(Joshua's POV - Fri. 2 May 2014)
Fuck! Doctor Camden Hall said my sprained ankle was getting better, but the fucker took it hard on my poor joint and the physical exercise he made me do together with the massage he provided revived the shooting pain. However, the new strapping bandage is tighter than the previous one which had gone loose with time so it should get better, but I can't help slightly limping as I walk out of his practice and head toward the car. Tony, who still looks like a bear with a sore head in my presence, opens the door for me and I slip in, ignoring the stubborn man's dark expression. Despite my recent and sincere apologies for what happened the week before, his attitude has become a routine; once again, the ride is extremely silent and tense, but I don't feel like checking my emails on my phone so I just look at the landscape on our way to work. Just as we pass in front of the Pierce building, I see the young blond-haired man whom I have been craving to hold in my arms so much, absent-mindedly climb the flight of stairs that leads to the entrance.
"Tony, please stop the car!" I shout, suddenly unable to resist the urge to go and be near him.
"What the hell..." Tony begins to say as he pulls over but I don't get to hear the rest of his words as I immediately rush out of the car. I wince at the pain in my ankle when I leap up the stairs and burst into the building. Cam would kill me if he saw me running!
Surprisingly, the hall is almost empty except for Markus, the security guy, and the receptionist. I greet them both with a nod as I nearly run toward the elevators. The doors are about to shut when I reach them but I manage to slide in, relieved and happy to see that there is only one occupier in the cage, and press the 21st floor button. Our eyes meet for the briefest tenth of a second, just enough for him to find out who just jumped in and I see him tense and lower his head. Shit! What am I supposed to do now? I know that I have barely fifteen seconds to do the right move.
"Good morning, Liam," I say loud and clear, making him tense a little more while the knuckles of his fingers whiten around the handle of his bag in front of his crotch, contrasting with the deep blush coloring his face. I would like to see his eyes and read what they have to tell me, but he keeps them cast down, even when he mumbles a barely audible 'Morning, Sir, leaving me speechless and frozen. I am at a total loss here. What should I tell him? I love you? And then? In a few seconds, he will be out on his floor. This is definitely not the right time to do this. I don't even know how to do this! All I know is that my body is aching with the need to have him against me, to hold him in my arms and to run my fingers through his blond strands.
During the few seconds that we spend together in the elevator, I watch him nibble on his lower lip with stress, wondering what could be going on in that little head of his, but all too soon, we reach his floor and he gets ready to jump out. I need to fix this. I need to tell him how I would like to invite him out for dinner so that we can talk. However, as soon as the doors open, he runs out and it is too late when the words are finally about to pour out of my mouth. My heart constricts with pain at the thought of letting him slip from my reach again, but the nearby open space full of architects and engineers forbids me anything better than a whispered call out. He just purely ignores me but there is no way I am going to cause a scene here, so I give up for the moment and let the elevator take me to my floor.
Ally told me she wouldn't be in until 9:45 today, so I allow myself a few minutes on my couch to recover from this short episode, closing my eyes. There are so many things I wanted to tell him. I wanted to ask him how he was doing; I wanted to propose a dinner or a lunch... but I fucked up. Again. Honestly, I don't really have a plan to get him back; this is not something I have ever done in the past and I don't know how I should do this. Besides, I haven't been in a relationship made of love in years and I feel like I have forgotten how it works. Am I even capable to express some feelings? I think that a lunch or a dinner would sound good. Being in public might help him to feel more comfortable around me. It would allow me enough time to explain myself... But that cold expression on his face; his eagerness to run away from me; how he ignored me...
Damn! It is even more painful than yesterday when he popped in the meeting room and when our eyes met for a brief second. When Allan called him to ask for copies of the report, I first thought that it was a joke, but then he explained that Edna was off and that he had no other choice. Later in the afternoon, once Ally had left, Allan brought the subject back up. He thought that it was actually a good test for Liam to see if he was capable to deal with seeing me and to prove himself that he is much stronger that he would think. Well he seemed to manage pretty well indeed and he didn't spill the documents on the floor. Allan then added that it was also some sort of punishment for me, because he knew that it would be painful to see him too. I nearly kicked him out when he said that, but he hurried to defend himself and say that it was also a good way for me to see that I do have feelings for him. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for Liam to suck it up and find the courage to walk into the meeting room, and fight his shyness and his bitterness against me. Now that I think about it, I am actually surprised that he didn't trip on his feet or do something worse, and I realize that my sweet boy is much stronger than I would have thought.
Oh God, I'm so exhausted! My nights have been too short recently and my sleep much agitated. It's not only the problems with Liam but also work. It has been such a tiring week... First there was this unexpected trip to Texas that completely screwed my agenda; but I just couldn't let such an opportunity pass. We have been trying to get hold of this client for four years now but he has kept rejecting our offers, saying that he was plainly satisfied with our competitor's work. I don't know what exactly happened, but when he reached out to me on Monday morning very early and asked to meet us urgently, I couldn't miss the opportunity to add him to my portfolio. The goal of our trip to Texas was not only to take over the current project but also to make sure that we would keep working together for future constructions and I think we made it. Thanks to a great and effective team work and our very prompt ability to provide him with the necessary answers to all his requests over the two and a half days we spent there, we managed to start drawing a frame agreement between our companies, meaning that for any future construction, Pierce Construction would be his preferred choice.
In the beginning, I have to admit that my heart almost threw out his request on Monday morning; but my reason took the better of it. I was actually scared to leave Liam here alone. I had just decided to work on getting him back to me and even if I didn't have any sort of plan in this perspective, I intended to try something soon. I was scared that something would happen in my absence and that he might find someone else before I could try my luck with him; but then I thought that Liam wouldn't go out without Shannon, so there was little risk that anything would happen... at least not during the week.
The smell of coffee suddenly wakes me up with a start and I open my eyes to a frowning Ally.
"Good morning, Joshua," she says warily. "I've only just arrived. Were you finishing your night? Do you need me to cancel your meeting with Derek?"
"Morning Ally, no that's fine... I think I just dozed off for a while..." I reply as I stand up and limp to my desk. Fuck! I didn't only doze off it seems! It's almost ten!
"Joshua, you are exhausted! You should take a break and rest..." Ally says.
"I'm fine, Ally and I..."
"Like hell you are! I'm actually surprised that Liz still lets you go to work," she accuses. Ally knows Liz quite well. There isn't a morning that the woman won't scold me for looking so tired and try to convince me to take a few days off, threatening to lock me in my house if things go on like this.
"It's a struggle of every moment," I reply, wiggling my brows at her and sitting down on my chair, making her sigh. "Is everything all set for my day trip to Boston on Tuesday next week?"
"Sure, and I've added all details to your calendar already. Jones will be here in a minute, do you need anything else?"
"Unless you possess an armor and a shield, I should be fine," I reply playfully.
"You would certainly need those. I bet Derek won't appreciate what you're about to tell him..." she chuckles.
"What needs to be done..." I begin to say.
"Needs to be done, I know that. And I won't blame you for that! Derek has been too... weird recently and the best way to find out what is going on is no doubt this audit that you have scheduled," she approves, heading back toward the door. "I'll leave the windows unfrozen, just in case," she smirks, sticking her tongue out and pressing the button that will allow her to see what is happening in my office through the window wall.
"That's an idea..." I chuckle. "Don't call Tony if something happens, I'm not sure I can count on his help, even if Derek decides to kill me..." I comment bitterly.
"Tony will always remain loyal to you and you know that. It's not because he sulks at the moment that you can't trust him with your safety..." Ally defends him.
"Well, that's still annoying!" I grumble.
"You know, I believe that he liked Liam a lot... you can't blame him for that..." she replies softly.
"I know that, Ally. But that's still no reason for sulking at me like he does; especially after I have apologized!"
"If you're done talking in my back, maybe you two could get ready," Tony suddenly growls. His voice echoes from a speaker somewhere in the room, making both Ally and I startle. "Jones is on his way..."
"What the fuck?! Are you spying my office now, you old bastard??" I shout at Tony's attention.
"I placed a temporary audio device in the office while Sleeping Beauty was having a nap earlier," he explains. "See how much your safety is still my priority..." he then adds sarcastically.
"That's ridiculous..." I growl.
"Ridiculous or not, I don't give a fuck, Joshua," Tony insists. "I have your back, Boy."
"An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure..." Ally chirps in with a chuckle.
"You'd better take that out after the meeting!" I shout again at him.
"Maybe I will if you say Thank you Uncle Tony for taking care of my safety, rather than grunting like you do..." he grumbles.
"Look who's talking..." I smirk but then I hear the doors of the elevator open and the room goes silent as Derek walks out of the lift.
The meeting with Derek goes... pretty well actually; or at least better than I would have expected. I gently explain that I haven't been too satisfied with the P&L tables and other stuff recently and that I have ordered an external audit of our financials that will start on Monday next week. Of course, in the beginning he climbs on his high horses and reproaches me with not telling him any sooner, but I quickly shut him up saying I could have plainly not warned him at all. The man sweats a lot but eventually calms down saying that it is not a bad idea indeed. At that stage, I really can't say if Derek is angry because he is implied in something bad within the company and scared to be proved guilty; or because he is upset to understand that I don't really trust him anymore. However, when he suggests that we could have the audit performed internally rather than with an external audit firm, I get that if he is implied in some kind of traffic, he might not be the only one and would have preferred to count on accomplices to cover him. It actually achieves to convince me that I was right to ask for this external audit and, as annoying as it might be for all the employees who will have more work for a couple of weeks, this is the right solution.
* * *
Once again, I didn't sleep much last night. Maybe an hour or two. I know I should be careful and get more rest before it results into serious health troubles, but this morning, I just couldn't help hurry to my car and drive to Liam's place. I parked at some comfortable distance from his building entrance, but close enough to see him if he gets out. However, for the past four hours, the only thing I have witnessed was him opening the curtains of his room. Great way to spend my Saturday, right...? As if I didn't have more useful things to do... I feel like a stalker but I don't really care. What is the point of remaining seated in my car hoping to see Liam walk out of his building if I don't do anything further, anyway?
Well my initial plan was to go and bring him some breakfast. I gave up the idea of inviting him out because he would probably refuse. I came up with this idea last night and thought that surprising him at his place would be easier and he might feel more comfortable too. Evidence lies in the paper bag of croissants that is resting on the passenger seat. I just haven't resolved myself to grab the bag and walk to Liam's apartment. I am not a coward, but once I got there, I just didn't feel like it was so much of a good idea anymore. After how he ignored me yesterday, I simply don't know how he will react if I show up unannounced at his door and ask him to let me in so that we can talk. He will probably shut the door to my face and refuse to let me in. Fuck! I have never felt such lack of confidence in my life before.
I squint my eyes when I see a blond mop of hair get out of his building and walk in the opposite direction, getting ready to start the car and follow him, but I soon realize that it is not him. I am definitely a stalker... because this is exactly what I did last week-end already. I, Joshua Pierce, CEO of Pierce Construction, spent my entire Sunday in my car, stalking a certain blond head! After Aaron's call, I just couldn't go to sleep so I took my car and drove to the Lost Paradise. I didn't go in, knowing that the club was about to close, but I waited until the early morning to see Liam and Shannon get out and part ways with a group of other guys. I followed them from a fair distance and watched them go to a diner nearby, where they stayed for over an hour, before they walked back home. I spent the whole morning there until I saw them both get out - each rolling a huge suitcase - and take a bus that I followed to a meeting point where I guessed Shannon would take a mini-van to South Illinois. I painfully witnessed their goodbyes and had a hard time holding back my tears when I saw Liam wipe his cheeks once his friend had left.
I craved to run and hold him in my arms for comfort but I fought that urge because I knew that I would apologize for sending his one and only real friend away and it would only worsen the situation between us if he found out that I was at the bottom of this. I might tell him one day, but not any time soon; and certainly not until I have confessed my feelings to him and made sure that he has forgiven me; which is not anywhere close to happen if I can't come up with some sort of plan. The problem is that my head is so full of professional and personal issues at the moment that I can't even think straight anymore. All my thoughts and ideas are blurred and, in the same manner that I needed time to admit that I do love Liam, maybe it is also high time to admit that I need help to get him back; because I am sincerely running out of ideas.
How I wish I hadn't been such a fool... If only I hadn't been so stubborn and blind, I would have seen earlier how much Liam counted for me and how much I loved him. I would have realized that I was losing the true love of my life. I would have realized that I was the only one not seeing through my feelings for him. Fuck! Everyone saw it, and even told me! But I preferred hiding behind false truths and within my own selfish shell. How stupid! No wonder I am now wasting my time, mourning a love that only I let go and it was all my fault. Fuck! Treacherous tears blinding my sight again! How ironic is it that the radio is now playing The Cure's Boys Don't Cry? Now I would do most anything to catch you right by my side. But I just keep on laughing, hiding the tears in my eyes. 'Cause Boys don't cry... Oh shut the fuck, Mr. Smith! I don't give a fuck that I am a boy and cry right now! I have lost much more than my pride when Liam went away!
With a sigh, I turn off the radio and grab my Iphone. I don't hesitate much longer before I start a new message to my three friends: Guys, I need your help... please. Can we meet at the club at five today? Their answers are not long to show up and at five sharp, I walk into Aaron's office after I spent the rest of the afternoon nearby Liam's apartment without seeing him at all. The three of them are already there when I walk in, sitting on the couch and looking at me with worry in their eyes. However, none of them moves so I grab a chair at Aaron's desk and drag it in front of them, without sitting down but leaning a hand on its back.
"I'd like to apologize... I'm truly sorry, guys..." I begin. "I know that you only ever meant to help me and I sincerely apologize for being so spiteful when you were only faithful friends. You guys were right. It took me some time to understand it, but I have finally realized how much I love Liam... And now... and now I just don't how to get hi...." I just can't finish my sentence as my voice breaks at that moment and some stupid tears spill from eyes, but honestly, I don't really care at the moment because a huge weight has been released from my chest and I am already feeling much better.
The next second, Aaron is pulling me into his arms, giving me one of his big bear hugs and whispering words of comfort while I finally let it all out on his shoulder. We are soon joined by Mark and Camden who come to stand on each side of us and wrap their arms around our shoulders. I have missed them so much! I don't know how long we stay in this position but after a moment, we break our embrace and go to sit on the couch. For a long hour, I tell them about what has been going on over the past two weeks, not leaving out a single detail, not even the most embarrassing ones.
"Ha fuck... I really need you guys to help me... I just don't know how to get him back... I don't know what to do anymore and I'm so tired..." I conclude.
"You do look tired, Josh... You actually look awful..." the ever supportive Mark says.
"I might have a plan," Aaron smirks, leaning back in the couch. "I actually have two plans. Knowing you, plan A might not work but plan B will work for sure. Are you travelling next week?" he then asks with a grin.
While Aaron explains both his plans and we all elaborate on them, I pull out the first genuine smile in two weeks, feeling the natural warmth that only such a friendship can bring. The four of us have been through a lot already in our past and probably will endure more in our futures but we have always managed to pull ourselves through together, always standing as one despite a few difficult moments. Our friendship is one that has been running since we were five years old and nothing ever managed to break it; or nearly. Not even my father who always hated Camden; not even the hardship we went through during our adolescence; not even the distance while we studied away from each other or when Aaron decided to go his own way for a while. And we were always here for one another, mending the pieces as we could when it was necessary and supporting those who needed it.
When the guys call Tony an hour later and ask him to come and pick me up - because they are afraid that I might pass out on my way back home... yeah true friends are the best... - I don't even try to argue because I am really exhausted. The most important thing to me right now is to get my sweet boy back and I am more determined than ever to make it happen. It won't be easy, but I will succeed; no matter what.
Published on 18 Nov 2016
Mr. Dom is almost back and determined to get his Sub - and lover - back. Finally!
The GIFs below don't have much to do with this chapter - sorry - except if we remember that Joshua is walking out of Camden's practice at the beginning, but whatever, this is just a wink to Sara and Aleena and they know what I mean... :)