Summary: You tell the Doctor you love him, but he has difficulty saying it back.
QOTP: Rose Tyler or Clara Oswald?
Word Count: 904
You've been traveling with the Doctor for quite some time now. It's been great; you've been staying in the TARDIS, going on adventures, saving lives, having near death experiences. You've also bonded with the Doctor. As friends. Friendship. You're just friends...
Okay, okay, yes, you have a crush on him. However, you're pretty positive he doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
There's this jacket... it's not his, it's a woman's. He keeps it hanging on the coat rack. You've caught him looking at it almost longingly a few times. You asked about it once, but he just said, "Oh, it's, uh, it's a friend's. Old friend's. I'm just... keeping it for her." Then, he changed the subject. When he was talking about her, though, his eyes got sad.
They did that sometimes, his eyes. You'd walk in the console room in the middle of the night because you couldn't sleep and he'd be there, sitting in that yellow chair, sulking. His shoulders hung, his head bowed, loud, shaky breaths escaping his lips. You couldn't see his eyes, but you could picture them.
He's never told you what he's seen. What he's done. Why he never goes back to Gallifrey. Why you've never met anyone from his home planet. Why he's always on Earth. You never ask. Some things are meant to not be shared. If he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't have to.
But you can't get over his eyes.
You just got back after a particularly fun trip to the Renaissance where you ran into some aliens that nearly killed Leonardo da Vinci. You're in a state of euphoria, adrenaline still pumping through your veins.
The Doctor runs into the TARDIS, feeling similarly. He turns to you, a goofy grin on his face. You can't help but fall in love (some may argue for the second time) with him in that moment. And, without thinking, you say, "I love you."
His face drops and so does yours.
He doesn't love you back. You knew it.
How could you be so stupid? How could you say something like that when you knew this would happen? You've just ruined everything.
"I-I'm sorry," you stutter out, utterly mortified. He's frozen, eyes wide. You're shaking, trying and failing to calm yourself down. "D-Doctor? I'm sorry, I swear I didn't-"
"Y/N," he says, but that's all. For a very long time.
You want to leave, but you're still in the past and, even if you weren't, you wouldn't've been able to move.
It feels like a century before he speaks again.
"Y/N, I... I had no idea."
"I know. I'm sorry. If you want me to leave, I-"
"No, no... No! No, of course not. I wouldn't dream of it. And if I did, it'd be a nightmare." He says this while taking shaky steps towards you.
"Doctor-"
"Just... Just shut up. For like five minutes, okay? Just five minutes...
"I... I have things I guess I need to let go of. That jacket over there. It was hers - Rose. Rose Tyler. I lost her, okay? I lost her -" he runs a hand through his hair "- She's in a different dimension. I can't get to her. I left her with a sort of clone of mine. I left her on the beach. And I loved her. She told me she loved me. I tried to tell her I loved her back, but I got cut off. I never told her. Ever.
"No one's told me that since. I haven't told anyone that since.
"And then I met you. And I was still... hung up over Rose, I guess. I still miss her and I hate myself ruining her life. You made it easier. And then...
"Look, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to ruin your life, too. Everyone I get attached to, I lose. I lost everything in the Time War. My family, my home. My children. And I fled to Earth and I lost everyone I traveled with one way or the other. And I can't lose you. Because I love you, too."
He started crying about halfway through, and, to be honest, so did you. You were speechless and his eyes were pleading. Sad.
"You... You won't lose me," you say, reaching out to cup his face in his your hand.
He leans into your touch, then grabs that same hand. "But you don't know that. You don't know what could happen-"
"Do you think I care? I just told you, I love you. I don't care what happens because when I've been with you, it's the happiest that I've ever been. You've shown me that there's something more. There's more than just everyday, mundane life. And I will never be able to repay you for that. I wouldn't give this up - I wouldn't give you up for the whole universe."
Immediately, he pulls you to him, hugging you tightly. You feel his tears on your neck, one of his arms around your waist and the other around your shoulders. He pulls away slightly, kisses your nose, then gives you a small smile.
"You missed," you whisper. With a light chuckle, he presses his lips to yours.
"I wouldn't give you up for anything, Y/N Y/L/N."