Addicted (OITNB)

11- Grief Can Cause You To Do Terrible Things

"TRICIA? TRISH, WAKE up!" I shake Tricia's hand on her lap and lean in close to her face to see if she's still breathing.

Tricia's head flops to the side and I immediately use my hand to straighten her head up again. Her skin is freezing cold.

"What did you do? Oh God, what did you do Tricia?!" I can't help but scream in her face as panic overtakes my body and my heart is racing so hard that I can feel every beat against my chest.

I press my ear against her chest, checking for a heartbeat. A loud sob escapes my lips when I hear nothing at all, not a beat or a breath.

I hold onto Tricia's shirt in my fists so hard, scared to let go of her forever. I scream into the fabric of her shirt as my emotions completely overtake my body.

I collapse fully onto the ground and lean into her, my whole heart breaking into a million pieces.

My hand runs down from her chest to the ground next to her as I lose all of my energy. When my fingers hit the floor, I hear the sound of a wrapper crinkling.

I lift up my hand and through my blurry eyes, assess the few couple of white pills left in the small clear bag.

I pull Tricia into me, her body flopping as I try to hug her. She's heavy against me and the feeling makes me cry even harder.

I suddenly can't breathe as my chest and throat tighten. I gasp for air before breaking down once more, my body shaking with every bit of hysteria inside of me.

I have to get help. Maybe she can be saved. Maybe it's not too late.

I gently lay Tricia back against the wall, making sure she's still sitting up.

I cup Tricia's face. "I'll be back, I promise." I say through my tears as I kiss her one last time on her ice cold lips.

I scramble to my feet and shove past the door, stumbling as I step into the empty hallway.

I start running as fast as I can, and when I turn the corner I feel my body crash into someone. The combination of my speed and the impact is enough to send me flying to the floor onto my stomach.

"Shit, Evie. Are you okay?" Nicky is quick to rush to my aid, kneeling on one knee in front of me.

I look up at her face, revealing my tear-filled eyes and dark pink face. Nicky's big eyes widen and she reaches down to pull me up.

"What happened? What's wrong?" She asks and I can hear the panic in her voice.

I let her help me up, but I can't stand. I stay on my knees in front of her, unable to put words together without stuttering and then wailing.

"Breathe. Breathe." Nicky tells me as she tries to make eye contact with me.

I shake my head vigorously. I can't breathe. And there's no time for breathing.

"Tricia." I manage to get out, yet my words are barely comprehendible. Nicky's face changes from worry to complete concern.

"What? Tricia? What happened?"

"Shit." We hear a female CO's voice from around the corner, the area where Tricia is. I sob even louder and Nicky immediately engulfs me into her arms. I press my face into the middle of her chest as I cry for Tricia.