My eyes opened the next morning when the light hit them. It was then that I felt the arm wrapped around my waist. In a flash, the events from last night went through my head.
My eyes snapped shut as I grimaced at what I had said and done. It was stupid and sudden and... right. It felt right to be with Daryl and to allow myself to feel. Maybe he was right about me liking that we were similar.
All my life, I could never find someone who truly understood what it was like to be abused. But when I first met Daryl, I only saw a reflection of all the things I hated about myself. It was only later that I saw that we were alike in some ways. It's hard to ignore the similarities when someone screams them to your face.
His arm pulled me closer to him and I shifted to face him. He was awake as well. A part of me expected him to say that this was a mistake or that he'll show some kind of annoyance. Yet his lips pulled up into a soft smile. I'd never seen it before.
"Hi." He said.
His voice was pretty hoarse from just waking up. It felt nice to hear it, to know he wasn't always so tense. Though I couldn't blame him for not relaxing in a world where the dead want to eat you.
"Hey. I think this is the first time I've seen you smile." I said.
He shrugged as his hand, hesitant for a moment, found mine. His eyes were anxious at the touch but I slowly intertwined our fingers letting him know it was okay. This was new to me as well.
Being this close to the him should've felt wrong, and yet I found myself craving to be closer. All that anger and resentment was only a rouse for what really laid inside my heart. I didn't realize it until last night, though I suspect Daryl did.
"I haven't had a reason to smile in a while." He replied
The answer made me smile a bit before fading away. For the last few months, we've argued and hated each other. And now, suddenly, we sleep together? It felt like a bad joke though I had no urge to laugh.
All of this could very well be a giant mistake. Yes, accepting that I feel something for Daryl feels great, but that doesn't mean all our issues are gone. As if that wasn't enough, I don't want a relationship. I'm not cut out for it, I never have been.
"Do you think this was smart? Us hooking up?"
"Probably not. That don't mean it was wrong either."
I hummed in agreement at his words. It felt too good to be wrong though the timing was probably off. The group wasn't in the best mindset currently and I don't think I'd want them to know about Daryl and I. Not until I know what this is.
"Let's keep this to ourselves, okay? We can figure it out as we go." I suggested.
He nodded and I bent down to connect our lips. The kiss was more hesitant and soft than the ones we shared the night before. That was need, this was something else. Something yet to be uncovered.
----
"We couldn't just leave him behind. He would've bled out. If he lived that long." Rick stated.
So what if he had died? He and his buddies tried to kill them in cold blood. I think that's reason enough to just end the boy. All of our current problems would simply go away.
"It's gotten bad in town." Glenn commented.
"So what the hell are we gonna do with him?" I asked.
Brilliant plan so far. Save a boy whom we now need to feed and care for, yet he could kill us all in our sleep. But sure, let's be civilized and save his life despite him attacking members of our group.
"We repaired his calf muscle best we can. But he'll probably have nerve damage. Won't be on his feet at least a week." Hershel said.
"When he is, we give him a canteen and take him on the main road. Send him on his way." Rick added.
Save him, heal him, send him to his death? That sounds like a wonderful idea, not. We'd be wasting medicine, food and water for a person who a) wouldn't be of any use if he wasn't with us and b) would probably die left on his own.
"Isn't that the same as leaving him for the walkers?" Andrea asked at the same time Daryl entered the room.
He glanced at me and nodded. I bit my lip remembering this morning and nodded back. Ryan frowned at us from across the room.
He was the only one who noticed the exchange between us. He seemed confused but he let it go almost immediately.
"He'll have a fighting chance." Rick replied.
"Just gonna let him go? He knows where we are." Shane protested.
"He was blindfolded the whole way here. He's not a threat." Rick said.
I highly disagree with that. Any person with a simple knife in their hand can turn into a threat. Sometimes the people closest to you, not to mention strangers that have already tried to kill you.
"How many of theirs have you killed? You took one of them hostage but they just ain't gonna come looking for us?" Shane questioned.
"They left him for dead. No one's looking." Rick argued.
"We should still post a guard." T-dog said.
Now that sounds like a good idea. We should at least take some precautions. And kill him in his sleep, too. Though I doubt anyone will agree with that suggestion. Well, maybe Shane would.
"He's out cold right now. Will be for hours." Hershel said.
"You know what? I'm gonna go get him some flowers and candy. Look at this folks, we're back in fantasy land." Shane snapped.
I get why he's mad but Rick doesn't have the guts to kill. He's holding on to his humanity for as long as he can. I admire that but I can't do the same as him. Best I can do is follow his orders and not overstep my place.
"We still haven't even dealt with what you've done with my barn yet. Let me make this perfectly clear once and for all. This is my farm. I wanted you gone. Rick talked me out of it but that doesn't mean I have to like it. So do us both a favor, keep your mouth shut." Hershel warned Shane.
Honestly, he'd be doing all of us a favor if he kicked Shane out. The man was slowly losing his grip. He was a shell of the man that he used to be back at camp. I guess Rick's arrival impacted that.
"Look, we're not going to do anything about it today so let's just cool off." Rick said.
-------
"You have to twist it a bit more." I explained.
Abby frowned as she held the lock in her hands. Her fingers grabbed the hairpin and put it in the locker. She struggled as she tried to unlock it.
Our father taught me the same thing when I was little. I thought it would be nice to teach her these things. I'm the big sister in the family. Well Dakota is the oldest but she's not here.
She's off trying to find her lover boy who is probably dead. I still can't believe she just left us. Merle wasn't that much of a catch and he was definitely not worth abandoning us. So she doesn't exactly have an excuse.
"I did it!" Abby exclaimed.
I looked at her to see the lock unlocked. She's a natural. Well, she is my sister. Petty theft runs in our blood considering our father was a thief. Though none of us ever pursued his career.
"Don't get too excited. You need to learn how to do it faster." I said.
If Ryan and I are gone one day, she's going to need to know this stuff. She needs to know how to survive on her own. It's the only thing that worries me. That she'll be alone and won't know how to survive.
I heard footsteps and saw Ryan coming to us. He looked exhausted and I saw the haunted look on his face. It worried me to see him that upset. Something bad must've occurred.
"You look like shit. What happened?" I asked.
He sat down next to us and rubbed his face. I frowned remembering the CDC and his attempted suicide. He said he was fine, but I always feared he was only trying to cover up his pain.
"It's Beth. She tried to kill herself. Hershel's stitching her wrists up right now." He explained.
I rolled my eyes as Abby gasped. She hugged him in an attempt to offer some comfort. He smiled weakly as he returned the favor.
Comforting people was never my thing. I always said the wrong thing or what I said wasn't enough.
"Is she okay?" Abby asked.
Of course she is. She's just a stupid teenager. Her only option was suicide because she isn't strong. Ryan is but she... she isn't. If he isn't careful, she'll bring him down too. Affection for a dead girl already brought him down a dark path once.
"Yeah, it's just... Seeing her in that state, it brought back some bad memories."
His eyes found mine and I knew we were both remembering the CDC. Ryan feared death and what came after it.
I didn't want to be the one to put down a sibling and he didn't want it either. Losing our family was the biggest concern we had.
"You don't have to face them alone, you know that, right? We're always here for you, no matter what you're going through." I stated.
A faint smile appeared on his face as he nodded. Abby didn't comment on the past events, only hugged Ryan even tighter. I bit my lip debating on doing the same but deciding against it.
----
"So what are you gonna do? We would all feel better if we knew the plan." Lori said.
I would feel better if we killed him and ended this drama. Rick and Shane were supposed to take Randall away from the farm and release him. Turns out he knows the Greene family so we can't let him roam about.
"Is there a plan?" Andrea asked.
Kill him. Problem solved. Universe saved. A huff left my lips as I tried not to say that out loud. I get enough stink eyes as it is, I don't need any more. Though somehow they always come my way.
"We're gonna keep him here?" Glenn asked.
Rick and Shane exchanged a look. They looked like hell. Both had bruises which they explained with some lie that I didn't believe. No, something happened between them. Some kind of argument that lead to a physical fight.
"We'll know soon enough." Rick said.
He then motioned at Daryl who was coming our way. I noticed his hands were bloody. The torture session with Randall must've gone well then. We'll finally have some answers about him and his group.
"The boy there has got a gang. Thirty men, got heavy artillery and ain't lookin to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead and our women, they're gonna wish they were." Daryl explained.
Rape. Of course it still comes to sex even when the world is over. Some men are just scumbags who don't give a damn about women and their bodies. I've encountered enough creeps to hate them with every fiber of my being.
"Figures." I mumbled.
"What did you do?" Carol asked him.
"We had a little chat." Daryl replied.
I snorted at his words. It must've been some great talking. Daryl's never been the social type. He came to stand next to me and I glanced at him. It was odd to pretend that nothing happened. Yet I knew that it was necessary.
"No one goes near this guy." Rick ordered.
It's not in my calendar. Though I suppose I could clear my schedule if they decide that murder is the way to go. I can't be the only one who can see that that's the best way to go in this scenario.
"Rick, what are you gonna do?" Lori asked him.
I saw the hesitation in his eyes. He wants to be the good guy, as always. But there are no right or wrong calls to make anymore. Every decision you make can get you or someone you love killed.
"We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat." He replied.
I sighed in relief as a weight lifted off my chest. I'd never admit it, but this was causing me more stress than I thought it would. The last thing I wanted was for my siblings to be in danger.
"Hallelujah." I mumbled.
Daryl nudged me with his elbow and I rolled my eyes. That was his way of saying to keep my comments to myself. But it's not like I ever listen to people anyway.
"So you're just gonna kill him?" Dale asked.
He seemed appalled by the idea. As if the thought of killing made him sick. Not everyone had the stomach for it. I didn't think that I would, but I've killed before the apocalypse. Can't imagine that it's any worse during it.
"It's settled. We'll do it today." Rick announced.
I discreetly touched Daryl's hand pulling it towards me. Our eyes connected as I motioned for him to follow me. He nodded and we walked towards his tent.
We only stopped when we were away from the group. I turned to him as he raised his eyebrows expectantly. I didn't want him to say anything so I simply pulled him into a kiss. My heart skipped a beat as he put his hands on my waist.
There was still a lot we had to work out. And for the first time in a long time, I could genuinely say that I wanted to figure it out.
Despite the fear and doubt slowly growing in the back of my mind, for a moment, I allowed myself to feel.