“Nora it’s okay, I’m here… I’ve got you.” Finally I realized that it was Liam who had come to help me and this realization only caused me to cry harder. I buried myself in his arms and sobbed as I remembered the boy I had loved and lost and was comforted by the one who had come back to save me.
(LIAM’S POV)
The sound of breaking glass instantly alerted me and I got up from the couch, quickly running to the source of the sound. I reached the bathroom and quickly knocked but as I did the door swung forward on it’s hinges and I saw Nora crouched down on the floor. Blood was dripping from the cuts on her hands down onto the shattered glass but the thing that caught my attention the most was an ivory white letter and matching envelope. There were drops of blood spattered over it and although I was intrigued by it my thoughts instantly flicked back to Nora who was, like always, my top priority.
Immediately, without thinking, I reached out to her and pulled her away from the broken glass. She seemed so weak and distraught so I sat down on the bathroom floor, propped up against the wall and held her close. She turned her face away from the blood and fallen shards of glass and buried herself in my chest, her bloody hands gripping my shirt leaving haunting red stains along with her tears.
“Nora it’s okay, I’m here… I’ve got you.” I stroked her hair and rocked her gently, trying to stop her small, fragile body from shaking. Her sobbing though didn’t stop for quite sometime and I just sat there holding her, feeling helpless as she cried herself to sleep in my arms. After what seemed like an eternity her breathing slowed down and the tears stopped flowing. Finally she was calm and I could breathe easy, for now at least.
I had heard the shuffling of feet and anxious whispers from the other side of the door but they knew to keep their distance and I was grateful that they did; scared that if they woke her I wouldn’t be able to calm her down again. My eyes flicked back to the fallen papers and her bloodstains contrasted against the bright white paper reminded me of the times she had been hurt in the hospital, unearthing many unwanted and haunting memories.
I shifted my weight slightly but all she did was hold me tighter and I stretched out, reaching for the source of all her pain, the letter. The glass scratched across the floor and I shook the sparkling dust off the paper before straightening up to read it.‘The honor of your presence is requested at the memorial service to celebrate and remember the life of Xavier Oliver Caverly…”
The ‘invitation’ went on but I didn’t need to read any further, that was more than enough. I set in back down beside me and focused all my attention back on Nora. I choked back tears of sympathy and pain, holding her closer as I remembered the bright, smiling boy who, just months earlier, had been the center of her universe.
It was overwhelming to think about how much she had lost, she had really loved him and now I fully understood why she couldn’t be with me. She had lost the boy that she loved, but the feelings were still there. I sat there lost in my thoughts for a while longer before it appeared that the others had had enough of waiting and they hesitantly pushed it open revealing almost everyone standing on the other side of the door.
There was a small scream from Anne and she turned away from the mess as Robin comforted her and stepped out of the way so that the boys could come through.
“Shit.” Was all Niall said but the others were left speechless as they tried to piece together what had happened. Zayn pushed to the front, his shoes crunching across the fallen glass as he leant down, his eyes widening at the shocking scene that met the newcomers. The sound of their voices cause Nora to wake up but she didn’t say a word, she was stunned by the horrible news and seemed almost like a rag doll as I stood up with her still wrapped safely in my arms.
I took her outside and sat her down on the couch while Anne flustered around her, checking her cuts and even having to pull some of the larger shards of glass out of her hands while she cleaned the wounds and bandaged them neatly. The others clearly wanted answers as they nervously waited around but I stayed firm with waiting until Nora was asleep again so that they didn’t make her any more distressed than she already was.
After waiting with her still she was back in a peaceful sleeping state I shut the door behind me and braced myself to answer to hoards of questions that were waiting for me in the other room.
I was shocked however when I saw them all standing there and Niall holding the stained paper in his hands as the others crowded around him. Grateful not to have to be the one to deliver the news I shoved my hands into pockets and stepped forward, attracting their attention.
“Oh Liam how’s she doing?” Anne rushed forward clearly worried like the others were but I reassured her that she was doing as well as could be expected. We all sat down to discuss what we should do next and while some suggested that she shouldn’t go, or that we shouldn’t go with her, in the end it was decided that all six of us would go to pay our respects. Harry had just come back from checking on her when a huge crack of thunder shook through the Bungalow and Louis’ phone began to ring, stopping our previous conversation.
After only hearing one end of the conversation it was still clear to me that we wouldn’t be leaving here any time today. Due to the severe storms and road blocks the car couldn’t come to get us until late tomorrow morning and while it was a bit of a hassle I preferred to look at it as a blessing in disguise; giving Nora that extra night here that she so desperately needed.
The rain and storms didn’t let up until the next morning and we trudged through the muddy puddles across the yard to get to the car. We decided not to wake Nora up till the last minute and I volunteered to get her ready. I tentatively pushed open the door only to find her sitting up, legs crossed in front of her and the same blank, lost look in her eyes. I helped her slip into some old gumboots and I carefully slid her arms through a warm jumper, other than that though I couldn’t do anything else to help her.
“Come on love, the car’s here are we have to go say goodbye to everyone before we go.” I held my hand out to her and she hesitantly laced her fingers through mine as I helped her up from her seat on the edge of the bed. The others had finished loading the car and we all met up main house to say goodbye. We walked in to the kitchen and Harry was comforting his mum and reassuring her that he would come visit soon as she held him close. All of us guys went over and shook Robin’s hand and gave Anne and Gemma hugs, thanking them again for letting us all come stay.
When I leant down to hug Anne she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, “Just promise me you’ll take good care of her?” I pulled back and she gave me an ‘all-knowing’ motherly look that I couldn’t ignore so I nodded and sincerely said, “I will.” She seemed satisfied with this answer and let me go but as I turned around I saw that our little exchange had attracted Niall’s attention. He raised his eyebrow questioningly but I shrugged it off and he turned his attention back to what Robin was trying to tell him.
After that the guys slowly made their way out to the car but I waited behind as Nora said her last goodbyes. When she was finally ready to go we rushed out to the car through the heavy sleets of rain. By the time we had made it down the short driveway to the car our hair was dripping wet and our clothes were nearly soaked through to the skin. Luckily Harry was waiting for her with a warm jacket and he helped her into the van as I ran through to the other side and got in up front.
“Bye! We’ll miss you! Thank you!” We called out the window as the van pulled away from the curb and left Anne, Robin and Gemma standing in the doorway, trying to stay dry from the pouring rain. It was a fairly long drive back and Zayn sleep most of the time while the rest of us either talked, listened to music or, of you were Louis, complained non-stop about hating long car trips. Nora sat in between Niall and Zayn in the back seat; Harry and Louis were in the two separated bucket seats in the middle while I was riding up front. The driver was nice enough and he was actually the one who had taken us around the night of Louis’ party. Looking back on that night it seemed so long ago and we had all changed so much since then.
I daydreamed most of the way back, thinking of all the things that I had missed out with Nora while she was gone and how much we had missed her. I constantly regretted the decision to let her just leave like that, but then again she had constantly spoken of how much she had learned from being with Anne so maybe it was what was best for her at the time.
(NORA’S POV)
I welcomed the warmth of the car and leant in close to Niall trying to stay warm after being soaked by the torrential rain outside. It was a pretty quiet ride home, Zayn slept most of the time and the others played on their phones, looked out the window or, in Louis’ case, complained constantly about hating long car trips. I however opted to try and ignore everything happening around me and looked back on the past few weeks, remembering everything that had happened up until this turning point in my new life. I had missed out on a lot with the boys and them with me but my time with Anne was irreplaceable and it was a sacrifice I was okay with making.
When Anne had agreed to take me in and I was nervous; nervous of what my time there would be like, nervous about how to act, but mostly nervous to first meet Robin and Gemma for the first time. I was afraid of what they would think of me but I couldn’t have been happier though when they welcomed me in as a part of the family. In the month that I stayed there I spent a lot of my time helping Anne around the house but I also started my drawing again, like I had done in the hospital. I drew to pass the time, to remember my past, dream about my future but I also, I drew because it was one of the few things that I could feel proud about in this new life.
But even though I had been able to spend time with them I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had really let the other boys down. When I left I had backed out of the interview I was supposed to do with the five boys but they did it all instead and Anne and I watched it together, like she did for most interviews Harry did when he was away from home. There weren’t any other big things that I had felt like I had missed out on but it was the little things, everyday, that I had missed about being with the boys.
When we got back to the apartment no one spoke much, they tiptoed around me like anything they said or did would set me off, and they were right. For the next few days I cried myself to sleep, I couldn’t function without breaking down from thinking about Xavier and I spent most of my time locked in my room. The time came though when I couldn’t avoid the subject any longer and I was forced to wake up on the morning of the 11th and slip into a black dress to mourn the loss of the boy I had loved.
(LOUIS’ POV)
We woke up early on the morning of the memorial and Harry and I got ready in silence as the other boys came in and our of the apartment and Nora got dressed properly for the first time since we had gotten home. It was 2.30 by the time we were assembled in our apartment waiting to go. Nora had come out of her room and was sitting down on the couch with her hands wrapped insecurely around her stomach. Dressed in usual mourning attire, she wore a simple styled dress, black velvet that fell just above her knees. It stretched over her growing stomach, making it seem larger that it actually was. Eleanor had lent her some simple black heels, which added a few inches to her short, slender frame.
Niall had spent the better part of the morning braiding her hair into an intricate bun, making her look mature and grown up. The look was different for her, more sophisticated but the soft wisps that fell around her face gave her back some of her lost youth.
All of us were dressed modestly, black and grey tones were the only colors we wore today and it seemed out of place not to see the others in their usual fun, colorful attire. “You ready?” Liam’s question tore Nora away from her thoughts and she stood up, folding her long black trench coat over her arms and fixing the non-existent creases in her dress. We all headed out in to the hallway and Harry switched off the lights and locked the door behinds us while we all waited for the elevator to take us down to the garage. We had agreed for Paul, our bodyguard, to come with us today; in the hopes that his presence would keep away any unwanted publicity and fans that might try and intrude on this public service.
Usually we wouldn’t mind a few run-ins with fans but this different than anything we’d ever been to before and we weren’t taking any chances. As we piled into the car I sat on Nora’s other side, holding her hand and trying to reassure her, not knowing anything else I could do to comfort her. When we pulled up outside the hall we were directed away from the main building and instead to a small garden courtyard where row upon row of benches and seats had been set up outside to take advantage of the unusually nice weather.
Our heads were hung as we walked through the arch and the somber tone of the people contrasted with the bright blue sky to create an overall strange atmosphere. Glancing around for any familiar faces we quickly spotted the only people we knew there, his parents. They were standing together by a small arrangement of flowers and photos of their only son. The pair had already spotted Nora from across the room and they quickly excused themselves from the group they were talking to previously and bee-lined towards her through the growing crowd of mourners.
I recognized them before the other boys; I was the only other one, besides Nora, who had met them on the day of Xavier’s first episode. Nora began to tear up the second she saw his mum, Kathryn and the two of the embraced each other in an emotional hug while I stepped forward to shake his dad, Robert’s, hand and give him my condolences for his loss.
The other boys came forward and introduced themselves, also passing on their sympathies. Soon after that though the parents had to excuse themselves and the memorial service began. We took our seats towards the back, making room for family and friends closer to the front. Many people spoke about Xavier, how he was an advocate for advances in brain research so that others like him could have a brighter future. But friends also spoke about him personally to give us, the people who couldn’t make it to the private family funeral, the opportunity to mourn his loss properly.
The service was better than I expected, it was more about celebrating his life than mourning his death. I kept glancing down the row at Nora and Niall as he held her close and comforted her as the tears flowed freely down her face, this was somewhere that she didn’t have to hide her pain, and I don’t think she had it in her to keep it held in any longer. When the speakers came to a close and the service wrapped up, most people began to file out, pausing to say goodbye to Kathryn and Robert before going through the flower covered archway and back out into the bustling city life.
We all stood up to leave and the four boys passed me by as I told them that I would wait for Nora. Liam was hesitant but I assured him that I would get her out okay. I looked down at her, she was sat there, her hands folded in her lap, and head hug as black streaks of the mascara we had told her not to wear had ran down her pale cheeks.
She was the sole focus of my attention then but it was her eyes that caught my attention the most. They still glistened with fresh tears, searching for answers to the cause of her endless pain. She looked sad, hopeless, lost; a vision in black that so hauntingly depicted the hardships she had been through.
While she might be unable to say how she feels her eyes can always convey those feelings that get lost in translation.
She stared blankly forward but seemed to be reaching for someone. Him maybe, but I feel like it’s more for someone there, anyone, to come save her, to help her fix her broken heart. She sat alone, ostracized from the rest of the group, and that’s how she felt. Alone, abandoned, small, helpless, meaningless, and unimportant.
Being in this world without a purpose had left her defeated and broken, if only she knew how strong she really was. How courageous she had been for making it this far.
But she doesn’t know; she doesn’t know how her eyes can tell a story that her lips will never say. She doesn’t know that we can see her story, read it like the open pages of a book. The story of a beautiful girl, broken, but pushing forward, determined to make it to the end.