British Bird
Chapter Three
Sang
I want to help children, not in a way physically, but emotionally. Sometimes children see too much, hear too much, live through things they never should have lived through. They deserve someone who will listen; someone who can relate in some way to what they've either experienced or are experiencing. In simpler words, I want to be a therapist – I hate that word, it's so daunting to a child's young mind. I want to be there for children that feel like they have no one.
For a long time I felt like that. I've lived in many foster homes, seeing and hearing things that my young mind never should have seen or heard. Sometimes I got nightmares and sometimes I don't. However, I've had more nights with nightmares than not. But then it all changed when I went to live with Cara and Johnny.
When I first moved in with them I had to sleep with the light on and the door locked – that alone says so much more then it should, right? Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I've witnessed many times in my life and I've come out lucky to never have it happen to me. But seeing it still leaves some kind of scar on the mind. Anyway, Cara and Johnny arranged for me to go and see someone.
My therapist's name was Anne. She was a lovely older lady with greying hair and a kind smile. I saw her three times a week to start off with and for the first two, I sat on the grey sofa and just stared at the wall, not saying a word. Until one day, she said "Sang, whatever you've witnessed or heard, just know that there is someone out there that can relate."
I finally found my voice and asked, "Can you?"
She never did give me an answer, but I didn't need one. I saw the shadows in the corner of her brown eyes and I knew then – even at thirteen – that Anne had probably lived the same or a familiar life as what I had. So I talked and she listened. Every now and then she would ask questions or ask me to tell her more about whatever it was we were talking about that day.
Six weeks later, I went from seeing her three times a week to one. And then a year and a bit later, she was gone. I was taken away from her just like I was taken away from Johnny and Cara and the nightmares came back. When I was seventeen I tried to see Anne again, but it turned out that she had retired and moved to Brighton with her husband. I didn't want to bother her, but I just had to thank her for everything she did for me back then. So I wrote her a letter.
Her reply is something that will always stay with me:
Remember Sang, there is always someone out there that can relate. Don't let the fear control you, but instead you control the fear. Dream and believe and always tell yourself that you're OK! You're a bright girl and I wish you all the best for the present and the future.
Inside was a card for a therapist named Dr. Hugh's. I never contacted him for an appointment. I learnt so much with Anne and every piece of advice she ever gave me is something that has always stayed with me. She also became my inspiration: I wanted to be just like her. And then I remembered them, and the stories they had shared with me and I knew it was something I just had to do.
I weave in and out of the tables, collecting the last of the breakfast dishes and taking them to the kitchen before going back out and wiping the tables down. The routine is something I have done many times before. When I'm done, I go to the bar and finish helping Adam put away the coffee mugs.
"Sang, about earlier; I'm sorry." Adam says quietly.
"Don't worry about it."
"I'm just worried about you, Sang."
I nod my head. "I know, but trust me when I say I'm okay. Please." I'm not used to having people care and worry about me. Looking up at the clock I see it's almost eleven. Lunch starts soon. "I'm going to go and take my break before lunch starts."
"I'll be here when you get back then I'm off to home for a while," He grins.
"Lucky you." I match his grin. Grabbing a glass of coke and a bag of crisps, I go into the staff room. Sitting down on one of the plush cream sofa, I kick my feet up on the coffee table and turn on the tv. I don't have a smartphone to check social media accounts or to play games on, so the TV it is.
Flashback – Thirteen Years Old
"Hey guys," Luke calls, a grin spread wide across his face. "Come over here and meet Sang." I watch as they get some bags out of the boot of the cars and make their way towards us. My eyes move from one to the other. They're all handsome and my young hormones and heart are starting to go a little crazy.
"Sang, these are the guys. Guys, this is Sang." One by one they introduce themselves. I do nervous waves of my fingers and polite smiles.
"You have fucking amazing hair," Gabriel says, eyeing the blonde strands that hang over my shoulders.
"Mr Coleman." Mr Blackbourne's voice is stern, leaving no room for arguments but Gabriel just rolls his eyes, sending a grin my way. "Welcome to Charleston, Miss Sorenson."
"Sang," I say, my voice firm. "My name is Sang." I don't like my last name, it reminds me too much of my parents and they're just people I want to forget.
We stare at each other. I'm not letting him win this. He's sixteen. He shouldn't be getting a group of boys a few years younger then him calling him Mister. It's just so...strange. And I refuse to be called a Miss. I smile in triumph when he looks away, pushing his glasses up his nose.
A loud laugh comes from Dr Green, who introduced himself as Sean. "I've never seen that happen before. Well done, Miss Sang." Okay, that I'll accept.
"Shall we go inside?" Luke asks. "I baked chocolate cake and I've been dying to have some." I giggle when I remember what he said about his daydream.
"I'll just have an apple," Victor says, coming to stand at my side. "I like chocolate, but Luke takes it to the next extreme with it."
"I love chocolate," I grin. His fire eyes brighten – an inferno. I stare at them for a moment, completely captivated. Amazing. He blushes under my gaze.
"That chocolate cake is definitely double chocolate." Nathan says, coming to my other side as we start towards the garage. He lifts his shirt, revealing a flat stomach. I stare for a millisecond before turning away, my cheeks heating. "I have a figure to maintain," he winks.
Holy Bumblebee. A boy just winked at me.
"One slice won't hurt you," Luke whines. "But then if you don't have any that means more for me."
"And you're going to get...fat." Silas adds, his accent thick but his English coming out fluently.
The guys let out laughs. Well, everyone accept Mr Blackbourne who follows behind us into the house through the garage door. I look over my shoulder at him, wondering why he's so quiet. I offer him a smile and I just get a stern look in reply. I don't think he'll be as easy to crack as the others.
A squeal has me pushing through Kota and Silas to see where it came from. I find Cara jumping down from her seat at the breakfast bar and coming over to us. She goes to Gabriel first, squeezing his cheeks. "God, look at you. So handsome. And growing so well."
Gabriel rolls his eyes but grins. "I like your jeans, Cara. Your top however, is hideous."
"Ah young man, I brought that for her." Johnny says, narrowed eyes pinned firmly on Gabriel.
Gabriel just stares at him. "Like I said, fucking hideous."
"Gabriel!" Everyone but me cries. I like his foul language. It makes him who it is. "Don't let me hear anymore of that come from your mouth, young man." Cara scolds.
"Sure, whatever," Gabriel says with grin.
Cara greets the rest of the guys and it becomes obvious that she's known them a while. Of course she has, I think. Her cousin is the Uncle to two of them. That makes me then wonder how long they have all actually been friends for. Cara comes to a stop in front of me, but she's not looking at me but in fact someone behind me. I don't need to question who it is, there's only one person in this house she hasn't greeted yet.
"Owen Blackbourne. Upgraded to Armani I see?"
"I have, Mrs Taylor."
Cara narrows her eyes. "None of that, Owen. My name is Cara." I like his name. It different. I don't understand why he doesn't allow people to use it.
"Please accept my apology...Cara." He made it look like it hurt to use her name and I wish I understood. My eyes shift and they land on Sean. He notices me looking his way and rolls his eyes.
Cara rolls her own eyes and then wraps her arm around my shoulders. "I see you've met everyone now, Sang. Why don't you all go into the den and hang out; play video games, or monopoly, or something."
"Truth or dare," Gabriel cries. "We can play truth or dare."
"No." North grunts.
"You're no fun," Gabriel swings his eyes to me. "Have you ever played truth or dare, Sang?" I shake my head no. "We definitely need to play it then."
"As long as those dares don't involve kissing, go ahead," Johnny adds. Cheeks tint, including my own. I shake my head. No kissing.
"And no pranks," Uncle adds, eyes set firmly on Luke who lets out a whine.
"No fun."
"Let's go." North grunts.
"I'll get the cake," Luke says as I follow behind North and Silas out of the kitchen. Walking down the hall, North stops at a door under the stairs and pulls it open.
The first thing I see is darkness and I step back, bumping into someone behind me as I start shaking my head frantically. Hands come on my shoulders. "Hey, it's okay," Kota soothes in a soft voice. "Let North turn the light on." North gives me a curious look, just like all the others, but reaches a hand in just past the door and turns a light on. My shoulders relax.
A hand finds mine and I look down at it before following the arm of the owner. Serious blue eyes look down at me, "It's okay."
I nod my head and follow the others through the door and down the stairs to the basement. North turns on more lights, lighting up the den. Three sofas are in the middle of the room, one facing the back wall and the other two on either side. A large TV is up on the wall and cabinets are just below it, an Xbox resting on the top with games and controllers at the side, just thrown on.
There's a pool table at the other end of the room pushed up against the wall, a dart board on the wall above the pool table and photos line the other walls. Stepping forward to get a closer look, I find several pictures of some of the guys; Nathan and Kota, Luke and Gabriel, sometimes the four of them. Sean and Mr Blackbourne, North and Silas. And then there's a few group photos of all of them.
They're a tight group, that's something I definitely see. I wonder then if I'll be stepping on any toes while I'm here for the next three weeks, or trying to push into a group that has no room for another; girl or not.
"So tell us about yourself, Sang." Nathan says, startling me from looking at the pictures. I turn around and sit down on the sofa at the end. Silas drops down at the other end while the others take seats on the other sofas or on the floor. Mr Blackbourne however, stands near the door, unmoving and eyes focused on me.
Luke – who I hadn't realised was back – starts handing out plates with a slice of cake on it with some cut up strawberries. I take mine from him with a thanks. "Nothing to tell really. I'm in foster care and Cara and Johnny are my foster parents for the time being."
"Foster care?" Sean echoes. He looks to Luke and North and both of them shake their heads. "We didn't know that, sorry Sang."
I shrug a shoulder. "I wouldn't expect you to know," I whisper. An awkward silence settles and I feel bad for even mentioning it. I've made them uncomfortable. "How about that game, Gabriel?"
Everyone jumps at the chance to play, more to break the awkward silence. So that's what we do. I get picked a lot and most of the time I say truth. They find out my favourite colour, food, movie, place and book. I find out some of their favourite colours and they're favourite sports but most of the time, they like daring each other.
Luke has to smash his face into the rest of his chocolate cake. North had to lick it off. Gabriel was dared to stick his foot down the toilet and Silas was dared to go and ask Cara which celebrities she would date, marry and dump. I don't think I've laughed or smiled so much before and it caused my heart to soar.
End of Flashback
Looking up at the clock, I find my break is over. Putting my rubbish in the bin, I pick up my glass and go back onto the main floor. Putting my glass in the dishwasher, Adam says, "Table seven has just come in and needs their order taken. Will you go do it?"
"Yeah, sure. Isn't Laura here yet?" He shakes his head as he goes down to the end of the bar to serve a group of older gentlemen.
Making sure my notebook and pen were in my apron pocket, I head for table seven. Some customers stopping me, asking for another drink. When table seven comes into my line of sight, I find it's a group of five guys all casually dressed - well, all but one. I'm not always confident serving the guys that come in here, but I've learned to keep my head down and just take their order without making eye contact.
Strolling over, I take my pad and pen from my pocket. Coming to a stop, my eyes find a pair of shiny black shoes and my lips tip up at the corners when I remember a certain sixteen year old wearing something similar. "Hi, I'm Sang and I'll be your waitress today. What can I get for you?" I say what I would normally say – remembering I am at work - but when silence greets me, I look up.
And my world is turned upside down.