t shocking. They said they were pregnant, and couldn’t wait longer to get married. They had a son, Eleanor’s hair – which was different, because it looked like Louis – and Louis’ blue eyes. Cute baby, may I add, but Theo’s cuter.
Zayn had Perrie, which was nice, because when we broke up, Perrie’s band, Little Mix, was already broken up due to everyone being married. They had a kid, not long after Little Mix broke up, and he was a handsome kid. Similar to Zayn, but also Perrie. And then last year, they finally had another kid, a girl. She is pretty; she looks a lot like Perrie, but with Zayn’s eyes and jawline.
Liam had Sophia, which was surprising, because I always thought it would Danielle. Not that it matters, because he’s happy. He’s happily married, and still talks to Danielle. Sophia didn’t care, because she didn’t have to worry – since Danielle was already married with a kid of her own. Liam and Danielle talked about Loki, who was still a happy dog. Sophia had a girl, two years ago, we found out a week after the band broke up. Now she’s pregnant again, and Liam thinks it’s a boy – more like hopes.
Then there’s Harry, he has a fiancée, and a son. Too bad, he always said he wanted a daughter. I remember everything that he’s said. His daughter was like him, despite the dirty blonde hair that was like his fiancée’s. His fiancée was so nice, that it was too hard to hate her. Despite the fact, I still loved him, I couldn’t help but be happy—and sad on the inside—that he was with her. They were getting married, in three months, and I couldn’t help but hope they would suddenly separate or something.
“Hey mate, can’t wait.” Harry’s text worried me, because it made me happy and sad. He called me mate, not like he doesn’t do that already, but it’s the fact we dated that makes it harder. It’s the fact I was in love with him, that it hurts.
“Yeah, me neither.” I texted back, with a frown on my face – I think. I looked at Twitter – I was surprised at how many fans were still there, after two years.
“I’ll see you later, Ni. Can’t wait to see you again x.” Harry texted. I don’t know what it was, but Harry was the only person to call me Ni, and not make me cringe. I know he does it as a friendly thing, but that stupid ‘x.’ thing he does, makes my heart flutter. Now I sound girly, and it’s just my thoughts…
“Yeah lad, can’t wait.” I texted back. I still frowned, I was happy, but then I think about the memories that could have happened.
I could have been married – if it wasn’t for my love for Harry. I could have had kids – if it wasn’t for the fact I was gay, and not bisexual. I could have a perfect job – but that was travelling the world with the best friends I could ask for, and the perfect guy. I could have the perfect house – but I kept my old flat, because it came with the good, and bad, memories.
I did that all day, think about the could haves. That was until it was three in the afternoon, and I heard my door being knocked on. I rolled my eyes at the loudness, because it was obviously Louis. Louis had the familiar sounding knock, he used it everywhere.
I opened the door, and saw Louis there, with Eleanor. I didn’t see their son, but I saw the belly on Eleanor, it wasn’t huge, but it was noticeable. Maybe three, four months.
“Hey mate,” I said, before attacking Louis into a hug. He didn’t mind, because he attacked me back, literally. I was suddenly on the floor, with Louis on top of me, and I could see his happy smile.
Louis was playing football now, or still, whichever. He was still athletic, but he still had his belly – that sounds like I pay attention to his belly, but I guess that’s what happen when you’re in the same change room often.
“I missed you,” And suddenly Louis was attacking me with small kisses, it wasn’t unusual. Louis was always like this, I never asked why, but one time someone did, and he said it’s his affection for everyone.
“I missed you too Lou, now get off.” I muttered, pushing Louis off and standing up. I stood in front of Eleanor, pulling her into a soft hug. I could smell Eleanor’s slight perfume, and it was a lovely smell. Maybe it’s weird, but I paid attention to the small things, like my best friend’s wife and her perfume.
“How’s it going, Eleanor?” I mumbled, as I pulled away from the hug, and slightly rubbed Eleanor’s shoulder.
“I’ve been fine, you know, with the kids.” Eleanor said, with a teasing tone. I knew she meant Louis. Who knew at twenty-nine, he would still be childish? I think everyone did. I felt bad, because Eleanor knew it best.
“Oh shut up Eleanor,” Louis grumbled, “Oh and make me a sandwich.” Louis added, with a smirk and wink. I remember that tweet, it was funny.
“No, you do it yourself.” Eleanor joked, rolling her eyes.
“But I can’t eat bread…” Louis said, with a small pout.
“See, so why would I need to make you a sandwich?” Eleanor said, smiling at Louis.
“Okay, fine. Make Niall one then.” Louis said.
“I wouldn’t mind, but she shouldn’t be making food in my house, mate.” I said, sticking my tongue out jokingly at Louis. “Are we going out, or is everyone coming to my flat?” I asked, suddenly not joking around anymore.
“Oh, we thought we would come here, since you don’t have kids, and your flat was big enough to fit 8 adults.” Louis said. “I mean…if that’s okay with you.” Louis said.
“Yeah, whatever, it’s cool.” I said, shrugging. It wasn’t unusual, because last year, they did the same thing. They would also come to my flat sometimes, when we were recording. I don’t know why, but they did.
“I like the place, it’s always so…boyish.” Louis commented, suddenly walking towards other rooms.
“Of course it is, because it’s been the same since I moved in. Except for the few new additions.” I muttered, almost sarcastically.
“Whatever, it’s cool. Oh hey, did you get a new guitar?” Louis asked, suddenly walking towards a guitar I got a few weeks ago. I hummed, nodding at Louis.
We spent twenty minutes catching up, before we heard more knocks. Eleanor politely answered the door, which looked weird. I mean, what kind of guy lets a mate’s wife answer the door? Oh yeah, me.
“Hey!” I heard a shout, which sounded like Liam. I don’t even know anymore, his voice either got deeper, or I haven’t it heard it in so long to notice.
Liam, sure enough, walked in with Sophia beside him. His hand was placed on her belly, almost like it was always there.
I don’t know much about what Liam does, because it’s confusing. I think he teaches music, but sometimes he’s like a personal trainer. Maybe he has two jobs, I never really listened to his job title.
“Hey mate!” Louis yelled, I rolled my eyes, but trailed behind the running boy – ahem, man. I could tell Liam was rolling his eyes too, but he gladly hugged Louis, as he reached him. I could see he pushed Sophia slightly to the side, probably in hopes Louis wouldn’t attack her too.
I was going to hug Sophia, since Louis and Liam were hugging, but that was when the door was being knocked on again. I sighed slightly, opening the door, to see a smiling Zayn and Perrie.
I greeted them in, and suddenly Louis and Liam brought us into the hug. I rolled my eyes, but hugged the three of them. We were in a small circle, before I heard that deep voice – the one I waited for.
“What’s this, did you forget about me?” Harry said, I swear I could hear his pout.
We all pulled back, but only for a few seconds, before dragging Harry into the hug. Harry smiled, before wrapping his arms around Louis and me, since he joined between the two of us. I swear, we could have all cried right there.
“I missed you all,” Liam said, his voice sounded broken. When I looked to him, his eyes were watery, and Zayn – who was beside him – was wiping them. We all slowly cried with Liam, it was getting emotional. I could hear the girls cooing behind us. Speaking of girls, where is Harry’s fiancée?
“I missed you all too.” I said, and Louis, Harry and Zayn agreed in nods. “I missed you, a lot.” I mumbled, crying harder – not much, but I could actually feel the tears on my shirt now. I wiped my tears, and we all just hugged tightly.
“I feel unmanly now,” Harry joked. I loved Harry, he would always make some idiotic joke, and I swear Louis was going to whack him. He did.
“Ow, you’re mean.” Harry whined, and pouted as he rubbed his arm – where Louis whacked him.
“No stupid jokes when we’re crying, mate.” Louis mumbled, rolling his teary eyes at Harry.
After Louis and Harry’s usual bickering, we pulled away from our group hug. We all had tears, and we all wiped them. We suddenly burst into laughter. The girls looked at us, with smiles, almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Before we get all mushy again, we should watch a movie or something.” I said, clapping my hands suddenly. I was grinning, while waiting for their response.
“A move sounds brilliant.” Liam said, “What type though?” Liam asked, with a curious expression.
“I don’t know, I think we need a comedy, after that sob fest we just had.” Zayn suggested.
“I know we should watch—,” I started, before Harry cut me off.
“No, we are not watching Step Brothers.” Harry said, and I could see him wanting to roll his eyes – but he stopped himself. He was smirking instead. “I know that’s what you’re going to say.” Harry said. I found myself pouting at how predictable I was.
“Fine, let’s watch a new movie. I just bought this.” I said, grabbing one of the movies I bought last weekend. The boys looked at it, and they all nodded in agreement.
Later that night, we were all crowded around my table, and some of us were at the island. We were laughing and sharing stories. The boys and I were sitting together, sharing stories, but all I could do is stare at Harry. I loved the way he smiled, laughed. I loved the way his eyes looked in the light. I loved the way his hair shook, as he shook at Louis’ silly faces, while he explained silly memories.
“Niall, are you okay?” Harry suddenly asked, and I could see the others looking at me too. I nodded, before blushing slightly. I don’t know if he noticed I was staring.
“Are you sure, you kind of blanked, mate.” Louis said, raising his eyebrow at me. “We could go, if you’re getting tired.” Louis added.
“Oh, no, I mean I am, but I like having company.” I muttered. “It’s a bit lonely here.” I added.
“Yeah, why didn’t you get married?” Zayn asked. I suddenly stopped moving, I was going to take a bit of my food, but Zayn had to ask the question I was refusing to answer.
“I don’t know, love wasn’t on my mind lately.” I said, shrugging, before looking at my food awkwardly.
“Really, I remember two years ago, you told me you had feelings for an ex. Sounded like a nice person. Why’d you two break up?” Liam mentioned.
“Oh, that… Yeah, we kind of were better as friends.” I muttered, chewing on my food slowly. I hadn’t told the boys about Harry and I, because we weren’t sure if it was going to work – ahem, he wasn’t sure.
“Oh, really, because you sounded like you were still in love with her.” Louis said, nodding along with Zayn and Liam. Harry just kind of looked awkwardly at his food too, pretending he didn’t know it was him. Plus, I felt the need to correct her as him, but I couldn’t – yet.
“Oh, well, they weren’t sure. Said something about ‘testing it out’ or whatever.” I shrugged innocently. I remember exactly what Harry said when he broke up with me.
“Niall, I love you, I do, but I think it’s as friends.” Harry mumbled, and I could see he was apologetic. I wanted to cry and plead, but I couldn’t force everything on him. So I mumbled, “It’s okay, we’ll always be friends…Harry.” I didn’t finish the conversation, and walked away after I finished talking.
It wasn’t a lie that he was testing it out, because that’s what he said after we started dating. I could remember everything between us. It was surreal.
“Sounds brutal,” Harry said, suddenly deciding to comment. Of course it was, and of course you know, because it was you. “You should have told them how you felt.” Harry added. I wanted to roll my eyes, but maybe that would have been too obvious.
“You should call them, tell them how you feel. Because if they’re married, at least they would know the truth.” Liam mentioned, chewing his food shortly after. Like you would know, because you’re married already. When it came to Harry, I felt more stubborn.
“No, I can’t do that. Last I remembered, they were engaged, or something.” I mumbled, munching my food quickly.
“Really? You should still call.” Liam said. I shifted slightly, as I saw Harry’s sad eyes. I didn’t know if it was because he found out how I felt, or if it was because he was the one who was engaged.
“Yeah, you should call them.” Harry mumbled. I could see Liam nodding in agreement. I hit Harry’s arm, from under the table, but not hard enough for him to say ‘Ow!’
“Ow, why’d you hit me, mate?” Harry asked.
“Oh, bite me. I don’t want to call, nor do I want to discuss this with them.” I said, almost hissing it out. I felt bad, because the boys were looking at me, and I could tell them gave up on the subject. I could see Harry’s eyes turn sadder. “I’m sorry, but it was two years ago. I don’t need to randomly bring things like this up.” I said, apologetically looking at the boys.
“It’s okay, we’re sorry for bringing it up.” Liam muttered, and I could see his sad puppy-like eyes.
“It’s fine, you didn’t know how I felt about the subject.” I muttered.
“Okay, moving on… I think we’ll be going, right Sophia?” Liam said, and I saw him standing up. “You’re probably tired, with our baby and whatnot.” Liam mentioned.
“I’m fine,” Sophia said, but she suddenly changed, “I mean, yeah we can go.” I then saw Liam grab her hand, helping her out, and escorted her to the front door. They put their shoes on, and their coats. I saw them wave, before the said ‘See you!’ and almost run out the door.
“We should go too, Eleanor must be tired from walking around this morning.” Louis said, standing up, but this time, Eleanor actually looked tired. “We’ll see you soon.” Louis said, helping Eleanor to her shoes and coat. “Love you all.” Louis said, before walking out the door.
“Um, we’ll leave too.” Zayn said, and Perrie stood up at the same time. I saw Zayn and Perrie shuffle out the room quickly.
Then there were two.
I looked at Harry, who was still smiling sadly, as he finished his food. I didn’t see his eyes, but I bet they matched his facial expression. He chewed his food, the same way he always had, I could even see his tongue sticking out slightly. I don’t know, I hated our break-up, but somehow, he fascinated me anyway.
“I’m sorry,” I finally mustered up the courage to speak, “For not telling you before.” I added, when I saw Harry look at me confusingly. “I mean, I was heartbroken, hearing that you didn’t…like me anymore. I just, I wanted to ignore that, and I thought being mates again would be best.” I said.
“And was it?” Harry asked.
“I guess. I mean, I was in love with my best mate, which was cool. I mean, I could be around you, stare at you, and act like I was just zoning out instead.” I said.
“So…that’s why you were always zoning out while looking at me.” Harry mumbled, while smirking too. I rolled my eyes, because he was somehow still cheeky.
“Yes, that’s what it was really.” I muttered.
“Can I confess something?” Harry asked. I nodded and shrugged, as he continued. “I don’t know what it was, but maybe I always had feelings for you, and I thought that if we were dating, it would ruin the band. I mean, imagine that. ‘One Direction members, Harry Styles and Niall Horan are dating’ and suddenly fans would leave because the two youngest are dating.” Harry mumbled. “I thought…that if we broke up, then maybe it would be normal again. When I have different girls, and everyone thinks I’m dating them. And you have no girlfriend, so everyone thinks they have a chance. But it wasn’t the same.” Harry said.
“And how wasn’t it the same?” I asked, staring intently at Harry, and he stared back.
“Because, that three months of dating showed me more love than any of my ex-girlfriends did. That three months showed me what sneaking around was a thrill. That three months showed me what loving my best friend could do. It showed me that…perfection wasn’t the person but what you were with that person.” Harry mumbled.
I couldn’t help but blush, I also wanted to cry. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I walked towards Harry, and embraced him in a hug. Harry gladly accepted. I could wrap my arms around him – finally not crowed with the other guys. I could inhale in his scent, without thinking about what it was like when he was beside me every morning – nearly. I could place my head in his neck, and I wanted to kiss it like I used to. I didn’t though.
“I love you, a lot.” Harry said. I smiled into his neck, as he kissed mine softly. I felt his lips linger, and I took it as a sign to pull back.
“I love you too.” I said, when I was looking at him in the eyes. I could see his smile, his dimpled smile. I could see his happy eyes, not his sad ones. I could see him moving closer, and I felt his lips against mine. I smiled, before kissing him back.
I didn’t bother putting my hands around his neck, because they decided to grab his hands instead. I felt his fingers lock my hands, and it felt perfect. I didn’t care that the kiss was short, because he held my hands for a longer time.
When we were staring at each other, a thought came to my mind. Is he still engaged?
"Are you still engaged, Harry?" I asked, and I saw Harry smile, before shaking his head no.
"We separated, almost three months ago. We weren't good as a couple, it felt a bit...forced." He muttered.
"Oh, so it's okay to do this..." I trailed off, kissing him softly. I could feel him smile, and chuckled softly, before he kissed back.
We continued that for a little while more.
Later that night, Harry and I were cuddled my couch, in the lighted room, talking about our memories together. Harry decided to snap a picture of me, so I did the same.
I saw Harry typed on his phone, which I assume he was posting a photo on Twitter, or even Instagram.
“Happy Anniversary to us, the lads were here earlier x.” Harry’s caption said on his tweet for the picture of me. I smiled as I posted my own.
“He posted one of me, thought I’d return the favour” I captioned my picture, smirking as I clicked ‘tweet’.
I turned towards Harry, deciding to ask something on my mind.
“I know we’re dating, but can we…like tweet it?” I asked, Harry shook his head as he chuckled.
“If it makes you happy, I’d love to tweet it.” Harry said, grabbing my hand, and rubbing my knuckles soothingly. I giggled – which wasn’t unusual when I was with Harry.
“I have news…” “…I’m gay…” “…And my boyfriend’s pretty hot...” “…he was in a band called One Direction…” “…He has curly hair…” “…Green eyes…” “…Dimples…” “…And is possibly the best kisser. ;)”
“I love you too, Niall. x.” Harry replied to my last tweet.
“And you guessed it, it’s @Harry_Styles x” I tweet, kissing Harry softly. He smiled into the kiss, and I suddenly heard a small click. I opened my eyes curiously, looking at Harry who was smirking.
When we pulled apart, Harry was suddenly typing away again. I peeked at his phone, with my chin on his shoulder, and looked at his screen. I saw a picture of us kissing. That’s what he was doing, cheeky monkey.
“You’re possibly the best kisser, @NiallOfficial x.” Harry tweeted, and I could see his cheesy smile as he tweeted.
Half an hour later, Harry and I were cuddling in my room now. We were both sleepily staring at each other, and holding each other’s hands, when we heard a phone vibrate. We both looked at our phone, and I saw that someone was calling me – ahem, I mean Louis. I answered, but regretted it when I heard shouting.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Niall James Horan?” Louis yelled into the phone, and I saw Harry flinch at the yelling, and the phone wasn’t even on speaker.
“Because we started going out…like five hours again, bonehead.” I snickered, poking Harry’s dimples unintentionally. “Can you shut up a little, you’ve woken us up from our sleepy faze.” I mumbled tiredly into the phone.
“No, I will not!” Louis yelled, “My best friends are dating, and I didn’t even notice that Harry was exactly what you described to me two years ago.” Louis muttered, suddenly quieting down.
“Yeah, because it’s a coincidence that I was in love with someone who had brown curly hair, green eyes and dimples.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes, even though he couldn’t see.
“I’m sorry, if I knew you were gay, I would have thought it was Harry, but I thought you were straight. And hey, why didn’t you think I was attractive?” Louis said, and I could almost hear him pouting over the phone.
“Who says I didn’t?” I said, chuckling to myself. I looked over Harry, who suddenly looked conflicted. As if he was wondering if he should be jealous. I chuckled softly, before kissing his cheek. He smiled again, and I could see he didn’t have to think twice.
“I do have a pretty ass,” Louis joked, “Right El?” Louis asked, and I heard a sleepy Eleanor mumble a yes. “See.” Louis pointed out – through the phone.
“Yes, can we go now, Harry looks tired, and kind of grumpy from our conversation.” I said, “Bye Louis.” I mumbled into the phone.
“Okay, tell him I love him, and that I miss him already. Oh, and I love and miss you too. Bye Niall!” Louis yelled, and I heard Eleanor groaning, before Louis hung up.
“I love you,” I mumbled, cuddling against Harry. Harry hummed softly, before kissing my cheek.
“I love you more.”
***
I wrote 4241 words, and it was about six pages on Word. I'm kind of shocked how long this turned out to be. I was going to post this, but I almost forgot to explain Harry wasn't engaged still. I had to fix that quickly. This took me almost three and half hours to write. I think I almost cried too much from all the fluff and lovlyness between the boys. I also had the ending, well not exactly the ending, but the 'coming out' thing planned from the start.
P.S. I hope you enjoy this one shot, because it'll be a bit longer for the next one, because I will have to catch up school, because I've been home sick most of this week, and February in general. I hope you love this, comment about it, share it, vote for it, just read it. I appriciate every one of you.
Also, I dedicate {this song to you, okay no puns} this to KinkyNarryCupcakes because I love her stories, and yeah. I'm pretty sure I've read every story, well, besdies the one shots.
Love Jean.