Gwen was a mixture of emotions after she left Somerton Manor, it had taken all her effort to remain smiling so brightly in front of Clara as the young girl insisted on seeing her, telling her she hoped she would call on them again so she and her father could tell her more about their younger days.
But recalling the coldness in Daniel's eyes when he had looked at her directly, had shaken her.
Somehow she had imagined that after all this time he might not despise her so much, and she had been harbouring the hope that he did still care about her, and forgiven her.
But it seems that has not been the case.
It was only when she had returned to her parents house, and was alone in her room she allowed her emotions to go unchecked, the tears welling up in her eyes.
Talking to Clara, about her childhood with Isabella and Daniel had felt good, especially when she found herself just dwelling on the good memories she had of them all together. But the arrival of Daniel on the scene reminded her of the way things had ended so ugly between them all.
Gwen knew she was solely responsible for that. She had been bitter that Daniel had married Isabella at the time and she had behaved abominably whilst convincing herself Daniel had always been hers in the first place, so she had not done anything wrong.
Now she knew better, especially after she learned Isabella's death so soon after all that had happened between her and Daniel. On top of that, her husband had stuck by her, despite what she had done and suddenly she realised the foolishness of her ways and vowed to be a better wife once they moved to London hoping to redeem herself in his eyes.
Remembering clearly the last conversation she had shared with Daniel, sand they had parted in anger, she wished it had not occurred and she just wanted to tell him he had been right to go back to Isabella and how sorry she was, even more so now when she realised he still probably hated her
It had been hard to speak to him with his daughter and his second wife present, and let him know her regrets, to try and ask for his forgiveness
And suddenly once more, she found herself torn between just wanting to get as far away as possible, and wanting to take the chance to try and speak to Daniel on his own before she left.
She wanted to try and make him understand how sorry she was that she had caused him such pain, and perhaps they could heal the rift between them.
She knew she could not leave things the way they were, having Daniel feels such enmity towards her, though she knew she probably deserved it.
She had to make him realise she regretted what happened and hope he might find it in his heart to forgive her, then she could leave feeling they had finally put to rest what had happened between them in the past.
The more she thought about it, the stronger her resolve became, ignoring the little voice in her head that also argued the whole thing was madness, But she counter argued in her head that it was what she needed to do. Then the both of them could move on again, and she could leave with her conscience a little clearer, and make him realise she was not the same woman he had parted from all those years ago.
All she had to do was get the chance to speak to him alone,, All she had to do was to bide her time, and hope the opportunity arose before she had to leave for good.....
****************************************************
The next few days were very trying for Daniel, and he found himself guiltily avoiding his daughter, who seemed to only want to ask him more about his past friendship with Gwen, and was still a little bewildered why he had never mentioned it before.
He would end up answering her in monosyllables then get impatient with her, telling her he was quite busy, and he didn't have time to talk about such matters.
But today he was cooped up in his study in peace, just relieved that his wife and daughter were otherwise occupied and out of the house for the afternoon.
Eleanor doing her Christian duty, was on her daily visits to some of the local tenants, and Clara was out riding her horse.
He was trying to concentrate on the sheet of paper he was reading in front of him, but his mind was still somewhat distracted by Gwen's arrival, so he found it hard to focus.
So when there was a knock on the front door, he didn't really think to pay it any attention, that was until a few moments later Martha opened the door smiling
"Lady Hawthorne has called, she says she needs to speak with you personally, and as she is an old friend, I thought you wouldn't mind. and wouldn't refuse her, so I invited her in," she informed him, standing aside to let a tentative Gwen now step into the study.
Daniel shot his housekeeper an almost murderous look, feeling he could happily strangle her, then thanking God she would be gone in a few days for good
Thank you Martha." he told her stiffly sensing she was deliberately going out of her way to goad him now she was soon to be out of his employment.
"It's my pleasure sir," she replied with the same smug smile, before, closing the door and leaving Daniel alone with Gwen.
He suddenly felt uneasy, wondering what she could want. He really had no desire to talk with her.
"Whatever your business is, state it quickly. I am rather busy," he told her curtly his eyes returning to the sheet of paper in front of him, so he never noticed Gwen's anguish expression as she now took a step forward towards him
"Don't be like this Daniel," she pleaded
"What way do you expect me to be!" Daniel snapped, throwing down the sheet of paper in his hand and looking up at her, letting Gwen see his displeasure plainly.
Then suddenly feeling claustrophobic being in the same room as her, he found himself having to stand up.
"The last time we parted, all those years ago, I thought I had made my feelings quite clear to you Gwen"
"Oh you did," she acknowledged, her own tone edged with slight bitterness. "It is still etched very clearly in my mind-" she broke of there, forcing herself to calm down and speak in a more reasonable tone, "-But it is so long ago in the past, I thought you might have softened your heart a little towards me, after all this time. I know what we did was wrong now. When I learned of Isabella's death it made me realise that, and that is why when I encountered your daughter I felt like I had been given a second chance to make things right, to be able to tell her about her mother and tell you I am sorry for what happened in the past"
Daniel's smile remained humourless, "Does that include telling my daughter about how our affair which was responsible for her mother's death also?"
Gwen frowned, "What do you mean by that?"
You really don't understand what happened in the past, changed things forever. That the affair you and I foolishly embarked on, was to blame for Isabella's death, So how can I ever forgive you, or myself for that?" he demanded.
"No I-I don't understand," Gwen shook her head in bewilderment, "I was told that Bella had an accident, that she had fallen down the stairs"
"Yes that is true," Daniel admitted grim faced, "But only after she discovered about us. I was on my way home to confess, to tell her and beg for her forgiveness and hope she would not hate me. Only it was already too late.. She found your handkerchief in my belongings.. She knew, and she died, knowing we had betrayed her"
Discovering this for the first time, Gwen's hand flew to her mouth, "Oh Daniel I never knew!" she exclaimed in dismay
"No, you didn't know, and you probably didn't care either," Daniel shot back
"Must you be so harsh and cruel, by saying such things to me?! She accused him, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes.
"I discovered that the truth is harsh," Daniel returned unrepentantly, "And having to live with it is not easy, it is a burden I must bear until the day I die." his expression remained flinty as he continued
"You really should not have come here today Gwen, it doesn't do anyone any good raking up the past, all you have done is remind me what I have lost"
Gwen was beginning to realise this herself, and now understanding the depth of Daniel's feelings over what had happened. He obviously blamed himself for Isabella's death, she knew she shared in this responsibility, even if it had not been intentional.
Was it any wonder he couldn't bear to look at her.
Suddenly she didn't know what to say or do, to try and make him feel better.
******************************************************************
Unbeknown to Daniel and Gwen, Martha was standing at the other side of the door, listening in to the conversation.
But then on hearing footsteps behind her, she quickly turned to move away to see Clara appear.
Clara wasn't sure what Martha had been up to, but the housekeeper looked suspiciously uneasy as she now hurried across the hallway.
"Really Martha, I thought you would be otherwise occupied with packing your belongings now, rather than snooping around outside doors," Clara remarked in disapproval, she still did not trust Martha , and now the woman was finally going, she felt no qualms in letting her know.
Martha resented being talked down to by the young girl. She found Clara now treated her with haughty indifference, whilst fawning all over Eleanor. But now she was leaving, she decided she wasn't going to take it from the young chit of a girl any longer. And she would finally get some payback on the family. After all, she had nothing to lose.
"Perhaps you should be concerned about what your father gets up to, instead of worrying if I have packed my bags," she replied cryptically.
It caught Clara's attention, she stopped in her tracks, "And what is that supposed to mean?" she demanded
"Well, you think your father is so wonderful, and now you have gone out of your way to reunite him with Lady Hawthorne, and play happy families then talk about the days gone by when y7our mother was alive.. But I know that the last thing your father wants to talk about is his past, especially where Lady Gwen Hawthorne and your mother are concerned" she finished in an sly insinuating tone.
Clara suddenly looked uncertain, not sure of what Martha was trying to imply, But then she shook her head, recalling Martha had tried to cause trouble before between her and Eleanor.
"Don't waste your breath Martha, I am not going to be taken in again by your lies, You tried to cause a rift between myself and Eleanor, when I first arrived. I won't let you do the same now with my father and Lady Hawthorne, I have learned my lesson, and I know how you love to make trouble, even more so, now my father is making you leave. You are just a lonely vindictive woman" she stated in disdain
Martha's expression became openly nasty, "Believe me, I am glad to be leaving this house, and the people in it. Especially your hypocritical father." she hissed with vehemence, "Why don't you ask him about the handkerchief he had in his belongings, The one that was owned by Lady Gwen Hawthorne, The woman he then carry on with, after he became a married man and a father. And the reason why your mother was so distressed when she discovered about it all, that she ended up falling down the stairs that killed her"
"You're lying!" Clara insisted, shaking her head, refusing to accept what Martha was saying.
"Am I? Well why don't you ask your father and Gwen. She is with him now, in his study. They are probably getting reacquainted and renewing their little affair" Martha shot back triumphantly
"Go on, go to him, and find out if I am lying. Why do you think your father didn't want you around? It was because you looked so like mother, it just reminded him what he had done to her, He was eaten up with guilt; but I suppose that's all been forgotten about, now Lady Hawthorne is back on the scene. And you think she was your mother's friend.... You don't know the half of it" she finished with a taunting laugh.
Upset, and just wanting Martha to stop the horrible accusations, Clara backed away, looking towards the door of her father's study, whilst still not wanting to believe the woman.
She intended to go tell her father what Martha was saying, so he could sort her out, and put her in her place, then prove she was a liar and a poisonous troublemaker once and for all.....