The phone line went dead silent. Seokjin was speechless, not knowing what to say and not knowing what to think. The morning had been broken by one simple unknown name, like the sweet melody of a blackbird, full of promises, freshness and newness to come. Now it sat like a cold cup of coffee waiting to be drained away. He, ended up reminiscing all the dark thoughts he had been having when he thought about it.
Gaining his courage, he answered. "I'm Seokjin, Sojung's boy―," Before he got to finish his words, he heard a familiar woman's voice in the background, and he immediately recognized who she was, he knew it was her. How soothing and soft it sounded, there was no doubt it was her. However, knowing the owner of the voice was only messing up with his already messed up mind.
"Who's calling?" she, on the other hand, asked in the background, and millions of questions came across his mind, messing it up even more. Why were they together in one place? It sounded like they were in a room, no way, they were not doing anything.
Weren't they?
The trap springs shut - caught between opposing needs, him, hanging loosely on the other end.
"Sojung!" he shouted her name on the phone, couldn't bear thinking of his girl clinging around another guy whom he, himself wasn't sure who, where he's from and how he looks like—and this time, the guy, so-called Minseok was no longer on the line, he knew it when the line went on someone else's hand, it was Sojung.
"Yes? Is there anything I can help you?" her voice sounded very soothing, it was his favourite thing, but now he wasn't sure if he should let his heart crawl into happiness, or conflicts.
"Who was that?" Seokjin asked, almost instantly after she finished her words.
"That was Yoo Minseok, m-my manager," she stuttered to answer. In her stutter, he found his answer.
He, on the other hand, was unsure whether to believe her or believe in his intuition, but what he was sure about was, you had to trust one another in a relationship, which was the reason why he decided to go with whatever Sojung said, most of the time. Though that might be the last chance of her for him to swallow whatever she'd decided to throw to him, making him believe in her words since she cannot pull on an action.
"Your manager? Wow, it's impressive how you already have a manager. Are you debuting soon?" Seokjin asked a shocking question, she wad flustered and stuttered to answer, once again. Nothing new, she had always been pulling on the same reaction all over again. At least learn how to do it right, yet she ended up making herself look suspicious.
It seemed like Seokjin could sense what was happening to her, and he tried his best to not bring the topic up for the sake of their almost five years of relationship. It was always him, who had to carry on with the effort, him, who had to face the pain. However, it could just be a negative thought, though, he was not positive if what he had on his mind was what the real situation was. He didn't even want to think that way.
He tend to take care of his own feelings now that nobody wanted to do it for him. In her many and varied imaginings of this day, they had all been alike in one particular way. In every one the sun had shone, she had taken that part for granted, sadly. His love was once again taken lightly, underappreciated.
Her subjects were superstitious, they would not see just a bank of storm cloud above, it was mostly blank.
Sojung left his question unanswered, but he acted as if he was not bothered by her action and continued on the topic that he wanted to talk about, again, putting on the effort to protect the invisible relationship they were having, though, he was unsure if that was what he'd like to call it still.
Right at this moment, he was slowly realising how he was the only person whom had been trying to work this relationship out. A dysfunctional love is a torture to the two people related, however, he was the only one feeling it.
"Anyways, guess what? I have a good news to tell you!" he gathered up his pride and heart that had been broken and shattered on the ground, acted as if nothing bad had happened. Though he would rather her took a knife to his skin that speak those words so cold. She, spoke to him as if he was a stranger when for the past few nights they've had been as close as it was possible for two people to be
"Really? I wonder what it's going to be," excitement was clear in her voice, soothing as it always be, but he was unaware whether the reaction she poured out was sincere, or, she was putting on an act for the sake of Seokjin's feelings.
"I'm going to debut in a group called Bangtan Sonyeondan in five months from now, with my other six trainee friends!" he was pumped over the idea of debuting in a few months, it was truly a dream came true. His mind had forgotten all the anxiety and worries which were running around is saddened mind, just a thought of debuting made him delighted.
"Are you for real? I'm so happy for you! It's a shame that we can't be in the same agency, and now you're debuting before I do, you've done a great job," she gave him words of concern, and he, smiled through the phone. At the end of the day, she will always be the one to put a smile on his face, making it hard for him to let the anger grow by itself as it was growling inside his body. She was one of a kind.
Seokjin knew, he cannot help himself but to smile at her cheerful voice on the line, thoughts on debating whether it was an act or real had diminished on itself. Her voice was one of the most soothing sound to hear, and he could sit down for hours straight listening to her talking, just like the old days.
Throwback to those days when they used to sit together alone at a beach near their neighbourhood and Seokjin would spent hours and hours sitting next to her, listening to her talking about anything she desired. She wiggled as a shiver cascades down her spine and her eyes burst open. The sand blurred out in a blissful trance, the shore fading into liquid gold, vivid in the brilliant light, it seemed so beautiful.
The thoughts of old memories made him miss her even more, missing the affection between them, the small little things they used to do together. Perhaps she was unable to understand emotions, perhaps she simply didn't care, not like him.
"Thank you Sojung. I hope you will bring out the conscientious side of you, so that you have brighter chances to debut around the same time as I do. How fun it would be for us to see each other at music shows frequently, am I right?" he chuckled at the thought of meeting her, exchanging gazes and giggles without people thinking otherwise. They could say there were childhood friends, and the case will get shut down.
"Yeah, sure," she giggled.
While being on the phone with her, Seokjin continued the once in a lifetime conversation as he let out his worries and the pressure he had been facing for the past few weeks, plus how he had been missing her too much that she won't stop appearing in his dreams every night. The anxiety often sat below his smiles, his actions, his silly jokes. It was unknowingly like over-caffienation but without the option not to drink a cup.
"I miss you too, it has been too long since the last time we've got to talk like this," she said, though it was disembodied, it was enough to be described as melodiou. The phone call was interfered by Hoseok, as he called for Seokjin in the background, telling him to get ready for a dance practice.
"My dance instructor is here. I need to go now I guess," his voice was flat and dead.
"Aw, what a pity. I wish we could talk like this more often. Practice hard, Kim Seokjin my love! Fighting!" she cheered for him on the line, which unintentionally had successfully brightened his day up to the maximum level, he could not stop giggling and smiling like a dork throughout the phone call.
"Thank you. I'm going now, I love you," he said before ended the call.
...
"I'm sorry I can't reply your I love you. I feel bad, I'm so sorry," Sojung whispered under her breath just as soon as he ended the call. She was glad he was the one who hung up, at least she could stop herself from feeling guilty, though undoubtedly it was still there.
She pushed the cafe's door opened and walked over to the table of two that Minseok had chosen for them. A cup of hot caramel latte was the first thing she noticed as it was placed on the opposite direction of where Minseok was sitting.
"Have a sit," Minseok showed a hand gesture on the chair in front of him, and a smile started to form up on her face while slowly landing her bum on the beige sofa.
"Is this for me?" she pointed on the hot drink in front of her, her eyes were sparkly wishing it was hers and to make it even better, he nodded.
Without a word, she took a sip of the caramel latte before Minseok let out a question that he had been waiting to ask since she took her phone off of his hand awhile ago. He was curious, and he never learnt how to control his curiousity.
"Who was that Seokjin guy?"
A question that Sojung never wanted to hear finally made its appearance, crashing the silence between them, and she was unprepared. Surprised by the sudden question, the hot drink almost burnt her tongue and she placed it back on the table immediately.
Her mind was racing with excuses that she was supposed to made up, but she could not find a a good one since Minseok was quiet an observer. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do, excuses were only made for someone guilty and that was exactly what she was. A guilty person with guilt clinging on herself.
"He is my. . .um, m-my father's nephew. He met my father last night, and he told him to send his regards to me," she put on an innocent smile, tying to act as natural as possible, forcing herself to put on a straight face even though it hurts, her heart was thumping out of her chest, was afraid if Minseok would found out the truth before she could even tell him.
"He's a trainee too? Because I heard he said he was going to debut in a few months, right?" his expression was calm, but cold at the same time which made it hard for her to predict how he was feeling. It was clear in his eyes, he wanted an instant answer, though, her heart was racing to end the conversation.
Sojung, however, was absolutely astonished upon his question, she can't believe he heard the part where he announced about him debuting since that was the last thing on her mind she thought he would've had heard. Her lips were muttering curse words under her breath, couldn't cursing Seokjin in her heart, and put on the blame on him for putting her in a difficult situation like this.
"Yeah, he's a trainee too. You see, it kind of runs in the family," she laughed it off to distract him from asking more questions about Seokjin. Having to say an honest answer to him was a big problem, she did not hope for another question related to him would hop in.
Let the informations about Seokjin be limited, and let him think he really was Sojung's father's nephew.
...
The long, awaited, conversation with Sojung ended, his negative thoughts about her having someone else replacing him in her heart had been fading away slowly as time passed by. Dancing to the rhythm was not as difficult as it was, as he was now moving with light heart. The way she talked to him was so natural, her voice sounded sincere, and it was almost impossible how she could be having someone else in her heart.
He walked into his room to grab his pair of earbuds from his backpack, but what met his eyes was a collection of pictures in one of the backpack's pockets. Eyes landed on the pictures, heart beat was stopped as he once thought he might've had misplaced them somewhere, but there they were, in his hands.
It was placed inside a transparent plastic with his handwriting, 'You're Mine, I'm Yours', written on it.For a second he was clueless what those pictures were for, however, the title was already more than enough for him to understand what they were.
Seokjin took a close look to each and every one of the pictures. They looked so intimate in all of the pictures, which made him realised how far they had grew apart from each other.
A second he was looking down the memory lane, another second he realised he was sobbing, tears dripping unchecked leaving a trace on his cheek, and the pictures. They were supposed to die close together with silver hair and wrinkles on their faces and hands.
He was happy with her, he was happy he got to talk to her on the phone after so long, but there was something about the situation that made him felt sorrowful and he was unsure why. He kept imagining the same thing over again, a paradise being taken apart at its will. He chose the most perfect memory of her and cling to it. He chose it because in that moment she was the person she should have been, would have been, had it not been for the stress of life.
Namjoon suddenly walked in the bedroom, his body flinched in surprise, and he quickly wiped his tears with the back of his hand as his breath hitched.
"Hyung, what are you doing?" Namjoon asked him after seeing him holding a collection of pictures in his hand. "Nothing," His voice cracked.
He was trying his best to not make it seem like he had just finished crying, but it was too late. "Hyung, are you crying?" Namjoon moved closer to him before placing his hand on his shoulder. His voice sounded surprised.
Seokjin tried his best to not make an eye contact with Namjoon since he didn't want to embarrass himself. "No," He avoided eye contacts.
Namjoon looked down on the pictures he had in his hand, and grabbed one of them. He saw two persons in the picture which was Seokjin and a girl, and he was sure that was the trainee from another company that he had been talking about.
He immediately knew what was going on.
"It's okay, hyung. We're here for you," He sat next to him on the bed before leaning forward to give him a hug.
Seokjin whom had stopped crying, cried even harder while being wrapped around Namjoon's arms.