CHAPTER 018
" crash over me, all over me "
Paul was understandably horrified as Mick's words played on an unchangeable loop.
Theo's life was her own -- yes, of course! Theo was her own human being and would roll her eyes at anyone who thought or acted otherwise -- but it just felt peculiar to Paul to think that Theo would have had such a drastic attitude change. Paul would say that sleeping with Mick Jagger was a lapse in judgement, but he knew that Theo clearly couldn't care less.
He just couldn't shake the feeling that they should have been together. Paul should have been there to help her.
A pink blush broke out on his face and he was glad that he was cloaked in the midnight darkness. Save for a strip of moonlight that managed to slip through the cracks of his curtains, he was alone and in his bedroom. No one would have been able to see him blushing, but still -- he should have been there.
His legs were wobbly as he stood up and raced to the bathroom to throw up. He thought that it was a jealous sort of sickness that made the vomit look a little greener (in hindsight, that was probably his mind making everything more dramatic and symbolic than it really was).
Staggering back to his bedroom after brushing his teeth and splashing heaps and heaps of cold water on his face, Paul plopped down on his bed and looked up at the moon.
It looks like Theo, he thought to himself. It's like the world reflects her. It's like she's the world.
He rolled over and covered his head with the cool side of his pillow. That was more than enough guilt and jealousy crashing over him -- all over him -- for one night, Paul decided.
**
However, he couldn't shake those emerald thoughts, dreams and schemes from his head. No matter how hard he tried to rid himself of them, they'd always come back in full force. Often times, it felt like they came back stronger than before.
As Paul's luck would have it, a vision that was equal parts vivid and terrifying popped into his head. It involved Theo and Mick rolling around on Mick's bed, with his mouth sucking on her neck like he was some sort of leech.
In all actuality and to Paul, he was.
Unfortunately for the doe-eyed boy, he wasn't alone and couldn't simply book it to the nearest bathroom to try and collect himself. Oh no. Furthermore, he wasn't with someone like John or Mike who would get it. The two of them realized the frantic nature of the state of Paul and Theo and would let Paul run off without much ado.
Paul was with Linda, and they were sitting on her couch and talking about their lives. It was a simple sort of deal, but Paul's mind started wandering down the dangerous garden path and after Theo's enticing silhouette.
He felt like a proper dickhead because Linda was talking about her time in America with her parents, but Paul couldn't focus. It felt like his mind was playing tricks on him and, truth be told, it was.
"Would you excuse me?" he cut through her story.
It clearly caused some confusion on Linda's end, but she shrugged. "Oh yeah, sure."
"Where's your bathroom?" Paul questioned.
That seemed to make more sense to Linda, because Paul noticed her visibly relax by unclenching her fists.
"Second door on your right."
**
Although Linda's bathroom was reminiscent of something that Paul was sure the inside of her head looked like -- a pretty purple daydream -- he couldn't concentrate on anything besides the sequence of events playing out in his head.
The demise of a friendship over a decade in the making, and the eventual and inevitable demise of the two people that Paul and Theo were so sure they had been.
Paul thought that he was a good friend. He'd prided himself on being someone that people, especially Theo, could rely on.
It was all a lie.
You should have been right there with her, you prick. Paul cursed himself as he glared at his reflection in Linda's purple mirror. You should have just swallowed your pride and your feelings. It wouldn't be the first time that you did that.
His hands were slightly shaking as he clutched onto the sink to keep himself from falling over.
Somehow, Paul shook himself out of his self-pity party.
No, no. Theo's the one who got irrationally angry. She's the one who decided to break them up. They weren't even together, but it sometimes felt that they were more. It felt like they had been more for a long time, as he thought to himself, he felt his head start to nod in agreement. He was right and he knew it.
She's the one who has had all the power in this from day one. She's the one who decided to stop being my friend. She's the one who made me fall in love with her.
All thought stopped after that specific sentence.
"Holy shit." he murmured to himself in complete and total awe.
He admitted it. Oh God, he actually admitted it. The love word. The love concept.
He was in love with Theo, but Theo couldn't care less about him. Guilt pinged in his stomach and acted as a stimulant.
Paul ended up crouched over Linda's toilet as he emptied his stomach into it.
Nice going, McCartney, he thought. You've fucked everything up.
He knew he was right. He rubbed his eyes, flushed the toilet and gargled some of Linda's mouthwash (she wouldn't mind, right?).
When he finally came out of the bathroom after a while, Paul had a bleary look in his hazel eyes.
If Linda had heard him throwing up, she didn't let on.
Linda noticed it and opened her mouth to question him, but he asked her something first.
His question was simple and to the point.
"Wanna get drunk?"
Paul what are you doing you nut
[chanting] bad decisions bad decisions
also i honestly? can't believe that we're almost at 6k reads on this book. you're all superstars and you know that i appreciate and l-o-v-e every single one of you, right?
if not, here's your reminder!
xoxo