K i m J i n h e e
"Mia, that was dangerous. You can't just approach strangers like that," Gayoung berated with a frown when we had entered our Uber.
Haejong unnie and Micha had taken a different car because Micha said she wasn't feeling well. So Haejong decided to take her home while Gayoung unnie and I brought all the shopping bags that were meant for the boys and headed to the company.
"I'm sorry, unnie. I thought they were our company's security team, but turns out I was wrong..." I said meekly and gave her a sheepish smile, hoping my cute acts would smooth out the knot of frustration on her brows.
But deep inside, I still felt guilty for hiding things from Gayoung when I certainly knew who sent those bodyguards to watch over me. And now that I looked into the side mirror, I noticed a black car was subtly trailing closely behind me. So much for not making things obvious.
"I'd recognize them if they were from Big Hit, Mia... No wonder Jasper's always worried about you." She let out a soft sigh and gave me a disapproved look. But it only lasted for a few seconds before she blinked in realization. "Right, talking about Jasper, did he call you back?"
I took out my cell phone and checked the notifications bar, but a frown slipped on my face when I saw there was none. Still no notifications from Taehyung.
"No, unnie. I guess he's really busy with his clients..." I couldn't help but felt disappointed as I looked out of the window. "I wish I could meet him sooner. I missed him, and there's a lot of things I want to tell him..."
"I'm sure Jasper will call you back, Mia. How can he forget about his dear sister?" Gayoung squeezed my hand and smiled sweetly at me. "Let's go. We are here."
"Unnie, it's okay. You can wait here," I stopped Gayoung when she was about to step out from the car, "I'll bring these bags to the dressing room. I don't want to trouble you with my job." I had to admit sometimes I had to remind myself that Gayoung no longer worked in the same company. It just felt she was always right there for us.
Gayoung just chuckled and shook her head casually. "Nah, I don't mind. Besides, I kinda missed my old workplace. Let's go together, alright?" She beamed me a kind smile, and before I could protest, she'd already waved off the Uber.
In the end, I cast an appreciative glance at her and smiled. "Thank you, unnie."
We entered the Big Hit's building and made our way straight to the second floor where the dressing room was located. It didn't take long for us to place all the bags neatly beside the wall and exited out the room. Then, suddenly Seonghyun sunbae appeared, making Gayoung jump in excitement to see her ex-colleague.
"Oh Mia, can you give me a few minutes to catch up with Seonghyun? Just for a little while. Wait for me at the lounge, alright?" She sounded happy and I just laughed a little to see the twinkle in her eyes.
"Sure, unnie. Take all the time you need." I smiled at both of them who looked like besties who hadn't met for years.
"See ya tomorrow, Mia." Seonghyun sunbae drawled out and waved me goodbye.
"Okay." I smiled at both of them and made my way down to the lounge area of the building.
As I waited, I checked on my phone and silently pondered should I just call Taehyung to amend things. I paced around the empty lounge area, but my step halted into a stop when my eyes caught an unfamiliar figure, imitating my very action in front of Big Hit.
A man sported in denim attire and black shades seemingly tried to enter this premise while checking something on his phone. If he's a client, he must have mistaken the date because it was the weekend and we were closed for business.
I trudged over to the entrance and pressed the access button on the sliding door, deciding to honor the guest who looked troubled by the situation. However, when I looked up at the said man, suddenly I couldn't seem to locate my voice box.
The unexpected guest that I thought looked unfamiliar, suddenly looked all-too-familiar as I stood this up-close and personal to him. For a short second, I was stricken by his clean and handsome fresh face as memories and emotions streaming like rivers meeting within me.
"R-Ray?" My voice shook as a lump formed in my throat. I looked at him in disbelief and stepped out of the building. "How...how in the world are you here?"
While I was in utter surprise, Ray, on the other hand, looked delighted as he ran towards me and engulfed me into a hug. He looked relieved and thrilled all the same time as a huge smile stamped on his handsome face that I hadn't seen for such a long time. It felt like I had forgotten how he looked like, and now that he suddenly appeared out of nowhere, it felt like he was just a stranger that I used to know.
"God, I'm glad I finally found you, Mia. It's so hard to find the exact address, I thought it's the wrong building because there was no one around yesterday–"
"Yesterday? You came here yesterday too?" I found myself disentangling from the hug as I was reminded of the very night Ray sexually assaulted me. But then, at that moment, I was more baffled to find his presence here. "Why are you here, Ray?"
"Mia, listen..." Ray made another step closer, but I flinched back and clutched my hands on my chest, putting my guard up higher than ever.
For a moment, he was surprised by my defensive stance that I heard a sigh coming from him. Then he removed his shades and looked at me, and I finally noticed how his eyes were heavy and frustrated. In other words, he looked outright drunk, yet again.
"Love, I'm sorry..." he pleaded softly, his grey eyes looking at me with a painful longing that could melt any woman's heart into a puddle, "I understand your anger. But please, just come back to me... You will only get hurt by staying here." He tried to reach out to me but I quickly dodged his advances.
"What part of 'I'm breaking up with you' don't you understand, Ray? I've made a decision to stay, and you've no say in this matter anymore," I said rather coldly, looking at him with a gaze that probably he wasn't familiar with because he winced a little.
Besides, I couldn't understand his last statement. It was almost preposterous that I mentally scoffed in disbelief. Because ironically there was no one else hurting me but him.
"Mia..."
"It's Jinhee," I corrected him, and for some reason, I felt proud of myself. "My name is Kim Jinhee."
I just found the need to reiterate so that Ray could digest this information in his intoxicated head. Finally, I wasn't confused about my very identity anymore. I was more sure than ever, and I hid a smile at this.
Ray scoffed and hung his head low. "That's it? You are throwing away the identity of Kwon Mia just because you are with Taehyung right now?"
I was taken aback when he mentioned Taehyung's name. But I quickly recovered and frowned as I didn't expect such reaction from him. It felt like he was ridiculing me. But then I was reminded by the fact that he wasn't sane, so I exhaled calmly and tried to handle this situation in a more civilized way.
"I'm not throwing the identity away, Ray. The identity wasn't even mine from the very beginning," I spoke as matter-of-fact and looked into his grey eyes earnestly. "Ray, I'm trying to recover from my amnesia. If you are not going to help me, then I'd suggest for you to leave."
I tried to stay calm and composed but it was a complete fiasco because I only clenched my fist and sent a glare towards Ray. Knowing that Ray would continue to find a point to keep the argument going, I decided to walk past him and abandon him there.
"Have you ever wondered what happened to Kwon Mia?"
I rolled my eyes upon hearing him. I wanted to keep walking, but the adrenaline and emotion were overpowering, so I turned on my heel, facing my ex-boyfriend again with crossed arms.
"Oh, what do you know about Kwon Mia?" I raised a brow, mocking him and pretended to be curious because I knew he was just fishing around, probably trying to egg a reaction out of me.
Ray smirked a little, noting my mockery very well. But there was a flicker in his grey eyes, and it told me that I was wrong about him.
"Just like how easily you crossed off the identity of Kwon Mia, you were also the reason why she was murdered."
A sudden deafening silence enveloped around me. It's as if a loud bomb just exploded right in front of me, and I heard nothing but only the searing ringing sound covering my whole being.
"What...what do you mean?"
"You are her doppelganger," Ray revealed, his voice so loud and clear as he uttered every word almost darkly. "You looked exactly just like her, and that's why the Kwon family took you in. Because they wanted to find the murderer that had killed Mia, which then they only found out that the murderer had mistaken Mia for you."
I felt a thunderclap in my chest, an icy river down the length of my spine. Terror and confusion clawed at the edges of my brain as I clutched onto my heavy chest. The real Kwon Mia was murdered...because of me?
"Kwon Mia was my ex-girlfriend and she's dead."
A wave of past memories flooded in my mind, and I suddenly remembered what Taehyung told me the night when he confronted me about my identity.
"Can you find someone to take down everything related to Kwon Mia on the internet?"
Jasper, who was talking on the phone one morning when he prepared breakfast.
"Jimin, why can't you answer me?"
"J-Jinhee... T-that's because..."
And the date with Jimin as he held onto this awestricken look when I had asked him what if I remembered the bad memories as well. Was it because he was afraid I'd learn about the ugly truths?
"H-how'd you know all about this?" I felt my whole body shiver, and my vision began to fade out as I looked at Ray.
"I heard from the phone call with Jasper just now. The boys were at his house," Ray told me, and from his somber tone, I knew he was telling the truth.
The last thing that I heard was Ray shouting my name repeatedly. But it was muffled by my shallow and ragged breathing. I felt myself doing something, as though I was dragging myself into a moving vehicle.
"Where to, miss?"
"Anywhere...that's loud."
● ● ●
Sometimes when the truth failed you, you had no choice but to abandon it.
A half-hour later, I found myself situated in the NB2 club, drowning away all the ugly truths with loud banging music and alcohol. I hadn't touched alcohol for quite a while, and I knew someone would reprimand me for this, but I just figured what the hell.
"Another one," I told the bartender, sliding my shot glass across the bar. I pushed my hair back and huffed out a sigh when I could feel the alcohol began hitting me.
"And for me," said a manly voice as he slid onto the stool beside me. I glanced at the unknown man. He was a good-looking young lad, tanned-skin and his white shirt strained a little around his muscular build. "You look like you need a bit of distraction."
I just ignored the newcomer and took one of the shot glasses the bartender had dropped in front of me. As the minutes passed, my eyelids become heavy and I couldn't think of anything.
"My name is Jota," the man introduced himself and leaned forward a little too close. I chuckled drunkenly and intended to push him away. But then, I sensed a familiar cologne beside me.
"My name is Taehyung."
Just hearing the dark timbre of his tone, I immediately snapped out of my tipsy state. I turned around and the sight that welcomed me rooted my consciousness back to the real world. At that moment, I saw how Taehyung was blocking the man from me with this dark look that I feared.
Thankfully, the man named Jota was smart enough not to cause a commotion and held up his hands in defeat. Then he grabbed his drinks and blended himself into the crowd on the dance floor.
Unfortunately, as for me, Taehyung had successfully dragged me out of the club despite me struggling and protesting with every ounce of strength left in me.
"Taehyung, let me go!" I tried to break away from him, but he didn't budge at all, so I took the desperate measure to bite onto his hand.
"Ow!" Taehyung pulled his hand away when we had reached the club entrance. Then he looked at me in disbelief, his brows furrowed dangerously. "Jinhee, what do you think you're doing? Do you know how worried I was when Gayoung told me you suddenly went missing?"
The night wind violently touched my face, unruling my hair, and I just stayed quiet as Taehyung continued berating me. At that time, I couldn't afford to look straight in his eyes when I could literally feel my chest being painfully gripped. My throat constricted, too tight for words.
"Why won't you say anything?" He seemed to notice my silence, and when he took a step closer, it was by instinct that I repelled away from him. Taehyung looked surprised, alarmed by the tension in the air.
"It doesn't matter anymore," I said and shook my head in helplessness. "I'm leaving."
"Wait, Jinhee!" He was fast enough to grab my wrist, stopping me from leaving, but I quickly pulled my hand away.
"Stay away from me, Tae," I warned and glared at him. But at that moment, Taehyung just looked completely puzzled by my distinct attitude.
"What's wrong, Jinhee? Tell me. Whatever that is upsetting you, we can work this out together..." he spoke with so much patience as his brown eyes looked directly into mine, so genuine and passionate, that I felt my heart being tugged painfully.
Together? How can I stay with him when I've learned of the truth?
"Was it true that Mia was my doppelganger and she was murdered because of me?" I finally confronted him, at the same time, I still couldn't believe every word I uttered out. Silently, I'd hoped that Ray was just spewing out lies, but when Taehyung looked thunderstruck by the news, the pain in my heart further intensified.
"Why did you hide this from me, Taehyung? You said I can trust you. You said you will tell me everything."
"God, I'm sorry, Jinhee..." Taehyung wrapped his face a few times, a tinge of regret flashed across his eyes. "I can't tell you, because four years ago when we both learned about this, I looked away from you. And you..." he paused, looking at me sadly in the eye, "you looked at me, just like this, with so much guilt and pain."
It was hard to admit, but what Taehyung said was true. I couldn't breathe properly because of the painful heaviness in my chest. I felt sick to my stomach, and it was probably because of the overwhelming guilt that was creeping into my being and eating me all alive from inside.
"Four years ago, you felt the need to sacrifice your life, because you thought you owed Mia for whatever that had happened to her," he revealed out, looking at me with such careful and tender gaze, as though he knew I was at my breaking point.
At that moment, I couldn't say anything because I was astounded at how Taehyung was able to analyze all my reasoning until that extent. Every word that he said hit right into my heart. When I said I couldn't fathom why Jinhee decided not to escape from the explosion, it all made perfect sense now.
"But you are wrong about that, Jinhee. What had happened in the past, it wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself anymore..." Taehyung looked at me with a kind-hearted face and gently pulled me into his embrace.
I felt his familiar warmth wrapped around my body, and before I knew, the tears and pains couldn't be held back anymore as they consecutively erupted. Suddenly, I felt so vulnerable in front of him. An unbelievable sadness just overtook me and I broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
"But everyone was hurt because of me. Mia was murdered, because of me. You were in pain, because of me. Mom, Dad, and Jasper were hurt because of me..." My voice was muffled against him, and I believed I slurred in my speech from the effect of alcohol, but Taehyung just listened and showered me with endless affection.
"Jinhee, you know that's not true... We all love you," he whispered softly, and as I slowly succumbed into unconsciousness, I managed to hear him saying, almost mellifluously...
"I love you."
A u t h o r ' s N o t e
I remembered I teared up a little when I wrote the dialogues for this chapter while listening to So Far Away. But then, I completed writing this chapter years later, and I had to admit, it's difficult to grasp back the emotion of the characters. I hope you guys can feel the emotion that I tried to convey, especially in Jinhee's part.
And I apologized for the late update. Things have been hard lately, I just feel physically and mentally exhausted from everything. If you read my message board, you will know what happened. For now, I'd like to forget and move on.
For this book, I'd like to inform you that there are 8 chapters left. So, every chapter will have their meaningful scenes, and the angst will continue...
Look forward to meet you guys in next chapter!
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Thank you for reading, lovelies
🌹
Much love,
ℓynie
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T E A S E R
"Don't fucking give me a goodbye kiss, Jinhee."
"Make love to me."