Stumbling out of your room, you found the source of the noise that had woken you up. "Josh?" you asked, wiping the sleep from your eyes.
"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" he asked, standing by the door. He had his keys in his hand and he was fully dressed. That would have been normal except it was 4 in the morning.
"I heard a banging. What's going on? Are you okay?" you asked, still half asleep.
"I'm okay. Just heading to Caspar's. Gotta get an early start today." he answered, opening the door.
"Oh." you replied, a bit confused. "Okay. Just be safe." you turned to go back to your room. "Text me when you get there?" you added, catching him before he closed the door.
Smiling at you, Josh nodded his head and left.
You had been living with the boys for a little over a year and you couldn't have asked for better roomies. Everyone was really laid back, there were always people in the flat laughing and having fun, and since you could cook, the boys took care of most of the chores. You definitely had a thing for your tallest roommate, but you had decided to keep it to yourself. Best not to ruin a great thing.
Over the next few months, you had heard Josh slipping out of the house at weird hours more than a few times. You assumed he was hiding a girlfriend, but after it came out in a video that Josh would sneak to Caspar's when he had a nightmare, you started to wonder if that's what you were catching him doing.
One night when all of the boys were over, you decided to talk to Caspar about it. "Anyone need anything from the kitchen?" you asked the group after Caspar had gone in there to make another drink.
Making your way to the kitchen with a few drink orders, you walked up to Caspar. "Casp?"
"Holy shit! Y/n, you scared me." Caspar laughed.
"Sorry." you giggled, helping him clean up the tonic water he had just spilled. "I have a question, but I didn't want everyone hearing." you continued, starting on the drinks.
"Shoot, buddy." Caspar said, leaning back on the counter and sipping his drink.
"Have you and Josh been filming really early in the morning?" you asked, not getting an answer. Caspar looked like he was thinking about his answer, tilting his head to the side and biting his lip. "Or is he really having nightmares?" you continued.
Caspar nodded, taking another sip of his drink. "He doesn't get them all the time, but he's had quite a few, lately." Caspar sighed, making sure no one was coming into the kitchen. "He doesn't like being alone when he has a nightmare, so he comes and tries to go back to sleep at mine."
"Why doesn't he just tell one of us?" you asked, sad that someone you'd gotten so close to was suffering in silence.
"He's probably embarrassed. Especially to tell you. He feels like he's supposed to be the big, strong man of the house" Caspar replied.
"Having nightmares doesn't make you weak." you frowned.
"Maybe you should ask him about them." Caspar said, walking up to put his arms around you. "I know he cares about you, a lot. He might open up."
It had been a few weeks since you had last caught Josh sneaking out, but at about 4:30 in the morning you could hear him moving around and then the jingle of keys. Walking into the living room, you saw him sitting on the couch, ready to leave, staring at his phone. "Come on, Caspar." he mumbled, waiting for Caspar to text him back, not knowing you were in the room.
"Hey." you said, letting him know you were there. "You okay?"
"I'm good." He smiled up at you. "Just heading over to work on stuff at Caspar's." Walking over to the couch, you sat down and leaned your head against his shoulder. "What are you doing?" he laughed, putting an arm around you.
You didn't answer him. Instead, you grabbed the remote and put a movie on. Pulling the blanket off of the back of the couch, you threw it over the both of you and snuggled back into Josh. He didn't ask anymore questions, but you saw him text "Never mind" to Caspar. He kicked his shoes off and stretched out on the couch, wrapping his arms around you. The both of you fell asleep less than a half hour into the movie. Josh didn't bring it up later. You didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so you didn't bring it up either.
The next time you caught him after a nightmare, he was just pacing in the living room. "Wanna talk?" you asked, walking into the room .
"About what?" he replied, rubbing his sleeves over his eyes.
"About the fact that you aren't getting any sleep?" you said. "And I know you aren't going to Caspar's. He's on tour."
Josh stood there and hung his head. His eyes were puffy like he'd been crying. "I don't want to talk about it." he replied. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
"That's alright, love. You don't have to talk." you said, walking up to him and pulling him into a hug. "Come on." you said, grabbing his hand.
"What are you doing?" Josh asked.
"We're going to bed." you replied.
"I'm just being stupid, y/n. I can go back to my own room." Josh argued.
"I'm not going to get any sleep knowing that you can't sleep." you replied, crawling into your bed.
"I'm sorry." He apologized again, climbing under the covers.
Sensing how uncomfortable Josh was, you made sure there was space between the two of you on the bed, but he wasn't falling back asleep like he did on the couch. "Josh?" you said, about a half hour into the silence.
"Yeah?" he replied, looking over at you, sniffing.
You reached over and wiped his cheeks clear of tears. "Come here, sweetheart." you lifted the blanket and opened your arms.
Josh immediately snuggled into your chest, wrapping his arms around you. "I'm sorry." he repeated his words from earlier.
"Josh, please stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong." You slowly ran your hand in circles up and down Josh's back, feeling his breathing start to even out. Eventually you heard his little quiet snores.
You didn't actually go back to sleep that night. Instead, you laid there holding your friend. Whenever Josh would start to talk or fidget in his sleep, you'd run your fingers through his hair, calming him back to a peaceful sleep.
"Good morning." you smiled down at a very confused Josh. It was still pretty early for any of you to roll out of bed. "How'd you sleep?"
After looking around, Josh remembered why he wasn't sleeping in his bed. "Better than I have in a while." he said, a small embarrassed smile on his face as he started to untangle his legs from yours.
"I'm glad." you replied. "You don't have to leave."
Josh looked up at you and nodded, laying his head back down against your chest. After a moment, Josh blurted out "I've been having nightmares."
"I know, love." you replied, running your fingers through his hair. "You don't have to talk about them, but know that I'm here if you want to."
You felt Josh nod against your chest. "Last night..." Josh started, clearing his throat. "Last night I had a dream that uh...someone called me for help but I couldn't find them." He continued. You could feel his arms tighten against you as he told you about his nightmare. "And I just kept hearing them begging me to help, but I couldn't find you and I started panicking and when I woke up I couldn't breath..." Josh started talking faster, letting it slip that his dream was about you.
"Hey, calm down." You wrapped your arms around him and held him tight to you. "I'm fine, love. I'm here, safe with you. You don't need to worry."
Josh didn't reply. He scooted up, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. When you felt Josh's lips press a kiss to your skin, you let out a small gasp. Josh slipped his arms under you and rolled the two of you over so that you were laying across his chest. "Lets go back to sleep." he said, leaning down to kiss the top of your head, pulling the blanket to lay over the two of you.
Surprisingly, you hadn't heard Josh waking up in the middle of the night for the last few weeks. One night, you could have sworn you heard your door open and close. Creeping into the hall, you walked straight to Josh's room. "Josh?" you whispered into his dark room.
"I knew I was going to wake you up." He said, standing up and walking to you.
"Everything okay?" you asked, feeling him pull you to his chest.
"I was just checking on you." Josh replied. "Just a bad dream."
"You should have come in, love." you said, feeling around for his hand to pull him back to your room.
Instead of following you, Josh pulled you back to his bed, sitting down. "Stay?" he asked. Pulling you to stand between his legs, he wrapped his arms around your middle. "Please?"
"Of course." you replied, ducking down to press a kiss to his forehead.
The two of you never talked about the fact that you slept in the same bed more often than not. You never asked him about the kiss. The two of you had fallen into an innocent routine, but everyone else assumed the two of you were dating. You avoided talking about it because you didn't want to lie and say that you didn't have feelings for Josh. In fact, your feelings had only grown since you first caught him sneaking over to Caspar's.
One night that you had opted to just go to sleep together in your bed, you woke up to Josh talking in his sleep. "No. Please. Where are you?" It was obvious he was having a nightmare so you tried to wake him up.
"Josh. JOSH!" You rolled over and shook his shoulder, startling him awake. "You're having a bad dream. It's not real."
"Y/n?" Josh sounded surprised, putting his hands on either side of your face. You went to answer him, but you were interrupted by his lips crashing against yours. Josh pulled away, looking up at you. "I'm sorry. I just..." Josh started apologizing.
You shook your head and met his lips with yours, again. Josh sat up, pulling you to straddle his lap and hiding his face in your neck. "Why are you having this nightmare, love?" you asked, holding Josh tight to you.
Pulling his face back to look at you, Josh took a deep breath and tried to explain. "Every time we go out I see all of these guys that I don't know and don't trust talking to you and dancing with you. I'm scared you're going to go home with someone and I won't be there to keep you safe."
"Sweetheart." you said, pulling him back to you. "You're going to make yourself sick worrying. I'm never going to go home with someone else."
"You will eventually." Josh replied, his voice sad.
"Josh, I've actually been caught up on the same guy for about a year." You confessed. "I'm not going to go home with someone. I promise." Josh scooted you to the bed and went to leave. "Where are you going?"
"I wouldn't want to get in the way." Josh said with a bit of snark.
"What are you talking about?" you asked, standing up to follow him.
"I should sleep fine knowing you've got someone else to keep you safe." he said, closing your own door in your face. You heard him close his door.
*Well, no better time than the present* You said to yourself, slipping out of your room and walking to Josh's. "Josh?" you said, knocking.
"Go to sleep, y/n." Josh replied.
Taking a deep breath, you opened his door. "Josh, can we.." you started.
"I'm an idiot. I should have known you'd find someone else." Josh interrupted you, sitting up on the edge of his bed.
"You're not an idiot, love." You said, walking towards him.
"I always fall for people that don't fall for me." He replied, his head hanging between his shoulders. "Just go to bed. I don't want your pity."
Lifting his chin, you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "I don't pity you." you said, lowing yourself down to sit in his lap. "And I didn't fall for someone else." you continued, wrapping your arms around his neck and running your tongue over his bottom lip, trying to deepen the kiss.
Josh hesitantly placed his hands on your sides, parting his lips and allowing your tongue access. When you finally pulled back, you rested your forehead against Josh's.
"I guess I am an idiot." Josh laughed, pulling you to lay back on the bed with him.
"How so?" you asked, laying against Josh.
"I just should have talked to you about it a long time ago." He replied, pressing a kiss to your lips.
" I could say the same." you smiled against Josh's lips.
"at this rate, we're never going to get back to sleep." Josh chuckled.
"I can think of a few things to pass the time." you replied, pulling Josh's lips to yours.