Esplanade Squad
- 3:52 AM -
Reiner: Yo it's Bertday tomorrow
Eren: why the fuck are you awake
Jean: Why the fuck are you awake dipshit
Eren: kys
Jean: likewise
Reiner: Yo it's Bertday tomorrow
Ymir: why the hell is the group chat named "Esplanade Squad" ?
Connie: Sasha changed it i think
Sasha: I did
Armin: it makes zero sense
Sasha: it rhymed
Armin:
Sasha: IT RHYMED
Reiner: guys
Eren changed the group chat name to Shoot Ones Wad Squad
Ymir: tru
Connie changed the group chat name to Bang Gang
Jean: I fking hate you all
Reiner: YO ITS THE BERTDAY TOMORROW
Eren: why didn't you tell us this earlier????!
Jean: bc you're illiterate af
Reiner: guys what should we do??
Bertolt: How about text in another gc that does not contain the human you're planning to do something for
Ymir: lol
~ the next day ~
Bertolt didn't want to go outside today.
He feared running into his friends.
Bertolt also didn't want to stay home.
He feared his friends coming to him.
Either way Bertolt know he had to face them eventually. So Bertolt sat in his room and awaited his fate.
The doorbell rang.
Bertolt peeked outside his bedroom window to see his friends gathered in front of his house.
They're here.
Bertolt walked down the stairs and opened the door. To his surprise, no one was there. He saw the car they came from, but there was no one. He glanced around.
"And a five, four, three, two, one!"
Bertolt became thoroughly confused when Eren, Jean, and Connie began to play the wii plaza music with their instruments.
Everyone popped out behind a bush or a tree wearing an oversized mask of the wii version of Bertolt. They began to tap dance to the trio's atrocious rendition of the wii music.
Needless to say, Bertolt was traumatized.
The tap dancing wii Bert's make a line in front of his door. Then pair by pair, they jump to the side to make jazz hands. When all the pairs had jumped to the side, Reiner was revealed wearing a red suit, walking towards Bertolt.
Reiner walked into the porch and stepped in front of Bertolt as the wii music subsided. Then, the girls along with Marco stepped aside and began to sing a rather angelic chorus (because the other guys couldn't sing to save their life). It echoed beautifully in the neighborhood, making it sound like they were at a cathedral.
"Bertolt," Reiner spoke up.
"Yes?" Bertolt answered.
"I'd like to say that I am eternally grateful that you were ever born," Reiner said. "You are the best person to ever exist and I don't even deserve to know you." Reiner took a deep breath. "And since you're seventeen now, you have reached the age and I just wanted to ask you something."
Bertolt could feel himself grow bright red. This wasn't happening now, was it?
Reiner took Bertolt's hands into his and got into one knee.
Bertolt was screaming on the inside. THIS ISNT HAPPENING NOW, IS IT??
"Bertolt Hoover..." Reiner began.
Bertolt swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Will you..."
He could feel himself sweat ten times more than usual.
"Do me the honor of..."
Bertolt couldn't believe this was happening now. It was so surreal.
Reiner starred straight into Bertolt's glistening eyes.
"...Going to see Magic Mike with me?!" Reiner beamed.
"What?" Bertolt squeaked.
"Since you're seventeen you can finally watch Rated R movies in theaters!" Reiner exclaimed. "I always wanted to see Magic Mike in theaters."
Bertolt stared at Reiner. "First of all, you watch Magic Mike all the time. You own it on DVD, Blue-ray, and somehow you even managed to get it on a vinyl record."
"But-"
"Second," Bertolt cut him off. "What theater would even play it anymore? It's an old movie!"
"Then how about just chilling at my place tonight and watching it with me for like the hundredth time," Reiner asked.
"Let's watch something else," Bertolt sighed. "I've watched it so many times, I memorized their routines."
"Oh really?" Reiner raised an eyebrow while lowering his voice in an attempt to sound seductive.
"Disgusting," one of the tap dancing Wii Berts spat.
"Then how about we go to pole fitness class with me?" Reiner smiled.
"No," Bertolt stated.
"But it's your birthday," Reiner whined.
"Exactly!"
"But... but I got us a free trial," Reiner whined.
Bertolt groaned. "Fine. But if and only if you promise me one thing."
"OKAY!" Reiner' face lit up.
"Burn every single one of these Masks of Wii Me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~