I TAKE A quick glance at the tiny piece of paper in my hand, reading over the ingredients quickly before shoving it back in the pocket of my shirt. I recite them over and over again in my head until I'm one hundred percent sure it's stuck as I make my way to the kitchen.
It's so early in the morning that it's still dark and the lights are on in the hallway and dorms. I usually sleep in for another hour or two, until I only have ten minutes before I have to be up for breakfast and then work. But this morning, I decided to wake up early so that I can gather the ingredients needed for Red's present before the kitchen gets too busy.
I yawn as I turn the corner and enter the empty cafeteria. Not many inmates are up right now, only those on kitchen duty and inmates who generally like to wake up early. I'm not one of those people.
When I enter the kitchen, I'm surprised to see a bunch of new faces in a new environment. The Latinas scramble around as they try and follow the orders from Gloria. She looks stressed as she unpacks a box of vegetables aggressively. And I thought Red was bossy.
"Qué estás haciendo aquí?" She says once she notices my presence.
"Sorry. I don't speak Spanish." I say nervously. She rolls her eyes before turning her attention back to the cutting board in front of her.
"I said, what are you doing here? If you're here to work, I suggest you grab an apron and hair net, and get a move on."
"I just need to borrow a few ingredients to make a face mask for someone. I promise I won't use too much." I say.
Gloria chops the onions ferociously. I blink every time the knife hits the surface of the board.
"You have less than five minutes before I want you out of here." She says but she doesn't sound as mean anymore, kind of like she has gave in or something.
I nod before rushing over to the fridge. My teeth chatter as the cold air radiating from the inside of the fridge hits me. I grab some plain yoghurt, eggs and honey before wandering around looking for some oatmeal.
"Where's Red?" I ask when I reach Gloria again.
"Don't matter. This is our kitchen now." She replies and I wonder what I've missed while I've been gone for 48 hours.
Gloria glances at me quickly and notices me standing around looking lost. "What're you looking for?"
"Do you have any oatmeal?"
Gloria scoffs a laugh. "Oatmeal? Why would we have oatmeal?"
"Damn it." I mutter under my breath when I realise that this face mask might not work.
"But you can try sugar. It's just as exfoliating as oatmeal." She says and I feel hope flicker inside of me again.
She leads me to a container and stands nearby as fill up the jar in my hand with sugar. I grab a spoon and mix all the ingredients together until it is all combined into a off-putting mush.
"Why didn't your mother never teach you to speak Spanish?" She suddenly asks and I feel uncomfortable having to talk about Jocelyn's life choices.
"I don't know, she just didn't want my father to get his own way, I guess." I don't look up at Gloria and keep my attention on stirring the mixture in the jar.
"Good for her, sticking up for herself. Wish I could've done the same thing." She mutters the last part under her breath and I try not to ask any questions.
"It looks gross." I say when Gloria and I both stare at the final product. The only thing that looks nice is the mason jar although it doesn't really look all that complete.
"You know what would look good? A bow. Or ribbon or some shit like that." Gloria comments. "Burset will probably have some sort of decoration you can use."
"Thanks, Gloria." I say with an appreciative smile and surprisingly, she returns it.
"No problem Chica."
I can't shake the smile off my face as I head towards the salon. This present is going to look so lovely in the end, and I can't wait to cheer Red up. I can bet she's absolutely devastated that she lost the kitchen. That kitchen is her pride, her distraction and her home.
I look up into the distance and freeze. A very familiar CO that I haven't seen since returning from the SHU walks down the hallway towards me. I manage to lose my smile.
I turn around to walk the other way but I feel myself get grabbed by my left arm. I gasp as I'm forced to turn around. I look up at Pornstache with tears and fear in my eyes.
"Long time no see. How's it going, inmate?" He would of sounded friendly if I hadn't known what he has done.
"You killed her." My voice is small.
Pornstache wriggles his lips side to side and looks irritated.
"That's not what anyone thinks." He says calmly. "And if you tell anyone," I shake as he leans towards my ear and whispers, "I will kill you too."
I stand there for a few more seconds as I watch Pornstache continue walking the opposite direction of me. I take a deep breath in and continue trekking to my destination, trying hard to keep my tears from exploding from my eyes.
When I walk into the Sophia's salon, the fumes of hairspray and dye distract me from what I just encountered.
Sophia is standing behind Taystee who is sitting in a black chair in front of her, wearing a black sheet and reading a magazine.
I've met Sophia before in line at the cafeteria, where I complimented her hair and asked how she kept it so beautiful in prison.
Sophia takes a glance at me as soon as I step in. "Hey girl, what you need?"
I sit down on the black leather couch. Well, more like collapse.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." She comments and I rub my face to get more colour through it.
"Do you have any ribbons or some decoration I can borrow? I'll pay you for it." I say and Sophia removes the sheet from around Taystee who leans towards the mirror to admire her new do.
"Let me see what I've got." She searches her draws as I wait patiently across the room. I bite my bottom lip and wriggle my leg up and down nervously.
"What's this for, anyway?" She asks.
I pull out the jar from under my shirt. I show it to Sophia, feeling a bit embarrassed at how revolting it actually looks.
"Gloria said that a ribbon would make it look prettier." I say when I notice Sophia's face.
"Honey, a ribbon is not going to do shit for it. Think of it as makeup. Makes you look pretty on the outside, and hides what you really look like on the inside." Sophia says and I quietly laugh.
"What are you suggesting?"
"Cover the whole outside of it so that the inside doesn't show."
I raise an eyebrow. "But I don't have any paint." I say as I watch Sophia dig deeper into one of the drawers.
"Maybe. But we do have nail polish."
"That's a great idea, but I have work in ten minutes." I frown. There goes that idea.
"What's the rush? Christmas isn't until ages away." She says and I sigh.
"I really want to give it to Red today, because I want to cheer her up. She's going through a tough time at the moment."
Sophia smiles at me. "Well, worry no more. I'll get it done for you and you can pick it up after work. How does that sound?"
My eyes widen at her generosity. I'm lost for words. "I owe you big time. Tell me what you want from commissary- I'll get you anything!"
Sophia waves her hand at me. "No, no. I really don't mind doing this. I love art and I need a distraction right now, so."
I can't help but stand up and walk towards her, hugging around her waist. Sophia's pretty tall so this is the furthest I can reach.
Sophia is taken by surprise at first but eventually hugs me back.
I love prison people.
"WAIT, WHERE ARE we going?" I ask as I'm practically dragged away from the shed where Nicky and I are supposed to work.
"Just around the corner." She replies.
"But what if we get caught? We're supposed to be fixing the oven in the kitchen." I worry.
"We won't be." Nicky sings.
"Nicky, what are you doing?"
"I want to give you your present." She says and I gasp.
"You're my secret Santa?!" I exclaim, feeling slightly disappointed that she didn't wait until Christmas. I realise I'm a hypocrite seeing as I'm giving mine to Red today, but that's because Red needs it.
"Surprise!" She adds for effect. I roll my eyes but laugh. "At first I got Morello, but since there weren't enough people to do you, I volunteered."
We stop when we reach the back of the main building. I lean against the brick wall and watch as Nicky searches through the pockets of her giant orange jacket. I feel envious that she was smart enough to bring the jacket and I'm stuck with only a long-sleeved white top underneath the beige one.
Nicky pulls out a small metal object and my mouth immediately falls open. I stand up straight and step away from the wall, coming towards her.
She nudges it towards me and I stare at it in disbelief.
"Happy early Christmas." She says and I finally take it.
"These things cost like forty bucks! Nicky, you really shouldn't have-"
Nicky waves me off. "Don't mention it. I wanted to do it since I know you've been saving up for one." She says and I squeal in excitement as I examine the radio.
"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I bounce and Nicky laughs at my reaction.
Unexpectedly, she leans forward and plants a kiss on my lips. I freeze as I let the kiss seep in until she pulls away slowly but keeps her forehead rested against mine.
It takes me a few seconds to open my eyes again, and when I do, my eyes automatically meet hers.
The look on her face just makes me crave her, and I lean forward to connect our lips once again. But this time, I accidentally push her back and she collapses to the grass, me following.
We both let out a laugh when our bodies hit the ground. I'm on top of her now, and you'd think that I would be in control. But Nicky takes over, her hands slowly trailing down my sides and I look up to see her biting her lip as if she's hungry.
I move off her and stand up, fixing my uniform by pulling it down again. Nicky stays on the ground, staring at me with a frown.
"All right, what's up with you? How much longer am I supposed to keep trying before you have sex with me?!"
I scoff at her sudden outburst. "Sleep with me? We're not even together! Why is that such a surprise to you that someone doesn't want to sleep with you after just a second kiss?!" I can see my breath in the air.
Nicky finally stands up, her lips forming a devious smile. "You're right. You're right." She says putting her hands up in defeat.
I didn't even realise I was panting. I take a deep breath in and hold it for a few seconds before releasing.
"You just, you drive me crazy, you know that?!" I yell at her, still feeling leftover anger.
Nicky just continues to smile. "How so?"
"You...you make me miss you when I don't want to miss you. And I want you, I really do, but I know how your game works. A girl like you would never stay with one person." The disappointment is evident in my voice.
Nicky's smile slowly drops and I sigh. I feel the radio in my pocket and pull it out. I nudge it towards Nicky but she shoves her hands in her jacket's pockets.
"Nah. You keep that." She says as she avoids eye contact with me.
I hesitantly put it back in my pocket. "Thanks, again." I say before turning around and walking away.