Lying a few feet away was my hat. It laid there flat and dead unmoving. I stared at it a few moments then turned back to Will. My hair blocked my face for a moment obscuring my view of him but in a second it was gone. Will stood there still frozen like a statue. I took one glance at each then got up, grabbed my hat, and ran into the house. He didn't need to see me anymore.
No.
I didn't need to see him look like that anymore. I couldn't believe this had happened.
Inside the house I slammed the bedroom door. It was never closed before so it was a bit stiff but I managed. I locked the door and ran to my window bench. I thought of all the things that could go wrong with Will knowing my identity. I shivered at the thought. There were so many things that could happen. He could tell some one else or use his knowledge to black mail me or start to act strangely and let it slip to someone on accident. He could do so much more. If he recognized me as the stranger at the waterfall I didn't what he would do.
I sat in my small room in silence looking out the window. I didn't want to think about it any more but the possibilities scared me. No matter how hard I tried the thoughts found them selves in my head. They wouldn't leave me alone and I couldn't escape them. The silence made them worse. It toyed with me like nothing had happened but everything did. It didn't seem to care that the secret I had been trying to keep had just unveiled it self. Everything seemed to fall apart. My world was falling apart.
The front door creaked open and footsteps followed suite. I kept quiet as they neared. They could only be from one person and I didn't feel like talking to him. Will must have been in shock for a while and I didn't want to know how he was taking it. I didn't care at the moment. I was only thinking about myself.
A knock came from the door.
I didn't answer.
Another knock. "Open up. We need to talk." Will's softened voice came from the other side of the door. I didn't say anything. "Please open up. We need to talk. I'm so... confused." Still I didn't responded. "If you won't open up please talk to me or at least say something." He begged.
"I'm in no mood to talk to you. Just go away." I prompted in my normal voice, taking off the mask. There was no point in it any more.
I heard no footsteps leave. "Just talk to me. I would like an explanation. That is all, nothing more."
I kept quiet not sure if I should say anything. He didn't really deserve it. Finally I spoke, "Go on what do you want?"
"Can we talk face to face?" He asked.
"No"
"I didn't think so." He paused a moment. "I don't know where to start. I have questions, so many questions."
"Better start somewhere before I don't feel like answering." I warned.
"Okay, okay. Let's get to the point. Why do you dress like a boy?"
My voice lowered, "In this world being a boy is the best way for people to leave you alone. Being a girl only gets you into trouble and people don't take you seriously."
"Understandable." He comforted.
"What do you know about being a girl in a place like this? In a place where you have to be tough and not look weak because of your gender? What do you know about being classified because of who you are? Being male lets you be left alone, taken seriously, and not taken advantage of. You get to have an easier world then us." I explained my voice getting louder, accusing. "I've seen how the world treats girls, especially street girls," I said to my self.
"True, I don't understand what that could be like being in a girl in this world but I do know what it feels like to be new and assumed that you can be scammed because they don't think you know the way things work. I know how you can feel helpless at times when you can't do anything or because people think the way they do. That I do understand." He finished. I stayed quiet for a while.
Will asked another question, "Does Pete know you're a girl?"
"No and he isn't going to find out. Not by me or you."
"Okay but don't you think he should know. He is your oldest closest friend."
"Maybe but the less people that know the less trouble I'll get into. No one can find me then. No one from my past can find me." The last sentence came out unconsciously and mumbled. I bit my lip and hoped that Will didn't asked something he might have figured out by my slip up.
To my fear he caught me. "Who is looking for you? What trouble?" I smacked my forehead for being so stupid. Revealing things from my past was not what I had planed to do but neither was letting anyone figure out my identity. Today was my worst unluckiest day. Yesterday seemed like nothing.
I decided on telling him having already slipped up but I was going to try to keep it to a need to know bases.
"Let me just say when I was younger I got into some trouble with some troubled people. And they were looking for me after I left. I decided to change my identity hoping that it would blow by. That's it."
Will listened to me closely trying to figure me out. I could guess that he knew I wasn't giving him the complete details but he left it alone. He probably figured he was lucky I was telling him anything. He'd be right if he was thinking that.
Something seemed to click inside his head by the pause that followed. I was confused and curious about what he figure out. I waited.
"That's when Pete found you and took you in wasn't it?" Ah that was what he discovered, a time line. It wasn't the worst possible thing to know. I had darker secrets then that.
"No I was on my own for about a half a year or more. Pete found me wandering around alone one day. I guess he decided that I needed a friend and someone to look after me. He offered me a home and somewhere safe. I couldn't say no to a stable place after a year on the run. I was grateful to him. He gave me everything he promised and more, a friend and some one to trust. We live together for a while and taught each other thing the other didn't know all the while becoming the greatest of friends. We'd get in and out of trouble together. I guess you could say I was the first person he took in and save." I explained with a growing smile. My past memories where trouble some but when Pete was in them they were good times.
"When did you leave?" Will asked growing more curious.
"I turned thirteen and after a few more months I left."
"Why did you leave?" Will asked.
"Nothing I want to tell you. I do like to keep some of my life behind closed doors."
"Sorry curiosity strikes again." He said. I forgot I had been talking to Will from behind a door. I started to feel bad about it so I got up and opened the door. Sitting by the door on the floor was where I found Will. He was crossed legged when he looked at me. "Are we good or are you still mad at me? I still don't under stand why you were mad."
"I wasn't mad at you but at myself for being stupid. I guess we're okay as long as you don't say a word about this to anyone including Pete."
"I won't, promise." He crossed his heart.
I gave him a look. "You do realize that even if you hint at it or slip up I will pummel you until you are nothing right?" I pre-warned my voice indifferent.
"Yeah I guessed as much but not a word will escape these lips." He made a motion like locking a door on his lips. Then he threw the imaginary key away. I rolled my eyes at him. He was still a weird guy.
I stepped over him and went to the kitchen suddenly hungry. I went for another fruit before I sat down. Will followed me into the kitchen. He grabbed a piece of fruit too and started to chomp on it. The moments went by slowly. Neither of us talked afraid to make it more awkward.
I looked down at my hat in my lap feeling naked with out it on in Will's presents. Suddenly I grabbed the hat and started to put my hair into a ribbon into the hat. Just the feel of the familiar hat lessen the tension I felt and make me feel more comforted. Will stared at me as I put up my hair the same way as I always had, minus the ribbon.
"How could I not see it before? I see your face now but before you looked like any other boy." He stared at me trying to figure it out.
"Well, that was my plan all along. I happy to know that my masquerade worked because all the times people have called me 'him' or 'he' didn't tell me." The sarcasm covered the sentence.
Will brushed off my insult. "Now that I know that you're a girl why don't you just keep the hat off? It's kind of pointless to wear now don't you think?"
"I told you before it something that reminds me of my past and what I'm trying to achieve." I started to get annoyed and frustrated with him.
"You also told me that you were trying to prevent something and that you liked hats. I don't see why you have to put your hair up. The hat, I see, is a sentimental object for you but you could still wear it while your hair is down."
"My hair just gets in the way and I feel better if I had it up just in case something happens. Problem?" I asked getting really annoyed with him. He shook his head. My anger lately has been coming out of nowhere.
We were quiet again. I waited for him to say something that would allow me to hurl something at him. He kept quiet long enough for some of my frustration to settle down.
Then out of nowhere he asked, "Why don't you talk about your family or before Pete. What's wrong with it?"
"Bad memories are all." I said plainly.
"But what's so bad about it? Did you kill someone or something?" He pushed.
"Just bad memories okay. Leave it alone." My voice was getting a bit rougher.
"It can't be that bad. Tell me about your family."
"Leave it alone." The words came through my teeth. Why did he think I was going to share my whole past now? Did he think that I was that stupid or willing?
"What was your life like, your dad, mom, sister, brother maybe?" He didn't know when to stop.
"Just leave it alone okay." My anger was flaring now. I gritted my teeth trying to calm down.
What gave him the right to know about my family? Why did he seem to think I was going to just spill my guts after such a long time of keeping everything from him? If I hadn't told Pete anything why would I tell him?
"Okay just tell me what you did before you were with Pete that was so bad. Was it something to do with your family?"
That one last question made me snap. He had no right to know about me.
"I said leave it alone." I practically yelled. "Can't you take a hint? I don't want to talk about it. What gives you the right to question me any ways? I'm not going to talk to you about it. What makes you think I would anyways? Huh? Is it because you think now that you know I'm a girl that I would want to talk to you? Well I don't so just leave it be." I shouted the last part right in his face.
Anger and frustration filled me to the brim. My body couldn't handle any more stress and frustration. My relaxing day yesterday didn't help. I turned away from Will and stormed out of the house before I did anything I would regret like pounding his face into the wall.
I headed towards the woods in the back of the house. The only way I would be able to get enough space and think straight was in the thick forest. I headed for the straightest path to my secret space. I need to calm down and think things through. Nothing was going to help me better then a bit of private time.
I got to the edge of the woods when I heard a rustle to the right of me. It was very faint but I heard the sound. For once I wasn't paranoid about something just frustrated. I dismissed the sound for a small creature that had probably inhabited the bush. The only thing on my mind was to get to my space and just relax and think things through. I walked slowly hoping it would help me clear my head. The sounds of the woods helped clear my head.
The road I took was the straightest and fastest I knew of. While I was on the road a good distance away letting the noises fill me I heard a strange sound in the mist of them all. It wasn't naturally in the mixture of sounds so it made my instincts come alive. Something wasn't right and I had to find out what.
The noise came from behind me so I walked to it. As I neared I recognized the noise as a bunch of sounds put together. Some reason I felt like I knew the noises that I heard them before. Then it clicked into place, the sounds were of fighting. They were of people hitting things and knocking them down.
Another realization came to me. The rustle I dismissed was probably someone in the bush trying to be stealthy and quiet. Why would some one wait for me to leave? I had nothing worth taking and the only thing in the house that was valuable was food but the sounds didn't match. Will was home but wouldn't they wait... Will!
They were after him. They were probably a group of people sent out to seize him while I was gone to make as little trouble as possible. They didn't count on him putting up a fight, at least a good fight. I started to race to the house hoping I could reach Will in time. I didn't know what would happen if I didn't.
As I neared I slowed my steps and walked out of the path I used. I had a feeling the guy in the bush was a look out for me. The sounds became louder as I approached the hidden figure. They covered up the noise my feet made so I rushed the person. I was a few feet away from the guy when I jumped into the bush to tackle him. He didn't realize I had entered the bush until I was on top of him. We fell to the ground and rolled out of the bush into the clearing.
He struggled to get me off him. I straddled him and started to punch him. My punches landed in his face. The guy grabbed one of my arms as I came back for another swing. The grip tightened but I hit him in the face with my free arm as hard as I could then bit his arm to let go. I covered his mouth in time to muffle a curse. He let go of my arm. It took me a few good solid punches to his face to knock him out. As his body went limb I got off him and dragged him behind the bush. Hopefully no one heard our fight.
I raced to the house quickly now. My footsteps were not very quiet but I didn't think that the people in the house paid any attention to it. All the ruckus coming from the house drowned it out.
The noises grew quiet as I reached the door. My heart raced afraid of what I'd see. I opened the door quickly looking around the kitchen for any body. I didn't see anyone but I also didn't scan the area very well.
My eyes caught a figure lying on the floor near the entrance to Will's space. I made a small noise like a gasp. Will was slouched up against the wall his, body slack. His eyes were closed and his head rested on his shoulder loosely. Blood was coming from somewhere near his hairline. I could see a few scratches along his arm and face. For a second I thought the worst had happened, but I saw his chest rise and fall slowly. Not thinking I started to race to him.
I reached him and knelt on my knees besides him. Just to make sure he was okay I checked for a pulse. Like I guessed it was there just a little weaker than normal from his unconscious state but nothing to be worried about. I gently moved back his head so I could see the head wound. It wasn't too deep but it needed to be bandaged.
I was about to turn around to check one last time to see if any one was there. To answer my question, a pain came from the back of the head. I hit the floor vaguely aware of footsteps behind me. They got softer.