I wake up in the morning as my alarm clock goes off! I forgot to turn my stupid alarm for school off but I'm still not going in to school, even if it is the day of the big art presentation it will be too awkward to have to present that picture with Peeta after that kiss last night... I'm still not sure how I feel about the kiss or Peeta, it's just as though things moved too quickly between us, one minute we're enemies and then the next his lips are on mine... still I feel bad about making him drive home at half past one in the stupid morning, right now it's only around 7 o'clock and it took me a while to fall to sleep so I've only had a couple of hours... oh well I have the rest of the day to make that up.
I lie back down after stopping the alarm clock from going off and get ready to get back to sleep.
Just as I get comfortable and feel myself starting to drift off again which has taken an hour or so I hear someone banging
on the door, I lift one of my pillows up and put my head between both of my pillows in the hope that who ever is downstairs
will just leave and come back some other time but after five minutes they are still outside and the banging is starting to
seriously annoy me!
I practically drag myself out of bed and down the stairs, nice to see my mother didn't bother getting up even though I'm supposed to be in school and she doesn't know that I'm not.
"Okay! Calm down! I'm coming, I'm coming!" The pounding on the door stops and I grab the keys and swing the door open to reveal someone who at a first glance I thought was Peeta but when I look properly I notice that the man is quite a bit older than Peeta, he gives me a small smile when he sees me buthe looks tired and as though he's had less sleep than me.
"Is it Katniss?"I nod,
"It is and I'm guessing that you are Mr Mellark?" He nods his head,
"I called the school but you weren't there so I came here to talk to you instead. I don't know if you know but last night, well technically this morning, Peeta was involved in a serious car accident." His mouth continues to move but after that sentence I hear none of what he says.
I knew I should have argued more with Peeta about how late it was and how he should have just slept on the couch and driven home early in the morning before I woke up! It was dark outside and his head was all over the place after the kiss! If anything terrible has happened to him then I will never ever forgive myself! I shouldn't have lead him on by kissing him back!
What makes everything worse is that he was in a car crash like Prim and my Father and, well... me so I know how horrible the experience can be, especially with the flashbacks, you don't know when they will hit you it can be any time and you can be in any place...
********FLASHBACK********
"Daddy! You're going the wrong way to the school!" Prim giggles in the front of the car where my Dad sits singing along to the radio, he stops singing to answer Prim,
"No I'm not. I'm taking you a special way because you are my two special girls!"
"Why Dad?, What's so special about this way?"
"It goes past the lake and the lake house. One day I'll take you two girls there and you can swim like I taught you to Katniss but that was nearer to home and Prim I'll teach you how to swim like I did with Katniss. And Katniss you can hunt a little with your bow and arrow if you'd like."
Me and Prim get really excited,and my Father chuckles at our excitement and in that moment of happiness we all fail to see the car come speeding from one of the narrow roads which lead onto this little country road, the car hits the front of our pick up truck and all we can do is scream as the car makes impact with ours and the front of the car is crushed and darkness takes over.,.
********END OF FLASHBACK********
I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs as I scream at the thought of that awful day and the speaking echoes through my mind, when I reopen my eyes which were tightly shut I see Mr Mellark knelt down infront of me,
"S-sorry, I... I l-lost my sister and father i-in a car crash. I-I was there as well, I get flashbacks and I can't control them. That's what happened just now..."
He offers his hands to me and he helps me up off the floor when I accept them. He sits me down on the couch,
"Would you like me to explain what happened?"
I shake my head but say,
"No just how is he?"
"Well like I said, it was a pretty serious crash. He's awake now but ermmm," he scratches the back of his head, "He had to have the lower part of his left leg amputated from his thigh... The Doctors tried their best but it couldn't be saved he's had a mould done for his artificial leg and he's recovering very well but his heart did stop twice during surgeryand they lost him but got him back quickly."
I start to cry and shake,
"It's my fault, it's all my fault! I shouldn't have let him drive home at half past one! I should have just made him sleep downstairs and then he could have left in the morning to get ready for school!"
Mr Mellark tries to comfort me,
"Peeta can be very stuborn when he wants to but if he wasn't then he might not have made it. You can't blame yourself Katniss but Peeta does want to see you. It's all he's been asking about since he came to after his surgery and I know for a fact that he won't give up until you go and see him."
"I'm sorry that I didn't make him sleep here, if I did this could have been avoided but if you give me a minute I'll go and get ready and then I'll go and see him, I can drive myself if you'd like." I don't really want to drive myself but I also don't want to trouble Mr Mellark, I'm the reason his son is even in the hospital!
"It's fine Katniss, I'll wait for you, I'm heading up to see him anyway to it's honestly no trouble for me to drive you as well. Anyway from what I've heard about the art project and staying up until half past one I don't think you're in a good state to be driving." I sigh giving in,
"Thankyou, I'll literally be five minutes to get ready."
I rush up the stairs and quickly change into a pair of jeans and top with maroon long sleeves and a maroon pocket with the actual main body of the top being cream.I then brush my teeth and shove my hair into a messy bun on top of my head. I grab my grey coat from the back of my bedroom door and pull on my military style black boots before running back down the stairs and quickly getting into the car with Mr Mellark.
The car journey is silent. neither of us try to start a conversation, there's really nothing left to say but as we pull up into hospital car park and Mr Mellark puts on the handbrake he turns and looks at me and sighs,
"You know he misses how you used to be when you were younger Katniss."
I look down at my hands,
"I miss him too but we argued a lot and drifted apart, I honestly don't know how I feel about him anymore. I've just been really confused lately... well not even lately, I haven't been the same since the accident... I'm broken." He just nods his head and doesn't say anything. We get out of the car and he shows me up to Peeta's room.
I slowly open the door and walk in, Peeta smiles when he sees me but I don't return the smile, he looks so weak and pale and all I can think of is how it's my fault that he looks like this.
I stand awkwardly near the door, not quite sure of what to say or do so Peeta starts, or tries to start a conversation,
"Hey." He says. I start fidgeting with my hands, not looking directly at Peeta because I feel as though I'll break down. I don't reply to what he said either, I won't be able to mantain a normal converstaion with him so what's the point in starting one?
I take a step closer to him and look into his eyes before darting my eyes around the room and trying to avoid his gaze,
"I can't just say, 'hey' Peeta. I'm the reason that you're here. I shouldn't have let you drive home at that time in the morning no matter what happened. I'm the reason that you no longer have a full left leg, the reason that you will never have a completely normal life again. I will never be able to express to you how sorry I am and how much I wish I wouldn't have kissed you back because that was just me leading you on and you don't deserve to be lead on and given false hope of something or someone that will always hurt you. I'm just something that will eventually go off and I want to limit the casualties. If I get close to you then something bad is going to happen again and I can't put either of us through that. You don't need me in your life, I'm bad luck for anyone that gets too near to me so believe me when I say that this is for
your own good even if you don't see that now... I'm so sorry Peeta."
The smile is long gone from his face and before he has chance to say anything in reply I hurry out of his room and straight past Mr Mellark who shouts after me as I walk down the corridor with tears streaming down my face.
That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, especially with the look he had on his face and because I'm still not sure how I feel about him but it truly was for his own good.
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Autor's Note:
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