Troy –
Though I was supposed to be preparing to record this song for Disney, some soundtrack Chauncey agreed to let me appear on solo, I was sitting at the mixing console, listening as Marliss recorded his vocals for the final song that was going on Xclusive's next album.
He and Raymond either recorded together or alone now, finding it too difficult to handle the unnecessary attitudes that Greg, Desmond, and Keith threw their way anytime they had to sit in sessions together. It was sad to see, because on stage and in press interviews they appeared to be the greatest friends. Behind the scenes, things were just unraveling for them. Marliss, being the overly positive person that he is, had high hopes that recording the second album would bring them close again, help them remember what they'd started off with; but he said it only made things worse. Especially once he and Raymond began doing more producing this time around. He told me that if they made it past any point after the promotion for their second album, it would be a complete miracle. Not because he couldn't handle it, or keep up appearances. But because it seemed that the other guys were starting to go to no length to ruin all they'd worked hard for.
I didn't get it, didn't understand it, but it sure made me pray hard that nothing ever happened to the girls and I. I loved singing, with all of my heart, but I never ever wanted to have to go out there alone.
"Troy."
I looked up, clearing my throat as I set my pen down. "Yes?"
"Hit that button I showed you please."
"Why do you keep starting over, you sound fine to me."
Marliss rolled his eyes before looking in my direction. "Thank you, Baby, but something's still off to me. This is an Isley Brothers song they've got us remaking, and it's got to be perfect."
"Boo, I say this with so much love and respect for your talent." He smirked. "You're no Mr. Biggs. Just like you have a distinct voice, so does he. You're not going to sound exactly like him. Your rendition is not going to sound like the original."
"I know, but it has to sound just as good or better. You do know that people trash talk remakes, right? Of course you don't know, because you always make yours sound better."
"Stop lying please, and just relax. If it will help you, pretend that you're singing it to me."
"Pretend? I was singing it to you." I smiled, blowing him a kiss. "Hit the button for me, please."
"Promise it's your last time starting over?"
"No, I can't promise that."
I sighed, shaking my head as I hit the button, restarting the instrumental. I watched him, smiling to myself as he closed his eyes and got back to work. Holding his headphones against his ear, he stood up and kicked his stool back, getting closer to the microphone. I liked to watch him work sometimes, because he was so precise and meticulous. He was very critical of himself, mentally picking out every mistake he made, even as he worked. It made his process a little slow, causing him to take longer than necessary, but it was always worth it when you heard the final product. "Can I go on my way without you? Whoa-ooh, how can I know? If I go on my way without you; whoa-ooh, where would I go? Set sail with me. Misty Lady, set my spirit free. New love to find. And though I leave another behind, I'll always..." He stopped and stepped back from the microphone, nodding his head slowly as he listened to the vocals he'd already laid, along with Raymond and the fellas singing the chorus. When he stepped back to the microphone, he closed his eyes again, using his hands this time as he sang. "She's my lady, now and ever. Whoa-ooh, how can I know? Can we go all the way together? Whoa-ooh, can it be so? So we'll say our last goodbye, and we'll make it this time. Ohhhh, set sail with me to a paradise out beyond the sea. Atlantis." He stopped again, cursing under his breath before he asked me to stop the playback. "I fucked up."
"Where?"
Stepping out of the booth, Marliss sat in the chair beside me and played back what he'd recorded. He was so certain that he hit several bad notes and strained his voice, but what I heard was as close to being a great remake as anyone could get. At least, when it comes to a song like an Isley Brothers' song. "Alright, I know you heard the way my voice went up and then dropped back down, at the wrong time when I sang Atlantis, when I was stretching it out just before the chorus started again. I didn't pronounce paradise fully either, and I'm not even going to go in on that note I butchered around the word sea."
I just sat there, chewing my gum as I stared at him as if he'd lost his mind. If I hadn't been with him all morning, I would have sworn he'd lost it. "Marliss, from one perfectionist to another... from me, your girlfriend, I'm going to need for you to stop tripping."
"But Baby..."
"It's fine! Look, remakes are hard. No matter how well we sing our hearts and souls out, it's very rare that every single person who will hear it will like it. Your issue is that you always want every song to be liked by every single person it falls into the hands of. The truth is, there's always going to be one song a fan doesn't like, there's always going to be one vocal performance someone doesn't approve of. And that includes album vocals. Stop looking for mistakes that aren't there because it's not going to be completely perfect. You're trying to compete with the original, and Boo, let me tell you... you could never top The Isleys. Just like the girls and I can't top Five Star and anyone else we cover in the future. We can only give our best and pay homage, and what you've recorded is just fine. I promise."
He sat back and folded his arms across his chest before poking his bottom lip out. "I don't want you to be right about that."
I laughed, stroking his cheek with the back of my hand. "But you know I am. All of that stuff you pointed out, it's just in your mind. Take yourself out of artist mode right now, and listen to it as if it were something you're just dying to hear. Listen to it as a fan. Aren't you a fan of yourself, of your group?"
"Of the group, sure."
"Then listen as a fan."
Marliss pouted for a few more seconds before leaning forward and restarting the song again. And there we sat, listening to the song in full, what they'd managed to finish anyway, with his added vocals.
Again, what I heard was good. Noticeably different from the original, but they'd definitely given it their own style, and brought in fresh flavor, one that music fans of the nineties could appreciate without thinking or feeling that it was outdated. If anything, it sounded like one of those remakes that made you want to go and discover the original if you didn't already know it.
Leaning with his elbow on the arm of my chair, Marliss nodded his head. He would look at me every few seconds before refocusing. When the chorus came around, I sang along, just because I'd heard it so much within a five-hour time frame.
"Alright, you were right. But, I am re-recording that second verse. I strained during that part."
I shook my head. "If you say so. Just please hurry so that we can go. I am starving and I want to eat before I have to come back and record my own song."
"You're always hungry. When I own my own studio, I'm going to keep two mini-fridges stocked just for you."
"Right, and what if we aren't together then? Don't make me no promises."
Marliss smiled, those dimples flashing. "That's a guarantee Baby. And if I let you go, I'll be a damn fool. A fool, I am not. Give me fifteen minutes to get this right and we can go."
I nodded, crossing one leg over the other as I sat back in my chair.
When I finally got back to the apartment we all shared while out in California, I spotted my sister sitting on the living room couch, watching Jerry Springer. Ava was huddled up in the corner, on the phone.
I smiled, loving that I was finally getting to hear her laugh and see her smile again. In spite of all of the good things happening to us as a group, and individually, she still seemed to be so down about a lot. "Hey Sis, Ava."
They both waved and I took a seat, pulling my boots off and setting them to the side before I sat back. My eyes quickly darted across the room as Ava let out a semi-loud laugh, covering her mouth after she apologized for disturbing us, though she wasn't. The smile on her face was something else, very beautiful and it made me wish that I got to see this side of her more often. "You are so silly, but yeah, I know what you mean." She put her head down, brushing her hair behind her ear as she smiled. "Yeah, we've got that Kenny Loggins tribute thing coming up. Best part, I get to sing with Troy so I won't be so nervous about singing a song I've only heard for the first time three days before hand. Ha-ha, no I do not plan on admitting that I'd never heard of him before now. Anyway, I've got to go."
Ava stood up, stretching. "No, I'll call you or see you, whichever comes first. Hehe, yeah, we're still on for that celebratory dinner that you insist on. Bye." She hung up, smiling as she looked in our direction. "What?"
I shook my head, pulling the pack of skittles Marliss bought me out of the pocket of my jeans. "Nothing. Things must be getting better between you and Sean. We haven't seen a smile that big and genuine in a long time."
Ava nodded. "Yeah, kind of."
My sister finally turned her attention away from the TV. "I thought you told him that you wanted to separate, to not focus on your relationship and marriage now that things are about to get extra hectic for us."
"Well, Torii, I did. But, I don't know. He's doing the one thing I've asked him to do; he's going to get some counseling, and when I'm in Arizona, I'll join him. I'll also be seeing a counselor of my own from time to time."
Torii nodded, sitting back. "I think that's really mature of you both. Even better that he's realized his mistakes and he's willing to put in that work to regain your trust."
Ava chuckled lightly. "Yeah, that's the only way I see this working. We just hit two years and already, it became such a struggle to want to stick it out. But, this is something I put myself in so I'm going to try my best to work through it."
"Well, I wish you both the best of luck."
"Thanks Troy. Uh, I'm going to catch a quick nap, but I'll be ready to go over those lyrics again when I wake up."
I nodded, passing the last few skittles to my sister when she held her hand out. "No problem Hun. You know me; Troy, the Night Rider. I'll be up."
"Cool. See y'all later."
Ava rushed off and Torii looked at me, nodding her head. "I truly hope it works out for her. I love happy Ava. She's at her best when there are no problems or stress adding on to what we go through."
"Right. And just what have you been up to today, Thickums?"
Torii looked at me, trying hard to keep from laughing but she couldn't help it. "First of all, only Raj is allowed to call me that. And, I haven't done anything today. Brandy said we had a whole day to relax, best believe I took full advantage. I wanted to sit on the phone with Raj all day, but he had rehearsals for that benefit Chauncey got him a solo performance for. He was telling me how he thinks they're about to let him and Marliss go solo, so he wants to get used to singing on a stage alone again."
I shook my head. "Let Marliss tell it, they're both trying to do all they can to keep things together."
"They are, but nobody else is willing to make it work. Raj just wants to make sure he's straight in case it happens. He feels it's inevitable. If not before, then definitely a few months after they release their second album."
"Lord. Well, I know one thing Sis. That will never be Fly Girl."
"Right!" We slapped hands, cackling and clowning when we heard the front door close. Leann walked in a second later, shaking her head. She looked as if she was ready to hit something, or someone. "What's wrong, Leann?"
She placed her hands on her hips, groaning. "Women, why are we so damn sickening? I promise, this is the first time in my life that I've ever wished I was sexually attracted to men. This lesbian crap is for the birds, literally." She sighed. "Sorry, I know y'all can't relate to this. I just needed to vent and get that out of my system right quick. I'm good again."
"Aye, a relationship is a relationship. Just like we can be sickening, men are just as sickening. We get it. This wouldn't have anything to do with Erika, would it?"
Leann shook her head. "I'm not giving her a chance Troy, not as more than a friend. Besides, I was kind of crushing on someone else before she and I bumped into one another and we finally started talking late October. Anyway, this was supposed to be a lil' trial phase or whatever, but this chick swears up and down that I done wifed her up already. I'm nineteen, Man, tryna be footloose and fancy free."
I laughed, shaking my head. "What happened to being tired of being single?"
"I got used to being single and all of these fine ass women started popping up in my life." She licked her lips, smiling. "I figured let me go ahead and play the field a little. Anyway, I'm going to call and check on KC. Thanks for listening to my quick rant."
"You're welcome." Torii and I both spoke in unison before returning to our own round of various conversations.
Ava –
Once Troy and I got our tribute performance out of the way, we were all allowed to go home for the weekend. Though I wish the trip could have been a little longer, simply to be out of California for a good bit of time, I was actually glad to be going home.
I knew what was waiting for me, and what I'd have to deal with, but I felt that I could handle anything now that I'd finally got enough time and space to get my thoughts and my feelings regarding Sean and I together.
While I felt some need to blame myself for what he did to me, I finally came to the realization that what he was going through was a part of his own personal issues and insecurities. No, he should not have taken his frustrations out on me; but it happened, he'd apologized, he was actively seeking help to make things better; and I could either work through that, or I could walk away from it all. I made up my mind to give it one final try, and one try only.
I was being somewhat honest with Troy and Torii when I said I was going to try my best to work through my marriage. After all, in nearly two years, we'd barely been together past those first few months and we hadn't been able to work on or work at our marriage like we intended to when we went through the whole elopement.
If he was going to try to be better, I had to give it a fair try too. The part I wasn't entirely true about was that things were already good, that we were in a better place. The truth was, I hadn't talked to or seen Sean, with the exception of that day he called to argue earlier this month, since Thanksgiving, and hadn't planned on it until Chauncey gave us the clearance to come home for the weekend after we finished all of our contractual obligations for the month of February.
Hanging my keys on the hook, I closed and locked the front door after I set my bag down. I began to remove my jacket and called out for Sean. I didn't want him to pick me up from the airport, because he would have assumed I would have gone along with him being extra loving out in public. I didn't want to cause a scene, start an argument, or anything of that nature. I wanted the weekend to start off the way I intended to end it. Peacefully.
"Sean, are you here?"
He came out of the kitchen, smiling as he removed the apron wrapped around his waist. "Yeah. Was trying to put the final touches on what I was preparing for you."
"You're cooking?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Counselor thought finding something productive to do, along with this part-time job that I finally got, would help. Wasn't much I wanted to do or try, so I figured why not learn to cook. It got hard fending for myself, and I can only eat so much takeout before I get sick."
I smiled. "That's great, and congratulations. Are you enjoying it? Things going well, bosses treating you well or making it a good working environment? I know how important that is to you; to be able to at least be civil with those you work with."
"Yeah. It's a plant job. Sitting at a desk majority of the time, but I won't complain. It's something to keep me busy, and to keep me from mooching off of you, of course."
I nodded, looking down at my feet for a second. "I shouldn't have said that to you, but I'm very glad for you. Very proud of you."
"Thanks, Baby. And, huge congratulations to you. I watched the Grammys telecast. I'm very proud of you as well."
I looked down again. "Are you really?"
"Beyond proud. It's well deserved, for you and your friends." Sean clasped his hands together for a second before gently taking my hand in his, pulling me along to the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind, but when you told me you were coming home today, I decided that I'd hook up a little dinner, all of your favorites that I could remember and find the recipes to. I wasn't sure if you'd want to be bothered with going out and being recognized around Phoenix, so I hooked it up."
I smiled warmly, thanking him as I looked over the table. He'd cooked my absolute favorite; chicken cacciatore with a homemade marinara sauce. I thought it was so cute how he set the kitchen up like a little restaurant, complete with menus and candles, a bottle of wine and more. "You really went out of your way to do this, on short notice?"
He nodded, kissing my cheek before he pulled a chair back and waited for me to sit down before he pushed it in. "Now, if you don't like what I already have prepared, you can just take a look at the menu, and I will gladly make you something else. I've also taken the liberty to find the stuff to make those donut things you said you fell in love with in New Orleans."
"Beignets? Oh Lord, you're trying to send me back to California out of shape."
Sean smiled, chuckling as he sat a wine flute in front of me. "If wine isn't your thing, you know in case drinking isn't something you've picked up, I've got that apple cider you like in the fridge. And, I've got orange juice, sparkling water, or beer."
"Haa, I know the beer part was a joke. That stuff is so nasty. I'll take one glass of this fine white wine I see, and I'll also have a glass of orange juice."
"You've got it, Ava. And Baby, this isn't all that I have planned for you either."
I looked at him, wondering what else he could have pulled together in the two days since I left the message saying I'd be home. "You're not going to drag me to our first counseling session together, are you?"
He shook his head, setting a plate in front of me before he began fixing everything for me. "No, I'll save that for when we have more than two days. Just little things that I want to do for you, things I haven't been able to. Little gestures of my love and appreciation. It's not going to be enough to show you how grateful I am that you're sticking this out with me, but it's a start."
I looked up at Sean for a moment, nodding my head. "You don't have to do anything crazy. The trying, that's enough for now."
After getting a good night's sleep; I decided to do a little driving around while Sean went out to work his morning shift. Since it was such short notice, he couldn't take off. I'd told him it was alright, promised to spend the rest of the evening with him; which, after seeing this huge change in him, didn't seem so bad.
I was walking around the mall, going in and out of different shops trying to find something cute to take back to California with me. It wasn't often that I splurged so I figured why not treat myself while I'm home.
I was going through a rack of summer dresses, most of which looked as if they'd barely make it to touch my knees, but they were cute none the less. "Excuse me, Miss?"
I looked up, giving a warm smile to a girl that couldn't have been much older than me as I readjusted my purse on my shoulder. "Yes?"
"I could totally be wrong, but are you Ava Fuentes? Ava from the group Fly Girl?"
I chuckled nervously, nodding as I looked around to see if anyone else was looking our way or paying attention. "Yeah, I am."
"Oh my gosh. Wow." I stepped back, watching as she covered her mouth and let out a low scream. "Sorry, I promise not to make a scene, I'm sure you didn't want to be recognized today." I looked down at myself for a second. Her comment made me smile, though I really wanted to laugh. I hadn't worn a major disguise or dark shades, hadn't even gone out of my way to throw on makeup or make myself look extra good this morning. "And I promise to go away quickly, but can I please have your autograph?"
"It's fine, and of course."
"You must be so used to and tired of fans coming up to you."
"Actually, it doesn't happen as often. Not for me anyway. It's really nice, and of course, I always meet great people when it happens. What's your name?"
She smiled, thanking me. "It's Chloe, and I absolutely love Fly Girl. I can't tell you how proud I was when they announced you guys won Song Of The Year for Right And Wrong. When they did Grammy Week on the radio, they were holding a contest to do a fan poll, and trust and believe every call I made was for your song."
"Thanks so much, Chloe, that really means a lot." I signed the paper she reached me from her backpack and handed it back.
"Thank you, and it was so awesome meeting you. Enjoy your day."
"You too."
She walked away and I smiled to myself, feeling even better than I did when I woke up.
And just as I'd planned to spend the rest of my day on cloud nine, I came crashing down as soon as I got home and found my mother waiting on my door step. Lifting my bag up on my shoulder, I took one deep breath and quickly switched my car and house keys between my fingers. "What do you want? And who told you where Sean and I live?"
"God, you're still with him. And here I was, hoping you'd get enough sense to find someone actually doing something with their self, someone making more than you. Of course, mediocre settles for mediocre."
She gave the fakest smile that I'm certain she could muster up. "Is that why you and your husband's marriage has lasted so long? Basic settling for shitty?"
"Do not get flippant with me, Young Lady. You are still a child."
"Oh, and let me guess, I'm still your child? Did this revelation come before or after all of your friends started calling to let you know that I'd finally accomplished something?"
"Girl please, that little Grammy. That's nothing."
"It's more than what you have! What have you actually done in your life? What are you most proud of that you did on your own, through hard work?!" I stopped and shook my head. "You know what, I'm not even about to do this with you, I refuse to fuss with you."
I brushed past my mother, unlocking my door. Just as I headed inside, I turned and looked her in the eye. "There was a point where seeing you here might have given me a glimmer of hope. You know, maybe now that I had done something that could have earned your respect and admiration, possibly your love, we could have had a good relationship. But you are just so determined to break me down to the nothing that you are, the nothing that you've been your entire life."
"Watch how you talk to me."
"Money, it doesn't mean more than family, and the love that family is supposed to have and share. I never wanted anything other than my mommy, and you couldn't even give me that. Well, I no longer need it. And whether you believe it or acknowledge it, I'm somebody. I've done something with myself and my life! I've done great things, and I've done them without your support. You're no longer needed." I cleared my throat. "Please get off of my property, and if you're not gone within the next five minutes, I will call the police."
I walked inside and slammed the door, locking it. As I leaned against it, I got this urge and feeling that I would burst into tears. But I didn't, I felt relieved. "I don't need her. I made it, and I made it without her. I'll keep making it without her." I sighed. "I just have to avoid becoming her."