I was laying on my bed doing nothing.
I felt bored, completely and utterly bored. I did not know what to do, nothing interesting was coming to me. I just remained here in my bedroom, staring at the ceiling, wondering about what I could possible do. I thought of texting Pierre but my love was doing his homework and as I did not stop bothering him earlier, he switched off his phone saying that he would reply to me once he would be done with his work. So then I thought of texting Joshua but the boy told me that he was watching a super important movie and that he did not want to be disturbed. I seriously asked myself what type of super important movie it was and he replied to me that it was The Suicide Squad before stopping to reply to my texts.
It was like everyone got something important to do while me I was left with nothing more than a complete silence and myself to entertain myself.
What to do? What to do?
I had no will in my body to do my homework, I already watched all the new interesting movies that came out, I was still waiting for my new video games to come and my phone, my precious useless phone, was, well, useless to me at the moment. I did not have people at all to text, I wasn't in the mood to listen to music nor to watch videos on YouTube and social networks weren't really my thing, so the ultimate conclusion was that I was trapped with boredom. I wanted to do something though, I really wanted to but everything seemed so dumb to me.
The sleeping option came to me and when I finally decided myself to go to sleep, the door of my bedroom suddenly opened and in came my little brother, Kenny White.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him with one raised eyebrow as he closed the door of my bedroom behind him. "And haven't you learnt to knock before entering?"
Kenny shrugged and remained like a statue near the door. I was confused. What was he doing here? My little brother just entered high school this year, my high school, and even though we were in the same building almost every day, we never really talk to each other. Even when we saw each other in the hallways, it was like we were just simple strangers who were not family related.
Unlike Emile who I would gladly roll over with a big truck and listen to him scream in pain, I didn't have anything at all against Kenny. He was the docile one among all the White siblings and he never really insulted me, maybe he said a few hard words there and there but it wasn't anything dramatic.
"Well, I am still waiting for one word to come out of your mouth," I told him and he bit his bottom lip, avoiding my gaze.
"I got a girlfriend," he said finally and I frowned. What was the purpose of telling me that?
"Congratulations," I told him slowly, not knowing what else to say. "Why are you telling me that actually?"
I knew for a fact that Kenny liked to talk. He was always talking about everything and when something was usually troubling him, he talked about it with a lot of people to get advices and then he took the best of them into account. Though, I did not understand why he came to me right now. I did not think that I was the one qualified to have a girlfriend talk with him.
"Chloe is really beautiful," Kenny told me but that did not really explain why he was here. He walked to me and sat near the edge of my bed, letting out a sigh.
"Did mom and dad send you so that you can brag about your girlfriend in my face?" I asked him, suspiciously. "Is it some sort of plan to make me regret not dating girls?"
"No, I came here on my own will," Kenny protested. "Nobody knows that I'm talking to you right now....I-I have a little problem actually and I think that you are the only one that can help me."
Okay, he definitely got my attention. He never came to ask me for help before. He seemed to always have better people to help him deal with things and the fact that he came to me must mean that his problem was something phenomenal. I sat straight on the bed and looked at him curiously. He might keep me busy for a few minutes. Boredom could die in peace.
"Um, well," he started as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "Chloe caught my attention from the moment I saw her. I mean, she is so pretty and sweet. I did not think that she would feel the same for a guy like me."
I wanted to laugh at that. It was clear that Kenny never looked at himself in the mirror. In a completely none creepy way, my little brother was very cute. He had one innocent face that could make you do everything he wanted. His hair, naturally brown but which he dyed blonde, matched his face perfectly and made him look like a little angel with his perfect green little eyes, eyes color which he was the only one to receive from our grandmother. He had a small body with barely no muscles but he was really good at playing basketball.
"I did not know how to ask her out but unexpectedly, she came to me and invited me for a date," Kenny continued and then he blushed. "That was a really embarrassing moment."
"Why? Because she is the girl and invited you, the guy, for a date?" I questioned. "It's a new generation. Some girls don't wait for guys to make the first move anymore and trust me, if the guy is shy like you, the girl is going to wait for a very, very long time."
"Oh, I did not mind that she invited me," he made it clear to me. "It's just that I was so nervous in her presence. I was doing everything I could to avoid looking at her. Well, she happened to ask me to go out with her just when I decided to drink water and yeah, I spit everything in her face."
I let out a laugh at that and shook my head in disbelief. Now I understood the embarrassing moment. There was only Kenny to do that.
"I thought that she would change her mind about going out with me after what I did, she seemed to be disgusted but no, we went to see a movie and it was really great and now since about one month, she is my girlfriend," Kenny exclaimed and I blinked.
"Okay, and what's your problem?" I asked him as I still did not understand the point of this whole story.
"Chloe is beautiful," he told me once again and I rolled my eyes.
"I understood that," I informed him and he nodded slowly.
"It's just that she is beautiful," he repeated and he completely lost me.
"Kenny, if you don't have a real problem, can you stop wasting my time please?" I asked him in exasperation.
"I have a problem," he protested and I gave him a look of disbelief.
"Which is?" I questioned. "Cause I don't see what it is. Or maybe it is the fact that your girlfriend is too beautiful the real problem? You would have preferred that she was less beautiful?"
"No, that's not it. Let me finish," he replied and he came closer to me on the bed. I frowned. "At first, we simply cuddle and take hands and go on dates. Everything was so perfect but then, about one week ago, she..."
"She...?" I repeated, waiting impatiently for him to complete his sentence. He grabbed my bed sheets in a tight grip.
"She kissed me," he spilled out quickly and his face literally turned red. "It was totally unexpected. I mean I thought of kissing her but I wasn't sure if she would be okay with it so I waited and yeah, I did not have to wait for long. It seems like each time I planned to do something with her, she does it first before I get the chance to. Well, the kiss..it was...it was.."
"You didn't appreciate it?" I suggested and he shook his head. Okay, I didn't understand where he was going with that story. Just go straight to the point. It couldn't be that hard, right?
"No, I liked it. It was my first kiss and it was a good-no, it was a great kiss. Her lips are so soft and I know that we both enjoyed it a lot," he explained and he let out a sigh. "I knew at that moment that I really, really like her and I was happy but the next day, after the kiss, I went to see Hans."
"Hans," I frowned. "Isn't he your Chinese childhood friend?"
"No, he is not Chinese, Declan," he exclaimed. "You saw him before, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I saw his Chinese face," I replied and he groaned.
"Okay, let's forget about that for now," he said and I smirked.
Hans wasn't really a Chinese boy but the first time Kenny talked about him, I imagined him to have a Chinese face with small little eyes but when he finally came home, Hans turned out to be completely different from what I imagined him to be. Though, despite that, I continued to say that he was a Chinese boy.
"So I went to see Hans and we played video games," Kenny continued. "And you know as we are best friends, I talked about the kiss with Chloe with him. We talked about it for some time and then he got one of the stupidest idea ever."
He gulped and lowered his gaze. He started to tap his feet on the floor, a sign that he was nervous.
"He wanted us to kiss," he admitted and I just stared at him.
What?
"You are telling me that your guy best friend wanted to kiss you?" I asked him just to see if I heard him right and he nodded. That was one way of shocking me.
"I didn't want to. I thought that he was joking but he said that he was serious. Of course, I still refused but then he started making fun of me saying that I did not have enough balls to do it and I wanted to prove him wrong so I grabbed his face and kissed him," he said quickly without any pause and I was speechless. Kenny, on the other hand, was more red than ever. "It's only when I started kissing him that I realized what I was doing. I thought of pulling away, I swear but Hans, he-he started taking control of everything and he pushed me down to get on top of me and his tongue entered my-"
"Wow, stop right here," I interrupted him in his little description. "You kissed your best friend? Your guy best friend?!"
He nodded quickly and he seemed very ashamed of himself. My mouth remained wide open in shock. My little brother, who was supposed to be straight as a ruler, had a little make out session with his guy best friend.
Damn it, why was everyone kissing their best friend lately?
"Stop looking at me like that please," he literally begged me. "I feel...I feel...God I don't know how I feel...I don't even know how many minutes Hans and I kissed but I know that it was longer than with Chloe and he t-touched me at certain places and I felt so hot."
"Certain places," I repeated slowly with widened eyes.
"Declan, not there! Just my chest and my arms, " he exclaimed in embarrassment. "You are making this harder for me to say."
"Just be more specific," I told him.
"Maybe this is a bad idea after all. I should have kept it for myself. I'm going," he stated and he was going to stand up but I took his arm to stop him.
"Sit and tell me what's bothering you," I told him. "Is it the fact that you kissed him the real problem?"
"Kind of," he replied and he sat down. "The kiss was so different from the one with Chloe. I can't find a word to describe it and you know what? Just after the kiss with Hans, he pulled back and laughed saying that it was an okay kiss. Come on, an okay kiss! He basically forced me to do it and then he described it with the word okay!"
Now my little bro seemed to be angry.
"And you know what he did next? He continued to play his video games like nothing happened but I could not do the same and now I can't stop thinking about that kiss. Each time I see him or each time he comes closed to me, I would get all red and embarrassed and nervous while he remained in his cool state. And Chloe, oh Chloe, since our first kiss, she can't stop kissing me, I should be happy about it but the kiss with Hans always comes to my mind," he exclaimed.
"Hey, calm down," I tried to reassure him. "Maybe it's your guilty conscience kicking in. Try to talk about it with her and it should be fine."
"It's not that," he protested and he wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't regret kissing Hans and I find our kiss better than the one with Chloe. I caught myself wanting to kiss him again this week and Hans, you know, he likes to wrap his arms around me or hug me unexpectedly. Before it wasn't a problem for me but now everything is different. I started to like having his hands on me, they are so big, bigger than mine actually and they are always warm."
Now I was understanding the real problem. He was scared that he might possibly like his best friend. It would not have been such a big deal if the said best friend was a girl but no, he needed to be a guy. That was also why Kenny could not talk about it with someone else. My parents would choke him on the spot if they learnt about that or even another one of our siblings. Their reaction wouldn't be so great.
"I don't understand," Kenny said, "Chloe is beautiful, nice and sweet and she understands me so well at times. I like her, I'm sure that I do but I can't stop thinking about what I felt when Hans and I kissed. The feeling was so intense and consuming and it was definitely better than a single okay. God, Hans, he is so rude, he swears a lot, he speaks with his mouth full of food at times, and it's always me who have to clean his bedroom when I go to his place. He has no manners and he likes to treat me like his personal slave. Sometimes I ask myself why I am even friend with him."
"Why are you friend with him?" I asked the question and he shrugged.
"He knows me better than anyone else," he let out. "He is so protective at times. He knows how to make me laugh when I'm sad, he can be so affectionate when he wants to and with him, I don't have to hide or pretend, I can just be myself."
Did he realize that a smile got on his face? I guessed not.
"I got in a fight with him yesterday," Kenny informed me. "He doesn't even know why I'm angry at him. It's just that he was acting like the kiss never happened. I mentioned it to him and all he got to say was 'ha you are still thinking about that, it's long gone in my mind'. Somehow it made me so angry, I got angry because the kiss seemed to mean nothing to him while for me, it was everything. He feels nothing and that just hurt me."
Kenny reminded me of someone at that exact moment and I just knew how he might be feeling.
"Kenny," I started but he interrupted me.
"I can't like him," he said and he seemed to be traumatized. "I like Chloe but I think that I may like Hans too. I can't be gay, it's impossible. Everyone is going to hate me if they learn about this. I don't want them to hate me, I don't want to be alone."
What he said touched me and my eyes softened. He saw how much of a hard time I got here and he did not want to go through the same. Even if the others loved him right now, we both knew that if they learnt about that kiss and Kenny's possible feelings for Hans, they were going to hate him and treat him like crap. I was actually worried for him. Of course, if it was Emile who was in front of me right now, I wouldn't have been worried but happy, very happy. I would have even laughed at his face and told him to get out of here without any pity. Though, Kenny was different.
"How can it be possible that I like a girl and a boy at the same time?" He asked himself.
"You know, there is that thing called being bisexual," I informed him and he looked at me curiously. "It's liking both girls and boys."
"Is it a bad thing?" He asked me.
"Of course not," I replied to him.
"But for our parents, it will be bad, right?" He questioned.
"Yeah, they won't like it," I answered him honestly and he let out a sigh.
"I kind of already guessed that," he admitted and he seemed frustrated. "What am I going to do?"
"What do you want?" I asked him and he shrugged.
"I don't know," he replied and he looked at me, nervously. "Please, don't tell anyone about it."
"Don't worry, I won't," I reassured him and he nodded. "But you know, take your time to think clearly about all of this and once you really know what you want, you will decide what to do next. I will be there if you need help. And also, one advantage of being bisexual is that you can choose between girls and boys. You are not forced to date boys if you don't want to. It will be really helpful with our family."
"You're right," he said and then he added while looking at me in the eyes. "Thanks a lot."
"No problem," I told him and he stared at me.
I did not expect what happened next to happen but Kenny suddenly jumped into my arms to hug me. My eyes widened at the sudden display of affection and I was so shocked that my mind just blocked for one second. How long has it been since one of my family members hug me? This was too far for me to remember.
"I don't hate you," Kenny said suddenly, still hugging me and I was taken by surprise. "You need to know that I never hated you in my life and I don't think that who you are is wrong. Don't think that I'm saying that just because I may like guys too, I always thought that two guys loving each other isn't wrong but the others kept saying over and over again that who you are is a sin and I just got scared to say what I really think out loud. Once I did defend you when they were talking about you behind your back and Emile slapped me in the face because of what I said. Now I'm forced to participate each time they speak badly of you. I'm so sorry, Declan. I'm not strong enough to defend you."
I did not expect those words. I never thought that Kenny thought that way about me. I did not even know that he defended me once. I realized it now, the only times that he insulted me in the past was when everyone else was there, he never said something bad to me when we were alone.
"It's alright," I told him at last as I slowly hugged him back. "You don't have to defend me. I can do it myself."
"But all this time you thought that no one loved you, no one defended you, I should have done or said something, it's not good to let someone feel like if they are alone against the world and I know that you feel like this," he told me and I was lost for words. "I love you, big brother."
If he wanted to make me uncomfortable, he succeeded perfectly well. I was actually embarrassed too. Displaying feelings was not a problem for me but when it was with someone who I thought hated me, it was a little bit harder to show my true feelings.
"Do you hate me?" Kenny asked me quietly.
"I don't hate you," I informed him and he chuckled.
"You don't have to lie," he said.
"I'm not lying," I promised him. "I never hated you."
Kenny pulled away from the hug and he gave me a smile. I returned one to him.
"That's good to know," he hummed. "I think that I am going to call Hans."
"Alright," I told him with a nod and he stood up before walking to the door.
"Goodnight, Declan," he told me.
"Goodnight, Kenny," I said back and he left the room, closing the door behind him.
I let out a sigh. That was awkward. First Joshua and now Kenny. I laid down on my bed just as my phone started to vibrate and I lazily took it. It was one message from Pierre.
PIERRE: It's done. Finally! No more homework. Now we can talk. What have you been doing?
Before I could reply to him, I got another text from someone else.
JOSHUA: Ah man! That movie was super greatly fantastic! I have been waiting for so long to watch it. I'm in love with Harley Quinn. She is my new woman crush!
I chuckled and quickly typed a reply to both of them. I would have never thought that one day, all of that would happen. The boy that I love happened to care for me and know about my existence. I got a new friend and now my little brother just threw at my face that he loves me.
It seemed like things were slowly getting better and better.