"Bmrmf." Sherlock mumbled, his face buried in my sweater. I was sitting on the couch reading a book when he came in and fell right on top of me.
"Bored, I know." I said absentmindedly. I ran a hand through his hair, something I couldn't stop doing lately.
"When's the next case?" He asked. I checked my watch.
"Well, it's five after two, so probably-when Lestrade calls, I've told you a million times!"
"Why do I have to wait for Lestrade?" He complained.
"Because he's the one who gets you all your cases." Sherlock got up and stomped over to the kitchen. He started to shuffle around. He moved out of my sight, and I heard glass clinking.
"What are you doing?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing!" He tried to sound innocent. I focused back on my book, keeping an eye on him in my peripheral vision. Sherlock came back into the room, a cup in his hand. He handed it to me.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Tea. I made tea." I raised an eyebrow. I took the cup and walked into the kitchen. I sat down at the table by Sherlock's microscope. I prepared a slide. Looking into the lens, I saw little foreign moving things that DID NOT look like tea.
"You drugged it." I said. He looked down and tried to find the right words.
"Well, I'm doing this experiment where-"
"Sherlock Holmes, your experiment privileges are revoked!" I smacked him on the arm. He crossed his arms. I went back into the living room, rubbing my forehead.
"Where's John? I can't do this single parenting thing."
"He went shopping." Sherlock replied. I grabbed my jacket.
"Come on, we're going out."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
Sherlock followed me through the parking lot, trying to read what was on my phone from over my shoulder.
"What are we doing here?" He asked. My eyes locked on the target, and I pulled Sherlock down behind a car with a smirk.
"Giving you something to do." I answered. John walked past us, carrying a load of grocery bags.
"By following John?" He said.
"By spying on John." I raised my phone and snapped a creepy picture of him. I turned to Sherlock.
"Where do you reckon he'll go next?" I asked, smiling. Sherlock ran his eyes over him.
"Dry cleaners, he's got a date tonight."
"Very good, grasshopper. You are learning." I said in a deep voice. John got in a cab.
"Quick!" I grabbed Sherlock's arm. "He's getting away!"
➳➴➵➷➸➹
"Alright, we've followed him to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, the pharmacist, the bank, and the hardware store." Sherlock complained. I stared out the window, keeping an eye on John. He was having dinner with his girlfriend in the restaurant across the street. Sherlock and I were in the restaurant directly opposite, sitting by the window.
"Patience, grasshopper." I said. "All good things come to those-"
"Who wait, I know I know."
"I was gonna say to those who strike at the perfect moment but yours works too." Sherlock kept checking his phone.
"Lestrade will call when there's a case." I said. He crossed his arms. I stared back out the window, drinking from my glass. I felt Sherlock looking at me.
"How much do you like me?" He asked suddenly. I looked at him.
"What?"
"How much do you like me?" His face was serious. I set down my cup.
"More than champagne and correct grammar." I answered. He leaned back in his chair.
"That's a lot." He said.
"I know." I smiled and checked my phone. I straightened and gripped the table.
"Lestrade. Case." I rushed out the door, Sherlock right at my heels.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
It was dark by now, and the red and blue police lights reflected off the wet pavement. Lestrade was waiting by Donovan and Anderson.
"Oh, God." Sherlock muttered.
"Just be cool." I said. Sherlock looked at them like they were a death sentence. I stopped, turning towards him.
"Hey," I began in a soft voice. "You okay?" His eyes darted around nervously.
"Yeah, it's just..." He avoided looking at them. I remembered all the times they called him a freak, all the times they accused him of committing the crime he was solving. Sherlock must've been bullied as a kid, being smarter than the lot of them. I felt a pang in my chest. Glancing back at Donovan and Anderson, I saw that they had caught sight of us, whispering to each other like they were planning new insults. I narrowed my eyes. I grabbed Sherlock's hand and intertwined our fingers.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Holding your hand." I was still looking at them. "Is that okay?" He smiled ever so slightly. That should give him some confidence, I thought.
"Come on." I coaxed, leading him forward.
"Sherlock, Jax!" Lestrade said cheerfully when he saw us.
"Just the weirdos we were looking for." Donovan snapped. Anderson glanced down at our joined hands.
"What's this?" He said, obviously confused.
"Sorry, Anderson." I said, feigning concern. "You missed your chance. He's mine now." All of their eyes widened.
"What's going on here?" Donovan asked, looking at us suspiciously.
"Are you two dating?" Lestrade asked with a huge hopeful smile on his face.
"Dating is a concept created by overly sentimental people who use the word as a social label to give themselves a false sense of belonging and approval." I said before Sherlock could.
"So, you aren't?" Lestrade asked. I shrugged.
"Call it whatever you want, I don't really care." I remarked. Donovan and Anderson were shocked silent.
"Anyway, the case." I brought them back to reality. Lestrade blinked, realizing where we were.
"Right, the victim's over there. Take as much time as you need." He gestured over to the body.
"This won't take long." Sherlock quirked, pulling me along. Once we were out of earshot, we burst out laughing.
"Their faces!" Sherlock said, holding his gut.
"I wish I had a picture." My eyes were watering. We straightened, composing ourselves.
"Right, the case." I said, serious again.
"Yes, back to work." Sherlock held up the police tape as I ducked under it.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
We got back to the flat a few hours later. John wasn't home yet. I went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Everything from the fridge was melting on the counter, spreading water. A thick unpleasant smell hung in the air. I looked suspiciously at Sherlock, who was in the living room fiddling with his skull.
"Sherlock?" I began, deathly calm.
"Yes?" He started to organize the stacks of books on the desk.
"What's in the fridge?" I asked. His face dropped.
"Well, you see, it really is a funny story-" He began. I threw the magazines from the table at him.
"I told you your experiment privileges were revoked!" He held up his hands to block the plastic forks I was throwing at him.
"I wasn't going to let them throw away a perfectly good pig's head!"
"That's what's in there?! A pig's head!" I threw the plastic measuring cups.
"It's only been decomposing for a week!" He said in his defense. I narrowed my eyes, throwing whatever was on the table in front of me.
"William Sherlock Scott Holmes!" He caught the water bottle just before it hit his face.
"Jacqueline Melissa Kline!" He shouted right back. I continued to throw things and he continued to catch them until I ran out of ammo.
"Damnit." I muttered, sinking down in a dining room chair. He slowly lowered his hands from his face.
"There's nothing to eat." I said, crossing my arms. Sherlock looked around.
"Takeaway?" He said.
"Takeaway." I agreed.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
John came in just as we opened the pizza box.
"You saw the fridge, then?" He asked me. I cracked open a soda can.
"Don't remind me." I snapped. He smiled, sitting on the couch since I was in his chair. Sherlock was actually eating, and John and I exchanged a look.
"Whatcha watching?" John asked, grabbing a slice.
"Some mystery crime TV show." I stared at the screen, stuffing my face.
"Some idiotic mystery crime TV show." Sherlock said.
"Give it five minutes." I said to John. "He'll have it solved."
"No doubt." He grabbed some of my french fries.
"Hey!" I slapped his hand away. "Don't make me start throwing things again."
"How was your date?" Sherlock asked, focused on the telly.
"Fine. We're going out again next week." John said.
"Nope, she's sleeping with a dentist." Sherlock quirked. I threw a fry at him.
"Oh, hush up." I said. John looked between us and chuckled.
"This what you call date night?" He asked.
"We're not "dating."" I insisted.
"Oh, sure." John said unbelievably. "So you're just friends, then?"
"I don't have fri-" Sherlock said.
"Yes you do!" John and I shouted in unison.
"I wouldn't say we were dat-" I began.
"Yeah, you're dating." John crossed over to the desk where his laptop was.
"Believe whatever you want." Sherlock said, drinking from my soda can. I snatched it back.
"What is it? National steal Jax's food day?" Sherlock and John looked at each other knowingly, then darted forward and grabbed my piece of pizza and my box of fries.
"Bitches!" I picked up another slice from the box and threw it at Sherlock. It hit him square in the face, leaving a huge glob of sauce. John and I burst out laughing. Mrs. Hudson bustled into the room.
"What in God's name is going on up here?" She saw Sherlock's red stained face and started giggling. He tried to wipe it off, but it just spread. John and I were rolling on the floor. Sherlock chucked a handful of fries at me.
"You better clean that up, you three!" She pointed to the napkins and french fries all over the floor.
"I swear, it's like they're all dating each other besides just Jax and Sherlock." She muttered as she left the room.
"Ah! It's in my eye! Burning! Burning!" Sherlock rushed to the bathroom, holding his hands up to his face. John and I calmed down, getting up off the floor and starting to pick up the discarded paper plates. I heard Sherlock grunting as he opened cupboards and drawers. He stumbled back into the room, holding a towel to his eye. It was covered in blood.
"Sherlock?" I said, a little panic in my voice. Mrs. Hudson came in with a load of dirty plates.
"Sherlock, you must stop leaving your dishes around!" She scolded. Sherlock pulled away the towel, and an eyeball fell to the ground. Mrs. Hudson screamed. The dishes crashed to the floor. I ran to him and put my hands on his face. He started laughing, and I saw that both of his eyes were in fact, still in his head.
"Sherlock Holmes, you bastard!" I smacked him on the head. Mrs. Hudson held a hand to her chest, breathing heavily.
"I'm having a word with your mother about this, young man!" She hurried down the stairs. John grabbed the towel from him, examining the fake blood.
"You keep eyeballs in the bathroom?" I said.
"You could've given Mrs. Hudson a heart attack!" John shouted. Sherlock was still laughing.
"Your faces!" He pointed at us. I glared at him, punching his arm. He picked a french fry out of my hair and popped it into his mouth.
"What an effective form of storage." He joked. John and I rolled our eyes.
"You're dating him now." John said to me. "Good luck."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
I got back from the grocery store the next day and saw Sherlock standing by the fireplace, playing his violin. John was blogging. I went to the kitchen.
"You better have cleaned the fridge!" I said to Sherlock. He played a sour note, scrunching up his face. I put the shopping away and walked by John's chair. I did a double take. Finally! The Sherlock and Jax Relationship was the title of his latest update.
"What the hell!" I shouted, leaning closer to read it. The two have finally admitted their feelings for each other and are now dating. Not a minute too soon, might I add. The sexual tension was so thick I thought I'd have to wear a gas mask every time I entered the flat.
"You can't publish that!" I said. John pressed a single button on the keyboard.
"Just did." He smirked. I glared at him. The corner of Sherlock's mouth turned up. I rolled my eyes and walked up the stairs to my bedroom.
"Sherlock?" I called, running back down the stairs. "Where's all my stuff?"
"Oh, I moved it to my room." He answered, staring out the window.
"Why?" I glanced in his room to see all my stuff put away and organized.
"It was John's idea." Sherlock said. John looked up at me and smiled innocently.
"Are you trying to domesticate us?" I joked. He shrugged.
"Mrs. Hudson thought it would be a good idea too." He said. I sat down in Sherlock's chair, pulling out my sketchbook.
"Drawing again?" John said, smiling. "Haven't seen you do that in a while." I started to scribble.
"Don't move." I ordered, looking back and forth from his face to the paper. "This is going to look great on Mrs. Hudson's fridge." Sherlock sawed at the strings aggressively, glaring at the wall. John and I covered our ears.
"What? What's wrong?" John asked. Sherlock threw his violin on the couch, walking into his bedroom.
"Shut up." He snapped. We looked at each other.
"What's his problem?" I asked.
"No clue." John stared after him. "But I'm sure he'll start complaining about it in a minute."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
It was very very late at night when Sherlock finally came into the room to go to sleep. I was sitting on the bed with my laptop, and I looked up when he came stomping into the room.
"Hey trouble." I said. He started to pace. "What's up?" I asked. He didn't say anything, just walked faster and faster until I heard Mrs. Hudson banging on the wall, her way of telling us to quiet down.
"You're gonna hear it from her in the morning." I said, typing away. He ignored me. I looked around the room.
"Where did you put my books?" I asked. He was mumbling to himself, too fast for me to understand. I raised an eyebrow.
"Sherlock?" His footsteps got louder. I threw the covers off me and got out of bed. Mrs. Hudson banged on the wall again. I opened the closet and saw a box full of books.
"Aha!" I picked one up and turned to the first page. I settled back on the bed. Sherlock's hands were twitching.
"Sherlock, what's the matter?"
"Go to bed!" John shouted from his bedroom.
"Sherlock?" I said. He left the room.
When he came back, he was in his pajamas. He laid down, pulling up the covers and facing away from me. I poked him.
"Sherlock?" Nothing. I went back to my book.
"Fine. Ignore me."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
Something woke me up in the middle of the night. I felt something brushing my skin, tickling me, and I moved to push it away. Still groggy from sleep, I looked around the room. It was empty, but the window was open. It was closed when I fell asleep.
"Sherlock." I nudged him. "Sherlock."
"Hmm?" He moved slightly but didn't open his eyes.
"Did you open the window?" I asked.
"Mmm, go back to bed." He mumbled. I tapped his shoulder.
"Sherlock." But he was already asleep.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
"I thought we all agreed that the use of dangerous chemicals should be done outside." John said. Sherlock looked unfazed, standing in the kitchen holding a beaker with smoke rising out of it.
"Technically, any chemical can be dangerous if used the right way." Sherlock said.
"Oh, for God's sake, can you two please come to an agreement already." I picked up the red paint. Sherlock looked at me through his googles.
"I thought we all agreed that being annoying nitpickers gets you Rohypnol in your coffee." Sherlock snapped. I focused on my paint brushes.
"You'll put Rohypnol in my coffee anyway." I replied. John sighed.
"Can't we just have a normal Sunday afternoon for once?" He said. Sherlock and I fell silent. There was a moment of quiet.
"Jax spilled paint in the hallway." Sherlock said. I banged my fist on the table.
"You swore you wouldn't tell!" I shouted. John jumped up from his chair.
"Okay! I think it's time for new patches!" John took each of our arms and applied fresh nicotine patches.
"I swear, ever since Sherlock convinced me to quit he's gotten ten times more annoying." I muttered. Sherlock stuck his tongue out at me.
"You've only been dating for a few weeks and you already act like an old married couple." John said, amused.
"Don't use the term "dating," I hate that word." I said.
"Why?" He asked as I leaned closer towards the canvas.
"I don't know, it just sounds so...ordinary." John chuckled.
"Fair enough." He sat back down. Sherlock came into the living room and laid down on the couch, staring at the wall. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand, avoiding the spots covered in paint.
"Long day?" John asked me.
"I didn't sleep well last night." I said.
"Is Sherlock a bed hog?" John laughed.
"No, I had a nightmare."
"Yoo-hoo," Mrs. Hudson poked her head in. "I made cookies!" I jumped up.
"Bless you, Mrs. H." I grabbed one from the plate, tossing one to John.
"Just this once, dear. I'm-"
"Not your housekeeper." Sherlock, John, and I said at the same time. She smiled and walked back down the stairs. I munched happily on my cookie.
"My day just got a million times better."
"That tells you everything you need to know about Jax's life." Sherlock said.
"Well, not everyone can be the world's only consulting detective." John clapped his hands together.
"We should play a game." He said.
"Not cluedo." I said.
"Or monopoly." Sherlock piped in. "That did not end well."
"We only had to phone the fire department once, it's definitely an improvement from last time."
"Charades?" John suggested.
"Idiot." Sherlock snapped.
"Oh, are you pretending to be yourself?" I remarked.
"Why have you been so grumpy lately?" John asked. I jumped up.
"You're on, Watson." I challenged. "Who am I?" I took my hair out of it's ponytail and messed it up, adjusting my button-up to make it tighter.
"My intellect is bigger than all of your dicks." I began in a deep voice.
"You're not supposed to talk in charades." Sherlock said, obviously not amused. John was cracking up.
"Fuck off, Anderson." I stood on the coffee table. "Taller than all you ordinary shits." John erupted with laughter.
"Garry...I mean George...no, Garrett called me with a case. Now I can stop shooting the wall and turning the fridge into an incubator. Yaaaaaay homicide!" Sherlock glared at me.
"Watch me deduce!" I pretended to analyze a body on the floor, stroking my chin. John jumped up.
"Well, no one at Scotland Yard can figure it out." John began in a very Lestrade-like voice.
"You see that?" I pointed to the invisible corpse. "He dead."
"How dead?" John asked. I pretended to flip up my collar.
"Hella." Sherlock crossed his arms.
"I don't get it." Sherlock said. I raised an eyebrow.
"You don't get it?" I said incredulously. "My shirt buttons are practically bursting." John covered his mouth to suppress his laughs.
"How about now?" I stretched my face to make my cheekbones more exaggerated. "These babies could cut glass!" I waved my face around and John pretended to get cut.
"Where's my cheekbone polish?" I shouted. Sherlock curled up in a ball on the couch, facing away from us.
"Alright, new game, new game. Who am I?" I fixed my hair. "Knock knock."
"Who's there?" John answered.
"Nacho." I said.
"Nacho who?"
"NACHO HOUSEKEEPER."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
In the past week, Sherlock's mood had gone even further downhill. He spent endless hours standing by the window, playing sad songs on his violin, staring at the ceiling. He wouldn't talk for days, ate even less than usual.
"Sherlock?" I said, looking up from my book. He didn't react. I glanced at John, raising an eyebrow. He put down his laptop and gestured me over to the kitchen.
"What's his problem?" I whispered, hiding behind the doorway. "He's been acting weird these past few weeks."
"Yeah, weirder than usual." John said. "He hasn't even attempted to solve a case. He's been lashing out-" BANG! BANG! John and I rushed back into the living room. Sherlock was pointing a gun at the wall.
"Sherlock!" John yelled. I took the gun from his hands and unloaded it.
"Again?" I said.
"Oh, leave me alone." Sherlock snapped. I aggressively nodded John out into the hall. We leaned closer together.
"He's shooting the wall again!" I said.
"You know, I read somewhere that shooting a gun creates the same chemical reaction in the brain as a passionate kiss." John said suggestively. I furrowed my brows.
"So?" I said. He rolled his eyes.
"Come on, Jax. Think!"
"Are you saying that he's-OH!" I gasped. "He's sexually frustrated." John snapped his fingers.
"Exactly." He said. "When was the last time you had sex?" My eyes widened.
"What?"
"You heard me." He said seriously.
"We haven't had sex." I said. "Have you met Sherlock?"
"Oh, come on." John smirked. "You're the first girlfriend he's ever had. Don't you think he's thought about it?"
"He's Sherlock. He doesn't think about stuff like that."
"Alright, alright." John thought for a moment. "When was the last time you kissed?"
"Umm..." I scratched my head. "I guess when we were with Lestrade and I got that picture of him."
"That was when you first started dating!"
"So?" I said, confused again.
"That was ages ago!" John said. "When was the last time you even touched him?"
"Hmm." I tapped my chin. "I slapped him yesterday." John raised an eyebrow.
"He put maggots in the sugar bowl!" I said in my defense.
"Okay, okay. He's obviously touch starved. Go in there and do your thing." John pushed me towards the door.
"Touch starved?" I said. "He's Sherlock, he doesn't get like that. He just needs a new case." John shook his head and shoved me into the room. Sherlock had covered the floor in paper airplanes.
"Bored." He said flatly, sitting with his legs crossed on the floor. I glanced at John, who made some suggestive gestures. I made a face at him and waved my hand dismissively.
"So, Sherlock..." I began, rocking on my heels.
"There is nothing to do here!" He complained, moving to sit in his chair.
"Watch telly." I said.
"Nothing on." He replied. "I need something exciting!" John gave me a look.
"Fine, fine." I mouthed to him.
"I wonder if-" I interrupted Sherlock by coming up behind him, tilting his head back and kissing him. I looked at John and mouthed, "There." Sherlock blinked, trying to process what had just happened. John flashed me a thumbs up, and Sherlock cleared his throat.
"Umm..." He said. I sat across from him in John's chair.
"There. You should be good for a while." Sherlock stared ahead blankly. John came back into the room, handing me a cup of tea.
"Hey, you okay? Your eyes are all red." He looked at me with his doctor eyes, analyzing.
"Yeah, I just haven't been able to sleep lately." I rubbed my head. "Sherlock, you've got to stop opening the window in the middle of the night."
"I don't open the window." Sherlock replied. I opened a notebook and started scribbling
"What's that?" John asked me. I shook my head and made a cutting throat motion. "Tell you later." I mouthed. I had been keeping this notebook for quite some time. It was called How To Care For Your Sherlock. Let me give you a little insight.
1. He must be supervised at ALL times.
2. Make sure he eats every once in a while, because he won't eat by himself.
3. Kitchen privileges must be EARNED. All messes must be cleaned up immediately (we don't need another infestation)
4. You have to help him do his laundry because all his shirts will shrink (John and I are convinced that he does that on purpose)
5. Fight the urge to punch him in the face. It will be difficult.
6. He secretly loves dancing.
7. Remember to occasionally slip him a sleeping pill so he gets enough rest.
8. He doesn't say it, but he likes it when you play with his hair.
9. Speaking of hair, make sure to brush it every once in a while or it'll turn into a rats nest.
10. You have to change where you hide his cigarettes every so often or he'll figure out where they are.
11. He HATES it when you call him Sherly.
12. He doesn't understand most normal human thought processes so you'll have to explain it to him.
13. If you don't pay attention to him, he will pour all the milk down the sink.
14. Keep him occupied or he'll get bored and shoot the wall.
15. Do not interrupt him when he's cleuing for looks.
16. It's a good idea to apologize to people before Sherlock humiliates them.
17. He's an asshole, but he's our asshole.
18. He's a dog person but also likes kittens.
19. When he gets grumpy, it's because he's "touch starved," as John calls it.
"What's that?" Sherlock asked. He already sounded more cheerful.
"Nothing." I closed it and put it away before he could see.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
Christmas was here again, and everyone was coming over to the flat, even Sherlock's parents. Mrs. Hudson helped me deck the whole place out in colorful lights and decorations.
"Sherlock, would you please get dressed." I rushed over, fixing my hair. "Your parents will be here any minute." He was sitting at the desk, wrapped in a sheet.
"In a second." He said, staring at the computer.
"Pleeeease." I poked him on the shoulder.
"Alright, alright." He shook my hand off. " I don't get why you're so nervous."
"Well, I want to make a good impression." John walked past me and put a Santa hat on Sherlock's skull.
"I can't believe your family's going to be here. Did Mycroft say he was coming?"
"Doubt it. He's probably stuffing his face with holiday sweets." Sherlock said.
"Go get dressed!" I pulled him out of the chair.
"Stop rushing!" Sherlock snapped.
"Hey, don't get grumpy on me." I ruffled his hair as he went to the bedroom.
"Did those sleeping pills help?" John asked me as he hung more ornaments on the tree.
"A little. It's just I keep having these nightmares-"
"Knock knock." Mrs. Hudson said as she came into the living room, a plate of cookies in her hands.
"Mrs. H! Come on in." John gestured her over. I sat down on the couch. Sherlock came out, fully dressed, and laid down next to me. He scrolled through his phone, and his legs were so damn long that they rested on my lap and hung over the edge of the couch.
"They're not even here yet and I'm ready for them to leave." He remarked. I chuckled.
"Hi!" Molly and Lestrade walked through the door. I jumped up to greet them.
"You're awfully keen." Sherlock said.
"They brought the wine." I whispered. "Finally! I've been waiting all night!" I went to hug Molly. We popped open the bottle and I handed out the glasses while Mrs. Hudson passed around cookies.
"Blue! Get down from there!" I shouted at the black cat hanging by her claws on the curtains. She scurried away. "She's gotten so mischievous."
"Wow, they're not kittens anymore." Lestrade said, moving to pet Bohemian Scandal. Pips was nuzzled on Sherlock's lap.
"They grow up so fast." Mrs. Hudson said, one hand over her heart.
"Hello everyone!" A cheerful voice called from the hallway. "Sorry we're late, but this one lost the car keys." Two old folks stood by the door, carrying a load of presents. They were both wearing colorful Christmas jumpers.
"Sherlock!" They rushed forward to hug him as he stood there awkwardly.
"Yes, hello." He escaped from their grip. John appeared at my side.
"That's them, then." He said quietly. "Sherlock's parents."
"Yeah, guess so." My eyes ran over them.
"Oh, Sherlock, where's this girlfriend I've heard so much about?" His mother said. John pushed me forward.
"Hi Mrs. Holmes." I reached out to shake her hand but she surrounded me in a hug. I returned the gesture, a little taken aback.
"Yeah, they're huggers." Sherlock said.
"I never thought I'd see the day when Sherlock found someone." She placed her hands on my cheeks. "Bless you, dear." I glanced at Sherlock out of the corner of my eye.
"No problem, Mrs. Holmes." I said. Sherlock rolled his eyes.
"Can you tell they want grandkids? Mycroft's sure as hell not going to provide them." Sherlock muttered. John kicked him in the ankle. Sherlock and I retreated to the kitchen to get dinner ready.
"So," I began, smiling. "Those are your parents."
"Please try to tolerate them." He said. I stared at them sitting by the fireplace, talking and being social.
"What?" Sherlock asked.
"You're really related to them?"
"Yes. Is there a problem?" He raised an eyebrow. I shrugged.
"They're just so cute!"
"Jax, dear!" Mrs. Holmes waved me over. "Come here, I'd like to show you something." Sherlock saw the photo album in her hands.
"Oh God." He said. I smirked at him and went over to the group of people.
"This one's Sherlock in his pjs. Oh, he had the cutest little cheeks." She showed me a picture of Sherlock in a blue onesie, with a mass of curly black hair on his head.
"Awww." Molly and Mrs. Hudson said in unison. John and I burst out laughing. Lestrade snapped a picture on his phone.
"And this is Sherlock in the bath." She held up another photo. John and I fell to the ground.
"I'm gonna pee my pants." John said from the floor.
"This is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten." I said, holding my gut. Sherlock covered his face with his hands.
"This one's my favorite." Mr. Holmes said pointing to a picture of toddler Sherlock. He was standing on a stool next to Mycroft's, almost as tall as him, wearing a long coat not unlike the Belstaff, with the sleeves drooping down. There was another picture of him dressed as a pirate.
"Oh, here's one with Mycroft." John picked up the album.
"You talking about me?" We all turned towards the voice. Mycroft was standing by the door, leaning on his umbrella.
"Mike!" The two Holmes parents hugged him. "We weren't expecting you."
"Why is he here?" John asked.
"I invited him." I said, getting up and walking over.
"Just here to drop this off." He handed me a cake. Sherlock bit back a laugh.
"How ironic." He mumbled.
"Be nice." I pointed at him accusingly. "Why don't you stay for dinner." I smiled warmly at Mycroft.
"On no, I couldn't." He inched towards the door. I took his arm before he could get away.
"Come on, your family's all here. We've got plenty of food." John said, joining us.
"I really had no intention of-" He began.
"Stay, I insist." I led him over to the fireplace. Mrs. Holmes clapped her hands in delight.
"This is so wonderful. All of us spending time together." She said happily. Sherlock glared at me.
"You can handle one night of your family." I said quietly, sitting next to him.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked.
"Because no one should be alone on Christmas, and Mycroft's the loneliest as it gets." I watched as the Holmes parents poured over the photo album. "Trust me, Sherlock Holmes, you'd value your family a lot more if you didn't have one. I would know."
➳➴➵➷➸➹
After dinner, we all gathered around the tree to open gifts. John and I had wrapped them in yellow crime scene tape. Sherlock opened his presents first. He got a new scarf from Mrs. Hudson, new lab equipment from Molly, a deerstalker from Lestrade, a Christmas jumper from his parents (that I knew he was never going to wear), and a coffee mug that said World's Best Consulting Detective from John. He pushed all the gifts in a pile.
"He means thank you." I said to everyone. Sherlock opened the one from me last. It was a human brain in a jar. He stood there staring at it for a minute, mouth hanging open.
"I know right." I said. John's eyes widened.
"Where did you get that?" He asked.
"Bed Brain and Beyond." I replied. Sherlock rushed into the kitchen to put it in the fridge.
"You next." John placed a stack of presents in front of me. I opened the one from him first. It was a brand new leather jacket. I gasped and held it up.
"As a kind of reward for quitting smoking." John said with a smile. Sherlock placed a wrapped parcel on my lap. I raised an eyebrow.
"You got me something?" I said unbelievably. He nodded, smiling mischievously. I held it up to my ear, listening for the ticking of a bomb or a heartbeat. I opened it cautiously.
"Oh God." I said. It was a green sweater that said I'm with clever with an arrow pointing to the left. Sherlock and John started cracking up.
"No way in hell am I wearing this in public." I said.
"How else will people know who the clever one is?" Sherlock said. I smacked him on the knee.
➳➴➵➷➸➹
"Jax, can you come over here?" Sherlock said as I made tea. Everyone but Sherlock's parents had left. John was talking with them, probably trying to dig up some embarrassing childhood stories.
"Jax." Sherlock called me over. I held two cups in my hands as he stopped me in the doorway.
"What?" I asked. He glanced up, and I followed his eyes. Mistletoe was hanging from the top of the door frame. I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, sneaky, sneaky." I said.
"What?" He said, pretending to be confused.
"Is that the best you've got?" I said. "You couldn't come up with a cleverer way to get me over here?"
"Why would I want you over here?" Sherlock looked around innocently.
"You're never going to admit it, are you?"
"Admit what?" He didn't look directly at me. I smiled.
"So stubborn." I rose to my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his mouth. We broke away, and I stepped into the living room to hand Mr. and Mrs. Holmes their tea. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sherlock smile slightly. I knew that if I pointed it out to him he would never admit to anything.
"Well," Mrs. Holmes put on her coat. "I guess we'll take off." They both went to hug Sherlock.
"Yes, alright, goodbye." He pushed them towards the door. Mrs. Holmes jammed her foot in the frame before he could close it in her face.
"I'm so pleased you let us come and see you, Sherlock." She said. "Jax is absolutely perfect! I didn't think you'd ever find a woman willing to put up with all your shenanigans." Sherlock tried to slam the door but she kept her foot wedged between the opening.
"Don't you think for a second that I'm forgetting about those grandchildren. You must have us over more often or come visit, and bring Jax with you!" Sherlock tried to shoo them away. Mrs. Holmes leaned in.
"Promise?" She said. Sherlock glanced back at me, and I acted like I wasn't paying attention.
"Promise." He said quietly. Mrs. Holmes smiled widely, and he shoved them outside. I pretended to tidy up the coffee table. Sherlock straightened his jacket nervously.
"Just...ignore that." He said. I nodded.
"Sure."