Leann -
I sat quietly, doing the only thing I really could do after coming out of my previous situation. Thank God.
Here I was, a recovering addict, far from dependable, far from trust worthy, and here were people I admire giving me second chances that I didn't even deserve. Trina, Rah Digga, and Mia X were looking to work with me, to help me get myself and my name back out there since there was still no word on what was going on with my own group.
On one hand, I didn't want to go further than I had when I'd worked with Mystikal, but what hadn't I done in my private life that hasn't already tainted and tarnished that wholesome image they tried to cultivate around me and the girls?
The chance to work with Trina while she's about to blow after coming off the hype of her and Trick Daddy's song Nahn Nigga. The chance to work with Dirty Harriet herself, Rah Digga, and pick up whatever Busta Ryhmes has taught her. Ohhh, and you think I'm going to work with Mystikal and not work with the hometown heroine Mama Mia?
We all sat in a small studio, comfortable, talking and vibing to see what we could pick up. Trina didn't mind working with all of us together, but naturally they all wanted separate projects with me, and for that I was thankful. That would be more, much needed money in my pocket.
As I nodded my head and danced a little to the song Trina wanted me to hop on a remix of, I asked the question that had been on the tip of my tongue since we'd all taken our seats and began to put in work. "What is it that you want from me? What are you expecting for me, coming on to your song?"
Trina smiled, turning the volume down a little as it got to the verse of the female rapper she's including on the album version. "Well, I definitely don't want to take you out of whatever your element is. I also don't want you to rap about something that you're not comfortable with. So, with that being said, if you want to come on the track and keep it all the way real, and rap about another bitch who ain't shit, that's cool with me. The song will still be called Ain't Shit, you're just taking it back a little bit to the Dre and Snoop song I sampled. You wanna be dirty, get a little grimy with your words, do that. You wanna keep it cute, tame it down in comparison to mine, that's cool too. Only thing I ask is that you absolutely bring it. I heard your track with Mystikal, and once I got serious about this whole rap thing, I said I need to surround myself with the type of hunger that y'all brought. What you gave him, I want that... but double it."
"It won't be a problem with me rapping to a female though? I mean, after I came out publicly, it was still advised that I sing to a male... 'cause, you know, my groupmates aren't lesbians."
"I mean, who am I to tell another female how to bring the heat she has? And who am I to tell you not to be true to yourself. This ain't your group, and far from that goody goody image. So be my guest, do what makes you comfortable. If we come out this bitch going tit for tat, straight dogging these niggas and bitches, that's just what it's gon' be. That shit gon' be hot regardless. And I'm claiming that."
And she meant just that.
We cut my vocals in just under an hour, and when she brought Trick Daddy in to play it back for him, I was just as surprised as he was. I watched him intently though, noticing how he closed his eyes while he listened. Every so often he would grunt, or make some type of sound. I didn't know if he approved, or if it was something he hadn't expected... but it was calming to me to get some type of reaction.
He stopped playback, turning in his chair before he cleared his throat, puffing on the cigar he'd been nursing as he listened. "So what you thinkin', Trick? I was right, wasn't I?"
Nodding, he looked towards me, giving a half smile as a couple of his golds came into view. "Shit, I'm thinking you need to go 'head and do a remix for Da Baddest Bitch too, include her on it, but this one is good. Knowing your background, the group you came from, I gotta admit you caught me off guard."
I sighed, looking into his eyes. "Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?"
He chuckled. "It's good. Shit, MCA or whoever keep fucking over you and your girls, you can come over here to Slip & Slide. Guarantee we could shape you into a force to be reckoned with, you heard me? Got a bit of tutelage from Mystikal, 'bout to catch some from Digga and Mia X ... shit, you already got a good bit going for you. You hop up under me and Trina, that's it."
"Thanks, and I'll definitely keep that in mind, to come to your label I mean. No telling how that's going so, I'm very glad to hear you make that offer."
He nodded his head. "Listen, I can't hear raw talent and let it slip by without making the offer. I might be a filthy, hood ass nigga, but I'm not a dumb one." He slouched in his chair a little before speaking again. "And, I know you from New Orleans too. It'd be too easy for you to put yourself out there and say you'd like to sign with No Limit or Cash Money, that's hometown advantage and they'd both offer you top dollar just to get you. That's how good you are, you feel me? And hearing yourself unfiltered, I bet you recognized it too." I nodded. "Yeah, you got it, Kid."
He turned to Trina, giving her his complete approval before he excused himself. As for me, I was feeling good about myself as an artist again. My day had been perfect, and as I got to work with Mia X and Rah Digga, it only got better from there. For the first time, I got to be completely ... me.
I spent a full twenty-four hours in the studio before I finally went home. I have to say that, walking in the door and being knocked down by KC was one of the most emotional and overwhelming moments of my life. It was everything I'd dreamed and hoped it would be while I was in rehab, and more.
It was everything I needed. Everything I desired and wished I hadn't been so blind to when I'd become reckless, not only with my life but his as well. When I say that I was LUCKY he wasn't taken from me, that I'd been allowed to leave him with Jay as long as she flew out to California to live for a while... it was nobody but God, still looking out for me in spite of how much I disappointed him.
I smiled, laughing when he pulled away momentarily to wipe my tears away. "Come on now, Leann. I said that I wasn't going to cry, and you walk in here with this."
"I'm sorry, Honey, I'm just so happy to see you!"
He cleared his throat, looking me directly in the eyes. "Better be. And please, don't leave again. I'll always be here, but I'm at that age where even I can't make excuses for you to comfort myself." Sad that he had to tell me that, but then... it was a piece of a lecture I had coming. I deserved that and any spurts of anger he has as I try to rebuild our relationship.
"I promise."
"Good, now what's the word. Who are we working with?"
I chuckled, finally standing up once he let me go and stepped back. "I'm working with quite a few people, thankfully."
"And your friends? Are you all back together now?"
I turned and looked at him, completely confused by his question. "What friends?"
"Troy, Torii, and Ava... duh. I miss them. Well, Troy and Torii still call to check on me, but..." He shrugged, smiling as he put his head down. "I miss seeing them too."
I sighed. I was taken aback to hear that Troy and Torii checked up on him, wasn't even aware that he was a thought that crossed their mind. But, it was appreciated. "I don't know what's going on with that, to be honest, KC. And if nothing happens, then that's something I'll just have to accept. I have other opportunities coming my way, fortunately, so it's not like I won't be working."
He nodded. "Guess that's good then. I'll go and wake Jay up and tell her you've made it home." He ran off and I smiled, looking around as I slowly walked through my house, trying to find a sense of familiarity.
After taking a little time to get caught up with Jay and KC, and to finally get myself a good home cooked meal, I thought I would try to get some rest. However, my nerves and mind wouldn't allow that.
I started off with a stroll around my neighborhood, and when that wasn't enough, I hopped in my car and took a ride to the only place I knew I could find the two other people I needed to see most. Since I didn't call to let them know I'd be popping up, my only hope was that they wouldn't kick me out.
As expected, I found Torii with her face buried in a notebook while Troy stood in front of the mixing console, moving her hands about as if she were directing an orchestra. I knocked on the door, giving a half smile when they both looked up at me. There was an immediate air of awkwardness that surrounded the three of us. "Hey. I don't mean to interrupt you, but... I was hoping I could stop by and speak with the both of you, face to face."
Troy said nothing before turning back to whatever she was working on, but Torii nodded, setting her notebook to the side as she invited me in. She was also the first of the two to speak. "What's going on, how are you?"
I leaned against the wall after I closed the door behind me. "I'm okay. Doing a lot better than I was about a year ago." I looked down for a moment, nodding my head to what was playing. I instantly recognized both of their voices, actually hoping that this was something more than a demo. If it was, and they were finally going solo or working on something together, it was about to bring so much success to the both of them.
"Where have you been?"
"Heaven's Gate. They finally figured out that keeping me for longer than two or three weeks might be what I needed. Was only supposed to do six months, but I knew I wasn't ready so I went through the program a second time. Just got out over the weekend."
Torii nodded. "Why didn't you call us? We would have come to see you. Well, I can only speak for myself because Troy's been playing hide and seek with people too."
"I didn't really talk to anyone, aside from Brandy when she wasn't trying to force me to go to therapy. It was just better for me if I went through it alone. That way, I didn't flash on the wrong people." I cleared my throat. "Um, KC told me that you both checked in on him from time to time. Thank you."
Troy finally turned and gave a small smile. "Couldn't forget about my lil' boo. He missed you, hope you've had a good talk with him."
I shook my head. "A small one, but not the one I know he wants to have. I kind of want him to be upset when we finally sit down, that way, he can get all of his real feelings out and we can work through that." I finally took a seat once they offered me one, and I went back to vibing to what they had playing. "This is real nice. Something for y'all together, or solo?"
Torii smiled, shaking her head. "Nope. There's this girl group coming out soon, and Raj heard that they were looking for writers. He thought they might want to get the best, so I'm trying to work out two songs for them."
"So that's just a demo."
"You know good and well, anything Troy half-asses on is a demo." I laughed, nodding my head.
"Half-assed or not, still sounds radio ready."
She thanked me, singing along as she tried to pinpoint what she felt sounded off. "Day and night, I don't know what to do. You're always on my mind, day dreaming of you. It feels so right, but I know that it's wrong. Even though I got a man, just can't leave you alone." She sighed, repeating the same line a few times. "Quiet nights on the sand, private beach... I got it!"
Torii looked up and that's when I noticed she'd quietly slipped back to her writing. "Instead of it just being the lead singer saying the quiet nights on the sand line, let it be the whole group and then let her come in alone with 'private beach' and the rest of the verse. And this space that you said could be a little dance or routine break, it needs another verse."
"I only had two for Day & Night though."
"I know, but it doesn't have to be one of them singing. Maybe they can float it around and get a feature. A male rapper. You know that's about to be the standard for first time female singers anyway. If not the original, then the remix needs a male rapper. Think about it."
Torii shook her head. "Whatever you say, I'm cool with. You work with and watch Marliss, and that boy's a genius so I trust your instincts because I know you've picked up things from him."
Troy finally took a seat, looking in my direction as she spoke. "So, what'd you come to talk to us about?"
"Nothing work or music related. I came to apologize for my part in a great deal of what's gone wrong with the group. Acting like and saying that I don't care about our work, the group, you guys... sometimes blaming you for the things that were my own fault. The harsh and negative words whenever I was high or drunk, being high and drunk on stage and in professional settings. Not respecting you, your space, your time, your love for me, or your friendship. For hurting the both of you when at some points in all of the time we've spent together, you were the only ones I could turn to. For not knowing better, for not listening to you and trusting that even when you didn't know fully what was wrong, you coming to me as friends and offering an ear and help, in whatever form I needed it... for not knowing that wasn't you trying to shun me, or push me out of the group. For not being a better friend, for not being a better example as the oldest. For everything, I am so sorry. If you don't forgive me, and if you never want to see me after today, then I completely understand. But I had to come and apologize to you face to face, like the adult I try so hard to be."
Torii sighed. "Well, knowing how insanely prideful you are and how, under different circumstances, it would have killed you to do that... I accept your apology."
I smiled, noticing that Troy was only staring. Her forgiveness, or non-forgiveness for that matter, was what I had to brace myself for. If she didn't forgive me, it would hurt, but I had to remember that it wasn't her fault that I'd done wrong and said things to hurt her, to change her attitude towards me. "I forgive you too, though it doesn't mean that everything is all good again."
I nodded. "Yeah, I understand that. Maybe one day in the future, it'll be bearable enough for us to work together again? Someone might care enough to hear a solo album from me, and you know me... I only like to work with the best."
They both gave tiny smiles before nodding, and Torii spoke up. "And you know me; nothing comes between me and the money. I can work with anybody as long as the check is right and clears when I cash it."
I laughed, thanking them both before I said goodbye, leaving so that they could get back to work.
Ava -
I smiled, dancing as the cameras being used panned on and around me, mouthing the words I'd sung for the chorus of a collaboration I'd done with Carlos Santana. It was the biggest thing I'd done in the last two years, and my biggest career move and opportunity to date.
Flipping my hair over my shoulder, I turned around, clapping my hands together before I turned back to the camera, mouthing the words again. "And cut!" I took one deep breath, thanking everyone as the clapped for me. "Alright Ava, we're going to get one last shot with you, and that's going to be with you and Mr. Santana. The scene is set up as a concert scene, so when we begin shooting, I want you to sing for real."
I nodded, heading to makeup and wardrobe to change while they got my final shots for the day set up.
Stepping at the food table, I began fixing myself a plate of the assorted fruit they had sitting out. I hadn't had much of an appetite lately, and knowing that I had to eat something, even if it was only once a day, I figured I could at least go the safe route with some fruit here and there.
"Excuse me, Miss." I looked up for a moment, stepping aside because I assumed I was in the gentleman's way. "No, I was hoping to get your attention. Ava Fuentes, right?"
Unfortunately, I thought but I kept that thought to myself, nodding as I shook his extended hand. "Yes, and I'll be out of your way in just a moment."
"Oh, I actually want you to stay and talk with me for a minute." He flashed a bright smile, and though I wasn't in a real mood to play nice, I returned it. "I'm working on the video as an extra, and I've been hoping for a while now to run into you before the shoot wrapped."
"Why?"
"Aside from being a fan, I've always found you to be incredibly beautiful. I'm probably way out of your league, but I thought I'd take my chance and step to you. Ask you out on a date."
Standing still, I tried to read him. Here I was, standing in the grungiest outfit possible, with my hair all disheveled from swinging it while faking like I was playing a guitar, an excessive amount of makeup, compared to what I normally wore... and he was asking me out? Me? "Who are you?"
He laughed, apologizing. "Sorry, I should have stated that from the beginning. I'm Casey Hensley."
"And you're certain you've stepped to the right person? You say you're a fan, so I have no doubt that you've seen tabloids and..."
"None of that is my business, nor does it determine what I think of you as a person. I mean, that'll be the point of us going out, so that I can get to know you beyond what's shown in the media."
"Yeaah, how about I get back to you. I have to go and get ready for this final scene."
He smiled. "I'll be in it, in the front row. Maybe I'll imagine you're singing to me."
I shrugged, stepping past him. "Whatever works for you, Sir."
By the end of the evening, I'd completed all of my scenes and thanked Mr. Santana for giving me such a huge opportunity. I knew, already, if I never found success with anything else as a 'solo' artist, this would always be something major in my catalog.
Exiting the back of the film studio where I'd parked, I was stopped and approached by a reporter. Sighing heavily, I tried to bypass him, but the little man was persistent. "What do you want? I just shot a video with Carlos Santana, but that's not news to anyone, as Access Hollywood got the main exclusive yesterday."
"Actually, I knew you'd be here, and I came to ask about Fly Girl."
I rolled my eyes. "There's no album, nothing. Good day."
"Are you sure? Because as we approach the end of March, it's been reported that since the beginning of the month, things have been set into motion to guarantee the return of your group. Why, just recently Leann Comeaux was spotted leaving the studio that Torii Mercier uses frequently when she writes and produces for other artists. Certainly, Leann couldn't have just popped up there for nothing after being MIA for nearly a year. Same for Troy, no one could even reach her until the beginning of the month."
I threw my arms up. "Okay, what does that have to do with me? You know the story. I got beat up by them, they don't talk to me, so if there is something it doesn't include me."
"So you've been replaced? Has this come as a major shock to you, or have you known this entire time?"
"There were auditions for replacements, it didn't work out, so as far as my knowledge goes, currently, there is no Fly Girl. If there is, and they haven't called me, best of luck to them."
I quickly moved out of his line of vision and ran to my car, getting in and back out of my parking space as quickly as possible. Tapping my steering wheel, I sighed and took a deep breath. Instantly annoyed.
I mean, so what if they've got things rolling? And so what if they have replaced me? It's not like it wasn't talked about or mentioned. And it's not like I actually care. Less to think and worry about. Now I won't have to worry about pretending I want to be around them.
Though, I gotta admit that I'm still beyond sorry about the problems I caused, and that I miss my girls more than ever now that I'm basically going through things alone. Even with minor solo opportunities or jobs thrown my way, most out of sympathy, it just wasn't the same. If we did split as a group, it wasn't supposed to be on bad terms.
I sighed, trying to push back the tears that were trying their hardest to fall as I thought about the possibility of seeing someone else in my place.
Jarring me from my thoughts, my mobile phone rang. Just as I pulled into a gas station, I stopped next to the first available tank and put my car in park, grabbing my phone from the passenger seat. "This is Ava."
"Hmm, surprised you answered. Of course, when you're not doing anything with your life, you have all the time in the world to answer."
I sighed heavily, throwing my head back. "Yep, about as much time as I have to hang the fuck up as well."
"Don't curse at me, Ava Leigh."
"What are you calling me for, Mother? I thought, when I came to you, you said you were utterly ashamed of me and that you never wanted to see or hear from me again? What happened to that?"
"As it is, I need a little help."
I pulled the mobile phone from my ear and looked at it for a moment, wondering if my mother had taken up smoking as a hobby. "Help? With what?"
"Money."
Unintentionally, I burst out into a long fit of laughter. Uncontrollable laughter, the type I hadn't experienced since my world began to fall apart. "Woo, oh my God..."
"Ava..."
"No! You can neglect me my entire life, put me down, announce to the world that you're embarrassed that you gave birth to me. Berate me, shoot down each and every dream I've ever had, laugh at me when I come to you needing legitimate help, tell me you're glad I lost my child, a bastard you wouldn't have accepted or claimed anyway. Tell me you're happy my so-called career has fallen apart, but you want help? You need money? Bitch, have you lost your everlasting mind!? That must be it."
"Don't you dare talk to me like that. I am still your mother!"
"You've never been a mother! Not ever! When have I ever been able to come to you, and when have I ever left your presence feeling as if everything in my life will be alright? Not ever. You need money? You're down on your luck? Bitch, suffer."
I hung up my phone, tossing it on to the floor.
I know I wasn't in the best of positions currently, but one thing I was not... broke. And it may be wrong, but what has she and my father ever done for me, how far have they gone to warrant them the right or entitlement of help in any form?
I chuckled to myself, thinking as I tapped my fingertips against my steering wheel. "The fuck are you mad about Ava? You've proved them wrong before. They said you'd be nothing, but look at you... you've had success, and you could have it again. You've, you've just got to get your shit together and you've got to make things right." I sighed. "Got to hope like hell the only people who've ever cared will forgive you for your stupidity. You've got to hope you can comeback from all that's gone wrong."