We carried on driving, just talking about random things. What we liked about school, what we didn't like. He told me which teachers were easy and which ones I had to watch out for. It turns out he's not your typical jock. He is actually also a straight A student. I'm not sure why but I didn't expect him to be. We saw a sign for a cafe and pulled off the road so we could get some breakfast and much needed caffeine.
We sat in a booth opposite each other and waited for the waitress to come over. When she did, thankfully she was a older, plump looking women with a gentle face and friendly smile. I breathed a sigh of release. I really didn't want a repeat of yesterday. She could flirt with him all she liked. She reminded me of grandma. Her name tag said her name was Bertha.
"Good morning dears, what can I get for ya?" Bertha says merrily.
"Can I get a large strong coffee and blueberry pancakes please?" She nods her head and takes down my order.
"Well Bertha I'll take a coffee as well, with the waffles and steak please." He says with a big smile.
"Ok sugars I'll be right back with your coffee." Bertha leaves us alone at our table. I take a look around and notice there's a few other people in. They look like regulars, just sat reading the paper or digging into their breakfast. Bertha comes back quickly with our coffee and fills our cups. Which I put a generous amount of sugar in as usual.
"Just let me know if you want a refill dears" We both politely nod our heads and say thank you.
"So, steak for breakfast? I never understood why people do that. Its more of a dinner meal than breakfast. My dad always used to order it when we went out for breakfast." I didn't mean to talk about my dad but when Logan ordered the steak it reminded me of him. And I just feel so relaxed it slipped out. Its amazing how much more at ease I feel with him now. Although the flutters in my stomach still make me slightly nervous.
He looks at me with sympathy in his eyes and now I'm dreading the next conversation because I know it's going to be about them. He opens his mouth to say something, but quickly closes it and just smiles at me.
"Well, I'm a big meat eater. Never could understand vegetarians. And the bloodier the better." I pull a disgusted face at him, but inside I'm relieved. It's like he knew what I was thinking and changed his mind on what to say at the last second.
"I'm all for eating meat, but if I'm eating a meal I don't want blood anywhere near my plate, let alone on it. So I have a question for you..."
"Shoot" he opens his hands in front of me palms up then places them on the table in between us. I'm actually slightly nervous to ask this question and I don't know why. I fold both my hands around my coffee cup and stare into my cup. Just as I'm about to ask Bertha comes over with our breakfasts.
"Here you go sugars. Pancakes for you lovely and steak for you. Can I get ya anything else?" She asks. We both say no and start to eat our food.
"Ummm theses pancakes are the best I've ever tasted. Here you wanna try" I hold some out on my fork to him, then start to feel my cheeks redden a little as I realise that it's quite an intimate thing to do. Even if it is only pancakes. He smiles at me and takes hold of my hand to pull the fork closer of his mouth and takes the pancake. Shocks run through my arm as he holds my hand. I really need to ask him what that is. Maybe he got electrocuted when he was younger and has lots of static running in him?? I mean there's got to be a logical explanation, and I know it's not me because it doesn't happen with anyone else. He lets me have my hand back once he's finished eating the pancake.
"You're right they are good pancakes. I think mine is better though. You know, just because you shared your breakfast with me, doesn't mean I'm going to share mine with you. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day you know." He says jokingly. He's waving his fork in the air and pointing it at me as he talks animatedly.
"Well of course I wouldn't expect you to. You're a growing boy after all" I say to him leaning forward with a smirk on my lips. I'm pretty sure he's not going to like the fact I just called him a boy.
"Is that so?" He says and leans back in his seat. I nod. "A boy huh?" I nod again. "we'll see" is all he says and carries on eating. He points to my plate with his fork.
"Eat up. We have plans today to get on with." He says with a serious expression on his face, but trying to hide a smile.
"Plans. I didn't think we had plans. Thought we were 'seeing where the road takes us, just driving' " I say using air quotes.
"I changed my mind. I have to show you what a man I am. Me all man" he says in a deep voice and beats his fists on his chest Tarzan style. I can't help myself and burst out laughing. Gaining us a couple of glances from the other people in the cafe.
After paying and leaving Bertha a nice tip, we head back to the car with full stomachs, and fresh hot coffee to go.
"So where we heading then, man with a plan" I say turning to him after buckling my seatbelt.
"You up for some manly hiking? There's a trail not to far from here." He looks at me while waiting for me to answer.
"Yeah ok. I'm up for that. However I know plenty of grandpas who hike, so not sure oh that's going to prove your all man." I joke.
"We'll see" is all he says again. We start driving to the trail while quietly drinking our coffees.
"So what did you want to ask me earlier? You never got round to it?"
"Oh well, it was just yesterday at the mall when you asked if I was free last night. You told me to wear the pink hoodie because it looked cute. I only have one, that I bought yesterday so I know I haven't worn one to school. So how did you know I had one." I question him. He looks a little sheepish and shrugs his shoulders.
"Lucky guess?" I raise my eyebrows and shake my head. He's not getting away with an answer like that and he knows it. He takes a deep breath and releases it.
"Well I sort of overheard you mention you were going to the mall yesterday. So I went hoping to bump into you. Lame I know. I saw you there, but don't freak out because I know this is gonna sound more strange than it actually is, and I'm a really safe guy. But I sort of followed you a little. " I lean back in my seat, taken a bit by surprise. One that he did it but two that he admitted it that easily. I think if it were any other guy that had just told me he had followed me, I would be in major freak out mode. But with Logan, I'm just not. I can't explain it.
"You followed me? For how long? " I'm not bothered by it but more intrigued by why he would.
"From around mid day. I kept trying to stay away. But then I would notice guys looking at you, and I didn't like it. So I stayed. Just to make sure you were ok." He has that unsure look on his face again. It makes him look like a little boy who's just been told off for eating too many cookies. I don't know what to say. He didn't like it when guys looked at me? What like he was jealous of them looking or just in a big brotherly way? I could never ask that though.
"Your not saying anything. You think I'm a weirdo don't you?" He asks sadly. It makes me laugh.
"No I don't think your a weirdo. Just strange. You could have just come and spoke to me though."
"I couldn't. You thought I was a jerk. You even told your aunt that you thought I was a jerk. I heard you.
"When... what..... how did you hear that. " remembering back to when I said it.
"You were over the other side of the food court" I know I sound confused, but I am. There's no way he could have heard that. He on the other hand has a look of alarm on his face, like he's just said too much. He quickly changes the subject as we pull onto the side of the road. I'm guessing the trail starts here. Convenient for him. But I'm not letting that go. I know he heard me. He admitted he had. But there's no way he could have.
"Here we are. The trail starts a few minutes walk that way." He says pointing to his right. We get out the car and I fasten up my coat. It's a little chilly but I'm sure as we start walking we'll warm up.
"Ready?" He places his hand on the small of my back to guide me in the right direction.
"Yep. Let's go." And we start walking in the direction he leads. I'm thankful I wore boots, I just wish they wasn't my new ones.
"So you're quite the outdoorsy type then huh? ....One of your favourite places is a lake.....you know where the trails are .....and play football?" He moves his hand from my back and grabs my hand. It sends my body into complete pleasure. Holding hands with him, not just touching him, especially when it's something he has initiated does something unexplainable to me. I never want to let go of his hand. I feel, happy, safe, whole, complete.
"Yeah my whole family is the out doors type really. Most of our vacations involve a cabin in the woods or a tent. No matter where we go. No hotels for us. And it's not even a money thing, to be honest I'm quite the eligible bachelor." He gives my hand a squeeze and winks at me.
"We just like being outdoors. What about you, um you know..... Before ......" He shakes his head.
"I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about it, it's fine. Sorry." He gives my hand another squeeze and we walk on for a few minutes in silence.
"We liked to go to the beach." I suddenly blurt out. He nods, but doesn't say anything and carries on walking. Just letting me talk if I want to but not forcing me to. I like that.
"We lived right near the beach. We all loved it. Europe was our favourite place. Italy is where we've been most. We should have been going in the summer. We never got bored of the sea and sand. As soon as the sun came up, we would eat out doors looking at the ocean. Dad would have steak. Mum would only ever eat fruit on holiday for breakfast. I always used to say she had it backwards. You know on holiday you're meant to pig put and eat crap food. But all she ate was fish, fruit and salad. She said they tasted better in European countries than back home so she was making the most of it." I can feel the tears in my eyes. I try to desperately blink them away. I do not want to be a blubbering mess in front of him.
"It's ok you know, to be upset. And to not want to talk about them. But it's also good to talk about them. To keep their memory alive. It's ok to miss them too." He stops walking and turns so we are facing each other still holding my one hand. His hair has slightly fallen over his eyes as he is looking down at me and I really want to move it with my fingers.
"I know we don't really know each other and I've been a complete ass this past month, but I just want you to know, you're not alone here. In Rivers. I meant what I said yesterday about a connection between us and I can't explain it to you, but I'm just asking for you to give me a chance. So I can prove that I'm a good guy, I'm not just what people say about me." He looks the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. But the most sincere.
"Let me prove that I am a man that can take care of you." He uses the hand not holding mine and beats it against his chest again like he did at the cafe. But gentler this time. It makes me smile, but I don't find it funny this time. Now it's just intense. I think my hearts about to beat out of my chest.
"But I don't need to be taken care of. I've got to learn to do it on my own. You know? They're not coming back, I know that now. I just feel like I'm a baby again, just taking my first steps. Trying to get my balance. But this time round I don't have the support I had before. It's just the way it is, and I have to learn to deal with it." He takes my other hand and pulls me closer to him, pulling our hands up in between us.
"You're not alone. And I can tell that you don't need someone to take care of you. I can see that in you. You're a strong person, but....I want to take care of you. I can't help it. It's just in me to take care of you. To protect you. You have me for support. Whenever you need it. " he puts his hands on either side of my face and places a kiss on the top of my head.
It's one of the sweetest things anyone apart from my parents has ever done.
"Thanks Logan."
We carry on walking hand in hand. I ask him questions about his family, his siblings. He doesn't ask me questions, but sometimes I'll add my own little story about my family. I'm grateful he's not pushing it. Today is the most I've talked about my family since that night.
The more we talk, the more I start to think how wrong I was about him. After only two days of actually talking to him, no matter how much I tell myself that I'm not ready for a relationship, where my heart and Logan are concerned I don't think I'm going to have a choice soon.
But my head keeps reminding me that I can't have him. He has someone else that he's arranged to be married to, however archaic that may seem to me. It's the truth. I want to believe Logan when he says he can deal with it and I believe that he thinks he can.
But I don't think he has a choice either.
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So guys tell me what you think so far, leave me a comment.
Love you and I'm starting to love Logan!!
Lizzie
Xxxx