Phil
The loud clicking sound of the metal door unlocking excited Phil as he jumped up from his spot on the bed. Standing in the door frame with metal keys in her right hand, and bony hands on her hips stood Nurse Linda. She had the most prude, and disproving expression on her face as she shook her head at Phil.
"I can't believe I almost lost my job over you," she said, finally.
Phil smiled, "I'm sorry, was I too much to handle, sweetheart? I'll be good next time, I promise."
Linda shakes her head, "Phillip, you know the rules like the back of your hand. They never change. You go to your room after sessions, and only your room. I couldn't find you for hours. I had to ask the janitor if he saw you anywhere. Luckily, he sees everything."
Phil laughs, "I was feeling lonely."
"You are always feeling lonely," Linda replied, still irritated.
At the sound of laughter Evan had started to slowly blink open his eyes, squinting as he adjusts to the sunlight from the window. When he sees Phil and Linda he immediately sits up rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," Phil chirps with a smile.
Evan groaned a bit but smiled, "Morning."
Linda rolled her eyes, "You two are in big trouble. Who let you two stay in the same room? It is strictly forbidden."
Phil shrugs, "We were sleeping before the door was closed, so we don't know. Plus, it's not like we did anything but sleep."
Linda raises her eyebrows, "Sleeping? Actually sleeping? Since when did Phillip Lester ever sleep?"
Phil smiles, "I had some help this time."
"Well, I never," she says in disbelief. She looks over at Evan, "Angels are real. I never met a person who could help Phillip get to sleep. I swear, you're better than any drug I've ever encountered."
Evan blushes, and smiles sheepishly, but he doesn't say anything.
"Who's your nurse by the way? She is probably the one that let you two break the rules. I ought to teach her a lesson for her ignorance. We can't have patients breaking the rules," Linda said, switching back to her sassy tone.
"Nurse Greta," Evan said quietly.
Phil noted that Evan never really talked to anyone but him. When he did talk to someone else he seemed shy, and lost. Not nearly as sweet, and curious as he is. Why wasn't Evan himself around others?
"Oh, I should've known it was Ol' Greta. Worked here longer than me, and she still don't follow the code. She's got a soft spot for pretty boys like you two. Always letting emotions get in the way of her work. Always walking around like she doesn't know the floor from the ceiling! That woman is more carefree than a frat boy. Should've had her fired long ago," Linda rambles, clearly annoyed.
"How long have you worked here?" Phil asked.
"Fifteen years. Never once met such a lazy nurse as Greta. She probably just didn't want to deal with you."
Phil laughs, "No one does."
"Well, actually that's not true. Doctor Howell wants to speak with you, Phillip."
Phil's smile leaves his face, and he looks down at the floor. I hurt him, I hurt him.
"Tell him I don't want to speak to him today," Phil says quietly.
Evan senses his uneasiness, and starts to rub his back worryingly. He says that everything will be okay with his eyes, and Phil smiles at him gently. He really appreciates how kind he'd been this last week.
Linda sighs outwardly through her nose, "Phil, he has requested that you see him now. You have to respect your doctor, and do as you're told."
"I don't take commands," Phil says annoyed.
"After the stunt you pulled yesterday you're in no authority to try to deny your doctor's requests. He's worried you're getting worse."
Phil laughed as if it were the funniest thing in the world, "Is getting any worse even possible?"
Linda sighed, "Surprisingly, you're in good shape for a crazy person. At least, you have been lately. But if Doctor Howell wants to see you because he's worried, I'm taking you to see him immediately."
Phil narrows his eyes, "Still crushing on him, huh?"
"I am not," Linda says sternly, "You used to love seeing him, what happened?"
Phil doesn't answer. It's your fault I never loved you.
Evan looks up from the floor, "Does he really have to go?" he asks quietly. He sounds like a child, but that was the point.
Linda opens her mouth as if she's going to say something, then closes it. She stares into Evan's dark eyes for a second before she can't take the amount of sadness that dwells in them. She feels bad.
"I...I have to...but I promise that I will bring him right back here after, okay?" Linda says gently.
Phil smirks, Evan's cuteness was almost unfair. Not even Linda could turn him down.
Evan nods at her, and turns towards the window, removing his hand from Phil's. Though, he's not sure when it got there.
"Now come on, Phil," Linda says, "Don't keep him waiting. I won't almost lose my job twice."
Phil rolls his eyes, but gets up to go, "Fine, but only because I care about you, Linda."
He whispers goodbye to Evan in his ear, and Evan smiles. Phil can't help but smile back as Linda leads him out of room 10-22.
He walks down the hall lazily as he makes his way towards Doctor Howell's office. Not every Doctor has an office, but he was probably the smartest one here. Plus, considering he could leave at any time, they wanted him to like it here, so he would stay. It was kind of stupid.
Linda knocked on the oak door politely as Phil sighed. He had this feeling in his stomach he wished he didn't have. He was nervous. Nervous to see Dan again after what happened. He hadn't felt this nervous in a long time.
They hear a polite, "Come in!" from the other side of the door, and Phil's stomach flops. There's no going back now, he's right there.
Linda pushes open the door with a broad smile on her face, "Hello, Doctor Howell."
Dan smiles, "Hello Linda, how are you?"
Phil wants to throw up.
"I'm doing great. I brought Phillip here to see you like you asked."
She takes a step back, and gently guides Phil forward like he's a child. He makes eye contact with Dan, and his stomach gets worse.
Dan smiles at him, but he doesn't smile back.
"Thank you, Linda. You can go now," Dan says politely.
Linda's smile never falters as she nods, and leaves the room. She gently closes the door behind her.
It's just them two now.
Alone.
Phil makes his way towards one of the red, soft chairs in front of Dan's desk. He sits down, and stares at Dan, ignoring the frenzied butterflies in his belly.
"Hello, Phil," Dan greets.
"Hello, Doctor Howell."
"Since when do you call me that?" Dan asks.
"Since I started to realize things about us."
"Like, what?"
"I'm not ready to tell you."
Dan nods, "Okay, but it's my job for you to tell me things."
"Don't you think I know that? That's all this is. You, and I. We're brought together by your occupation, and my state of mind. You don't care about me, and you don't care about anyone or anything but your job, and perfect boyfriend. I'm pathetic, right? Wanting more than to be another patient? I'm a delusional head case," Phil says.
Dan is shocked for a moment, before he shakes is head, "Phil, you know you mean more to me than that. We've been over this."
"Do I? Do I really, Dan? Or do you just want me to think that, so I'll open up to you?"
"Phil, I-"
"Shut up, Dan. I'm not done," Phil interrupts, "I've been having nightmares again. Every time I close my goddamn eyes. The last nightmare was about you. I dreamed about you, and I woke up crying. I didn't sleep the rest of the night. I can't get you out of my head, yet I seem to be the last one on your mind."
"Stop it! Stop saying stuff like that! Is it so hard for you believe that I care about you? I was worried sick about you yesterday! You never left my thoughts once! I had never wanted to hold you more in my entire knowing you, and you ran away before I could. Even fucking Pj, who you treat like absolute shit, was worried about you! He tried to help you for God's sake! It hurt like hell seeing you like how you were. Phil, I feel closer to you than I probably should as your doctor, and anyone can see it. I'm sorry, if I don't show it very well."
Phil had slight tears in his eyes, and he didn't know if he'd just been holding it in for too long, or if he really did have emotional issues.
Dan continued a bit quieter, "I went looking for you after you left, and I was the one who found you in Evan's room. You were asleep. Face inches from his. You never sleep, Phil. And I had never seen you look so peaceful before, accept for once."
"And when was that?" Phil asked quietly.
"The night I held you for the first time."
The room is silent for a second.
"Do you ever miss that night?" Phil asked.
"All of the time," Dan answered.
"Me too," Phil said, "It was before all of the nightmares about you."
Dan frowns, "What are they like?"
"I don't want to tell you," Phil says.
Dan pretends that doesn't bother him, "When did you last have one?"
"Last night."
Dan sighed, "I wish I could hold you every night, so you never have nightmares," he mumbled.
"What?" Phil asked.
"Nothing," Dan replied.
"Has your worst nightmare ever been something you don't understand?" Phil asked.
Dan nods, "Yes."
"What is it?"
"Hurting you," Dan said, "I'm deathly afraid of hurting you."
Phil looked into his eyes looking for any sign he was lying, but he found none. He wanted to pull him over from his side of the desk, and press his lips against his. He wanted to look into his pretty brown eyes forever. He wanted Dan, and all of his beauty to himself. Was he selfish? Was he in love? Was there a difference? He found himself saying this out loud.
Phil laughs, "Am I selfish? Am I in love? Is there a difference between the two? I'm drowning in some sort of confusion over the identity of my feelings. I'm greedy, but I'm a lover at heart. I want his skin on my mine, so I can feel his beauty radiate through me. I want us alone. I want him to be mine."
Dan furrowed his eyebrows, "What? What are you on about?"
"I am so lost. In my nightmares, in yours. Is it so coincidental that I dream of hurting you too?" Phil said.
"Phil, you're acting mad as rabbits," Dan said.
"Are you forgetting who I am? I'm a mad man, and I'm not getting any better."
Dan sighed, "I was afraid of that."
"Are you afraid of me?" Phil asked.
Dan smiles, "I haven't been afraid of you in a long time."
"What if I made you afraid of me?" Phil asked quietly.
"I'd like to see you try," Dan said smirking.
"Ooh, I like it when you're a challenge, babe."
Dan grinned, "Now, that's the Phil I know and love."
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AN: You're welcome for the Phil gif