*Been a while since I updated.*
Alan Walker- Faded
You were the shadow to my light
Did you feel us?
Another start
You fade away
Afraid our aim is out of sight
Wanna see us
Alive
Where are you now?
Where are you now?
Where are you now?
Was it all in my fantasy?
Where are you now?
Were you only imaginary?
Some things were just to good to be something that had happened to me.
Surely I didn't get into my dream college.
I didn't have a good job that made me almost not need to worry about money.
My parents were okay, alive, and making sure I knew that they loved me and supported me in every single way.
The only thing I did have was my boyfriend, but he was to good to be true. I stared blankly at the white wall in front of my counter, sometimes I couldn't even imagine how life must be so good for other people.
I had it good for a while but I guess good just isn't for me. Don't worry about me, I have accepted that maybe I am one of those people that can make it on there own.
But I don't want to be alone.
The monsters running wild inside of me
I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost, I'm faded
I'm faded
So lost, I'm faded
So lost I'm faded.
Standing in the middle of that party last Friday.
It had been a week since the stupid break up. I still couldn't bear the thought of him. Past boyfriends had done worse to me, why did he mean more? It was probably going to get worse, this last boyfriend was famous, I would have to deal with paparazzi and tabloids.
I didn't know how I felt about the break up, I'm glad that he showed his true colors before we got into anything more serious. I was always glad about things like that, looking at how much someone could have hurt me in the future compared to how much they hurt me now.
What if we had been married when he cheated on me?
What if I had moved in with him and didn't have anywhere to go after he cheated on me?
What if I hadn't fallen in love with him? Maybe it would've hurt a whole lot less.
These shallow waters, never met
What I needed
Did he really give me everything I needed?
I don't know, but I need to change that god damn song before I end up a crazed, homeless old lady.
I need to get my life together again, not everything revolved around him!
Just the fact that he helped me get into my dream college, helped me get my job, helped me settle into my new home, and helped me past my parents death.
Yeah, I could live without him.
I hope.
I reached over to my phone and unplugged the speaker from it. The music automatically paused, and the room fell into silence.
Silence. We always used to lay in silence, just playing with each other's hair, sometimes on that very couch in front of me.
I fought back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks, I couldn't cry now, if I cried now, everything from the past few years would show up again.
I took my phone and grabbed my headphones, the only way to get him out of my head, I needed to run, I needed to run a lot.
Not like change states or anything or literally run away from him, just physically, I needed exercise.
The places where I ran no one else did, it seems I am the only one that actually made it out of the city, which was weird because I lived in the center of it.
But today I ran farther then ever before I didn't think about saving energy for the way home, I could get lost out here for all I care, I don't think he would look for me. I don't think anyone would.
Just when I was sure the run wouldn't help, and the first tear made it past my eyelid, I fell to the ground crying, literally I stopped in the middle of the field and cried my heart out.
Not even five minutes into my first break down in three years, the sky seemed to feel my pain and began to cry with me.
By that I mean it began to rain.
The water only seemed to push my tears out, and I cried harder then I ever thought humanly possible. I'm glad that I was in the middle of an abandoned field, because I'm sure someone would have heard my screams and thought that someone was being murdered.
I was angry at everyone and everything that had come in contact with my life, and I was angry at myself for being sad and heartbroken over that idiot.
I didn't think anyone ever crossed this field, but damn was I wrong as soon as I saw the head lights turn into the corner of the field I thought 'Dang wouldn't that be awkward seeing some broken down city girl screaming her heart out in the middle of your wheat field.'
My heart dropped and my stomach knotted when I saw the car that had pulled in. The rain clouds made it strangely dark for the middle of the day, but I could still see the car clearly.
How the hell did he find me?
The car stopped and he stepped out, the devil himself, with that god damn handsome face.
God I hate you, Marc Bartra.
We had been dating for two years, he helped me crawl out of the hell hole that life had pushed me into, if I had known what he would do to me now, I would've crawled out of that hell hole myself.
"Y/n" He called out, damn that voice, it was hot no matter where you heard it. And the way he said my name made me want to melt back into his arms.
Since I was sitting on the ground in the mud I just hoped he didn't see my head, because I didn't really want to face him right now. Especially not since I was crying.
"y/n? Is that you?" Shit he saw me, before I could think about it I was on my feet running to the other side of the field, away from him. Smart move trying to outrun a professional soccer player. At least I had half the field on him. I looked back for a second to see how much he had gained on me.
Oh, not much.
Perhaps it took a second for him to think, 'oh she might run from me after I cheated on her.'
Idiot.
"Y/n!" He shouted again, he didn't sound much closer, dang I could run fast when the devil was chasing me.
The burning in my chest caught my attention, because if I were in any other situation it would be unbearable, who knew how far I had run, and he came in his freakin' car, cheater! (In more ways then one.) I decided to stop running and let him catch me, what would he say? Would he apologize? Rub it in my face? Ask me what the hell I am doing in a field who knows how far from the city?
"y/n." He said a little short of breath, this time he wasn't shouting or running after me, he was right behind me. I hadn't turned around though because if I looked at his face, I would either scream at him, or cry again. I didn't want to do either.
"Y/n, Please look at me." He asked taking a step closer to me.
"Y/n look at me." He demanded this time.
"You don't want me to look at you." I said refusing to say his name, but it's not like I was talking to anyone else.
"Look at me!" he shouted at me this time. I spun around faster then either of us expected me to.
"How dare you shout at me!" I poked at his chest roughly. "How dare you come after me! How the hell did you find me! How dare you lie to me! How dare you cheat on me! If I don't want to look at you it's with good reason! I mean, I don't even want to say your name you hurt me so much!" It rushed out before I could stop it.
"Just please, give me one more chance." He pleaded his eyes begging me, speaking of his eyes, they were kinda blood shot. He was either crying or he was stoned, but Marc didn't smoke so yeah, he was crying.
"Why where you crying?" I snorted. "Your new girlfriend didn't want you?"
"No it's because I lost you." He paused for a minute and sniffled running a hand under his nose. His hair was a little wet because of the rain, that I had managed to ignore until then. Why are you making him look so good?
"You never had me." I whispered back we both new it wasn't true but how Marc reacted to that would dictate the rest of the 'argument'.
"You know that's not true. I had you. But I lost you. Listen." He ran a hand through his hair and shut his eyes for a second. "I don't know why I did that-"
"No one knows why they do that." I cut him off. It was a cliche thing to say, no one knows why they cheat, it just means that you don't really know if you love them or not. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't know what they are feeling for me.
"No, I mean, I didn't know what I was doing!"
"No one knows what their doing." I muttered shaking my head and turning away from him.
"Let me finish!" He shouted. That was another thing with me, when you are arguing with me you can't go more then a few sentences before I comment on something. I didn't say anything, he wanted time to say what he wanted to say, start counting down, now.
"Look, I was drunk." I almost interrupted him with some snort or something, but I let it slide.
"I didn't know what I was doing, I thought that.... You know...... Everyone would stay away from me, because I have a girlfriend. I didn't think she would kiss me! It was only a kiss, it didn't even mean enough to be a kiss to me. I love you!"
"That won't work this time." The last big argument we had, he came out with that 'I love you.' and I melted into his arms before the end of the night.
"Baby, please. Just give me one more chance, I promise I won't fuck up."
"That's what you said last time." I mumbled.
"Please." I looked up at his face to calculate his emotion. *That sounded so Lie to Me.* His eyes started to tear up, no don't pull that one on me. As soon as the first tear slid down his cheek I wanted to take him back.
"Okay." I said.
"Really!?" He looked like a kid on Christmas day.
"Yeah. But we aren't technically 'dating' we broke up you are just a friend right now. We start from the beginning."
*it ended a little differently then I had planned, she was going to leave him in my mind, but who could leave Marc Bartra?*