(Liam's POV - Fri. 4 October 2013)
What have I done??
What the hell have I just done?
I am not that stupid and I already know the answer. I got carried away and I kissed my boss! How could I do that? I had promised myself not to let go of my emotions. Only a few days ago, I decided I would ignore all these feelings that have been growing within me and here I was, kissing him back!
What the fuck have I just done?
As I step into the train and take a seat, the scene keeps replaying in my mind. I don't know what happened exactly. First there was this invitation for a dinner that I wanted to decline. When Mr. Pierce asked me if I could stay later today because he needed some documents to work on over the weekend, I willingly accepted because I truly love this job.
I particularly like these tasks which consist in deciphering and understanding files in order to come up with a synthesized document. I didn't have anything planned for tonight since Shan is out with some guy, so I didn't mind staying later in the office, but I wasn't expecting my boss to invite me for dinner in return.
His offer sounded more like a request, and against all my resolutions, I felt compelled to accept the invitation. What happened in the lift still appears like a blur to me. For some reason, I leaned against the wall of the cage, facing him, instead of facing the doors as I usually do. When the doors shut, there was a sudden tension and before I knew it, Mr. Pierce was pinning me against the wall and his long hands were cupping my face.
His soft lips on mine first surprised me and I unconsciously reached for his wrists, but never did I mean to pull him away from me. It felt just too good. At that moment, I realized I had been waiting for this to happen, and as his tongue slipped inside my mouth, contradictory reactions arose in my body.
First, I felt all my muscles melt at his contact, it was like his thumbs were sending soothing waves through me, his warmth untied all the knots in my muscles. At the same time, I felt some tension growing down there and it only increased when he tilted my head to the side and deepened the kiss.
This is when I kissed back.
I shamefully kissed him back!!! I felt his strength and dominance, and damn! I really did kiss back. All these things emanating from him aroused me hugely, but obviously, I wasn't the only one. I felt his own erection against my hip. It seemed huge and I surprised myself moaning and wanting more.
However, when he withdrew from me, I just purely and simply panicked. Had I instigated this? Had I given off my feelings toward him, so much so that it compelled him to kiss me? Had I been too obvious?
All I felt then was shame and as soon as the doors slid open, I rushed out and ran away. I ignored Tony's questioning look and his call to me, and ran as fast as I could, but once I was out of sight, it hit me I had done yet another mistake. I just ditched my boss without a word when he had just invited me for dinner. That was so rude.
For a few seconds I was tempted to run back and apologize, but how could I face him now? How would I be able to look him in the eyes? I felt so ashamed of my behavior. Even worse, I was scared; scared that he would reject me and even fire me. No, I definitely couldn't go back for now. I needed to let some time pass and dearly hoped that the weekend would be enough.
Thank God, Shan is not home when I get to our apartment. He told me he was going to have a few drinks at a pub with some guys he met last week and I am grateful for that, because it allows me to break down and cry my soul out on what happened tonight. I spend a full hour in the shower to try and get rid of my guilt.
I only get out when I can no longer take the sting of the cold water, much longer after the hot water has run out. I am terribly shaking when I step out of the shower tub and grab a warm towel, but I can't be sure if this is a consequence of the freezing water or of my stupid reaction.
I am feeling completely and utterly spent by all this stress, so I quickly put on some sweatpants and a hoodie, and curl up on the couch in the living room. I strive myself to shove all these thoughts aside, but the kiss keeps rehearsing in my head.
On Tuesday evening, I had resolved to ignore my emotions. I wanted to spend Saturday night at a nightclub in order to meet people and see if I could get attracted to someone else. That would confirm my sexual orientation, but I didn't need this in the end. I know how gay I am now. I need to face the truth and admit I already knew it, but my earlier erection and how much I loved this kiss only proved it.
I don't know how I should feel toward this... toward the realization I am gay.
I think I don't really care. My best friend is gay and I love him as a brother. I never had any problem with that before. Now how about the fact that I, myself, am gay? I don't care either. I guess that's something you just can't control. Am I scared about what people might think? No, I believe this is none of their business and anyway, there will always be homophobic people. I will just ignore them.
My only concern is my parents. I absolutely have no clue about their honest opinion on homosexuality. Now that I think about it, this is a bit weird, because my parents are quite open-minded people - although quite selfish in their own way - and we have always brought up any kind of subjects. They also know Shan is gay, but they have never expressed their thoughts about it. I now wonder if they ever thought I was gay too.
"You know, it's more interesting if you switch it on..."
Shan's ironic voice makes me startle. I didn't even hear him come back. I watch him walk to the television I have been staring at for a long time, and switch it on.
"See?? That's the magic of electronics! You press that button and images display on the screen and there's even some sound!" he exclaims mockingly.
"Hey... I wasn't watching..." I simply reply, tuning out Bart Simpson and his nasal voice.
"Are you okay, Bunny?" Shan asks worryingly.
Should I tell him about what happened? Shan has always been my best and only friend, and yet, I can't resolve to tell him about the incident, exactly like I haven't resolved to tell him about these emotions I have felt since I first met Mr. Pierce. It's not really fair from me, because Shan always confide in me, but all this... this is just too new to me and I need to sort things out on my own first.
"Yeah, just tired. The week was quite intense at work," I reply with a small smile in an attempt to reassure him.
"Why aren't you in bed then?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow. Good question, Chipmunk, good question... "Have you had dinner?"
"I was about to go to bed... and yeah I snacked something," I lie. The truth is I am not hungry at all and even feeling a bit nauseous.
"You look upset. Has something happened?" he asks, narrowing his eyes.
"No, no... I'm just exhausted. I had a long and tiring day..." At least that is true.
"Sure?"
"Yeah... I'll go to bed now. Did you have a good evening? You're here early..." I comment when I notice that it's barely midnight.
"Yeah, it was okay. We'll probably see them tomorrow at the club by the way..." he says hesitantly. Great... Oh well, they might be nice people after all. "Oh, and I found a new job!"
"Oh, that's great! What is it?"
"It's to do some renovation work, in a farm. Thing is it's in a small town close to Davenport, so that's a three-hour ride from here and I'll be staying there the whole time..."
"Renovation work?" I ask a bit dubiously.
"Yeah... It's one of the guys I recently met who offered me the job. It's moonlighting, but it pays well. He knows that farmer over there who wants to renovate his stables, so I'll go and help him with another of his friends. The great part is that the old man will provide accommodation and food, and it's only for two weeks."
I'm not too sure about what I should think about that. It doesn't sound very... ethical. Huh! Who am I to speak about ethics when I just kissed my own boss?
"Well, that's still something I guess. When are you starting?"
"We're driving there on Monday morning and we'll work for two weeks non-stop. So, I won't be back until the end of week after next," he explains.
"Oh... okay... Just be careful though," I reply, trying to contain the slight bitterness in my voice. This means I won't see him for two entire weeks.
"Yes, of course! Now go get some sleep! You need to be in full form for tomorrow evening!!!"
"Okay... Good night Shan!"
"Night, Bunny... Sleep tight!" he says as I walk to my bedroom.
Well Shan's wish for a good night doesn't work well. I don't fall asleep until 6am, after I have once again shed more tears of stress and anger. When I wake up on Saturday, it is already past noon. Something that rarely happens to me, even when I go to sleep late. However, I don't feel any better today. My dreams have been populated with reminiscences of last evening, which results in painful hard-on. I decide to ignore it and turn to lie on my stomach, hands beneath my pillow. I am tempted to stay in bed until Monday morning to be honest.
However, I remember that Shan will be away for the next two weeks and I'd rather enjoy his presence this weekend. Moreover, I can't let myself mope around over the incident. I need to get out and take my mind off of things.
A new emotion starts rising within me as I think back to the kiss. It is one of grudge mixed with anger, but this time, it's not against me. I realize I wasn't the one to start all this shit. I wasn't the one to go for the kiss. At first, I wondered if I had done something to encourage Mr. Pierce to do so, but I'm pretty sure I didn't.
Since Wednesday, I had been on my most polite and discreet behavior, being only professional and speaking up for myself. I had managed to ignore these feelings and there was nothing in my attitude that could have encouraged him to act like he did.
But then, why did he kiss me?
Does he have feelings for me? No, this can't be possible. I never thought I was particularly attractive. Of course, I have these blue eyes that might attract people, but my features are not exceptional; at least not to me. I am rather small and my body is so plain and thin that I wouldn't imagine anyone to like it.
Shan is small too, but at least he is slightly bulkier than I am, which is probably why he is such a magnet for boys and girls. So, what enticed Mr. Pierce to kiss me? Is this a game? Is he playing with me? I can only see this option and that makes me angry. If he wants to play that game, I can play too.
I am definitely not going to spend the whole weekend in bed! I am going to enjoy myself and have fun with my best friend! Yeah this is precisely what I am going to do! I determinedly get out of bed and follow the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen.
"Hi Chipmunk!" I cheer, pouring myself a cup coffee.
"Hey... You finally awake? I went to check on you half an hour ago, and you were still sleeping." Well this is probably what woke me up then. "You look like you could have slept a little more though."
Ugh... I probably have these freaking dark circles beneath my eyes again. My skin is so pale that I easily get marks.
"No, I'm fine... Did you sleep well?"
"Better than you did, it seems! If you'd rather rest this weekend, we can rain check on our night out..."
"No! I really want to go!" I say, a bit too excitedly, which has Shan frowning at me. "You'll be away for two weeks, so I really want to go out tonight. We're gonna have fun!"
"Sure..."
For the rest of the day and until we depart for the club, I do my best to keep my mind busy. I clean the whole kitchen, my bedroom, the living room and the bathroom, with Shannon's help. After a pizza dinner that we got delivered, we both get ready and head for the club.
As soon as we arrive, we join a group of guys Shannon knows in a far corner of the huge room. That side of the club looks more like a pub and the noise is not so loud so that people can speak without yelling. The guys are a bit older than we are and manage to get us alcohol drinks.
I am definitely not used to drinking strong alcohols and I quickly relax after the first sips of the delicious cocktail. Tonight is not only about confirming my sexual orientation, but also about forgetting my worries, so I gladly accept a second drink, hoping it will drown me into dis-inhibition and oblivion.
After a good three hours on the dancefloor and a third drink, I can feel myself getting more than relaxed and even tipsy. I discover a new side of myself. I can actually dance sensually and even flirt with a few guys, one of which is rather tall and brown-haired with very dark blue eyes, I think. I'm not too sure because of the dark.
Giggling, I head back to the sofa where we were seated earlier. Shan and the other guys are still dancing and out of my sight. As much as alcohol has allowed me to let loose and enhance my freedom, it hasn't helped me much to forget about my worries though. As soon as I plop down on the couch, I fish my phone from the chest pocket of my dress shirt and unlock it, opening the contact app.
My thumb hovers over my boss's name. I am a bit scared about our reunion on Monday and wonder if I shouldn't ask for his pardon before I see him again. Of course, I am still angry at him for kissing me, but I shouldn't have run away like I did. I should have acted responsibly and given him a chance to explain this sudden move.
Whatever his intentions were, I had my own share of fault since I kissed him back, and ditching him was a big mistake I should apologize for. However, it's nearly one in the morning and now might not be the best time to call him.
Anyway, before I even have time to think it over, a beautiful orange cocktail is prompted in front of my face and I startle a little, shoving my phone back into my pocket. I slowly lift my eyes and find the cute guy I have been flirting with a bit earlier, and he is handing me the drink, bearing a large grin on his face.
He looks really good, even though he strongly reminds me of the one person I want to forget about. I gratefully accept the new cocktail and he sits down beside me, shifting to his side so that he can face me. He is very close to me... very, very close to me. So much so that his folded right knee almost slips behind my back, and his left leg rests over my left thigh, dangling between my legs. The previous drinks helping, I don't feel so uncomfortable with the situation, and after all, this is why I mainly came here for.
"Hmm... thanks for the drink," I say, trying to engage some conversation.
"You are most welcome," he replies with a warm smile. "What's your name again?"
"Liam... yeah... Liam... and you...?"
"David. But you can call me Dave," he replies with a huge grin.
"Well hey Dave, thanks for the drink and it's nice to meet you!" I say, my voice much clearer than I thought it would.
"My pleasure, beautiful!" he says, running a finger along my jaw line. "Beautiful Liam... you are extremely cute, Liam... you know that?" His other hand has reached the back of my head, his fingers playing with my hair.
"Hmm... if you say so..." His lips are suddenly over mine and I can feel his groans vibrating down my throat while his hand leaves my jaw and slowly trails down my chest, always further south until he reaches my crotch, making me moan.
"Hmm... nice piece you seem to have down there... Do you think I could make it grow?" he asks briefly before his tongue is back into my mouth.
His leg pulls at my knee, making it spread further apart from the other and his hand starts fondling my private area.
Oh myyyyy!!!!
I am being manhandled in a public place. Could I get in trouble for that? Right now, I don't really care actually. He slowly pushes me on the couch so that I am lying beneath him. I tentatively reach for his shoulders, not caring some people might see us making out. After a bit of time, I even shamelessly let him dip a hand inside my pants. What is happening to me?
Nevertheless, things don't always happen as we expect them to. However lost I may have been in the moment, all this alcohol I drank tonight is beginning to seriously reach my head and what happens next remains quite blurry.
Published on 10 Sept 2016
It's getting hot in there...
Next update on Sunday hopefully! The first part of the story is almost coming to an end as I said in the preface. Enough for the First Steps period! Almost time for Liam to lose his innocence!
Thank you everyone for all the votes and comments, especially the four crazy girls over there...