Addicted (OITNB)

61- Keep Getting In The Way

I HAD GOTTEN used to Tonia. I had gotten used to the way she treated me. It became normal for me in a matter of three months. I had accepted that she was my new person, and that I was hers.

"You're mine." She would always tell me, sometimes while squeezing my jaw and other times in a loving way after sex.

I forgot how to smile for a while.

"I need to use the bathroom." I tell her before standing up from bed.

"Don't take too long." She mutters, her eyes scanning the words in her book.

I rub my arms as I walk to the bathroom, wincing at the fresh cuts.

As I pee, I remember last week's suicide attempt. How I had gotten ahold of some of Tonia's pills, taken them and hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning, only to do so anyway. They didn't work and I was still here.

I wash my hands, refusing to look at my reflection, and then walk out.

I see someone. Someone who I haven't seen in months. Someone who I nearly killed. My best friend.

He is standing on the side, watching inmates go by. The white patch on his throat is hard to miss.

My breath hitches and I start stumbling towards him. He finally notices me, and I can see the shock on his face instantly.

I throw myself at him, my hands squeezing his shoulders and my face nuzzled into his chest.

It takes a few seconds before I feel his hands run up my back to hold me closer, and I feel immense relief.

We stay like that for several seconds, not caring about the inmates staring at us as they walk by

I don't want to let go of him but I have to eventually.

As I slowly pull away, still holding each other, I look up at him.

I can hear that he is struggling to swallow, which breaks my heart.

"Can you speak?" I ask, finally giving him room by stepping back.

"Kinda-" he is cut off by a short coughing fit, and I can hear the fluid in his throat. I wince.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know." He smiles. My heart beats faster at the sight of his smile. That's a good thing.

"I have to wear this for only a few more days, the doctors said that I'm taking longer to recover than others. But I'm strong now, so they said I can work again." I put in a lot of effort to understand what he is saying, but sometimes his words are replaced by air and there is no sound that comes out. I feel tears gather in my eyes and when Snow notices them, he frowns.

"Don't cry, please." He tells me, pulling me into another hug. I shake as I try to stop them from falling.

"Why'd you come back? How can you forgive me so easily?" I ask into the fabric of his uniform.

"Because I love you, Eves, and I don't want to ever lose you." I feel him kiss the top of my head.

The memory of my suicide attempt comes back to me again, and this time instead of feeling disappointed, I feel guilty.

"I have to go," I broke the hug as I remember Tonia is probably waiting for me.

"Okay, I'll see you later?"

I nod at him and give him a small wave before lightly jogging down the hallway.

AT DINNER, I struggle to eat. Tonia sits beside me, happily eating her food until she notices I haven't touched my tray.