I stared at my phone in shock. My eyes watered and I couldn't help the crazed laugh that escaped my mouth. This had to be fake. There was no way. My eyes shifted from the screen to Aden who was sleeping soundly. I put in one side of my headphones in and played the video again. It was short but I could see his face clearly. The mole he has on his hip the scar he has on his thigh from a swordfight with his cousin. It was definitely Jae. But why? Why now? Perhaps this is old? It had to be old. He wouldn't dare cheat on me. Things between us had been going fine in my mind. His parents visit forced us to get closer and he took up for me as much I took defense for him against remarks his father or mother made about his parenting. We kissed more often now. I was warming up again and he knew this, so why? I paused the video. The girl he was with positioned on her knees before him her bluish silver locks bouncing as she bobbed her head. He groaned, that was definitely his groan. I looked to the door that led to the master bathroom. From my spot I could hear Jae humming. If I wasn't pissed it would be lulling me to sleep while Aden slept. Instead it infuriated me. I took a deep breath, there had to be a mistake. He hates cheaters. He cheated on his fiancee with you. Well yes, but I encouraged it even when he wanted to stop. He came back even though he knew it was wrong. He fell in love with me. We fell in love. Who is to say he won't fall in love with someone who acts just like you but gives him more attention. What if he found someone like you but without all the baggage? I am the mother of his child, he wants me to marry him. A baby doesn't permanently solve relationship issues. I sighed the argument I had with myself just left me more confused. Perhaps there was a trick of the light. Perhaps it is him. Do I even have a right to be angry? I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice that Jae had left the shower When the bathroom door opened I was jolted out of my thoughts and looked at him. He looked at me with a smile as he wiped the back on his neck with the towel. Should I wait to say something? I should wait.
"I need to talk to you." so much for waiting.
"Okay." Jae chuckled and laid on the bed resting his head on my lap.
"Sit up. It's Important." I said my voice low
He gave me a confused look but did as he was told. "What's going on?" His eyes concerned
I bit my lip and looked down at my hands that were fiddling with my phone and then to his face and then away again. "I don't want you to hate me for what I'm about to bring up. I know, I don't have the right to demand answers when I went between you and Ryan and all the other men I was entangled with. But I'm a selfish being, and I want answers."
Jae still looked confused. Please stay confused. "I mean sure but I still don't know what you are talking about."
I looked up at him and met his gaze "H-Have- have you slept with anyone since we've gotten back together?No wait. Have you had any kind of sexual encounter with anyone else since?" I asked looking away, I couldn't keep his gaze. Where did all of my self confidence go?
Jae looked at me and his eyes softened "Yemi, what brought this on?"
I shook my head. "Don't answer my question with another question please just answer it for me."
There was a silence and I felt my heart drop. "Are you still seeing her?"
"I didn't cheat on you. When we had our break and you left for France, I did have some flings but we weren't together."
"Before we got back together, did you sleep with a girl with bluish silver hair?" I asked
His jaw ticked " No."
"After?" I raised a brow
"No."
"Ever?"
"Perhaps? I don't remember all of the girls I've slept with over the years, do you?" He said exasperated
"Yes. I remember the men too." I said retorted quickly.
"Adeyemi, do you think I cheated on you? Why would you even think that? What do you take me for?" He asked offended
I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off "No I don't' even what to hear it. I fly here every weekend I can to see you and Aden and you're just going to accuse me of cheating? When do I have the time to cheat on you? Oh I know I'm just on the plane busting nuts before I come to see the mother of my child and fiancee."
"No- I-It's just-" I wanted to explain why I thought what I had thought but he wouldn't let me speak as he continued to let his anger get the best of him.
"Listen, I don't know if it's you becoming stir crazy or what but that's ridiculous of you to think that I'd do that."
"You did it before." I spoke without thinking,shit.
His eyes narrowed "Excuse me?"
"With me. You cheated on your ex fiance multiple times with me. We were at it for months." I mumbled
"I fell in love with you." He reasoned
"After we started having sex." I pointed out
"So what? You think I'm going to go out and do it again because I have so much time on my hands right?" He was mad. His face was slowly starting to turn color. For a second I didn't see him but someone else and my hand shook before I calmed it.
"No. I just. If you could just stop looking so upset I can explain. I told you not to get terribly upset before I brought it up." I spoke softer, maybe if I calmed my voice he would calm his.
"No you said not to hate you. But you're trying a thin line." He lowered his voice but his anger was thinly veiled.
That took me by surprise "How am I trying that hate line right now?" I asked folding my hands together and looking him in the eye.
"You're accusing me of cheating. I've never cheated on you. When we were in school you were the only girl I was with even though you were out fucking other men for shitty signatures and a black eye. When you married Ryan, I hadn't been with anyone since. Then after you broke up with me, that's when I started going out with other women." He hissed before he realized just what he said and how. "Yemi I-"
I looked at him in surprise. "How dare you throw what I did back in my face like that Jae. I know what I did. I was never proud of that. I still can't sleep properly and you're going to throw that in my face?All I wanted were some answers."
"Well now you have them. So let me ask you this then. Have you slept with anyone since we've gotten back together? Are you sure you don't need someone to sign a treaty somewhere? Or has it just been for free these days?"
Ouch.
"Wow. That was hurtful. You're being awfully hostile for someone who didn't cheat. Are you sure you don't want to fess up?" I asked "Or what are you mad because I'm not giving you anything? I can fuck you just like all the others , of course your signature would be for completely different documents. Like visitation rights only."
Jae shot me a glare. "Do you want me to have cheated? I haven't done anything, but if you want I can lie and tell you that I did. I can tell you that I loved every minute of it because she felt just like you when I closed my eyes. That I did it because we changed and being with that girl reminded me of what it was like to be with you. Because even when you're right here in front of me it feels like I can't grasp you."
I looked away. "So you're saying that if you did cheat it would be my fault?"
"No. It would be mine. All mine because no matter what cheating is wrong."
We were both quiet for a while.
I sighed. " I agree. I brought this up because someone sent me a video. The man in the video looks just like you. I one hundred percent believe it's you. I was just trying to figure out when this happened."
Jae moved to place his hand on my thigh and I scooched away.
"Don't touch me right now."
"Why?" He asked furrowing his brows together.
"You kept getting angry and the look on your face scared me. Your words really hurt me and I just need a minute. More than a minute. Like an hour. Right now I'm seeing your face but I'm also seeing the face of every man who's been mad like that and then put their hands on me. Had you gotten any angrier I'm not sure what I would have done." I said in haling deeply and exhaling slowly,
" So right now I'm trying really hard not to regress. I didn't want to just jump up and say you cheated when the video could have been taken during our break that's why I brought it up. I've never asked you to fly back and forth. While it is the common sense for you to be the one traveling right now, I probably would have waited until any breaks you had to see you. You made the decision to go between our two living spaces during the week. You threw my past in my face but you are no saint either. Who is the one who went against their morals for bomb pussy and a troubled soul? We honestly barely knew anything about each other. But we have a baby now and you want to get married. Does that make any sense to you? Are you even sure that you love me? Or were you in love with how connected we were when we had sex? Or was it that feeling of protection you had over me? "
Jae scoffed,
"Of course I love you. I swear I love you more than you've ever loved me. Hell now I don't know if you ever did. I didn't fall in love with you because if some bomb pussy and your pretty face. I fell in love with you because I knew that deep down you were a good person. I thought that I could bring that to light." He said frowning
"That sounds like changing the bad boy syndrome." I said looking away from him.
"Whatever. I'm going to go downstairs. Take all the time you need." He said and then got up and left, shutting the door forcefully behind him.
I stared at the door and ran my hand over the top of my head. The conversation went completely left and he says he doesn't know who the girl is. My suspicions hadn't lessened because since his previous engagement I was the only women he slept with and then I got married and he says he didn't sleep with anyone during that time but that could be a lie. I made a liar out of him the second his lips crashed onto mine over a year ago. I mulled through my thoughts before getting up. I picked up Aden slowly and put him in his bassinette. I left my room and hurried down to the living room. Jae lounged on the couch seeming fine. Fucking fine. He raised a brow at me when I stood before him. I reached out my hand.
"Let me see your phone."
He turned towards me "Seriously?"
"Let me see it."
"Why would I do that?"
"If you have nothing to hide just let me see it."
"No. Not because I have anything to hide but because you are being ridiculous. I'm not talking to anyone else."
I crossed my arms "Jae why is it so difficult? Why can't you just humor me for a moment?"
"Are you kidding me? I've been humoring you, our entire relationship. You wanted me, I let you have me. You wanted to go to Ryan so I let you go. You didn't want to be queen so I let you go. Now you want to go through my phone for what? You literally have every piece of me."
"I don't have your phone."
"I swear to- Here- take it take everything. Do you want the shirt off of my back too?" He said slamming his phone down on the coffee table.
"You're not wearing a shirt."
"Not the fucking point." He glowered before getting up hastily leaving the room.
I looked down at the phone and picked it up. I bit my lip, entered his password and then I was in.
I sat down in Jaes spo and then clicked on his messages. I read through messages from every name I didn't know or remember. Trisha. Kylie. Nia. Kira. Cameron. Naomi. Pamella. Gigi. Celine. The conversations he had with those women were recent about a month or so ago. So he had been in contact with those women until I had given birth to Adeniji. As a matter of fact he had kept in contact with one woman, Celine until he had gotten to the hospital a month ago. I scrolled up to read through everything. He slept with her multiple times and enjoyed it. He asked her for photos and she sent them. She was the girl from the video. Hell, she gave him head an hour before he called me and found out I had given birth. He spoke to this bitch more than the bitch everyone thought was his girlfriend. He even cheated on his supposed girlfriend during our break. He had the audacity to tell me that he couldn't remember blueish silver bitch when she was right there saved in his contacts? Are you kidding me?
I stayed in the living room for an hour. This, this was too much. I heard footsteps behind me and saw Jae holding Aden. I stretched out my hands and he passed me the baby. I cradled him against me and unhooked my nursing bra and slid one side of my wrap shirt down and began feeding. Jae sat across from me here his phone lay on the coffee table.
"Did you have fun going through my phone?"
"Immensely. Why did you want to try to make this work when you were having so much fun with Celine? She seems pretty, smart she's not a princess but she'd do. So why come back?"
"Why do you not want this to work Yemi? Because I'm a fucking crown prince? So what if we didn't have Aden would you of had left me out to dry?"
"Do you really want to know the answer to that?"
Jaes eyes turned cold
"If we didn't have Aden then it would have been easier for me to disregard you the night you found out I was pregnant. Hell if things had gone my way you wouldn't of had found out at all."
Jaes eyes widened at that. "What?"
"If I hadn't become pregnant right now, I'd be fucking Ryan or someone he's doing business with hell maybe even at the same time. The fact that I love you has never changed but people change. Events change people. I would have kept my love for you in my heart and treasured all the moments we had together but I'd continue doing my job."
"So you would've been queen of fucking America but you can't be queen of Korea?"
"I never wanted to be queen I'm saying I would have just stuck it through because I married him. Queen came with the package just a lot faster than I would have liked or hoped." I said shortly
"But you would have stayed and been his queen.Why can't you do that for me? Are you just messing with me right now? Like in the end do you just plan on not being with me and that why you agreed to the trial?"
I gave him an incredulous look "Are you shitting me? Why would I agree if I wasn't going to make an effort?"
"You haven't made an effort."
"You're really shitting me right now. You can't be serious right now. I've made an effort. If I wasn't going to make an effort I wouldn't let you near me so you wouldn't get the wrong idea."
" So you allowing me to touch you is making an effort?" He asked in disbelief
"Yes. It is. Why are you making it seem like it's not a big deal?" I asked switching Aden to the other breast.
Jae looked at me. "That shouldn't be a big deal."
"But it is. It's a huge deal for me. You seem to forget that the men I have loved have had a sick way of proving their love to me. Sometimes I just want to kiss you because you make my heart swell and I- I have so much love for you Jae but then there's these times where I can't stand to share the same air with you. Sometimes just looking at you makes me feel dirty, and- and I feel like you've done something to me even when you haven't I know you'd never but I see them in you."
Jae paused at that. But I continued,
"This is hard for me. You just want me to be how I was before but I can't. How can I do that? Because I'm used to getting my ass beat and men assaulting me? Because I was totally fine when we met right? I was already fucked up and I still am. I need to breathe Jae." I strained, my voice raising a little bit. Tears rolled down my face,I shifted so I cradled Aden in one arm and wiped my face with the other.
Jae sat silently on the coffee table. "But we can work it out. We can-"
"How Jae? Acting like I was never abused isn't going to fix anything. When we met I just wanted to fuck you. You were like a shiny new toy to me. You were an escape but even then the scars stayed. That's not how I feel now of course. But-"
"Let me hold him so you can wipe your fa-"Jae tried to lean in and take Aden as I cried through my statement and I shoved his hand away.
"He's not done feeding. Let him eat. I'm really trying here, because I know how much this means to you, and you literally just told me my efforts are worth shit. I feel like you're only thinking about your side in this." I sniffled
"You were only think about your side in this before." He said his tone softer but I could still feel the edge.
"Because I said I don't want to be queen? Because I don't want to be tied down to you? Fucking sue me for wanting to be my own fucking person for once in my goddamn life." I raised my voice slightly
"You see, you don't want it to work. You're saying that right now." He accused
"Because you're rushing me. I feel rushed and I'm not ready. But you want this, you want it so badly. But you aren't listening to me. You're only hearing one thing."
"I am listening, you just said it. You said you don't want to be tied down to me. I'm not trying to rush you but like we've dated already we have a son why can't we get engaged?"
I sighed and put a towel over my shoulder before pulling Aden away from my breast and fixing my bra and shirt before resting his head over my shoulder and patted his back.
"What you have nothing to say now?" He asked
I gave him a tired glare. I rang for a caretaker and Camille came speeding into the room and took Aden from me gently. She took the towel and placed him over her own shoulder and patted his back as she made her way out the room no doubt to the nursery. I turned back to Jae who stood now expecting my retort.
"You know what? I'll marry you. Fuck it let's get married tomorrow." I said walking over to him.
Jae raised a brow and crossed his arms. "Oh yeah?" he asked sarcastically
"Yeah. Lets fucking do it. I said pissed off, pushing him so he sat on the couch.
"I'll become your queen. I'll be your pretty little wife." I said straddling his waist
"Adeyemi."
"Shh. This is what you wanted right? You want me to give up myself because you want us to be just like how we used to be. So here I am on top of you. You can take me like you used to, would you like that?" I asked my tone sultry and smooth wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Yemi." He stated softly trying to unlock my arms from around him. I didn't budge. I looked him dead in the eye as I spoke.
" You want me. I'm letting you have me. You want me to give myself to your dreams and aspirations. Then take me. Any which way you please. I'll spread my legs when you ask, but you can take me by force if you wish. My last husband enjoyed that. If you want you can share me with your friends, I'm sure Zituan will be glad to share a bed with me again." I grinded into him and let out a shaky moan even as Jae tried to untangle himself from me.
I pressed myself closer against him "After we marry just promise you won't beat me as badly as Ryan. I almost died a few times." I said in hurried whisper in his ear.
Jae managed to unhook my arms but I only dug my nails into his shoulders as I moved against him. "Look at me!" I hissed angry tears welling in my eyes, when he refused to meet my gaze "When you finish destroying me all over again do you want me to say thank you Sir,Master, or Daddy?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Yemi-"
I got off of him quickly and stood before him, wrapping my arms around myself not bothering to wipe my tears. He stood and I took a step back when he stepped forward.
"You are not the first man I've loved, if you took advantage of my love for you, you wouldn't be the first to do that that either. Take what you want from me. At this point I no longer care. You keep saying that you've always loved me more. But do you know how hard it is to step away from the one man you ever thought could show you real love because you just want to live in the same world as him even if you can't be with him? I've been someone's woman my entire life. I've been a crown princess I've been a queen. I'm tired. I'm always tired. I only have so much will Jae. Only.So.Much. I love you, you've seen the things I've done because I loved someone. I'm not fixed. I have had so much taken from me all I have left is a little bit of will and my body. But if you want it, I can give it to you. I've already grown weary of fighting to keep it for myself. But I can't take it anymore. Everyone wants me to just give in. So here I am." I opened my arms wide and dropping them. I gave him a fatigued smile "I'm here. Yours for now and evermore, like you've always wanted. Every mans wet dream come to life. I'll fuck you in fifteen different languages and beg for your seed in ten more. I can manipulate anyone and anything to follow your command if you give me at least three minutes. I can destroy kingdoms with a smile and unite them with a touch. I am yours now. I won't fight you. I can't. I can't go through the fight again. Congratulations. You won me over. " I said softly and quickly left the room. Everything was spinning and I felt like I was struggling to breathe. I sat on the stairs with my head between my knees and counted my breathing. A maid passed and then returned with a glass of water but I was shaking so badly I dropped the glass and it shattered. I shut my eyes as old and not so old memories filtered through my head. I felt sick then and emptied my stomach on the shoes of the poor maid. I opened my eyes to apologize but before I could speak my eyes shut and I passed out.