"Hey everyone!" Petra called out from her table at the crowd moving into the cafeteria. "Don't forget to recycle your water bottles!"
"And other recyclables!" Isabel shouted at the crowd. "Also! We have 'Go Green!' stickers!"
However, no one even looked in their direction. Petra sighed. "This is hopeless."
"Ladies, ladies," Hanji slid into the scene. "You're doing this wrong." Hanji then proceeded to straighten her posture and clear her throat. "GO GREEN OR GO HOME AND WATCH THE BEES DIE!"
"Why do we care?" Someone shouted back.
Hanji scrunched up her face in disgust. "Excuse you, you uneducated imbecile, without the bees, there will be no pollination, therefore no food, therefore we all die-"
"Hanji," Petra spoke up, unamused. "If you want to help, don't harass students like that."
"You don't like my method of harassment?" Hanji gasped in an offended manner. "The bees would be ashamed of you."
"Wait, Petra, we could use her," Isabel stated.
"What do you mean?" Petra asked with uncertainty.
"Fear is a great weapon, Petra," Isabel said casually. "Hanji," she smiled. "Would you like to roam the hallways and ask the students if they have anything to recycle?"
Hanji snickered as a glare reflected from her glasses. "I would love to..."
✎ a few minutes later ✐
"Have you ever noticed that, I don't know, sometimes unexplainable things happen and we just accept it?" Armin asked Jean and Bertolt.
Jean sighed as he put his hands behind his head. "That's kinda broad."
"Well," Armin said. "We just shrug it off as if it's normal."
"Um, occasionally I'd think about it," Bertolt sweated. "But, most of the time, I hardly notice."
Jean took a last gulp of water from his water bottle before answering him. "I guess we're just that weird so that when the really weird stuff happens, it's just 'meh, whatever.'"
"Guys!" Eren shouted as he ran up to them, slightly out of breath. "Connie is pregnant!"
"Again?" Armin sighed.
"And Reiner got his dick stuck to the ceiling!" Eren added.
"Again?" Bertolt sighed.
"What is this, like the fifth time?" Jean asked.
"And Connie had given birth like ten times," Armin added.
"It's twins this time," Eren added.
"Well," Bertolt said as he pulled out a surgeon mask and put it on. "Gotta deliver." Then, he pulled out a large, sharp pair of scissors from his backpack. "After I help Reiner out. Bye guys." He said as he ran off with Eren down the hallway.
"Wait, so what were we talking about?" Jean asked Armin.
Armin thought for a second. "Oh, we were saying how no one really questions any strange occurrences."
"Right," Jean stated. He crushed the water bottle in his hands as he and Armin continued to walk down the hallway. "Maybe, you're just over exaggerating. Maybe nothing is really that questionable," Jean said as he threw his water bottle into the nearby trash can.
However, Hanji immediately popped out from the trash can holding the water bottle.
"BITCH, YOU CAN RECYCLE THIS!" Hanji shouted as she threw the water bottle with full force at Jean's face. It bounced off his head and knocked him onto the ground. She then sank back into the trash can, and when Armin peeked inside, there was no one there.
"Why do I hurt?" Jean groaned.
Armin sighed and pressed a button on his speed dial. "Hello?"
Immediately, sirens approached as Mikasa rushed to the scene in a doctor's coat and the police light thing. "What is it this time?"
"It's hurt," Armin pointed at Jean.
"Again?"
"Yep.
"Cause?"
"Angry person in a trash can who is passionate about recycling."
Mikasa nodded as she wrote this down in her notebook. "We will see that it heals properly."
Armin nodded and walked off.
✎ a few minutes later ✐
"Apparently, Hanji is harassing children again," Erwin said casually as he and Levi were walking down the hallway.
Levi sighed. "What else is new?"
Erwin shrugged.
Suddenly, Hanji walked up to them with machinery that resembled a metal detector. She first scanned Erwin. Then she scanned Levi who immediately presented an expression full of disgust.
"The hell are you doing, Zoe?" Levi sneered.
"Erwin can be recycled after he dies," Hanji said as she scanned the tall boy. Then, she moved back to Levi. "You, on the other hand, cannot be recycled because you are an unusable, empty shell."
"Good to know," Levi said sarcastically.
Suddenly, there was a groaning sound that was elicited from something nearby. Hanji then whistled suspiciously while looking around.
"Hanji," Levi asked cautiously. "What is that sound?"
"Nothing," Hanji shrugged.
Then, the noise happened again.
"It sounds like cries of agony," Erwin guessed.
The same noise was heard again, and this time, it was clear that it came from a bulky, black, suspicious bag which Hanji was carrying behind her.
"Hanji," Levi stated while eyeing the bag. "Is that a fucking body bag?"
"No," Hanji looked away.
"Why do you have a live human in a body bag?" Erwin asked calmly.
"To recycle!" Hanji exclaimed.
"Hanji," Erwin put his hands on his hips like a parent. "It is not nice to recycle other human beings without their consent.
"But the bees!" Hanji whined.
"I know, I know," Erwin sighed. "But you can't recycle people. Now let the poor thing go."
Hanji continued to pout while she dumped the contents of the bag onto the floor. Auruo rolled out, and crawled to the nearest corner where he got into fetal position.
Levi suddenly leaped and kicked the back of Hanji's head, knocking her into a nearby recycling bin.
"Levi!" Erwin shouted. "What did I tell you about causing unnecessary pain."
Levi scoffed as he crossed his arms. "You're such a dad."
Hanji peered out of the recycling bin, groaning and disorientated.
Without warning, Levi dumped her out of the bin as she yelped. "You're too trashy to be recycled!" He sneered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: Lol guys I'm procrastinating big time on projects that are due this week and next week lol wish me luck :3