Sorry for any typos
Daniella
After the other Mya left, I got in the elevator making my way to Nadia's room.
Just like every time I went to Nadia's room, Chastity answered the door.
"Hey Dani." The girl said greeting me kindly.
"What up?" I said looking past the girl and seeing Nadia asleep in her bed.
"She's been asleep since like noon." The girl said laughing. "You should see if she's still breathing."
"Yeah let me check." I said walking over to Nadia's bed and shaking her harshly. "Get up bitch."
I pushed the girl over so I'd have room on the bed and laid beside her.
"No." The girl said groaning and laying her head on my chest. I just let it stay there because she looked cute.
Nadia got comfortable and let one of her arms rest on my stomach.
"You guys have the weirdest friendship I swear. Like do you like each other or something?" Chastity asked and I laughed.
"No." She's actually the first girl friend that I've ever had. I appreciate her lack of an interest in me. It's refreshing and for that, I love her." I said smoothing some of the girl's hair out of her face.
"Yeah sure." Chastity said looking skeptical and leaving the room.
Where the hell is she going to go?
"Can you wake up so I can properly be mad at you?" I said shaking Nadia, but she just buried her face into my neck and mumbled something that sounded like "Shut the fuck up and let me sleep."
"Why the fuck have you been filling Mya's head up with bullshit?" I asked and that woke the girl up.
"That bullshit is getting her confidence back and it's keeping her from falling for your bullshit." The girl said sitting up and I did the same.
"Why do you care so much? You don't even know her like that." I said and the girl shrugged.
"I just do. I don't want anyone to go through what a I went through. How can you just fuck with her and not feel bad about it?" The girl asked.
"From my point view, it's just me being terrible at expressing my feelings. No one believes me when I say this, but I love her. I want to try being with her, but I need her to be patient with me. I've had relationships and I've been faithful, but that's easy when I know the girl is just going to leave me eventually. Mya would be long term and that scares me."
"You're so good at that shit." Nadia said laughing.
"Good at what?" I asked confused.
"Lying." The girl said and I was once again offended by someone not taking me seriously.
"I'm not lying. I mean it. And I'll prove it. I'm gonna go talk to her." I said standing up, but Nadia pulled me back down.
"Leave her alone Daniella. You've put her through enough shit for one day. She told me about what happened this morning." The girl said and I let myself fall back into a laying position.
"Ugh. Just explain this to me. I don't know what it is that I feel for her. I need you to like interpret that shit or something." I said and Nadia chuckled, but looked like she was listening.
"Just tell me how she makes you feel." The girl said and I tried to think of a way to put my feelings for Mya into words.
"You know how you have a favorite song that you listen to more than anything in your playlist? Like you blast that shit when ever it comes on and you just get lit as fuck?"
Nadia nodded her head like she understood so I continued.
"Mya is that song for me. She's the song I'd rather be listening to over everything else, but at the same time, she's not the only song I want to listen to. Like even though she's my favorite, I still want to listen to my whole playlist. But I'll eventually get sick of all those other songs. But I will never get sick of listening to her."
"You're not describing love." Nadia said and I was a little disappointed because I almost thought I was normal for a second there.
"There's something about Mya that makes her appeal to you more than other girls, but if you loved her, you'd only want her. Those other girls wouldn't appeal to you and even if they did, you wouldn't act on anything."
"I never fucked with any other girls when we were involved. I just let her think I did. It was easier to be faithful to her when I didn't have to. It was like my own form of rebellion, but when she kept begging for a label it bothered me. I knew that with a label came expectations and what if I couldn't meet those expectations? You know what I mean?"
Nadia looked confused as hell.
"I actually believe everything you just said and that scares me." The girl said and I pushed her.
"I'm telling the fucking truth!!! I didn't start fucking with other girls again until I cut Mya off. I actually brought her home and let her meet my mom, no other girls got that treatment. Just her. But nothing I did was good enough. She just wanted a fucking label."
"Then why didn't you just give her that?" The girl asked looking curious.
"I already told you. With labels come expectations. Not just on her part, but on mine too. What if I slipped up or some shit? What if I decided to put my playlist on shuffle?"
"You are a really confusing person." Nadia said laughing at me. "Just answer me this, if Mya was to give you a chance, do you think you could be in an exclusive relationship with her?"
"I know that I could. My ability isn't what I doubt, it's my willingness. Sometimes I just do stupid shit."
"Are you sure your fear isn't of being hurt? I just don't get why you wouldn't be able to keep from hurting someone when it seems to be the thing you fear the most. Maybe that's just your way of covering up your true fear. You're not afraid of hurting someone else. You're scared of someone hurting you. The least you care for a person, the easier it is for you to be with them because you know being hurt by them won't be as bad."
What Nadia was saying made sense, but it just didn't seem like the case. I'm not scared of getting hurt. I've never gotten my heart broken, so that's just not a fear that I have. At least I don't think it is.
"I don't know man. It's like you understand me better than I understand myself." I said and Nadia blushed at that.
"Why are you blushing?" I asked laughing at the girl.
"I'm not blushing." The girl said and her cheeks just got more red.
"You are blushing." I said laughing even more. "You're so cute Nadi."
"Shut up bitch." The girl said punching me in my stomach.
"What is up with girls and hitting me lately?" I said laughing because the hit didn't hurt...that much.
"You should get going. It's almost twelve. You know they won't let you out after curfew." The girl said making me frown.
"Let me stay." I said pouting and hugging the girl's waist since she was still sitting up while I was sort of laid back.
"No. I'm supposed to have the room to myself because Chastity is sleeping in her other friend's room tonight. Let me enjoy my alone time." The girl said trying to push me away, but I just hugged her tighter.
"Please. Raquel is mean to me."
"You've been staying with Raquel?" The girl asked and I face palmed.
"Shit, I was keeping that a secret from you wasn't I?" I said and Nadia slapped my shoulder.
"Is there something going on between you two?" Nadia asked and I knew why she wanted to know. She wanted to make sure I wasn't planning on playing Mya.
"I'll be honest, I've tried, but she always rejects me. Apparently I'm too young for her." I said rolling my eyes.
"So you like her and Mya?" The girl asked and I shook my head.
"I just have a stupid crush on Raquel. And she'll never give me a chance. Plus my feelings for Mya are on a deeper level." I told the girl.
"So, are you going to move back into your room once things with Mya cool down?"
"Only if Mya gives me another chance, if not, I won't be able to be in the same room as her. Especially not if she's going to have Chipotle girl around." I said making Nadia chuckle.
"Not to make things worse, but Chipotle girl is fine."
"I know!" I said sighing loudly. "I should fuck her and make her forget about Mya, so I can have Mya to myself." I said and Nadia slapped me upside my head.
"Mya will hate you if you do that and you know it."
"Which one?" I asked and Nadia rolled her eyes.
"The one you claim to love." The girl said and I knew she was right.
"Well then what do I do?"
"I wish you would just let her move on, but if you're serious about your feelings for her, just talk to her." The girl shrugged.
"You just want me for yourself huh?" I said making the girl scoff.
"Not even a little bit. I'm not getting my heart toyed with ever again."
"I wouldn't toy with your heart. I'd be good to you."
"I can smell a player from a mile away. You don't think I can see through your bullshit with you lying right under me?" The girl asked and I laughed.
"I'm not bullshitting Nadi. I wouldn't hurt you. But we'll never happen, so it doesn't even matter." I said sitting up.
"You're right. It doesn't matter." The girl said and it stung a little, but I just laughed it off.
"I'm gonna go. It's ten minutes til midnight." I said after checking my phone for the time.
"I thought you wanted to stay? I was only kidding when I told you No." The girl said and I smiled.
"Nah. It's okay ma. Enjoy your alone time."
"Don't say it like that bitch." The girl said catching on to what I was insinuating.
"Like what?" I asked playing dumb.
"You know what you were hinting at."
"I really don't, but I'm wasting time. I'm gonna leave you to it." I said barely dodging a pillow that Nadia threw at my head.
"You get on my nerves." The girl said and I just laughed picking up the pillow she threw at me.
"No I don't." I said walking back over to her bed and hitting her with the pillow and running to the door before she could hit me back.
"Bye baby." I said blowing the girl a kiss and closing the door before the pillow she threw again could hit me.
Instead of going to the apartments like I said I would, I walked down the hall to my room. I couldn't wait to talk to Mya. I had to do it now. For all I know, she and the other Mya could have made plans for tomorrow or something. I had to tell her how I felt.
I unlocked the door and walked into the room to see that the light on Mya's side of the room was still on. What the hell am I going to say? I can't just tell her that I love her. The last time I did that I got slapped and honestly, I don't know if that's what I feel for her. If I loved her, I wouldn't be such a hoe right? I won't tell her that I love her. Think Daniella.
"Dani?"
Mya's voice made me jump a little.
"Um, yeah?" I said walking to her side and she laughed while placing a hand her chest.
"I thought you were the RA or something. I was just like, why the fuck is she just standing in an empty room?"
"Oh, well nope. It's just me." I said sounding like a dork.
"Did you forget something?" The girl asked and I figured now was the best time to tell her.
"No. I came back because I have something I need to tell you."
"What is it?" The girl asked sitting Indian style.
"I l-like you." I said frowning when I stuttered. I'm too cool for that shit.
"Dani, I don't have time for your games." The girl said going from interested to unamused in a matter of seconds.
"I'm serious Mya. When I told you I loved you, I didn't mean it, but I do have feelings for you. I just don't know how to interpret them. In high school, I didn't want a relationship with you because I was scared that I would be tempted to cheat on you and hurt you. I figured I couldn't hurt you if we weren't together and I did some stupid shit because I wouldn't have been obligated to commit to you. It was the committing part that scared me because I didn't think I could do it. And I'll be honest-"
"That's a first." Mya said scoffing and cutting me off.
"Okay, I guess I deserved that." I said laughing humorlessly. "But I'm being serious. I'm scared Mya. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you. I'm scared of messing up, but I'm mostly scared of you falling for someone else. Just the thought of you with someone else pisses me off. Call me possessive..jealous..I don't care. I don't want you with anyone else because I want you with me." I said wondering if any of this was getting through to the girl.
"It's funny that it took someone else taking an interest in me for you to realize you wanted me." The girl said shaking her head. "I'm sorry, but it's too late Daniella. I'm moving on and there is no way in hell I'm letting you pull me back into your bullshit. Find another girl to damage because I'm done with you."
For everyone that ever said I didn't have a heart, you were wrong as hell because I just felt that shit break into a million pieces.
"I'm telling you the truth Mya." I said hating the sound of my voice. Was I seriously crying in front of her? Again?!
"I don't care. You know how many times I told you how strongly I felt for you only to have you reject me? Well now it's your turn to suffer. It's your turn to cry yourself to sleep. It's your turn to feel inadequate. It's your turn to wonder what the hell is so wrong with you that I don't want you the way you want me."
The more Mya talked the weaker her voice got. She was breaking down and I didn't know what to do, because I was doing the same damn thing. The last time I felt myself falling apart was at my father's funeral. I didn't think anyone else other than my mother could have this effect on me.
"I want you to feel what I felt. I want you to hurt like I had hurt because of you. You never gave a fuck about me and now I don't give a fuck about you."
"That's not true." I said cutting the girl off. "I cared about you. You were the only girl I cared about and I know you know that. I just couldn't give you what you wanted, but I can give that to you now."
"Why now though? Because I don't have my head up your ass like I did in high school?" The girl asked and her resistance was unwavering. "I don't think I can say this enough, but fuck you Daniella. If you care about me the way you say you do, let me move on. Set me free or whatever cliché bullshit people say."
"Mya-"
"Please Daniella." The girl said stopping me before I could try to defend myself. "Just stop. You only want me because you can't have me. You had your chance with me and you chose hoes, so go back to your hoes."
"There were never any fucking hoes." I said getting irritated that she still thought that. I know I let her think that, but still.
"You really should be an actress because you have mastered lying." The girl said laughing and it just pissed me off even more.
"I just let you believe that because you would never shut the fuck up about it. I had "hoes" before and after we were involved, but when we had whatever it was that we had, it was just us. I let you meet my fucking mom. No other girl met her. They probably shared a 'hi' and a 'bye', but that was all. We might as well had been a couple, but what we were wasn't good enough for you. You wanted a stupid fucking label like it meant something. I was good to you Mya." I finished because I didn't really know what else to say.
"Was I really the only one?" The girl asked and I nodded my head.
"Yes. No other girl compared to you." I said honestly.
"Then why did you stop talking to me? Why did you just drop me like I was just some hoe you got tired of?" The girl asked wiping at her tears.
"Because I couldn't handle falling for someone."
"Why couldn't you have just told me that instead of letting me think you were messing with other girls?"
"I didn't want to seem weak. I didn't want admit that I was scared." I admitted.
"Being scared doesn't make you weak. Running away from your fears is what makes you weak."
"Well, I'm not running anymore. I'm standing here telling you that I'm done running. I'm ready to be whatever it is you want me to be." I said and Mya gave me a look that just told me things weren't going to go how I wanted them.
"I want you to be a friend. Eventually." The girl said making what was left of my heart disintegrate.
"Just a friend?" I said in a taut voice.
"I'm glad that you're starting to express your feelings, but that still doesn't change the fact that you hurt me. I want to believe you Dani. I really do, but right now, I just don't trust you."
Mya was killing me. I'm being honest! For the first time ever I'm telling her how I really feel and she's just slapping me in the face with all of her rejection.
"So this is permanent? I'm never going to be able to prove myself to you?" I asked and Mya shook her head making the pain in my chest worsen.
"I love you Daniella, but I love myself too and I'm not going to subject myself to the drama and pain that comes with you. You change your mind in the blink of an eye. For all I know, you'll be over me by tomorrow." The girl said laughing dryly and wiping her eyes.
"So you're choosing her?" I asked with so much jealousy in my voice.
"I'm choosing myself." Mya said smiling at me. "For the first time ever, I'm choosing myself."
I couldn't even be mad at her. Standing in front of me was a girl that I just didn't deserve. What Mya deserved was someone that could love as hard and freely as she did and that person just wasn't me.
I couldn't even speak because I know if I did I would just cry some more and I was getting sick of crying. I was getting a fucking headache.
"Look at it this way." Mya said getting my attention. "Now you get the chance to start over. You can meet a girl and you won't make the same mistakes you made before. That's if you were being honest with me."
"I am being honest with you." I said wishing it would change things.
"That's good, but it still doesn't change anything." The girl said seemingly reading my mind.
"Why is it so easy for you to walk away from this?" I asked and Mya frowned.
"How can you even ask me that when you literally forgot who I was? You effortlessly walked out of my life and now you want me to feel bad for finally getting the strength to move on? You are so fucking selfish Daniella. Please just get out because I refuse to let you have anymore power over my emotions." The girl said and I knew our conversation was over. There was nothing else I could do or say.
"I'm sorry."
After I said those words, I walked out of the room with my head down. This is what happens when I express my feelings? Fuck that shit. I'm about to get me some pussy and call it a night. Well it's past midnight so it's like the next day, but still.
I looked through my phone, and smiled when I saw the contact name Baddie from IHOP.
"Who is this?" The girl said answering the phone in a groggy voice.
"Damn, I thought you'd recognize my voice." I said feigning hurt.
"If this is a prank, please bother someone else. I'm tired as fuck." The girl said and I could tell she yawned.
"I should have told you my name when we met. Anyway we met at IHOP. You dropped your number by my foot and then dipped." I said waiting for the girl to tell me whether or not she remembered.
"Ohhh yeah. Isn't it past your bed time? What do you want?" The girl asked and I frowned. If I get dissed again, I'm going to pull my fucking hair out.
"You." I said hoping my confidence would get me laid like it usually did.
"Ha. You're cute." The girl said and I thought she was going to hang up, but she didn't. "I'm gonna text you my address, you better be here before I go back to sleep or you'll be getting nothing but my door."
After that Raven hung up the phone. A few seconds later I got a text with her address. She didn't live far from the school, but that didn't mean shit because I had two issues. 1. Freshmen couldn't leave the dorms after 12 and 2. I don't have my fucking car!
I contemplated talking the RA into letting me leave, but then I just gave up on the whole idea.
I replied back to Raven's message with "Rain check?" and walked back down the hall towards Nadia's room.
I need to stop using sex to solve my problems. I finally, have a friend (other than my mother) that I can talk to, so maybe I should use my mouth for that instead.
Nadia
I was almost asleep when I heard someone knocking at my door. I decided to just ignore it because it was past fucking midnight.
"I know you're in there Nadia." I heard Dani's voice on the other side of the door.
That's my homie or whatever, but I'm about to kill that bitch.
"You better be dying or I'm kicking your ass. And even if you are dying, I'm still gonna kick your ass for not calling the police or someone actually qualified to help you." I said reluctantly getting out of my bed and opening the door.
"You look really damn cute after midnight." The girl said smirking and I just rolled my eyes and climbed back into my bed.
"Fuck off." I mumbled sleepily.
I felt a dip in my bed and then I felt Dani's weight on top of me.
"Wake up Nadi. I want to talk about my problems." The girl said shaking me and I was using all of my strength not to deck her dumbass in the throat.
"Get off of me Dani. I'm trying to sleep." I said whining.
"I need your words of wisdom. Please just wake up. Mya rejected me. And it's sort of your fault."
That woke me up.
"How the fuck is it my fault that you were too much of a pussy to act on your feelings for her?" I asked and the girl smiled at me.
"Good you're up. I don't really want to talk about that right now, but since you're up let's watch tv." The girl said grabbing the remote off of my night stand and turning my tv on.
"I hate you so fucking hard." I said glaring at the girl.
"I love it when you talk aggressive to me." The girl said doing that stupid ass smirk that dumb girls fell victim to.
"How about when I do this?" I said punching the girl in the stomach and making her groan.
"Nope. I don't really like it when you do that." The girl said in a strained voice and I laughed at how red her face was turning.
"Oops." I said snatching the remote from her hand. I was going to turn the tv back off, but Fresh Prince of Bel Air was coming on.
"In west Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out, maxin', and relaxin', all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys..that were up to no good..started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and mom got scared! She said 'You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'.. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the listened plate said 'FRESH' and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, then I thought man forget it, 'Yo home to Bel-Air!'"
Dani and I did the "dun-dun- dun dun-nun nun dun" sounds and then we both jumped back into the song.
"I-pulled-up to the house about 7 or 8 and yelled to the cabbie 'Yo home smell you later!' Look at my kingdom. I was finally there. To sit on my thrown as the prince of Bel-Air."
Dani and I did the other "dun-dun- dun dun-nun nun dun's" and then burst out laughing.
"I swear I love you dude." Dani said leaning against me as we laughed.
"It's official, we're best friends." I said still laughing. I don't even know why.
"You're my first actual friend you know?" Dani said as our laughter died down.
"What? Nah, I bet you were the most popular girl in your school." I said not believing the girl.
"Yeah, I was the most popular girl in my school, but that doesn't mean I had friends." The girl said shrugging. "Everyone wanted something from me, but no one wanted me. It was either sex or connections, but no one wanted to get to know Daniella Fuller. I was just 'That fine ass girl from the basketball team.' Or 'The girl that throws all the parties.' I was never just Daniella to anyone. I know this seems bad, but even Mya wanted something from me. It wasn't a selfish want, but I think we'd still be close if we just had a friendship instead of some complicated relationship. I'm not trying to make excuses or anything, but I think I would have had friends if I'd gotten the chance to actually form genuine relationships with people. That's why I like you so much. You don't want or expect anything from me. You just like me. You just want me, no label, no sex, just Daniella."
Daniella's words made me smile.
"Mya was right. There is more to you than you let people see." I said making the girl blush. Oh wow.
"Did I just make Daniella Fuller blush?" I said and the girl buried her face in her hands which was the cutest thing ever.
"Please shut up." The girl mumbled into her hands and I just laughed at her.
"And I thought I was the cute one out of the two of us."
"You are. I'm just having an off day." The girl said finally looking up from her hands.
"Mhhmm." I said and the girl sighed.
"Don't get used to this shit." The girl said leaning her back against my headboard.
"You can be yourself with me." I said not wanting the girl to go back to the facade. She didn't need to put up walls with me.
"Really? Because I usually sleep butt booty ass naked." The girl taking her shirt off and throwing it across the room. She was going for her bra when I stopped her.
"Find your chill you nasty little bitch!" I said and Dani just burst out laughing.
"This coming from the girl that stripped in front of me with zero shame."
"You're on the fucking basketball team, I'm sure you've seen a girl change before. And lord knows you've seen a girl naked before, so shut up and go get your shirt." I said pushing the girl off of my bed.
"Ow! Shit shit shit! My arm!" The girl said sounding like she was in pain. I immediately panicked and jumped off the bed to see if the girl was okay. Well she obviously wasn't, but still.
"Dani I'm so sorry! Let me see-"
Before I could utter out anymore apologies, Dani burst out laughing.
"Ha! Got yo dumb ass!" The girl said still laughing her ass off.
"I swear I hate you so much right now." I said pushing the girl and climbing back onto my bed.
Dani was still laughing as she got back into my bed.
"Aw, don't be mad at me." The girl said trying to cuddle with me, but I pushed her away. I wasn't really mad. I just got scared for no reason and that sort of made me mad, but not mad. I can't really explain it.
"I'm not mad." I said rolling my eyes and trying to focus on the tv, but Dani wouldn't stop trying to hug me. Annoying bitch.
"Then smile if you're not mad." The girl said as I tried to push her away from me.
"I don't feel like smiling. Stop being annoying so I can watch my show." I said pushing the girl some more and she finally stopped trying to hug me.
"Ugh, fine. I'll just cuddle this pillow." The girl said snatching the pillow that I was using from under my head.
"All these damn pillows and you choose the one I'm using?" I said glaring at the girl.
"You looked comfortable." The girl said shrugging and wrapping her arms around the pillow. "I want to be comfortable too."
"You annoy my fucking DNA Daniella." I said grabbing a different pillow.
"I love it when you speak biologically to me." The girl said and I couldn't help but to laugh because she's so damn stupid.
"Shut up and watch tv." I said shaking my head.
"Yes ma'am." The girl said wrapping an arm around me. I just let her cuddle me because I didn't feel like fighting her off anymore.
Daniella is something else.
(Author's Notes)
Do you guys think Dani meant everything she said to Mya?
Would you have given Dani another chance?
How do you feel about Dani and Nadi's friendship?
Comment, vote, share!