Clove's POV
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6 April 3114
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Nine chemo sessions later, I feel dead.
My nails are now brittle and my skin is dull. My hair needs to be washed every day because it gets so greasy. No one seems to notice that though.
My mood is putrid. I'm snapping at everyone and everything. Life is far from easy.
I wake up every morning to vomit. I can bearly eat throughout the day, so I'm just getting weaker and weaker. And anything that I do eat, I throw it up the next morning. Unintentionally. of course.
No one seems to notice that much of a difference, so I'm lucky there. But Rosalie and Clarisse have been on my back non-stop.
They check up on me every day, they take shifts. They blackmail and verbally abuse me so I'll tell Cato. I tried to explain to them that I'm not telling him, to protect him.
I know that he couldn't cope. So I simply won't tell him.
I've heard no more from Taylor, which is a huge bonus. But I've been helping Cato do simple things as he's still a little stiff after the shooting, and when I'm in his presence, I felt guilty, as if I cheated on him with Taylor.
I know I haven't though.
The KAP have been reasonably invisible to the naked eye. That was until last Tuesday. They shot down a whole family who was in-laws with Calipurnia.
I went to the funeral and dragged Cato with me. It was held in some field to hide from the KAP.
Since that day, bearly anyone has been seen throughout the district. I'm unsure of why they don't just come to the Victors Village and open shoot.
That's what they want, right?
Clarisse has just left as I'm going out with Chase. I haven't seen in her in a while now. I was really excited to see her, as we we're heading down to the meadow and the stream and forest.
It's been forever since I was there.
"Where are you going?" Izabelle asks me curiously. I roll my eyes. "You're not seeing Cato in those are you?"
I was wearing blue leggings and a grey zip up hoodie. With my navy chucks. All my jewellery was on and my wavy hair was tied up in a long ponytail.
"No, I'm going to visit Chase-" I lie again. She warned me to not stay outside. "And what do you mean are you wearing those to Cato's?"
"Well, you always dress beautifully when you go to his house..."
"Hush Izabelle!" I scold her. "I'm going, don't wait up on me!"
"Clove!" she calls but I shut the front door. I pull up my hood and hop over the wall and run down the long side of the Village. I run down a few alleys until I reach the forest.
I'm home!
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It took a while to find Chase, it took a while to remember how to get to the meadow through the forest. But I got there.
The meadow was full of daisies and buttercups. There was often montbretias, daffodils, tulips, primroses and forget-me-nots.
They sky was blue and not a cloud to be seen. It was only this part of the district that never had a cloud in sight.
There is one tree, a huge oak tree at that. There's a tyre swing hanging off it that Maysilee, Chase and I made when we were about ten, I remember that day Roni went to Izabelle's house.
Behind that tree is a lake, clear, reflective water which brought out the sparkle in everyone's eye. There was occasionally a few lily pads there.
It is connected to that stream that is by the begging of the forest. I used to climb trees there when I was younger.
"I miss this place." Chase said breathing in the flowers. The three of us were 'bohemian girls'. We loved this place, we'd play pretend here and we'd climb the tree and jump into the lake.
We'd swing from the tyre swing and dive in also, having a competition to see who was the best.
"Do you remember when we made Maysilee a dress of daisy chains?"
Chase nods and gives a nostalgic smile.
We used to run barefoot around here from the second we finished our homework to curfew. And on week-ends, we'd often stay here from eight am to eight pm.
Then, when Chase left and Maysilee and I started training for the games, we'd train here in our spare time. Sprinting from the top of the hill to the lake and back, having swimming races.
We'd throw knives through the tyre for target practice, and the same with archery. And for spear throwing, we'd pick a flower and see who could land it the closest to it.
"I'd love to live here-" I say softly. "To me, this is home, not no fancy Victor's Village palace, don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful, but this, this is Maysilee, this is warm, this is memories, this is my heart.
And that's where my home is. Where you have memories, good and bad, where you have a warm feeling, where Maysilee's final resting place is, where your heart is."
"You know, you deserve the best Clove. Everyone thinks your cruel and heartless, but your just like the rest of us. Struggling to make a living with what we got."
I told her about the adoption, and Taylor, leaving out the cancer part.
She was genuinely shocked that Taylor would do that, but the adoption hit her hard.
"Oh Baby!" she coos. She pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. "I'm so sorry Clove!"
"They will always be your real family." she assures me.
"I know, it's just hard to get my head around the fact that almost everything and everyone in my life has lied to me, or is a lie."
"Clove-Adara Sienna Rambin-Beckitt, it's a beautiful name. Embrace it hunny. Oh and Clove-Adara, thank you for saving my parents."
"Hmm?" I ask confused.
"They were in the cafe at the time of the hostage. You and Cato saved them, granted, I hate them and they hate me, but they're still my parents and I do still love them. Thanks Clove-Adara."
I smiled and pushed myself up from my laid down position in the flowers.
"Chase, do you think that you could bring me to see Maysilee? I never went to her grave, in the four, almost five years. I couldn't face it, well I might have, but I can't remember...."
"You didn't." she confirms. "Let's go!" she smiles as she gets up and reaches out a hand to help me up.
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"Here we are hon. I'll give you some time on your own."
"Thanks!" I say as I watch Chase walk away about fifty meters. I focus on the grave. There's a small headstone that her father made, her father is actually my cancer doctor, and Taylor and Beth are his nephew and niece.
"Here lies our beautiful baby girl; Maysilee Emmelie Burditt. A daughter, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter and a best-friend.
Died on the 14th August 3109, aged 12, via The Hunger Games.
Her beauty was beyond compare, her voice was as soft as silk, her kindness and courage will be known world-wide. May our baby rest in peace forever, and may God welcome her into Heaven with open arms.
We love you Mays, we'll always love you.
Two tired eyes are sleeping,
Two working hands are still,
Our Beautiful Little Angel,
is resting in God's will.
Love you lots, like jelly tots,
Mommy and Daddy."
Tears pour down my cheeks, Maysilee would've loved that. She loved jelly tots, they were her favourite sweet.
"I'm sorry baby! I'm so sorry! I love you. so much! Forgive me! I'm going to come so much more often. I love you Mays, my little idol. Well, you wouldn't be so little anymore would you?"
I cock my head to the side, "shh, hon. I'm here, I'm here!"
"And you know what Mays, I'm gonna go do what you told me to do, visit my father. My real father"
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I place the individual bouquets of flowers on each grave. Hayzelle's, Derek's, Ellie's and then finally my fathers.
"Hi guys!" I whisper. "It's getting late, and I shouldn't be here, I'll be killed if I'm found here. Over all, I'm sorry that I disappeared for do long, I don't know if you know this but I have amnesia, which has been really tough.
Then the cancer, ovarian cancer, stage four. Yes it's quite serious but I'm having chemo, which I guess is helping. Stop worrying about me, I'll be fine! I know it's very unlikely that I'll still be here in five years, but I'll be with you right?
Then I had some issues with my councillor, and I was recently held hostage by this new rebel group, KAP, Cato and I killed them all, Cato did get shot though, so I've been helping him.
And I remembered us meeting for the first time all those years ago. So things are looking okay.
I know about the adoption dad, don't be angry, I still love you, I always will, I'm not angry with you, and you'll always be my dad, so calm down!"
I glance over his head stone.
"Here lies Patrick Edward Rambin, a husband, a brother, a best friend and a father.
Who died on the 11th March 3107 via a falling slab in the quarries.
As we lay you down to sleep for the final time, we celebrate your life, we hope your kissed my angles, and a blanket of cloud is draped over your body.
Don't worry about us, we'll meet up with you someday, my love.
So close your eyes, and lay back your head, shut off your mind, and sleep my father, you've spent your whole life making other people happy, it's time we switched positions.
Love always, your beautiful children, Kyle, Samara, Clove-Adara, Veronica and Kalen.
I never read his head stone carefully enough to see that it clearly states Clove-Adara.
"Don't worry dad, I'm not going to be running around trying to find my biological parents. So breath, and stay calm."
Suddenly I begin to feel a little woosy, I feel as if everything is slowly beginning to spin. and it's getting faster and fast and faster. Everything zooms in and then out of motion and my hands go to my temples.
Oww! Help! Help me!
And then everything goes black, and I have a falling sensation in my stomach.
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12 April 3114
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I was asleep for six days straight. Veran, Cato's dad, found me and took me straight to the hospital.
Cato was up here daily, so was Roni, Izabelle and Kalen who were quite happy to have been left off school. I'm only awake an hour, and I've been bombarded by everyone.
Roni and Izabelle were first. I told them I fainted.
Then it was Cato and his entire family, except Nevaeh, I told them I fainted.
Next was Clarisse and Bristle, Chase tagged along aswell. I told them I fainted.
And finally was Enobaria, Corden, Leven, Brutus and Leven's son Dalton. I told them I fainted.
Harper, and Doctor Burditt said that it was probably the chemotherapy kicking in. They took some scans just in case.
I forced everyone home, except Leven, she stayed.
"Clove, I've heard about the adoption, Cato told the rest of the Victors. Well, Enobaria, Corden, Brutus and I that is. But something else is wrong, I know it is. That little sparkle in your eyes is gone-" she says pushing her perfect blonde hair over her shoulder.
"Your one of us now. And we, stick up for each other. Now spit it out, what's going on?" she says harshly. I sigh and feel like I've been defeated.
"C'mere, if you tell me what's wrong, I'll tell you whats wrong with me, because I think, even with the amnesia, youve heard about Brutus and his old girlfriend and baby?"
"I've heard..."
"I'll tell you that, if you tell me what's wrong with you?"
Blackmail, I see.
"I, was Brutus' girlfriend. I was pregnant with his baby, Dalton. But I had this friend who fancied me, threatened to kill Brutus if he ever finds out Dalton is his.
I still get threats. I don't know what to do anymore, you see, I love him. But I lied to him, he's a daddy. Dalton's daddy, and he thinks that my friend, well not so much anymore is the father. He thinks that I cheated on him!
He hates my guts! He can't stand to be anywhere near me, and he often had business to discuss with Enobaria about who will take her place as a mentor come the games. And since Corden is my brother, I'm often there too.
I've built my life around Dalton. But, I think it's time I told Brutus, I won't beg for him back, I'll beg for forgiveness....
But I know that he never will. I still love him, and deep down, I know that he still loves me too."
"Leven, I never even thought about it. I'm sorry."
"And now that the man sending me threats has miraculously disappeared, I have a new confidence. I want to tell him, I want him to be part of my life once again. "
"Then go do it!" I say with a smile. "Leven, after hearing your side, I now know that you didn't do any wrong, you did it to protect Brutus, not to hurt him!"
She smiles and her white teeth sparkle.
"I will, and if he does forgive me, then I will volunteer to be mentor for the female tribute during the Quell."
"That Dalton really is lucky to have you."
"Thanks Clove. You know exactly what to say to someone to make them feel good. I'll go straight to Brutus'...... right after you tell me what's wrong with you?"
Now I felt like I had to. She confessed everything to me and asked for help. That was brave.
"Well, I-"
"Clove?" Doctor Burditt says as he enters the room. He notices Leven and his eyes widen. "Oh, um I'm sorry!"
"Don't be, I was just leaving anyways." Leven smiled, she got up and walked over to me and bent down and hugged me gingerly.
She whispered "This conversion is far from over" in my ear. She kissed my forehead and the pulled away, grabs her handbag and approaches the door.
"Leven?" I empore.
"Hmm?"
"Good luck. And thank you."
"No thank you." she winks at me and shuffles out the door. There's silence for a few moments until Doctor Burditt re-enters the room.
"Clove?" the doctor says.
"Clove-Adara." I reply, smiling.
"Clove-Adara, we have some news on your condition, you may want to relax as this may freak you out, but please note, that we're dping every thing we can to help you!" Doctor Burditt says, he looks as if he's about to cry, we don't know each other much, except for the fact that he's Maysilee's father.
"What is it?"
"Well, we have found out how vigorous your cancer is.."
"Oh, and how vigorous is it?"
"Very." Is all he says. He takes a seat along side me and takes off his glasses, puffs onto them and rubs them with his shirt. "I can talk to you right, I know you via Maysilee, so since I know you personally, I'm going to give it to you straight."
I became a little nervous but try my hardest to look natural. "Please do, I don't like to be messed with."
"Ah I know that Clove-Adara, but this is no messing matter."
"Okay."
"There's no other way to say this..." tears made his eyes glossy. I shievered internally.
"Clove-Adara, your dying....."
"Aren't we all? Yes doctor, I know that I have an 11.6% chance that I'll still be here in five years, I'm aware of that."
"No sweetie. Your dying, as in four months you'll be dead. Maximum."
"Oh Hier" I whisper. I have four months to live. Tears stabbed my eyes and they unwillingly began to fall.
"There must be a mix up! No! I have to much to live for, I still need to remember everything, and get married, and have babies, and see my siblings get married and see my children grow up and then watch them have their own children!" I sob.
"There's no mix up, look." he points to him clipboard where it clearly states; Clove to die within four months.
"No, no, no no! how can I leave when I have so much yet to do! I can't leave them, they'll never cope! My babies! my babies!" I sob referring to Roni and Kalen.
And I thought that if I had five years, I could get married and get pregnant by then. But I can do neither now because of my greatly reduced life.
"I am so, so sorry Clove-Adara. If I could take it from you and put it on myself, I would." he says honestly. "I advise you to tell Cato, and your siblings."
"No!" I hiss. "I can't! it'll scare 'em to death. Only the older two know, I can't tell anyone. It'll sting to hard."
"But wouldn't it sting even harder when you do die and then they find out you had cancer, they'll be odd at you for lieing to them. It's best you tell 'em, prepare 'em for what's to come in July."
"July? That's Cato's birthday! What happens if I die on his birthday or around that time? Heir, please tell me your lieing to me!"
"I'm not hon" Is all he says.
How are you expected to squash about Seventy odd years into four months. It's impossible!
But I want to be the best I can be for those four months. I don't want to be lackadaisical, I want to be able to do the things I enjoy, helping the kids with their homework, hanging out with Chase in the meadow, visiting the grave.
No one knows where we go after death, we're put in a box and apparently we're asleep six feet under ground. I might live another life and become a new baby, or maybe an animal, or maybe I'll be welcomed into God's family with open arms. I can't predict my death, it'll happen when it happens. And all I really and truly know is that just when the catipillaer thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.
"I'm not doing chemotherapy any more."
"What?"
I wipe the tears from my damp eyes. "If I'm going to die in maximum four months, then what's chemotherapy gonna do for me hmm?"
"Clove-Adara, don't be a stranger Tiana and I would love to see you before July. But I know that you'll walk outta here soon, all hot headed and you'll ignore everything I say, because that's the person you are. I'll let you be, but you need to promise me that you won't do anything to excessive?"
"I promise Heir."
"I'm serious here now, don't fool yourself my saying your okay, when you know that your really not. Don't ignore me."
But that's exactly what I did.
I took the news really well actually, I stayed calm and stuck to my normal routine.
That was until about a week and a half later, then I cracked
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A/N- Clove is dying!!!! Oh hon!
I hope you enjoyed it; cause I did. It was actually hard to write because my nan passed away in July so with all the talk about death, it was tough.
Fan; ifyou thought tge grave seen waa sweet
Vote; if you think Clove will remember Cato before she dies
Comment; on your initial reaction to the cancer death issue.
Update; Monday or earlier.
Teaser; "Rosalie and Clarisse said that I needed to ask you whats going on. And they said if you don't tell me, they will."
Will Cato find out about the Cancer.
Clf xxxx
Cheers! ;)