It was so hard. Hard, suspenseful and extremely awkward. I was so used to having Anna smiling her big sunshine grin, laughing her goofy laugh, and linking our arms together as we walked to class and she chatted about nothing in particular. When I had entered school and saw her her face paled and she turned and walked quickly away from me.
I felt like dying.
I tried to catch up to her and talk but it near impossible. To top it all off Shelley seemed to have joined forces with Shenise, and they were throwing me death glares all day. I didn't like it. It was okay for them to glare at me, fine. But the had started getting bold again; bumping my shoulder on the way to class, whispering and smirking spitefully at me. They were up to something. And the fact that I didn't have my human ray of sunshine by my side made me feel vulnerable. Like the dark clouds would surround and entrap me at any given moment.
I was in hell.
After school I had ran to catch up to her before she got into her car and I was lucky enough to grab her arm before she did. She whirled around to face me, her eyes wide as if in fear and her jaw clenched. She yanked her arm away and shouted at me in a sharp whisper. "What do you want Jess?"
"I want to talk!"
"I don't wanna talk to you," she snapped.
I felt a lump build in my throat and tried to swallow it down so it wouldn't show the hurt I was feeling. "Why? Why, Anna, why? Because I kissed you? Are you a homophob now cause you know how much of a contradiction that is, right?"
"Don't be stupid!" She snapped again.
"Then why? What did I do? Can you except the fact that maybe I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing?!"
"You weren't drunk Jess! You had a little bit to drink but that wore off so don't even dare using that as a sorry ass excuse!"
This was so different for me. I never had a girl yell at me like this. I've never had to beg for someone to take me back- hell, I never wanted anyone to really take me back! Usually I would piss a girl off and then reel her back in with my wit and charm and she'd be the one begging at my feet. I knew if all the girls who's hearts I had broken saw me like this they would all surround me and applaud.
"I'm sorry Anna!" I shouted as if I were talking to a three year old. "Why can't you forgive me? Why are you so upset about this?!"
"Because I don't wanna lead you on!" She cried, a tear rolling down her cheek.
"Anna that's ridiculous can't you see I know where I stand!?"
"Well I don't! I told you about my relationship, Jess. And what if something happens like I think I like you but I end up going for a guy?! Get this through your head: I. Don't. Bat. For. Your. Team."
I just stared at her, my jaw gaping like a fish out of water. She was being so harsh. It was unnecessary. And even worse, though her words were like blows to the stomach I could see the hurt behind her eyes. I could tell she didn't mean anything she was saying, but it sure hurt like hell to hear it.
"Anna," I whispered. "Please you're...you're my best friend... I need you"-
"And that's another thing, Jess," she whispered, "I don't think we should be friends.."
I heard myself gasp and felt my heart thudding rapidly against my chest. All because of a kiss? Why? There's got to be something else. Anna has to much sense, too much heart to be so cold like this. I look into her eyes, searching for something, an answer for her coldness, but almost as if she knows I'm looking for kindness, her eyes harden and her mouth sets in a hard line.
"Bye Jess." Before I could say another word she turns around, her hair hitting me like a whip lash in the face, and she storms away.
I stared after her, my feet frozen to the ground. Go! Go after her what are you waiting for!? My mind is screaming this at me but my body is still frozen. I wanted to talk to her and I knew she would be upset, but I didnt think she would be that upset!
This isn't right. Something isn't right. There's a reason she's acting this way. I need to find out why. She's the one who encouraged me to "come out". Why would she be so upset?
Though with all my might I'm convincing myself that there's a method behind her madness, I could still feel the stinging sensation in my eyes, I still feel that big lump in my throat, way to big to swallow down now. My heart still bangs madly against my chest, like a butterfly in a cage banging on the jar eager to touch the sun.
Wow. Since when did I become such a poet? Of course I know the answer. And she's walking away from me. Suddenly a shoulder rams into me from behind, nudging me forward on both sides. "Oops."
"Watch it bitch."
I watch as Shenise and Shelley walk ahead of me, Shenise glancing back waving and flashes me the finger, Shelley notions for me to call her. I just stared at them, not really seeing them, for my mind was still focussed on Anna. Nothing really mattered until I fixed what we had. If I lost Anna, then I already lost any upcoming battles I'd have to fight. And I had alot more battles coming up....
-
-
-
I had two more days, and Anna was still refusing to acknowledge my existence. My other friends, the real ones, such as Denise, Maria, Carrie, Aiden and Jenni all saw the awkwardness that was going on between Anna and I, but they didn't know what to do about it. My fake parents were worried about me, all I had been doing was sulk and mulp around the house. They even "ungrounded" me hoping it would make me feel better.
But nothing could work. I had only two days to make a difference and despite the urging from Samantha and Aiden I felt defeated. I was stuck like this forever. What would happen to my body? Would I get burried? Who would even attend my funeral? Would my dad even be there? I realized then that since I was doomed to be a girl forever I would never be able to make up for being such a rotten son.
I literally couldn't remember the last time I told him that I loved him, or said thank-you, or sorry. That's what a real man does. A real man says thank you, and sorry,and I love you, cause a real man doesn't care if anyone besides the ones he loves doesn't find him a man. But I guess I have no reason to care what a "real man" does. I'm a girl now. And life as I knew it is literally gone for good.
I stayed in my room ignoring all calls and watching as the white frost traveled up the tip of the tree. It was actually very pretty in a depressing sort of way. The tree was completely bare and slightly shriveled. A beautiful white frost had started to creep over it, making it seem like glass almost. It was about halfway covered. It just had some branches to go.
I started to wonder how I would know the change was complete. Would it hurt? Would I swirl in the air with some type of glitter dust like how they did in Shrek? Or would I feel nothing at all? I would rather have it hurt. Hopefully it would hurt so bad the pain would block the emotional pain that I felt now. But I doubted that was even possible.
I was laying in my bed staring at the frost covering the nine inch tree and wondering about pain when I heard a faint tap at the door. "Yea?" I grumbled.
"Jessica, honey, there's a friend here for you."
"Sure," I grumbled again, not really caring. If it was Denise by with a plate of cookies or Carrie offering another sleepover my answer would be the same: Leave me alone to die.
My fake mom, or I guess real mom now, sighed and left, mumbling apologies or some other to my visitor. There was another light cheery tap on the door as her figure was replaced by another. "Happy to see me beautiful?"
I snapped my head up at the door and saw Aiden leaning there with that stupid smile on his face as always. Suddenly his eyes widened as he caught glimpse of the dying tree in the pot by my bed. "Whoa..." he breathed.
I smirked, feeling smugness despite my depression. "Told ya."
He walked over to the tree ignoring my comment and reached a shaky finger towards it. "If I touch it I won't turn into a toad will I?"
I shrugged. "Nothing's happened to me. But hey you never know unless you try."
He continued to reach for it, his finger shaky and uncertain. He jabbed at it quickly then even quicker pulled his hand away shaking his wrist. "Ow!"
"What is it hot?" I asked surprised that it actually hurt him.
"No," he hissed, "it's freezing."
I sighed and slumped back down, suddenly noticing what he was wearing. I frowned at him, and this time not for his optimism. He was wearing a tux, his ridiculous long and curly hair had finally been cut and styled, his shoes a shiny black.
"What the hell are you wearing?" I snapped.
Uphased by my attitude he spun around. "You like it? I would love to take credit for it but Jenni picked it out. You know. Girls."
I rolled my eyes. "Was that supposed to be a joke?"
"Oh. Sorry."
"Whatever." Then something he said suddenly clicked and I stared at him in confusion. "Why are you wearing a tux?" I suddenly began to feel nauseous as I thought about the possibilities. "You're not getting married are you?"
"Really? Come one, Jess, don't tell me that you were so busy shoving out the world that you forgot the Enchanted Spring Dance was today?"
"No, that's on Friday," I disagreed desperately.
"Which is today."
I gasped. "Oh no...this is it..." I mumbled...the last day...I thought I had two more days."
He sighed and sat next to me. "Well that was yesterday, Jess....you...you weren't at school yesterday...so I figured you must've stayed home the day after you and Anna had that fight... and well...that was Thursday and now it's Friday. Aka: the night of the dance."
I groaned and rolled over on my back. Perfect. Just perfect timing. While everyone else was celebrating I was officially gonna be damned to hell.
"Sorry, Jess," he mumbled softly. "But I still don't think you should give up."
I shot up and glared at him. "Are you serious? Aiden come on you and I both know that there's no possible way that I could"-
"Okay, okay, well at least...come to the dance."
"Why would I do that?" I snapped.
"Because I think it'll be good for you. Even if it's the last fun thing you do."
I glared. "Please"-
"Jesse please for me?"
I was so close to laughing in his face but he gave me the blue eyed puppy dog look and even I couldn't resist that. "Fine. I snapped. But get out I need to get ready."
He jumped up off the bed and pumped his fist in the air in victory. "Ok,see you outside!" He ran outside and closed my door.
I rolled my eyes but decided maybe he was right. Yeah I was gonna be in hell forever, why not at least try to make it seem like heaven? I got out of bed and headed for the shower, starting to feel just a little bit calmer as the hot water hit my tensed body. I washed my hair and as soon as I was out got out my make-up kit and applied according to my make up lessons 101. The dress Shelley had picked out for me was green and the more I stared at it, the more skanky it looked. Not to mention it was too small, and too short. No. No thank-you, I don't think I wanna be a slut tonight.
I tossed it on the floor and pulled out one Denise had picked. It was red, skin tight with a sweet heart top and had that fabric that shimmers when the light hits it. It had a slit going partially up the right leg and hung down in the back. As I looked at my reflection I almost wanted to laugh at myself. With my red hair d pinned at the sides and flowing down my back I looked like Jessica rabbit in human form. You know, minus the fact that my boobs weren't bigger than my own head..
Maybe tonight wouldn't be so terrible after all...
I stepped downstairs and though my parents stared at me with slightly disapproving eyes I couldn't help but laugh at the look that Aiden gave me. His jaw was hanging open and I'm pretty sure if he was a cartoon his eyes would be bulging out of their sockets.
I tried to hide my smirk as I came down the stairs. The looks Aiden had my parents were giving me was something I was used to; kids my age gawking at me and adults glaring at me. I may be a chick but one thing was for sure, Jesse James Anderson was still inside me, and he was ready to go out with a bang, even if it was the last thing I did.
-
-
-
The music was already blaring by the time we pulled up to the campus. People were walking in and girls were strutting in their six inchers while some wobbled on what seemed to be twelve inch heels. I smirked to myself, knowing that almost every girl would be wobbling like they were drunk by the end of the night, unless that was actually the case.
I however had chosen to stay on the safe side and wore three inches. Unlike most girls I didn't care about height. The dress made one look long anyway. As we parked we sat in silence, me mentally preparing myself and him...I don't know probably checking his hair or something. Finally he looked over at me and squeezed my hand.
"Ready?"
I sighed and mumbled, "as I'll ever be..." we got out of the car and headed towards the entrance of the dance. As we neared I couldn't help but notice all the couples walking in together. I looked at Aiden. "Where's Jenni?"
His face flushed and he ran a hand through his hair. "She's inside."
"Ah," was all I could say. I could tell something was up with him, and I didn't like the fact that he and I were walking in as best friend while everyone else entered in couples. Didn't want people to get the wrong idea. We walked to the security and showed them our ids so they could know we're high school kids and stepped inside.
The dance took place in the multi-purpose room, so there was plenty of space. All around were round tables with different colored cloths; light green, pink, blue, yellow, and each had a flower decoration with fake shimmery butterflies sprouting from the center. As he led me to the table where the rest of our friends were I examined each table and the decorated room some more.
I had to give them credit. Despite the slight chessiness the "inspirational" napkins had with all the "bee yourself", and "Just beelieve" the place actually looked pretty nice.
We reached our tables I heard my friends whistle and awe at my dress, and Aiden spun me around for dramatic effect. I couldn't help but laugh myself.
Even though I was gonna be a girl forever, at least I was a hot one. However not everyone was all smiles at my table. Jenni had her hair in a classy updo, and was wearing and aqua mermaid gown. She looked me over once and then turned away indifferently.
Ouch. So it would be one of those night, huh? Confused, I nudged Aiden discreetly and nodded in her direction, hinting him to go over to her. He sighed and trudged over. Sitting next to her and wrapping his arm over her shoulder. She snapped at him and they started having some type of silent heated discussion. Finally she pushed herself up and stormed away from the table.
"What's wrong dude?" I asked as he came back over to me.
He sighed, looking torn. "She's upset."
"Well I can see that. Why?"
"I...she...I don't know.."
"Well...aren't you gonna go after her?"
"No man she told me to leave her alone!"
I sighed and resisted the urge to face palm myself. Sigh, the male ignorance of the female mind. "Listen, dude! She doesn't really want you to leave her alone! If you leave her alone when she tells you to leave her alone she'll be even more mad at you!"
He frowned. "Well why did she tell me to do one thing when she really wants me to do the opposite?"
"I don't know! Well actually I do, but its just a girl thing and its way to complicated to explain. Just go!"
He sighed reluctantly but ran off in the direction of his girlfriend. I however, had a girl to mend things with myself. She was the real reason I agreed to come here tonight, and angry confused, sad or pissed she was going to listen to me if it was the last sane thing I did.
-
-
-
Comment and vote!!
Let me know how you think the story's gonna end!! o.O