Instagram: rashmita_b
I went on a long drive with Devon that night. I still couldn't get Cheryl's crude words out of me. I still couldn't keep them from hurting me. Devon even asked me why I looked upset. I came up with a convenient excuse to avoid talking about it. I didn't want to tell him about my unpleasant encounter with Cheryl. I'd no clue how he would react. I didn't want to spoil our time together.
I was sat next to him while he drove down the silent and deserted roads under the moonlit sky. We didn't speak. Or rather, he was seducing me with his silence. Time and again, his eyes wavered from the road ahead to momentarily stare sideways at me. And the way he looked at me with those intoxicating orbs of his created fiery ripples in my heart....
"Why are you so quiet today?" I asked, trying to get him to talk. "You don't usually be."
"I rather not speak," Devon responded. "I always fuck things between us with my fucking mouth."
"I've a strong feeling that we won't get into a nasty argument today," I laughed.
"I love the sound of your laugh," he said in a deep, solemn voice making my heart miss a beat. "You're so beautiful in everything that you do, Eleanor. But the worst part is, I fucking don't have it in me to make you laugh a lot."
Devon's grip on the steering wheel tightened. I could see his irises brimming with regret as he focused on the road ahead. He was right in what he said.
Devon was intense, passionate, dark. And sinful.
"You don't have to regret anything, Devon," I was speaking my mind, "I like you exactly the way you are. Don't ever change."
Devon could change for the world if he felt like but I wanted him to be exactly how he was with me.
I didn't know whether that sounded foolish, selfish or downright insane but that was the way I felt.
When I looked sideways at him, I saw the edge of his lips curved into a lopsided smile at my words.
"Why are you smirking?" I asked, narrowing my eyes into slits at him.
"You wouldn't wanna know sweetheart but I wouldn't mind telling you," he snickered.
"You know what, I actually don't wanna know. So don't say anything," I warned him.
"Okay, " smiled Devon. " Never ask a teenage boy with raging hormones what he is thinking."
Argg!!
Devon was so bad. He would make sure that you didn't wish to know his impure thoughts but at the same time, he would lure you into wanting to hear about those.
Damn.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, it was my turn to give it back to him. Watch and Learn.
"But I can surely ask if you were jealous seeing that cute adorable guy sitting next to me in class?" I asked.
"That guy is a filthy asshole," responded Devon quietly with a grumpy face.
"You say that about every guy, Devon, " I chuckled.
"That's because I can't tolerate even a mere thought of any other guy being around you, Eleanor." he responded in a hostile voice, "because I have experienced how fatal that feels."
I had trouble breathing normally. I knew he was referring to Luke.
Devon spoke, his jaw hardened in pain, "It killed me every day that you loved spending time with him, that he was the reason behind your smile, that you kissed him...I dreaded the thought of you and he---"
Devon was so overcome by pain and frustration that he couldn't complete but I understood what he had in mind.
"I am a virgin," I voiced the truth quietly.
Devon looked sideways at me, wide eyed in astonishment. He wasn't expecting to hear that. Relief surged over him although he didn't make it obvious.
I could actually empathize with him. I didn't know how I'd face myself if I'd lost my virginity to a guy like Luke....
"What about you? Have you dated before?" I asked
"I, uh, haven't dated anyone but I have fucked a couple of girls in my previous school in my sophomore and junior year."
"Oh...." I responded, feeling the heaviness in my chest
So he had been with girls before he came to live in Crawford Lane. Nothing wrong in there. It was just that I'd been a fool to expect he was a virgin. The thought of him being with other girls just tore me apart....
Damn I shouldn't have asked. I felt so awkward now because it was obvious he knew I was expecting the opposite of what he said. Shit!
"You don't have to worry about it, you know," Devon said quietly. "They didn't mean anything to me. I regret that I couldn't have my first sex with you."
I felt my blood grow wild under my skin at his words. My heart was galloping. I couldn't believe he said something like that. Wasn't it to early to speak about the topic?
But then I do fantasize about him....
Shut your hormones, Eleanor!!
Damn this is so hell embarrassing.
Devon smiled impishly seeing me flush so hard.
"Told you it is better I keep my mouth shut 'cause I'm way too frank about my feelings," he said in his natural baritone voice as he returned his gazes to the road ahead.
It took me a while to calm down my uneven heart beats.
After driving a little more, Devon halted the car at the side of a boulevard. I glanced sideways at him and was startled seeing the drastic change that had come upon him in a span of a few seconds. Devon had completely steeled himself; there wasn't any part of him I felt was accessible....
"Is everything okay, Devon?" I asked cautiously.
"I wanted to have this done some other day but guess it's better to get over with it," he responded grimly as he took out a white envelope from his inner jacket pocket and handed it to me.
"What is it?" I asked, puzzled.
"See for yourself," he responded. I was startled when he pushed open the car door of his side and stepped out, walked over to the front and sat on the bonnet with his back facing me.
I wondered if the envelope contained a corny letter he wrote for me. Was Devon feeling mortified by any chance? But he wasn't the kind to blush.
Again you never know.
Giggling to myself, I slipped the paper out, unfolded it and started reading the beautifully handwritten letter....
But I soon realized that the handwriting neither belonged to Devon nor were the lines romantic like I had earlier thought.
The smile disappeared off my face in an instant when I discovered what I was reading. A chill ran down my spine and guilt was born in the pit of my stomach. Devon was revealing an important part of his life to me. He was opening a dark chapter of his past life to me which he had kept locked deep down in his soul. But did I deserve to know something so private and sensitive about him?
I wanted to stop reading then and there but guess I had come too far for that. My bones felt colder against my flesh with every word that I read and with every sentence I completed....
Dearest Devon,
I know you will come back home with the best grades ever just like always. You have made me a proud mother with everything that you did and continue to do. You're that sweet loving sensible child that I've been blessed to have which is why it's extremely difficult to write down this letter for you....
I love you to the moon and back, Devon, but no matter how hard I try, it's turning out to be extremely difficult to live with this new reality. Maybe I had put down way too many expectations for life to fulfill that now I'm left with not even the slightest hope to help push me through life....
So I have decided to leave for good. And I hold no one responsible for it. I have and will always wish the best for your father and I will ask God to shower you with His best blessings.
I'm really sorry Devon but it's important for me to go. I love you a lot. I don't want to stay back and be a burden to you and harm your life in any way. Hope you will find the strength to forgive your mother. Your dad loves you, Devon. Please don't leave him ever. It's my last wish.
Stay happy.
Your mum,
Nicole.
I was numb after reading the letter. I couldn't even imagine what Devon must have gone through after reading those words, the pain was too cruel to bear...
I somehow brought myself to step out of the car and approach him. It was a windy night. Devon grew aware of my presence but he didn't look at me. He was staring aimlessly at the front and displayed no emotions.
I was struggling to come up with something to say to him when he spoke in a detached tone.
"I used to live in the Big Apple with my mom and dad. My childhood years were not just perfect, they were beyond perfection. My parents brought me up with immense love, care and protection. Mom and Dad loved each other deeply. Like I had the best family a kid could ever ask for. I was like a pampered prince. And then one fine day, the fairy tale met its brutal end."
Devon paused for a while but when he spoke again, his voice sounded so foreign that it scared me.
"Cheryl was our extremely attractive 18 year old neighbor back then. I didn't get a good vibe from her since the moment I first saw her. Inspite of being half my father's age, the way she used to speak to him in front of my mum...I despised that...but mum didn't take it seriously thinking that Cheryl was only a kid. I too completely believed that dad wouldn't give a damn to a teen girl but one fine day, I caught him making out with Cheryl in the elevator."
My breaths hitched in despair hearing that. I couldn't even imagine how horrible it must have been for the then 13 year old Devon to find his dad, whom he loved and respected so much, cheating on his mum...
Devon continued, "Mom loved Dad deeply. She was traumatized after coming to know about his affair with Cheryl. It disgusted me to see dad bringing Cheryl home and kissing her hand in from of mum. I was livid to no extent seeing him go so crazy for that girl. But mom had an unwavering faith that he would come back to her and that Cheryl was just a temporary thing in his life."
"Dad started to spend more and more time with Cheryl but nothing could shake mum's optimism. It was when Cheryl got pregnant and dad came home to announce his plans of marrying her and divorcing mom, it shook her completely."
I couldn't fight the tears clouding my eyes seeing Devon hide his pain underneath the calm façade that he was wearing.
"The fact that Dad had another family crashed every of mum's hope. She took to drinking and drugs to cope up and one day after returning home from school, I found this suicide note....Mum had driven herself off a dangerously high cliff. Her lifeless body was later found in the river by the police. Dad wasted no time to go ahead and marry that-that filthy bitch."
to be continued