Struggle #44
I didn't tell anyone that Prodigy and I kissed. I trust the girls not to tell anyone but honestly I'd rather keep it to myself because I'm not sure how I feel it about. I mean yes the kiss was romantic and I really like Prodigy but another part of me really likes Prince. I know that Prince had been acting reckless when he was still interested in London and I shouldn't feel special that he he likes me now. But isn't this what I've been wanting for a long time? For Princeton to ditch London and fall for me instead? Isn't that what I've been aiming for this whole summer?
"Hello?" I whisper into the phone.
"Kacey, what's the matter what happened?"
I sniff loudly and wince, hoping I didn't wake any of the girls. I curl up on the couch in the living room of the hotel room with a blanket draped over me. It's 11 something at night and I can't sleep even though tomorrow we have to get up at 8:00 to run through some details for the video.
"Nothing's wrong," I lie into the phone. "I just miss you daddy."
I hear some rustling in the background and its a silent. I assume he's walking out the bedroom so he doesn't wake mom. "I miss you too Kay, haven't heard from you in a while." He replies and my heart aches at the sound of his voice. "I can't wait for you to come home soon, we've all missed you." I smile a little but it doesn't last long. My father can tell something is wrong by my silence, "Kacey what's really going on? You always stay up late when something's bothering you."
I dont know why I'm crying so much all the time. I hate crying, it makes me feel weak but it seems to happen on a regular basis lately. It's probably just stress from the tour and the boys and being away from my family and having London out to get me. "I did something bad daddy. I...I stabbed my friend in the back."
"Please tell me that sentence is just a figure of speech." My father pleads with an edge to his voice. Despite my sadness I manage to chuckle at my dads concern.
"Yes I mean it figuratively. I'd never really stab someone, I can barely chop up carrots with slicing my finger." I respond with a smile.
My father laughs too before speaking, "What did you do Kacey?" The guilt pinches at t stomach again. "I'm you're father, don't be afraid to talk to me baby."
I put my head in my hand ashamed, "I tricked my friend. I basically molded him to fit my satisfaction instead of doing what's best for him. And now he's gonna hate me for it."
"Well you know what you did is wrong, so the best thing you can do now is---"
"Fess up to my mistake, I know that! I just don't know how to handle it when he starts hating me. I don't want to lose him as a friend but this is a lose-lose situation. Please tell me there's some kind of loophole, please!" I whine into the phone, squeezing my eyes closed in case any more tears want to come.
"I'm sorry Kay but you can't wiggle your way out of this one." My dad tells me, "Like I tell my defendants all the time. The best you can do is tell the truth and hope they see it from your point of view. If he holds a grudge against you so be it, everyone makes mistakes, you've just got to learn from them so it doesn't happen again." I already know all of this and it doesn't make me feel any better. "The sooner you tell him Kacey, the better."
I roll my eyes, "It's a little too late for that now. It's been a while and I still haven't fessed up. But I will tell him soon."
"No Kacey," my fathers voice is firm. "Tell him tomorrow."
My heart skips a beat just thinking about telling Prince so soon. I mean in about 45 minutes it will be 12:00 and tomorrow will have already arrived. "But he'll be so busy tomorrow, I'll tell him on---"
"The longer you wait the more you hurt yourself," my father interjects. "And him."
I think about this for a while and I realize, as usual, that my dad is completely right. I sigh heavily and pull the blankets under my chin, snuggling deeper into the couch. "So what has Imani been up to for the summer? I miss her too." I change the conversation topic quickly, no longer wanting to think about this.
"Oh things are going pretty good for her. Your aunt said she went to some dance camp for a few weeks and came back wanting to enroll in every dance program she came across. Maybe you and her can start a dance group one day." He tells me.
"A dance group? I can't dance." I say, thinking back to my clumsy footwork with Prodigy. Which makes me think about our kiss. Which makes my stomach flip.
"Oh please, you've been dancing since you were three Kacey. You dressed up in a leotard and tutu one Halloween because you were so intent in becoming a famous dancer. You would watch re-runs of musicals like Greese just to copy their moves. You were pretty good too." He chuckles a little, reminiscing on the old memories.
I scoff, "Dad that was like how many years ago? I was just playing around, I can't dance because I'm a klutz."
"You can do whatever you set your mind to." Is his reply, just like any other parent would say. He begins talking to me about all his dreams when he was a little boy and I'm thankful for his stories because they keep my mind off my dilemma. I want to ask him eat I should do about London but some how I already know his answer will be to apologize to her and try to patch things up. But he doesn't know London like I do. My best bet is to just stay away from her at all cost.
As I begin to drift asleep, all I can think about is being home with my mom,dad, Kyle, Jayla and Imani. I miss my fluffy bed with the fuzzy purple blanket and silky pillowcases. I miss my drama free zone where I can do and say as I please without being worried that I might seem weird or geeky or strange. I miss not worrying about impressing boys all the time. I just miss life before meeting MB.
I fall asleep to my dad's voice still talking to me about his dreams, his smooth tone putting me right to sleep.
I wake up to hear someone talking. They're whispering softly and snickering occasionally. I try to block them out but their constant giggles annoys me. My eyes reluctantly flutter open to find Prince kneeling in front of me, his phone pointed in my face.
"What are you doing?" I groan, yawning like a lion and stretching out my arms.
Prince chuckles, "See Keek? This is the hideous monster that Kacey wakes up as in the morning."
My eyes widen and I sit up, "Are you keeking me!? Turn it off!" I shout, lunging for the phone in his hands. He laughs as I knock him over, grabbing for the phone in his head. He uses his arm to hold me back but I continue to claw like a mad woman for his phone.
"Bye keek, Kacey isnt spreading the peace!" Princeton yells before pressing a button on his phone and sliding it across the rug. I huff and slide off of him, my eyes shooting glares in his direction. He laughs, "Come on you were knocked out on the couch, thats basically an invitation to record you."
"You'd better not upload that video Prince, or else." I snap at him.
He rolls his chocolate brown eyes at me, "Ohh, I'm so scared of little Kacey."
"Whatever," I breath out. Then I clamp my hand over my mouth. Ew I have morning breath and I'm talking to Princeton. That's the most unattractive thing a girl could do. "I'll be right back." I mumble before clammoring to my feet and shuffling to the bathroom. I begin brushing my teeth, scrubbing them furiously to get rid of any extra grime. I even gargle with mouth wash twice for good measure before washing my face free of crust and/or drool.
When I get back to the living room, Princeton is still sitting on the floor with his back up against the couch. He's doing something on his phone and I walk over with my arms crossed. He looks up atme curiously and I purse my lips, "You uploaded that video of me didnt you?"
His mischivious smile and the glint in his eyes gives him away, "Maybe."
I roll my eyes and sit down next to him, glancing at the clock on the wall. It's 12:00 noon, way past the scheduled time we were supposed to get up and be proactive. "Whoa, why didnt anyone wake me up. Arent we supposed to be down at the video shoot by now?"
Prince glances at the time and shakes his head, "Nah, it's been raining off and on all day. I can't believe you didnt hear that thunder earlier." He says. I crane my neck around to check outside where the sky is a dreary gray. Rain drops are splattered on the windows and the sun is no where to be found. "Walt said we can start working on the video tomorrow. Later on we're going down to the gym with our trainer."
"So where's everyone else?" I ask him. Some how it always manages to be just me and Princeton alone in the hotel room. I don't know if its just a coincidence or if he means for this to happen, but it's weird.
"Some of them are downstairs in the arcade, the others are back in our room watching movies. No one wanted to wake you up, they said you were up late last night." Princeton responds. I remember falling asleep talking to me dad. I wonder when he realized that I was knocked out and no longer aware of what he was saying. I reach for my phone on the floor where I probabaly dropped it, and unlocked the screen to see a text from my dad.
"Good night Kacey, hope you have a better day tomorrow than you did today. P.S, you snore loudly ♥"
I laugh reading his text. Jayla never told me I snored. I must have been really tired last night. I see Prince glance over at the text. "What happened yesterday?" He asks, clearly reading the text.
I shake my head, "Nothing, it's not big deal." There's no way in hell that I'm telling Princeton Prodigy and I kissed. That would make things tense and hella awkward. Plus they're best friends, I'm not about to rain on his parade, even though he already knows I have some feelings for Prod. "So how's things with London?"
"We're still on our break. To my surprise she's been taking things easy and isnt rushing me. She's been a little quiet though...maybe I was a bit harsh on her by dropping the bomb so suddenly." Princeton replies, his eyes locked on a point on the wall. I can practically see the gears turning in his head as he thinks and it gives me time to think too.
I don't want to have another restless night like last night. I want to go to sleep with a clear conciounsee and not have to worry about Princeton hating me. I should just lay it all out on the table right now and get is over with. My dads words from last night echo in my head: "The longer you wait the more you hurt yourself."
Taking in a deep breath, I turn to Prince and touch his hand that's resting on the floor. He turns to look at me with an intenst gaze that catches me off guard. I swallow, trying to ease my dry throat. "Prince, I gotta tell you something. And you might not like it but...I can't hold it back any longer." He blinks, curiosity clouding his eyes and a worried frown settling on his lips. "I lied to you Prince." His eyes flicker but he doesnt say anything so I continue.
"I told you that I was going to help you get London, I told you that I wanted what's best for you. But...I've kinda been decieving you this whole time." I admit, my voice shaking a little bit from my nerves. "I didnt think that London was right for you. She's a gold digger and you're so much more down to earth than that. I was trying to turn her against you, make you seem so out of her perfrences that she would just leave you alone. But all this time, you're the one I've been hurting most." I pause to take a much needed deep breath, Princeton continues to stare at me. "I've been feeding you all these lies about London. She hates boys with unnecesarry piercings, she thinks boys watching project runway is gay and she really isnt into the whole vintage theme. I made you look and act a hot mess so that she would lose interest and you would come to me. I played you the whole time."
The air thickens with tension as he stares at me. His eyes stay locked on mine and his face is blank. My throat closes up as panic sets in. He hates me, he freaking hates me. Tears prick at my eyes and I want to speak but I know it wont come out clearly. "Prince I'm so sorry." I croak out, a tear spilling over my eyelid. Here come the water works.
Princeton blinks, "Wow...that is so messed up in so many ways." He says, "But I'm not surprised."
My face contorts into confusion, "What?"
"I kind figured it out Kacey. During the BET awards she was all over me, posing my for pictures, holding my hand, clinging to me like her life depended on it. But before that she seemed only vaguely interested in me unless you, the girls or the boys were around." He tells me, rolling his eyes again.
"Then why did you stick with her all this time?" I ask angrily.
"Because I didnt want to admit that everyone was right. I didnt want to have my ass handed to me because I didnt listen to my best friends or anyone else that warned me. And you were getting cozy with Prod so that made me look even more pathetic." He says, "I was blinded by her beauty from the start. A pretty face doesnt mean a pretty soul though."
I run my fingers through my messy hair, sighing with relief. "All this time I've been worrying that you would hate me. Now I hate you cuz you had me stressing for no reason!" I grab a cushion off the couch and slap him in the face with it.
"Hey!" He laughs, snatching the cushion and throwing it away from my reach. I smile, happy that this turned out better than expected. Princeton keeps gazing at me, a lazy smile lingering on his face, He reaches up and uses his thumb to gently wipe the single tear that never compeltely fell. "You're lucky I forgive so eaily...I couldn't finish out this tour without my best friend." We both chuckle, basking in this sweet moment.
All of a sudden Prince does the unexpected...he cups my chin and pulls me towards his face while he leans in towards me. Our lips meet in the middle and I'm too caught off guard to fight him back, all I can do is let my eyes slowly shut as the warm smell of his cologne takes over my senses. He smells so good. Jeezus this boy smells good. His hair smells good too. Oh that remind me!
I find myself reaching up and gently running my fingers through his hair.
Yup...that feels nice.
OMG AIR. I NEED AIR AGAIN!
I dont get a chance to push Prince back because he gently pulls away from me, opening his eyes and biting his lip. I sit there like a gaping fish, my mouth hanging open and my eyes staring at him. "Prince..." I whisper.
"I know you and Prod have something going on already....but dont forget who you fell for first." Prince tells me in a husky voice. "You can't ignore feelings, you can only be distracted by something else.
We stare at eachother in complete silence. Can he hear how hard my heart is pounding in my chest? Does he know that my head is spinning in never ending circles right now?
Just then I hear a faint click, like a door closing. Prince did say everyone else is downstairs or in the boys room...right?
**
lmfao I got yall FEELIN SOME TYPE OF WAY (sings)
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT
exscuse my errors :)