Torii –
We were spending our third day in New Orleans, preparing for our final show in the city. To our surprise, the love shown to us had been huge! Each night, sold out, with hundreds more calling in to the radio station we were doing interviews on trying to get the comp tickets we were giving away to special fans.
Following the last interview, we all rushed across town to make it to a spa day I'd set up for us. Whether anyone else felt so or not, it was well deserved, and it would probably be the only one we could get in for the next four or five weeks.
Brandy, glad that we were still getting along, joined us at my insistence, and we ditched Harrison for the remainder of the afternoon.
"So, how are you all feeling now that you've gotten back to performing? We've only conquered one city, but multiple nights and shows. Have you gotten back into the flow of things?"
Leann spoke first as she stretched out on one of the massage tables. "I made a few mistakes the first night; got overly emotional, definitely realized that I'm more out of shape than I thought. But, aside from that, I don't think it'll take much longer for me to fall in line. It was like..." She paused, probably trying to collect her thoughts. She did that a lot now, always trying to be mindful of what she said and how she said it. "For me personally, coming home, it was overwhelming. More than just being back on stage, I was home. I don't know; I guess I felt like I didn't deserve another chance. In fact, I don't. Not from you, the girls, the fans, or the industry. And definitely not from my hometown, because I'd talked so much shit about this city in those last few interviews before I went back to Heaven's Gate. I just can't imagine still being cared for, and loved or liked. Can't imagine people still wanting to work with me, wanting to be bothered with me. I'm still waiting for y'all to leave my ass behind in a random city."
I didn't mean to laugh, but the way she said it, I had to admit that I'd thought about it once or twice. "That's not nice Torii."
Leann smirked. "It's fine though, Brandy, no doubt I would have deserved it. Anyway, I'm just glad for the chance. Can't say I'm completely over this mess, but I'm trying. I am trying."
I nodded my head, speaking up. "That's all that you can do, one day at a time. As for me; I don't know if I was ever in the flow of things, or if I ever fell out of it. Y'all know me, long as there's a group, I'm here and ready for whatever. But I've always preferred the background. When the focus isn't on me singing lead, I'm good. I don't stress over messing up, or looking good. I just go out there and give all I've got."
"You and Troy just naturally make all of this look easy though."
I shrugged, neither agreeing or disagreeing. Performing, much like writing and singing in general was second nature for me. "Only thing I have to get used to again is getting up at odd times, and going to bed early. Have to get used to being in front of cameras again."
"Thought you were acting too."
I looked at Ava and nodded. "To take pictures I mean, and those bit roles don't count." I laughed, admitting that I sometimes take the smallest roles possible. I'd realized I didn't care too much for acting, but I always wanted it to be another option. "Pose, now make it look natural. Hold that, don't breathe too hard. And getting in and out of makeup chairs. Fittings and strange people groping all over you. I don't like nobody but Raj touching me, so you know it's a struggle not to slap some of these designers, especially the males."
"And you, Troy? Or did you never really leave."
Sitting with her eyes closed as she waited for her foot massage and pedicure to start, Troy spoke lowly. "I left. Only place I could be heard was on Marliss' stuff, and that's because he wouldn't leave me alone. Other than that, I stopped singing. Took roles where I could dress down, or that made me look like a kid, or where I was unrecognizable."
"Where were you mostly?"
"With my parents, or in the hospital. It varied week to week." She sighed. "For a long time I didn't miss any of this. Singing, dancing, performing. The fans, touring, y'all. Didn't miss any of it at all. Felt nice to go where I wanted, do what I wanted when my body would allow it. To not be fussed at, to not be held accountable for other people's bull. And I admit, I liked having people stressed out over me, the executives and them, worrying if they'd be able to continue their job. Selfish, but..." She shrugged. "I just have to learn to go easy, do the minimum. That might take me forever."
"Think you'll ever be at a hundred percent again?"
Troy opened her eyes and looked in mine and Brandy's direction. "I would like to think I will. I pray every day that I will be. But, God's plans for us is sometimes different from what we want for ourselves. Whatever He feels is best for me, well, I have to accept that and work with what I've got."
Brandy nodded, asking Ava how she felt. "Working the way that we work now is what I'll have to get used to. You know, before nothing was planned or thought out ahead of time. Our shows, we just went with the flow and wherever we moved and stood on stage, it was just that. Now we plan out distances between ourselves, and set time limits and all of that. Everything is so... orderly now. We don't clown like we used to, take moments to crack jokes. I missed being on stage, but coming back to it, it's different." I put my head down, not really being able to relate to that one. She was right though. We place time limits on our solo sets to avoid anyone believing favoritism is being shown, we cut all running jokes and gags among ourselves, and we all perform in separate areas of the stage. Most often, I'm next to Troy, in case something goes wrong with her. Leann is in the center or at the far right. And Ava is wherever she can find space away from Troy and I. "I kind of thought you were playing when you said that I'd been blacklisted."
Brandy looked at her. "Why would I lie about that?"
"You were mad, thought you were saying it just because. Anyway, every time I tried to go out to record something, or see if I could get a feature, everybody turned me down. I couldn't pay for session time because no one wanted me in their studio. And even though he did want to work with me, Harrison worked like hell to convince Carlos Santana that I was worth the trouble. I think, aside from the obvious bad moments, that was the lowest I ever felt. Genuinely not being wanted, or no one allowing me to use the one thing I have going for me. I missed that. I missed promoting, and meeting fans. I'm already comfortable back on stage, because it was always the only place that truly made me happy, made me feel like I was something." Clearing her throat, Ava took off her jacket and set it aside. "Anyway, I just hope I never have to give up singing, for longer than a necessary break. And I hope that doesn't come for a long time."
Following that, and a few more lighthearted discussions, we got something to eat and headed back to the Superdome to do a last minute sound check. We worked out our stage movements, went through our set list, as we decided we'd switch it up in cities where we performed multiple shows, and went through the new single we would be debuting.
Since we had to choose a ballad this time, something MCA would not allow us to avoid, we went with one that we all shared lead on. Thankfully, the girls allowed me to have my say in choosing, leaving me to perform last. It worked out nicely, set a different tone than what the fans were used to. This time around, Leann and Ava were up front... their solos and main leads up first while Troy and I chilled in the background; though, when we were up front, neither of us allowed ourselves to hold back anymore.
Stepping forward, trying my best to keep the sweat from going in my eyes, I smiled and looked out into our audience, waving in every direction I heard my name. "How are y'all doing?!" The response was thunderous, something I had no problems getting used to again. "That's good, that's good. And um, how are we liking the new album? Do y'all think it's good?" Again, the response was crazy. "That's what we like to hear! I'm sure y'all noticed, the approach was a little different. We tried new things, but most importantly, we had fun making this album. We hope that's what comes across as you listen to each song." I smirked. "I hope you noticed that we're all singing and rapping." I cackled as I heard a few different whoops and other crazy sounds from the audience. Doubled over when someone shouted that I, personally, should stick to singing. "I hear you Man, but I had fun anyway."
There were eighteen tracks total on Coming of Age. We each had two leads, there were four skits with us talking to one another, four songs where we all shared lead, an intro and an outro which were really just us harmonizing and giving thanks. It was a balance we all found fair, one that worked in everyone's favor, and one that gave everybody a chance to shine whether we did poorly... i.e., me rapping, or if we did great and shocked others... i.e., Ava's main solo.
"Now what we're about to do for you is perform the song that will become our next single. We're hoping you can make this a top five for us as well." As I spoke, stools were brought to each of us. Once they were set beside us, we each took seats, and I lowered my mic after handing the crowd over to Leann since she was singing first. She was scared, and it was obvious, but it wasn't hard to offer her a little encouragement. One thing I noticed upon us working together again, she'd had great improvement. I wasn't sure if it was because she was forced to take vocal lessons, in an effort to maintain what ability she had, or if it was that she now had this calming, but sexy rasp to her voice... but she sounded great lately. I had no issue hyping her up or helping to boost her confidence. She wouldn't say it, but she needed it.
"Thanks Torii. Alright y'all, for this, I need complete silence, just for a minute or so. Y'all know I don't sing lead like that, so bear with me."
And they did. And it was nice to see her come out of her shell second by second, to hear bits of her fear melt away as she pressed on with each word, with each note once she began and got comfortable. Looking down at my sister, we both nodded our approval, continuing to watch her in awe until it came time for all of us to sing together. And like old times, our voices melted and meshed with one another, flowing freely and wrapping themselves around lyrics that were now personal to us all. For the first time in a long time, it felt great to be on stage with all of them again.
Ava –
Night after night, five weeks strong, we hit the stage and left everything we had there. As always, we did our hometowns, as well as the cities that requested us frequently before we began making plans to head across seas.
Naturally, we had to wait on a clearance for Troy to fly, but that suited me just fine. It gave us a week long break and time to rest up for what would be coming soon. Fast paced performances, a new city every day, and little to no rest because of interviews and television performances along with the nightly shows.
On top of that, we'd managed to squeeze ourselves into the award season just in time. While we had to wait until December to see if we were being selected or even looked at for the Grammys, we'd swiped one Billboard Nomination as a group, two AMA awards for the upcoming show in January. We'd just missed the MTV Music Video Awards, but we were eligible for the following year, and that brought Troy a little bit of happiness since the treatment for Lil' Somethin' Somethin' was her idea. Along with a slew of other nominations, we had to make schedule adjustments for the things we would be able to attend.
Lying on my couch, watching an interview Troy was doing separately, I smiled as she ran off all of the things that we, as a group would be doing. It also stood out to me the way that she spoke of us; without ill intent, in a positive manner. No matter how much or how hard the interviewer tried to make her speak on our past issues, she chose to press forward with all of the good things going on.
It made me take a look at myself, and I had to admit that if we weren't in a good place, I don't know if I would have been able to do the same.
Seeing that they were changing the subject, I turned the TV up a little more. "Okay, so it is well known that you are still an active part of Fly Girl."
"Yes."
"But you did go solo as well. I've heard through the grapevine that you're a heavy contender for the Grammy noms this year, possibly picking up four on your own."
She smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, that's great and all but I'm not banking on something that I actually did on a whim. Something that I wasn't even my best at, at the time."
"You're kidding, right?"
Troy shook her head. "I was sick, bored, I hadn't sung more than some background vocals in over a year. I planned nothing out, other than obtaining the rights to record it. I didn't release it as an actual single, never branded or promoted myself as a solo artist. It was just done and put out there for fun. I didn't even think about qualifying for the award season."
"If you were to win though, how would you feel? And what would that mean for your group? Obviously, you would be in higher demand as a solo artist."
Troy paused for a few moments before speaking again. "I would probably feel the way I've always felt. I mean, no doubt I would be happy and proud of myself. Who wouldn't be, but my focus still wouldn't be going solo until it was a certainty that Fly Girl would be over. And trust, we've got a hell of a lot more promoting to do before anybody at the label lets us go."
Hearing a knock at my door, I sighed and turned the TV off before getting up. Taking my time, I looked through the peephole before I finally opened the door. I wanted to be surprised that he'd show up at my door, but I'd heard from Todd too many times in past months.
He kept saying he still felt this strong urge to check on me every so often, but I knew what he really wanted. Though I still loved him, I also knew that it was best if we kept going our separate ways.
One thing I was forced to learn about myself; I often depended on others for my own happiness. That was strike one. Strike two was that, if they allowed it, I'd become too involved... to the point of basing all of my decisions around what they think, what they want, what they feel. While Todd had never told me what to do, or controlled me, when he and I were together, I sought his approval for a lot outside of work. And a majority of me lashing out, drinking excessively, or cheating on him came from when I didn't get attention I wanted from him, or when he acted as if what I did wouldn't or didn't matter to him.
Almost like a child that knows things are wrong, but if a parent isn't there to say hey, that's wrong or no, don't do that, you do it just to see what will happen. I also knew that if he and I were to get back together, he would no doubt trust me again, but my own guilt would lead to me feel that he was doing me wrong. I didn't want to worry about if he was cheating to get payback. I didn't want to deal with him possibly questioning me. And if this was going to be the final Fly Girl project; when my career died down, I didn't want to play second to his career now that he was producing a succession of chart-topping hits.
Seemed dumb, but I'd learned what I wanted at this point in my life. The last strike; no matter how much time passed between us; each time I saw Todd, I was reminded of what could have been. The fact that had things not gone wrong, we could have had a son, and he would have probably looked just like him. Sometimes, looking at Todd too long, I got emotional and guilt from causing the loss of our child would come flooding back. I didn't want to be bothered with that either. It would only lead me back to the bottle.
"What are you doing here?"
He shrugged his shoulders, leaning against the frame of the door. "I just wanted to drop in and check on you, that's all. I heard you guys were heading over to Europe for a while, and I'll be in Australia for about a year. Just wanted to make sure you were good, and say congrats to all the success you and the girls have been having lately."
"Thanks, and congratulations to you as well. What's the trip to Australia for?"
"Working on the music for a couple of films out there. Figured I'd move out there, rather than flying back and forth every few weeks." He cleared his throat, heading to the real reason he stopped by. "I was also hoping that we could-"
"No, Todd. I love you, but no."
"Well, worth that last try. Good luck with everything, Baby. All the good coming your way, you deserve it."
I nodded, giving him a quick, friendly hug before he turned and walked away. Closing and leaning against my door, I exhaled.
The next night, we were in rehearsals, waiting on Leann to show up. None of us had seen or heard from her since we first got back to California, and tonight's rehearsal was not one that she needed to miss.
Torii stood to the left, going over a few of the new moves we were incorporating into our routines, while Troy sat on her stool looking spaced out.
"You alright?"
She looked at me slowly, clearing her throat before she spoke up. "Yeah, just tired."
"You took your medicine?"
"Mmhm. I wish we could just go through this stuff now before I crash. I don't have much longer."
Torii spoke up next. "I tried calling her. Her friend Jay said she hadn't been there since she picked up KC from school, so I don't know where she could be."
"KC, I miss my lil' boo. I gotta go see him one day."
Torii laughed. "He isn't little anymore. Thirteen, and mannish. I can't deal."
Before Troy could speak again, the doors of the rehearsal hall opened and Kyrie walked in. It was the first time any of us had seen him in well over a year, and to say we were ecstatic would be an understatement.
Torii and I both ran and gave him hugs, laughing when he picked us both up one by one. Still a giant teddy bear, I was glad to see that he'd still held a soft spot for us, even though we'd essentially stopped speaking to him before he left to handle family issues. With us stepping back, he next walked over to Troy and gave her a gentle hug, asking her how she was getting along. She gave the same generic answer she'd given us, but it was becoming more evident that she was getting sleepier by the second.
Brandy walked in next, with Leann following right behind and I felt a bit of relief wash over me.
It was immediately stripped away when I noticed the annoyed and angry look on Brandy's face. "Oh sure, because this is just what I wanted the highlight of my day to be. To get a call from a well-known tabloid journalist saying I need to come get one of my girls before she makes a critical mistake! I don't understand you. We just went through this; just talked about all that we needed to do to keep y'all on the right path, and you go right back to the bullshit."
Leann waved her off, taking a seat next to Troy after removing her jacket. "Whatever. I'm irritated, tired, and I just want to get this rehearsal over with. Let's go."
"No!" We all looked at Brandy. "We're laying down some rules and we're doing it right now. I don't care how mad you get either, because you seem to forget that I'm going out of my way for you. Not the other way around. I am so tired of trying to find reasons why I should stick it out and continue to put myself through the drama and bullshit with you. I am not treated well enough to continue putting up with foolishness."
"So leave then, Brandy! Nobody's begging you to stay!"
"Damnit, I tried! But you know what Leann, you'd be shit out of luck with finding someone who cares half as much about you as I do. You'd be shit out of luck trying to find someone who works as hard and tirelessly as I do to rebuild and protect your image, day in and day out. You'd be wishing you could find someone who truly had your best intentions at heart, who didn't want a single thing from you... aside from the satisfaction of seeing you succeed. You want the truth, Leann? Here it is. There are plenty of artist I could have gone to, to help, for a lot more than I get from any of you, and I say no because I have only ever cared about the four of you! I have only ever viewed the four of you as the daughters I could never have! But I can leave? Okay then, as of now, I am no longer your publicist. We'll see Mr. Bellamy about that before y'all head to Europe." Brandy took one deep breath, and continued. "From this point on, I'm insisting that every week; random drug tests. That's for you with your cocaine and everything else you like to try. I pray to God that you're truly off of it, because I will no longer have a say, nor will I fight to keep you in the group."
Brandy wiped away the few tears that were falling. It was all over her face, she was tired. "Steeper fines and penalties for missed meetings and rehearsals, and I'm not paying another motherfucking dime to cover for you. First time you appear drunk or high on stage, you will be out. First time you physically lay hands on or fight one of your groupmates, you will be out. Should you get arrested again, do not call me. Should you find yourself in trouble with the media, paparazzi, or those journalists that you claim love to twist your words... do not call me. Now all of you, get to work."