I defied Harry and his insistence that I not worry about him. He was having a hard time getting his responsibilities balanced; maybe it was just too much for him, but since when did that matter? Both by his choice, and by the demands of the administration, he would never relinquish this responsibility. It meant too much to him. But I hoped he would learn to process the stress in a healthy way, since what I was seeing was completely the opposite of healthy. Between the occasional late-night imbibing, not getting enough sleep, and being more crotchety at work than usual, it was taking a toll on him. He had snapped at me more than once, and I forgave him, knowing his circumstances. But he had already made a few enemies at work, and that was definitely not the best situation for him.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" I asked him as he lounged on my bed, watching me fold t-shirts and shorts. I was leaving for home in a few hours, but my offer was completely sincere, even if I'd have to wait til morning for Harry to be ready. "My parents have a beautiful location out in the country. Serene, breezy, and of course, I'll be there. What more could you want?" I shrugged my shoulder to my cheek, playing the flirt.
"It does sound fantastic, Ell, but I am swamped. I would just be working on this stuff there, and I'd probably drag you down instead of being able to go out and have fun with you." He gave me a little puppy dog face and I couldn't resist climbing over my suitcase to plant a kiss on his ruby lips. Pulling away swiftly intending to return to my packing, Harry grasped both arms and hauled me back to him, situating my body over his.
"Not so fast," he grinned. "If I have to go four days without you, then I'm stocking up before you leave."
"Stocking up?"
"On these," he said, pressing his lips to mine and going right for the tongue tangle. One of his hands slipped into my hair, holding my head firmly in place so that I couldn't have escaped his mouth even if I wanted to. The other hand clasped low on my back, squeezing my hips against his. I slowly spread my legs and planted my knees on either side of his hips, enjoying the increasing pressure between mine and his. I rolled them back and forth a little as we kissed and he moaned into my mouth, a sound that went straight through me. However, delightful the situation was, I had to leave soon and our delicious kisses had gone on for far too long, so I finally had to squirm my way out of his grasp.
Pouting like a small child, he grumbled, "I wasn't finished yet."
"I want to get on the road before five. I want to beat rush hour out of Chicago, and I hate driving in the dark. Besides, don't you have work to do?"
Continuing with the child-like pout, he muttered, "Sure, rub it in."
I had opened my windows about half an hour before I arrived home, to let the soft country breeze swoop in to refresh me. There was nothing in the world like driving up to my parents' house in the summer time. A wave of homesickness hit me, even as I shifted into park. I felt I'd been away for too long.
Chloe burst through the screen door and shrieked my name. "Ellie!" She bounded towards the car and I secured my footing just as she launched into my arms.
"Hey, Bugaboo!" I shoved my face into her neck and pretended like I was chomping away at her. Her contagious giggle bubbled into my ears as it had done since she was six months old.
As soon as I put her down, she grabbed my hand and led me towards the house, yelling, "Mommy, Ellie's home!"
"Wait, I have to get Catniss. Mom tells me that you're going to take care of her for me."
She nodded excitedly, gaping wide at Catniss' traveling home. "Hi Kitty," she cooed, slipping her finger through the cage, nudging the cat's head. "I missed you." We started walking towards the house, but before we even reached the porch, she stopped and made a huge "O" with her mouth and said, "Guess what?! I'm stouting Kindagouten on Tuesday." I giggled at the mispronunciation of her r's, which she would most likely outgrow in the next year. I snapped a mental photograph of her in that very moment, hoping I wouldn't forget how sweet and precious she was. The years would undoubtedly fly by, and it already hurt that she had grown so much since the last time I'd seen her.
My mom came out to hug me tightly. Then she grabbed my things and brought them straight to my room and she was back downstairs in a flash. "Are you hungry?" She asked. Always the first question with my mom. "We have leftover brats in the fridge and some potato salad. Oh, and Chloe and I baked these cookies-"
"I'm fine, Mom," I assured her. "I ate a sandwich in the car. So, what's new?" I asked as I settled in by the dining room table. Chloe released Catniss from her cage and began to re-acquaint her with her once-again home.
"How about some decaf?" My mom insisted and I agreed so she would stop offering food and drink. "Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news," she said while she filled the pot with water.
"Really," I commented, feeling the hairs on my arms prick up a little, thinking it didn't sound as much like an our-car-died kind of bad news and more of a-person-is-dying kind of thing. And I was pretty sure I knew who she was talking about.
My phone buzzed as my mother opened her mouth to tell me, but she waited til I glanced down. It was from Harry, wondering if I'd arrived in one piece. I sent back a short reply, telling him I'd call him later, then I urged my mom to continue.
"It's your cousin, Thomas," she said, coming to join me at the table. "He's back in the hospital again." I could tell by her abrupt ending that there was no more to say, no new plans for chemo, radiation, or surgery. This was it.
My eyebrows squeezed together as I smothered my shock. Thomas was only 24. We were joined at the hip for most of our childhood, sleeping over at each other's houses, playing video games til all hours after our parents went to bed. He was more like a brother than a real brother could have been. He had been diagnosed with cancer when he was twenty, a rare type that few survived. But he beat the odds and came out seemingly healthier than he'd been before. He was regarded as a walking miracle by the medical community, and we all rejoiced in his healing.
Sadly, as far too many people painfully understand, cancer doesn't always go away completely. "How bad is it?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"I'm afraid they caught it too late. Even with his regular check ups, six months was too long." She stopped to choke back her sorrow. "It's spread everywhere, liver, pancreas..." She stopped and I knew she was unable to elaborate further. But as a nurse, I knew that once it hit the pancreas, it was usually a death sentence.
I suddenly felt like I'd been drinking sand. "How long does he have?" I breathed.
Wiping her eyes with a dishtowel, she answered. "A month. At most."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
She stood up to fill our coffee mugs. "Honey, they just found out last week. I didn't want it to upset you at work or on the drive home," she said. She placed my steaming cup in front of me and then hugged my shoulder.
I got it. I wouldn't have been able to see him sooner anyway. This wasn't the reason I had come home, but I was suddenly more thankful to be home than ever. I had to see Thomas because I knew in my gut that it would be the last time. Ever. "I'll visit him tomorrow," I choked.
"He's going home to Aunt Jean's tomorrow. She's arranged for hospice to come in."
"Okay," I said, suddenly wanting to talk to Harry, which surprised me. Our family had always been close and we'd always been there for each other. It wasn't like I felt that we weren't enough for each other. But Harry's warm embrace had leapt into my brain as if he were family, and I would welcome his comfort right now.
Chloe wandered back into the kitchen, followed by Catniss, who was being lured by the bag of treats in Chloe's hand. "I left my teddy beah on your bed, in case you want something to snuggle," she told me.
"Oh, you sweet little thing," I gushed, squeezing her in my arms again. "But you know who I'd rather snuggle with?" She shook her head. "You, Bugaboo. Wanna sleep in my bed tonight?"
"Okay," she said happily and announced she was going to find her favorite pajamas for the occasion.
I stretched my arms high over my head, prompting a gigantic yawn. "Well, I guess I'd better unpack a little. And then I should call Harry-" I stopped as his name fell out of my mouth. I hadn't exactly told my parents about him yet. They were very much interested in having grandchildren, even when they still had a little one to raise. I didn't want to get their hopes up, and, more to the point, I didn't want to be nagged about our relationship status during every subsequent visit and phone call.
"Who's Harry?" My mom inquired.
"Ohhh," I said, trying to sound indifferent. "A friend. I work with him. And he lives in my building."
"And?" She said, hands on her hips. Mother's intuition clearly told her that I was holding back.
"And we've been dating for about a month, maybe a little more." At that point, I let go of the grin that I'd been trying to restrain all along.
"A month?" She gasped. "And you didn't say anything?"
"Mom!" I laughed. "If I told you about him when we first started dating, you would have set a wedding date already."
"Oh, don't be silly," she said, trying to keep a straight face. But I could see that she wanted all the details and for the rest of the weekend, I just knew she would be browsing wedding dresses online.
I pulled out my phone and showed her a photo of us together at Navy Pier. "This is Harry," I announced.
"Oh my," she said, seeming rather stunned. "He's very handsome."
"He is," I agreed. Then, I let my guard down and told her everything, letting her share in some of my excitement, but I warned her not to jump the gun. "It's only been a month, remember. You are not even allowed to ask about long-term plans until next summer, if we're still together. All right? We're trying to take it slow."
She held up three fingers. "Scout's honor." I knew she'd probably slip, especially around the holidays. But for now, I knew she would comply.
I wandered up to my bedroom, dialing Harry's number along the way. "Hello?" His voice sounded a thousand miles away.
"Hey, it's Ellie," I said, beaming into the phone. "I got here about an hour ago and I'm just getting settled."
"Good," he murmured.
"Am I interrupting something?"
"No, no. I'm sorry, I'm still working."
"Ohhh," I breathed. "That makes sense. But don't forget to have some fun this weekend. It's a holiday, and you deserve a break."
"Mmmhmm," he mumbled.
I could tell his mind was in a different place, probably still reading information on zoning procedures, and to be honest, I was a little hurt. How much effort did it take to stop and talk for a few minutes?
"I'll let you go, Harry. It sounds like you're busy." My voice was flat.
"Mmmhmm," he mumbled again, but then at least he remembered his manners and said, "Good night, Ellie. Miss you."
"You too." I hung up feeling disappointed. It was silly; I tried to talk myself out of it since I was only going to be gone for the weekend, and I knew he was really swamped with work. I mean, seriously, was I expecting him to be overjoyed to talk to me when we'd said good-bye just a few hours ago?
Later, as I crawled into bed with Chloe eagerly waiting to snuggle next to me, my phone rang. It was Harry.
"You're still up?" I answered.
"Always," he laughed. "Anyway, I'm sorry about earlier, hon. I was really preoccupied and I guess I kind of blew you off."
"That's okay," I answered, feeling warm at his apology, which I eventually decided was unnecessary.
"Who is it?" Chloe interrupted.
Harry heard her tiny voice and asked, "Who's that?"
"Hold on. I'll hang up and then FaceTime you." I dialed his number again and there he appeared, white t-shirt and mussed up hair. Chloe and I squeezed into the frame together and I made the introductions. "Harry, this is my little sister, Chloe, and Chloe, this is Dr. Styles."
"You can call me Harry," he grinned. "How old are you, Chloe?"
"Five," she giggled. Then she opened her mouth and said, "Look, I'm missing thwee teeth."
"So you are," he said, giggling right back. "I hope you found out who took them."
Chloe laughed harder and said, "The tooth fairy took them! Now I'll grow bigger ones."
"Oh, so that's how it works," he mused. They chatted back and forth for the rest of the phone call and I didn't mind one bit. I was just happy that he had called back. At the end, he blew us both a kiss and we said good-night.
I had trouble falling asleep, thinking about Thomas. We hadn't spent much time together in the years since high school, but he was still like my own brother. I realized that I hadn't mentioned him to Harry since he and Chloe had quite the conversation. I could tell him another time, if I still felt the need. For now, I was content to be home and cuddled with my little Bugaboo until we both fell asleep.
* * * * *
Wow! I just saw Harry's tweet & Instagram picture - I can't wait to see him with his hair cut!!!
And another Wow! I'm inching up on 40K reads already! I'm so thrilled. I felt like we had a slow start, but now it's moving along. Thanks for waiting on my slower updates. :D