"I know this sounds...Really weird." I muttered, looking down at my lap as my hands fiddeled with a strand of my hair.. "But...my own death itself, isn't what upsets me."
It had been a week since the incident, and nobody was taking it well. Everyone was distant, silent, and unresponsive; including myself. So the league decided to do the right thing and ask Dinah, their resident psychologist, do help us out.
"Do you...Want to expand on that?" Dinah asked tentatively, causing me to sigh.
"I willingly sacrificed myself; I knew what I was doing." I explained. "I knew that if I watched one more person get hit: I'd lose it. So I did what was right and put down my own life, and I'm fine with that, or at least I think I am: I'd do it a thousand times over if I had to. But when Megan took over and made us think everything was real–n-not that I blame her for that–everything just...Hit me. You and the league were dead, Red was dead, my family was probably dead...And Artemis was dead."
I paused, wiping at my eyes as to not cry for the thousandth time.
"When I became Zephyr, everyone warned me that we'd all probably die at the hands of an enemy: most of us aren't immortal. But...Seeing and feeling all those people that I love die, and I couldn't do a damn thing..."
I slumped over, no more words being able to fall from my throat. Suddenly, I felt Dinah place a hand on my leg comfortingly.
"You've never lost a comrade on the field before. The only death you've ever experienced was your mother's, but that was a car crash: not a violent alien invasion. This is something each hero has to go through; and yours, along with most people on your team, just happened to be this." Dinah said. "The best advice I can give you is too embrace in what you still have. Your friends and family are still alive, and that's something you need to embrace."
My head bowed as I felt tears begin to leak out from my eyes, but I nodded nonetheless. She was right: the illusion was just that, and everyone I loved was still alive.
"In the mean time, I'm going to pull the mother-figure card." She said, and I lifted my head and cocked it to the side as she smirked wickedly. "What was it that you said to Kaldur? You couldn't lose him? Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"
I felt a blush rise in my cheeks as I stared at Dinah.
"The world was ending!" I screeched in disbelief that Dinah was bringing this up.
The blonde simply hummed, her smirk growing.
"Whatever you say kid." Dinah said, standing up. "You good?"
I thought for a moment before smiling, nodding, and standing up. "I think I am, thank you Dinah."
She smiled and brought me into a hug which I happily returned.
"Anytime Lina." She said, before pulling away. "Now, you think you can send in your boyfriend next?"
I groaned and she laughed.
"You're terrible Dinah." I groaned as I began to walk out.
"Love you too kid." She shot back.
Walking out of Dinah's office, I begin to walk back to the main sitting area where the rest of the team (save Artemis who had had her session and gone home, and Conner who had stormed out in the middle of his) were waiting, just as distant and depressed as they were when I left. Megan had been stirring a bowl of batter for the past hour, Rob was staring into nothingness as he sat on a couch, Wally laid his head on the table, and Kaldur leaned against the counter with a sad look on his face.
I walked up to my Atlantean best friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. His gaze snapped over to me, but held nothing but distance.
"You're turn." I said with a sad smile. Kaldur nodded and walked away silently. I watched him, silently praying to whoever that Dinah could help him.
Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair and checked my watch. It was 6:20 here, so it was 11:20 at home, but by now I'd pretty much grown used to the time differences. It was a Saturday, and I didn't want to go home quite yet: so I decided to visit the cave's beach.
Stepping outside, the cool ocean breeze greeted me but my hoodie helped with that. I looked to the rough cave exterior and smiled gratefully when I saw a large ledge about as big as a twin-braids bed. I flew up and sat down, looking over the setting sun reflecting beautifully off of the water. I slipped off my converses and socks and huddeled into a ball as I let my mind begin to wander.
For once this week, they weren't thoughts about the tragic training session.
I didn't know how much time had passed before I felt someone sit beside me.
"I thought I would find you here." He said.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked.
"Indeed." Kaldur's voice responded. "Sunsets are something about the surface world that I'll never be able to get used to."
I laughed and looked over to him, smiling at the fact that he looked so much better.
"How did it go with BC?" I asked.
"It was very helpful, and insightful." He nodded.
"You're looking better, less...Zombie-like." I commented, causing him to chuckle and look over at me.
"I'm glad to see you look more lively as well." He smiled. "Your eyes don't look as magnificent when they're dull."
I raised an eyebrow. "I have 'magnificent' eyes? Have you seen yours? Like, how do you even get that colour?"
He laughed again and I could have sworn I saw a blush dust his features before he averted his gaze.
A moment of silence passed over us, but I decided to break it.
"We...Haven't talked much since the session." I muttered, and I began to look at my fingers which traced the rough stone cave walls.
"No, we haven't." Kaldur agreed. "I apologise for that." I shook my head.
"We weren't in the best state of mind Kaldur, it's to be expected." I said. "But...I-I just want to say..."
I paused for a moment. "I h-hope what I did...Doesn't make you change anything between us. I can't apologise, because I stand behind that decision: but I hope you still consider me one of your closest friends."
I felt a hand place itself on my moving hand and I looked over to see Kaldur looking at me with an expression I couldn't read.
"When you sacrificed yourself and pushed me through the Zeta-tubes, in a way, I snapped. The others had to calm down, but I still...Couldn't believe that you were gone; taken from my life as quickly as you had appeared. But later, once we awoke: I realized that if it hadn't been for you, I would have sacrificed myself like a common soldier when I should have acted like a general. So in short: although I must ask you to never sacrifice yourself for me again, I still owe you thanks."
I smiled and encased Kaldur in a much-needed hug, which he welcomed.
"I'm sorry you took my death harshly, I never wanted to hurt you. But if we had switched places, I do believe it would have gone down a very similar path: you would have been the noble man you are and sacrificed yourself for the team and therefore the world, and I would have, as you say, snapped." I said.
We remained in each other's embrace for a long moment before I gently pulled away, and was surprised to see that Kaldur wore a smile on his face, and the same unidentifiable emotion in his eyes.
"What is it?" I asked placing a comforting hand on his cheek.
"I'm just...Very happy you're alive."
His words made me blush but I nodded. "And I you."
Unfortunately, the moment was broken when my phone began to ring and I pulled away to answer it.
"Hello?" I asked in French, seeing as it was Calvin.
"Canary phones Dad that you'd be alright, so that means your shrink-talk's over. Where are you?" He asked.
"At the cave, me-time." I answered. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"You're one to talk. Come home, now! You need rest!" And with that, the call ended.
I sighed and looked back at Kaldur, who was awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
"Sorry, my over-protective big brother wants me home." I explained, standing up. Kaldur stood with me and I carried us both down.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" He asked.
"Sure thing." I smiled, and began to walk away. But then, a ridiculously idea popped into my mind.
Oh what the hell!
I zipped back and delivered a quick peck on the cheek to Kaldur.
"Thanks for the talk." I said, smiling, before flying back off before my blood shot up to my face.