When I got to the parking lot, I realized it was too late. Devon was already driving out of there. I acted upon my instincts and ran to the middle of the path and stood in his way.
Bad move.
The car was coming towards me at great speed. My heart sank in horror and I squeezed my eyes tight shut preparing to lose my life when suddenly I heard the violent screeching of the tyres of the car and then everything fell silent around me. Feeling life still existing in my bones, I opened my eyes slowly and saw that the car had halted a few dangerous inches away from my feet.
A seething Devon jumped out of the driver seat of the car with a small patch of redness under his right eye exactly where Luke had punched him. Pain stung my heart in the cruelest way.
"What the fuck is wrong with you??!!!Are you fucking out of your head???!!! Who fucking does that??!! Do you fucking want to die??!!!" Devon blasted at me in anger and fear. In his eyes I saw the deepest concern for my safety I've ever seen...
"I-I'm sorry..." I stammered.
Pain and frustration outlined every feature of his appearance. "You got back with that quarterback pig and kept me in the dark about it. What the fuck are you doing here then? Why don't you fucking go kiss that douche and let him treat you like shit?"
Devon felt cheated. He felt betrayed by me. My bones felt numb against my skin. I couldn't speak for I felt burdened with the lump of guilt in my throat.
He clenched his fists tight and spoke in a harsh tone, "You're a coward, Eleanor. You find it easier to run away from yourself than have the guts to accept your feelings. You've got no self-respect. You don't take a firm stand but let people use you as per their convenience. I wish I could stop liking you because I like girls who are strong and who speak up against every wrong."
I felt the ground slither away from right under my feet.
"So here's the good news for you," Devon spoke further, "I'll not come in your way anymore. I'll be a Nobody to you henceforth just as you always wanted. So enjoy your life with your boyfriend, Luke Thomas."
Devon spun around, got back inside his car and drove past me. I watched his car zoom out of sight with a pang in my chest. I felt tears building within me but I closed my eyes shut to stop myself from breaking down.
Maybe it's fate that Devon walked away from me. And I should accept it and live with it. Either I'm not good for him or he isn't good for me. One of it is true for sure and it doesn't matter which 'cause the truth is we aren't meant to be....
***
"I can understand today was a bad day..." Stef said grimly when she came over to check on me that evening.
"Sure it was," I said feeling downcast, propping my elbows on my study desk and cupping my face. "I feel guilty. I couldn't stay faithful in my relationship with Luke. I couldn't give my everything to our relationship. I got close to another guy while being committed to him which was terribly wrong on my part. Regardless of the fact that Luke was faking all along he liked me and was never in a relationship with me but I thought we were and thus I should have been loyal and truthful throughout from my end. I feel so terrible I couldn't."
"You should be guilty but not for what you think but for another reason."
I was startled hearing Stef. She continued, "Let's be honest, Eleanor, you never liked Luke but forced yourself to believe you did. And I guess you always knew he was faking but you let things be as they were. You used him too but unintentionally. To protect yourself. You didn't want someone with genuine feelings for you to find you. That's why you hid behind the 'in a relationship' label thinking that nobody could approach you then. But you forgot that you could fool the world, even yourself, but not your heart. And Devon found you."
A chill ran down my spine. It was like I was shown the very mirror I was trying to escape from harder than anything.
Stef placed her hand on mine in assurance and spoke, "I know you very well, Eleanor, because I'm your best friend. That's why I'm saying don't be afraid. Don't be afraid of being loved, Eleanor. Don't believe that you're not worthy of love and affection because you're. You're not at fault for whatever happened in the past. You mustn't take the blame upon yourself."
The pain was enough to smother my breaths....