"Hershel's gone." Ryan announced.
I looked up from my book. Boredom got the best of me and so I started reading Dale's trashy novels. I've never felt more disgusting than when reading love confessions.
"Hello to you, too. So what? He probably went on a stroll. He'll be back." I dismissed it.
It's not like this was unknown territory to him. He raised his family here and it's not like he can get lost unlike the members of our group. Besides, after grieving a bit, he'll be just fine.
"I'm not so sure about that. Glenn and Rick went after him though. God, Beth is going to be so upset when she finds out." He said.
I froze in the middle of turning the page. A groan escaped my lips out of annoyance. I can't believe this nonsense. Please tell me he's not dating Blondie.
"If you're into that girl, I swear to God, I will smack you repeatedly." I said.
A frown formed on his face at my threat. I don't know why, but Ryan has a thing for blondes. First Amy and now Beth. At least Amy was around his age.
"We're just friends, Josephine. Something that you have no concept of."
I looked up from my book and scoffed. Who has time to make friends? Except for Ryan. He is way too outgoing. The way he can charm anyone is beyond me.
"Excuse you, I have friends."
It's difficult to make friends when you hate like ninety percent of the population. And that was before the apocalypse happened. Things haven't gotten easier for me.
"One friend doesn't count."
"Quality over quantity, jackass."
He snickered as I threw the book at him. It hit him in the chest because of his slow reflexes. He let out a short laugh before bending down and picking it up. My eyes softened at the sound. It's been a while since I heard it.
"How's Abby been holding up?" I asked.
Ryan was with her when we found out about Sophia being dead. It was a hard hit for a kid to take. Sophia was the first friend Abby made after the world ended. I think it helped her adapt.
"Better than I thought she would. Carl and her keep each other distracted."
A small smile appeared on my face at the mention of that duo. Despite my teasing, I think he's good for her. He keeps her occupied, if nothing else. She seems to do the same thing for him whether she realizes it or not.
"I'm glad she has someone her age to talk to. The age difference between us is more significant than I want to admit." I said.
Our mother was an enigma to me. She had Dakota really young and Abby really old. In a way, Abby was an attempt for her to make our father stay with her despite her violent tendencies. He, however, died before she was even born.
Abby didn't seem to miss him and she never talked about our mother. Not since the incident anyway. It was difficult to understand a mother that seems to have loved all of her children, except for one. Me.
"Nature works in mysterious ways. I like to think we can help her more like this than if we were closer in age." Ryan replied.
We were old enough to get her out of the house and with us. No one wanted to find out if she was eventually going to hate Abby as much as she hated me. We definitely couldn't let it happen to someone else.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Carol looking around the camp. I frowned at the sight and Ryan motioned for me to go talk to her. It was the least that I could do.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked.
Carol turned around at the sound of my voice. I held my breath as I waited for her to break down. That's what you're supposed to do when your child dies. But Carol's eyes only softened.
"Not yet, but I will be." She replied.
The lack of despair in her confused me. Though I suppose she must've given up on Sophia a while ago. Only nobody truly noticed, or maybe they didn't want to.
"She'll be at peace now, at least." I said.
I cringed at my own words though Carol didn't seem to mind. If it was Abby that had died, I would have punched anyone who said something like that to me. Carol seemed to think it was sweet of me to try.
"Have you seen Lori? No one can find her."
"Not really."
I was grateful for the change of subject. Comforting and grieving weren't my strong suit. Especially in situations like these. Though Lori isn't my favorite subject either.
"Maybe Daryl can help us."
My eyes widened at the suggestion. Somehow I don't think that's a good idea. Daryl wanted Sophia to be alive the most and now that she's not... His head space might not be be the best.
I went to the speak up but she was already marching towards his makeshift camp. He pulled his tent away from the others and next to a tree. As a way to be alone, I assume.
"We can't find Lori. And the others aren't back either." Carol told him.
He glanced at the two of us standing in front him. He didn't look too surprised to see us, must've spotted us before we reached him. The news of Lori missing didn't catch him off guard.
"Yeah. Dumb bitch must've gone lookin' for him." Daryl replied.
I narrowed my eyes as Carol looked at him in confusion. He seems to be referring to Rick who went to the find Hershel with the help of Glenn. That was hours ago according to Ryan.
"What?" Carol asked.
"Yeah, she asked me to go. Told her I was done being an errand boy." Daryl said.
I looked at him in disbelief. He knows she's not capable of taking care of herself, let alone finding Rick. She could be dead by now. Imagine the drama that that'll create.
"And you didn't stop her? What happens when she turns up dead in a ditch?" I questioned.
My voice was harsh as I wanted to know what was going on inside his head. Sure, Sophia died and that was awful. However, I don't see how more death is supposed to make it all better.
He didn't even look at us, deciding on staying quiet. A sigh escaped Carol's mouth as she walked away. I turned to leave too, but found myself too stubborn to do so.
"What is your deal, Dixon? First you're an absolute piece of shit, then you almost seem like you want to be friends and now you're going back to being a piece of shit!" I exclaimed.
He abruptly got up looking pissed off as hell. It's not like he has a right to be angry, he's the asshole here. I'm just saying what Carol can't. She still thinks he's this nice guy hiding behind a tough shell.
"What do you care, Miss Josephine? You act so high and mighty, but you're just like me. Treating everyone like shit. The only difference is that I don't pretend to be the good guy."
I scoffed at his words. It's not my fault that the people around me aren't as smart as they should be. If I treat them like shit, then it's because they deserve it. He lashes out even when unprovoked while I only make fun of stupidity.
"Just because we had the same kind of fucked up parents doesn't mean we're the same."
"It don't make us that different either, and I think that's what you like about me."
I furrowed my eyebrows at the sudden change of tone of the conversation. There was almost nothing to like about Daryl Dixon. Like I stated before, he's an absolute piece of shit.
"I think that, deep down, you like that you're not alone. That there's someone equally as fucked up as you out there."
His voice had lost its hostility from before. I swallowed a lump in my throat before crossing my arms over my chest. I hate to admit it, but what he's saying actually hit a note with me.
"Why would I like that? Huh? I hate how you lash out, I hate how you don't listen and I hate how you make me feel." I rambled.
My heart sped up as his blue eyes stared at me. I didn't even realize how much I hated the awkward feeling that I got around him. It made my heart race and it made my lungs forget how to breathe.
I sometimes thought that I was dying because my body refused to work. Covering it up and denying it was the easy part. Living with it and not knowing what it meant? That's what kept me up at night.
"Look, if I liked you in any way, don't you think I'd say something? Or do something? I don't know why you-"
He stepped closer to me and I abruptly stopped talking. There it was again. That distinct feeling of something. In that moment, everything seemed to happen too fast and yet too slow.
The fire reflected Daryl's face making his eyes shine in a way they never did before. It made all of his features more visible to me. Maybe what made that moment different was the way he looked at me.
I'd never seen that look on his face before and it made me long for something that I couldn't quite understand. But my body acted out of instinct and I found myself kissing Daryl.
It lasted barely a second. Yet as I pulled away, I immediately missed the feeling of his lips in mine. My eyes went round as I realized what I'd done. Daryl seemed as surprised as me.
I opened my mouth to apologize, but he put his hands on my cheeks and pulled me closer to his face. Our lips reconnected as I kissed him back. It felt as if a fire spread through me at his touch. Like it had been waiting for this.
My hand went through his hair as I pulled him closer to me. Trying to make no space between us. His hands went over my back as I pushed him against a tree. The kiss once innocent had turned into something more.
He pulled away only to start kissing my neck. His lips slowly made their way up as a breathy moan escaped my lips. I finally understood what I felt in his presence. My body wasn't dying, it was trying to live.
I held his head in my hands as I planted my lips against his once again. Trying to remember the feeling of them moving in sync. I lowered one hand on his chest feeling his heart beat.
It was as unsteady as mine. All this time I thought that I hated him, when the truth was that I couldn't comprehend the possibility of liking him. So I did what I knew, I hated.
I wrapped my legs around his waist as he held them there. We didn't break the kiss as he brought me into his tent. One by one, our clothes were taken off until there was nothing holding us back.
It felt as if we were two bodies molded into one as the world outside became insignificant.