"You like me best when I'm off my rocker."
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Normal point of view:
Belno, Natsu's nurse had light colored hair and consistently wore a scowl. Patients and a few of her coworkers were scared of her but under the angry expression, she was a very nice woman.
When the pink-haired teen saw her he didn't seem distressed that she had that resting bitch face. In actuality, he didn't possibly care for the matter how she has worn her facial features.
Why judge someone on their appearance?
He didn't see the point in that and found it as a waste of time if you didn't get to know the person. That was what he said to her when she was surprised that Natsu stayed indifferent to her. Even though she had met the sixteen-year-old today she had to say that he was probably going to be her favorite.
She finished explaining to him of what to expect when he first took the antidepressants. She went over how it was different for everyone. For some, it would kick in an instant but for others most of the time it can take weeks for it to start working. She crossed on every possible side effect and told him that his first antidepressant may not be the one for him and, it may take up to the second or third prescription to get it right. She informed him to tell her or his therapist immediately if he ever felt off.
Natsu sighed after the long explanation and held out his hand to take his first dosage.
"I have to take pills for the pain correct?" He inquired taking the water that was handed to him.
"Natsu, you and I both know medication won't be the only way to solve this. It just makes it easier for everything to pass by."
"Totally.." He placed the pills in his mouth and gulped down on the water.
"You are quite the sarcastic one aren't you?" Belno stated closing the bottle of tablets.
He did not respond and threw out the paper cup.
"In due time you'll see the difference." She uttered and Natsu left the nurse station without a word.
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Gray tried closing the door on Erza to his bedroom however, her inhuman strength was no match for him. She slammed open the door and stepped inside as Gray backed up. She put her school bag on his bed and told him to sit.
He obeyed and sat on his bed while she stood staring hard at him.
"Gray you know what I am about to say. You're doing it again aren't you?" She accused as she fixed her tie and sat down beside him.
"No! Why would I go back to that? We're already dealing with Natsu, I'm not trying to cause more problems." The raven shot back and clenched his fist to add to the act.
"That's exactly where my worry comes from. The whole thing must have hit you the hardest and you're not taking care of yourself."
"I'm alright. There is no need to worry about me." Gray lied again and got up from the mattress. He took the red head's bag and went to open the door.
"I think it's time for you to leave. I can't keep the student council waiting for their president." He mentioned holding out her bag to her. She got up to take her belonging.
"That can wait. This is more impor-"
"It really isn't."
"Let me speak Fullbuster. I already regret not being able to help Natsu. Daily, I am reminded of how much of a bad friend I was for not taking notice to his suffering. The times I enter my classes to see his empty seat pains me so much that I can't bear to enter that classroom. Sometimes I use the excuse of student council to not attend my course because I hate when attendance happens and when his name is called. You feel that pain too, I know. The silence is what is returned to us, nobody there to answer as his name is called. And since I have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes I'm not letting it go by. So do not come and tell me you're alright if you keep going to the restroom every period and grimace when you think nobody is watching you eat." Erza concluded clutching her bag.
Gray was going to say something but the phrase slipped his mind and he had no idea of what words to form.
The class president left the boys dorm and Gray was left to think. He thought of her justifiable argument although, he did not let his previous thoughts escape.
His stomach growled.
He was purging to avoid gaining weight.
'I have to be good enough.'
'Nothing will stop me, not even Erza.'
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Natsu had been called down to go meet with his therapist after he completed his group therapy session.
He dreaded the hospital already and it wasn't all that long of being there.
A man with salt and pepper hair came into the room with a clipboard and smiled at Natsu.
"Hello Natsu Dragneel, I am Dr. Miyasaki and I will be your therapist for your stay at Fiore Meadows." He said in an optimistic tone. It was way too cheery for Natsu's liking and it almost made him cringe. He quietly groaned in his seat and the elder sat in his office chair.
Once the man settled down he went straight to the questioning. Some of the questions were quite odd, though like the one he just asked was about Natsu's opinion on life.
"Life is a game and I so happen to join in on the fun...soon it wasn't fun anymore. But you know what sucks? It doesn't have a reset button. Every move you play, you can't undo for everything has already been done. The only good part about this game is that you have control of the power off button." The pinkette replied looking at the ceiling.
"That's an interesting way of putting it and this is the first time I've heard someone structure it in such a metaphor." The therapist proclaimed in a perky manner, writing energetically on the clipboard. The teen in front of him remained unattached still staring at the ceiling.
"Why did you get into drugs?"
Natsu eyes shifted to look at the annoying man. His eyes went back to where they were focused on.
"Did it to pass the time. Boredom is a horrid thing...distraction.. I needed a distraction yeah.." He mumbled monotonously.
He simply wanted the meeting to be over and had no intention of going into detail with the other male. As long as he said something that was decent for an answer he could get out of the place sooner. Nevertheless, he knew that wouldn't work and slowly stopped forcing himself to comply to the one on the other side of the desk.
As the clock ticked, more stupid questions were asked and Natsu eyes began to drop. It was not solely from the medication but from sleep deprivation. He forced his eyes back open as Dr. Miyasaki spoke.
"Why did you attempt to kill yourself?"
"..."
"The faster you answer these questions the faster we can help you and soon you'll be out the hospital."
There was the cheery voice again.
"I don't need help. And soon? More like months."
"Trying to kill yourself clearly means you need help. The moment you took those pills you had already admitted that you had a problem."
"I apologize. I have thought about death for so long it didn't come to me that there are people out there who want to live, though I'm fine. All is good I've been helping myself perfectly."
"How?"
"...."
"Does it link to drugs? There are other ways to deal with things rather than-"
"Other ways? I've tried some things..though mind telling me how else was I supposed to get on with my life? What is another possible way I could have done to get rid of this fucking pain?" Natsu finally stared at the man and before long he diverted his eyes and looked at his lap.
"Natsu, we can-"
'Nobody cares until your broken and cannot be good as new.' Natsu concluded in his mind.
"Help? Oh yeah! You, people, can cure me. Right. Ok buddy, fucked up people like me can be fixed? Don't make me laugh! What was broken will never be the same again."
"But-"
"When a plate shatters and you try to fix it, does it look the same?" The teen asked gaining eye contact with the elder reiteratively. He propped himself up a bit in his seat.
"No bu-"
"The cracks are visible."
The man's personality began to shift from his smiling self to more serious. "This whole ordeal was your choice Natsu. The problem at hand could be repaired since you have to remember you brought this upon yourself."
"What the hell are you saying?"
"Depression is a choice is what I am saying. Think about how you were before and try to be yourself again." Dr. Mayasaki's simpered and continued to write on his paper, his character falling back into place.
"You're such an idiot for suggesting that I enjoy the voices in my head, that I like the suffocation of negative emotions then feeling numb, then suffocating again. This cycle that I have been going through is neverending."
'I have forgotten who I was anyway.'
'I hate this. I hate myself.'
Natsu's point of view:
Our different opinions clashed for a while until my voice seized from what was said.
"There are people out there with real problems, sulking will not lend you a hand. Natsu, you have a family, a place to attend school, friends what else is it that you need to be satisfied? Be thankful."
God, make this man stop talking.
I lost all the fight in me to retort and sunk in my chair.
I can't bring up what's bothering me, owing to people have it worse than me and I am unimportant.
I want to die.
I must be complaining too much since I do not have what is called 'real problems'.
I felt shameful that I was still depressed. There were people out there going through their harsh lives and had every right to feel sad.
And here I was getting depressed over everything.
At times I do not know why I feel down, I just do.
Who says I could help it?
It creeps up on me, bearing no mercy.
Although I feel bad.
Is self-hatred not a real problem?
Is having a messed up head not concerning?
I do not know.
"Now that you understand your pain is invalid you can be normal as everyone else." The man laughed and I gripped the armrests.
I had no idea what to do and can not help but get more suicidal.
I don't have a right to feel this way?
But I am a mess.
I do everything wrong.
I'm always the burden.
I hate myself.
What was normal? I have forgotten that meaning as well.
I dislike Dr. Mayasaki. He is my therapist and he makes me want to die.
I do not think he is doing his job properly.
How many antidepressants does it take to be happy?
Will the rush be the same as the time I'm on heroin?
I need a fix.
He released me and I was informed that it was free time for an hour and a half from a nearby nurse. I made my way to the shared bedrooms.
My roommate was a fourteen-year-old who went by the name Romeo Conbolt.
I hope he wasn't in the room at the moment.
I went in to find it clear of the boy.
I held one of my arms and pulled down the sleeve. Several gray and pink blotches scattered my arm from heroin use.
I needed to be shot up right now.
It has been too damn long.
I hate the cravings.
I took my other hand and used my nails to slash across my arm. Nothing really happened, I barely felt a thing. That section of my arm turned pink and that was it.
I want it so bad.
My brain needed to shut off.
I dragged my nails deep in my arm multiple times and started to see pink swell. No blood was drawn, my nails were not sharp enough. The pink slashes itched and I scraped over them.
I knew a social worker or nurse would check the bedrooms every thirty minutes so as the door opened I pulled down my sleeve quickly. I saw that it was actually my roommate and sighed in relief.
"Oh it's you, Natsubro," Romeo grinned as I climbed up the bed set to my top bunk.
"Stop calling me that," I muttered. It ticked me off to some extent.
"Nah, I like it and I will keep calling you that." He flopped onto the bottom bunk and wrapped his arms around his pillow.
I sighed for two reasons. The nickname that I would have to respond to and the reason being that the book I wanted to read was in my bag.
It was on the other side of the room and I wasn't going to get up anytime soon.
"What's your problem? How come your at Fiore Meadows?" The raven suddenly brought up.
The boy was a stranger, I did not have to tell him anything.
As usual, I remained silent and he sat to look up at me.
"Who would I tell seriously? I just thought..since were roomies now and will become friends we could..it would be beneficial okay?! What if I or you don't get why the other is acting the way they do and knowing why would explain it. What do you say?" His lips curled and hope glimmered in his eyes as he went about me being his friend.
Yeah right.
"No doubt, we'll never be friends. We are stuck with each other because we have to. Once we're out of here you'll never remember who Natsu ever was."
Getting attached will ruin me more.
"I promise I won't forget you and I will make sure you'll become my friend in a jiffy. Then you'll be the first friend I ever had. We can make our stays fun..oh and we could spend our free times together and there are plenty of things we could do. I'll tell you my reason for being here to start our road to friendship. I'm here since I have uh what did Ayame say again...oh yeah AD something and bipolar disorder. I will tell you the last two letters of the first one when I see Ayame later on, for my meds before bed. Sorry in advanced for my mood swings my mom told me to tell my friends, well for you soon to be about them so I'm not considered weird. She told me to act like the other kids and then I'll gain a friend. I'm trying really hard you see, and being outgoing gets you many friends. I read that in a book one time." Romeo grinned as I gave him a bored look.
This kid was talking a mile a minute. I'm surprised I caught on to what was being said.
How didn't he pause to get air into his lungs?
How does someone babble that much in such a short span?
I grunt and move on the bed to see Romeo gazing in my direction.
What I'm about to do is only out of pity.
I do not need a friend.
There is no value in it.
The ones I supposedly had did not care.
Or now they claim they do but at the wrong time when it is too late.
"The first one you have, I'm assuming is ADHD. As for why I'm here..you'll know eventually..my friend."
I'm an awful person.
Romeo squeezed his pillow and jumped for joy.
I can't hold any sort of relationship.
I should be distancing myself.
Play with him
No..
There is no turning back
"A friend. I've made a friend...Natsubro I will be the best friend I can be." His smile glossed his face and he appeared to be extremely happy. He got up from his bed and his smile somehow got bigger.
"My mom said friends will always be there. I'll be there for you and I hope you can do the same to me." A tint of pink brushed over his features.
I push everything away because it is easier.
Caring for things is a hassle.
To be there for you..
Is asking for a lot.
This is out of pity. You want something that I can't give you.
After it will be over.
The whole thing will not develop into a full-blown friendship.
You'll be pushed away when I have finished playing with you and toss you aside.
My, my I wonder how much fun she had playing with me.
Hence, you are irritating regardless.
I'll have to break it to you the friend you wants does not exist.
I slightly nod and he skipped out the bedroom gleefully.
Your mother lied to you kid.
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*Wipes sweat from forehead from putting all my hard work and research into this chapter.*