By now I was sobbing holding onto the letter tightly. I lost count of how many times I read over it, but every time I did I felt some kind of pang in my chest. I think it's because I doubted their love for me at time, or because I was selfish.
I felt strong arms wrap around me I didn't bother pushing the away, it felt comfortable. I immediately knew who it was, the only person that brings me comfort is Ryder. I cried into his chest not caring if I got his shirts wet from my tears.
"It's okay baby. Let it out, let it all out." Ryder cooed. After a couple of minutes of my endless sobbing I started hiccuping, I let it a shaky breath as I wiped my tears away.
I put the card back in the box and looked back inside, the box was filled with cards with different dates on them. There were a few small boxes inside, but one thing caught my eye. It was a book. Not any type of book, a journal type of book.
The cover was a cream-ish color with a couple sparkles here and there. On the middle were the words, Journal caved in gold. At the bottom were three initials.
N. E. L.
The initials were either my mom's or mine. I opened it to the first page and gasped when I saw who was in the middle. Me as a newborn, my mother had me in her arms looking a me lovingly while my dad was behind her with a hand wrapped around her waist and looking at me with a big smile. I've only ever seen my dad smile like that when we were talking in the hospital.
As I looked at the picture I realized they were in my room upstairs. I looked at what my mom wrote at the bottom of the picture.
5:39 pm
December 15, 1998
I will forever remember this day and the happiness it brought me. It was first time Nichole giggled and it was a beautiful sound to my ears.
The next picture was a picture of my parents at prom. My mom's dress was a beautiful aqua blue, it landed right above her knees, the top was lace with a few rhinestone covering the neck like a necklace, her heels where silver and probably around three or four inches. Her make up was done flawlessly along with her hair was curled. She looked more than stunning, my father was in a black tux with a aqua blue tie, he wore shiny black shoes and his hair was gelled back. They were staring at the camera with big smiles on their faces. They looked so carefree and young.
I didn't know I was smiling until I felt cheeks hurt, was I smiling that big?
I flipped around the book and was laughing or frowning at some pictures. I don't know how much time I spent sitting on the floor flipping through the book, but I put everything back in its box when I felt my legs numb, probably from the position I was in. I stood up with the box in my hands, wobbling a little. Ryder steadied me.
"Easy there tiger, I know you fell for me, but chill." I roll my eyes, but smiles anyways.
"Ryder we both know you fell for me first." I smirked.
"I think I did from the day I bumped into you." He said.
"You finally admitted you bumped into me." I pointed at Ryder than at me.
"I bumped to you on purpose." He said.
"Jerk you made me late and get in a bad mood, which caused me to get detention. I guess fate chose us." I said nudging him on the shoulder.
"I guess it did." He said.
"I love you." Ryder said wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I love you too." I got on my tippy toes and gave him a peck on the lips.
"I love you more."
"That's can't be possible, because I love you much more than you love me." He said.
"Let's just agree we love each other more than anything." I said.
"Agreed." He whispered in my ear.
"You want to try out the new lingerie for me." I rolled my eyes pushing him away.
"Nope." I said popping the 'p'.
"It was worth a try." He mumbled to myself.
"Maybe for your birthday." I winked, his face lit up and I chuckled.
"Promise?"
"I said maybe not that I promised, but if you be a good boy than you'll get rewarded." I tapped his nose and ran out the closet and my parents bedroom and ran to mine.
I opened the door and grinned. Everything still looked the same, my kind size bed was still placed in the middle, my blue zebra patterned walls still looked freshly painted, my name hung above my bed in blue and white wooden letters. The soft white rug in the middle with my zebra pattern beanbag. My plasma tv hanged on top along with the Xbox. The book shelve was on the far right corner. My desk right next to it. The big circle window on the left wall, with my closet right beside it. My bathroom on the other side of the window. Everything still looked the same, my happy free carefree spirit could be felt in the air. I jumped on the bed and pulled me knees to my chest, I felt the bed dip and opened my eyes. Ryder was looking at me with a grin.
"So this is your room?" Ryder asked.
"Obviously my name is hanging right there." I pointed behind me where my the wooden letters hanged.
"Your mom designed it amazingly." He complemented.
"Actually my grandma designed it, she was an interior designer." I said and he nodded understanding. We lied on our backs staring at the ceiling where my glow and the dark stars were. We were silent for a few minutes, the silence wasn't uncomfortable, but it felt safe in some type of way.
"Tell me about your mom." Ryder said breaking the silence in between us.
It took me several minutes to encounter what he said, I sighed and kept my eyes trained on the stars.
"She was beautiful—no, she was stunning. She looked like a goddess her beautiful long brown hair, her big brown eyes, breathtaking smile. She was flawless in my eyes. Everybody loved her, admired her, and cared for her. She was a loving daughter, friend, wife, and mother. She would always try to find time to spend with me and my dad. She loved us, we were her world. There were times I doubted her love, but now I realized I was being selfish. Just because she couldn't play with me when ever I wanted I though she didn't love me. Now I realized that was really bitchy of me. Over the years you could say we drifted apart. I tried getting their attention by getting in trouble and stuff, but that didn't work so after a while I gave up. I thought they didn't care about me and I hated them for that because I thought they cared more about their company than me. Now that I'm older I realized that they worked their asses off just to please me and get me things I wanted. I hated myself for that still do. I was so selfish and obnoxious never caring about others than myself. On the day they died, I made my parents and myself a promise. That from that day forward I would never put myself in front of others and put them a first priority. I knew my mom and dad would be so proud of me and wouldn't have wanted me to cry myself to sleep or cry in general. They always wanted me to stay happy, their happy child. I love my mom she's my heroine, she's my role model, she the women I look up to because without her I wouldn't be where I am today. I admire her because she's taught me all the stuff I know today." I placed both hands on my stomach.
"Your mother sounds like an amazing woman." Ryder says turning his head to the side to face me.
"She was." I turn my head to look at him. I stare into his beautiful hazel eyes. He looks so calm and perfect, why did he ever fall for someone like me. What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing person?
"Tell me about your parents." I say.
He sighed and sat up, pulling me on top of him he lied back down. I could hear his heart beating and feel his breathing above my head.
"We used to be a the "perfect" family. I was the golden boy, rich parents, perfect grades, amazing looks, talented athlete, all that shit. But over the years our family started to drift apart, my dad spent to much time at work, my mom always traveling for her fashion shows, and I was always caught up with football and party's. During those years I realized my dad wouldn't come home 'till morning, and always had lipstick smudges on his cheek and neck. I shrugged it off thinking it was my mother. One day I came home early from school, when I entered the house I heard noise from upstairs, my dads room. Like they say 'curiosity killed the cat'. I peeped through the door and saw my dad with his secretary. I stayed quite, I didn't tell my mom. I was only thirteen at the time, the next year I found out my mom was cheating on my dad too, with her best friends husband. Again I stayed quiet, but this time I felt different. I didn't want to be the golden boy anymore, acting like my life is perfect when it isn't. So I turned badass, my parents were pissed but I didn't give a fuck. One day we got into an argument, and everything slipped out, my parents found out about each other's affairs, they couldn't get a divorce or it would ruin their name and shit. They blamed me for everything, every single shit. They said I was already ruining their name, but I just laughed and told them to fuck off. Remember when I told you about Rachel?" He questioned and I nodded in response.
"Well after my parents found out she was pregnant, they were happy because they knew this would boost up the company and that both Rachel's and my parents company's would get together and it would bring a lot of money. But when they found out about the abortion, they were mad, furious. They blamed it on me saying it was all my fault, that I was the one that told her to get an abortion. They told me, they don't even consider me their son anymore, I was furious, I was devastated. But I didn't show any emotion, I stopped showing emotion the day I found my dad cheating on my mom. That's why I am the way I am. Because they made me this way." His jaw clenched every time he mentioned his parents, like it hurt him just thinking about them.
I pecked him and the lips hugging him tightly.
"Ryder I'm sorry you had to go through all that. They are assholes for not caring about a person as amazing as you are. They don't know what they are missing out on." I say. He grinned and kissed on the lips, that later turned into s make out session.
I pulled away and say on his lap.
"Well let's go down and see what the they're doing. I don't need Logan burning the house." I chuckled.
"True, let's go." He carried me bridal style ignoring me when I told him to put me down. Asshole. You mean, charming asshole. Shut up brain.
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Sorry I'm a few hours late, next update will be in a couple of hours. So I know this is not the best chapter, but I hope you liked it. Comment if I should make a second book, it will be about Nichole and Ryder lives with the baby. Remember to vote and share. Appreciate it. ;)
~Y.S~
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